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Age gap in relationships

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My current girlfriend, who things are very serious with, is 15 years older than me.

Its not that bad at all and I have more fun with her than I have girls my own age. She's awesome!
 
I dated a 40 year old when I was 21 for a while and that was just for fun. My current gf is 10 years younger than me. We joke about the age difference all the time. We have plenty of things in common but definitely somethings that I joke about she won't get, usually to do with 80's pop culture references. We both have the same mindset which is a big plus. Neither of us wants to have kids right now or anything which I'm perfectly fine it. We've been together for 2 years and I'm 100% sure she's the one I'll marry, which has never happened with any of the other girls I dated that were around my age.

I'm 33. between 27-35 I think is the worst age to find a girl. Girls around my age were always in a rush to get married and have kids because THE CLOCK IS TICKING!!!! ugh. I'm the kinda guy that just likes to go easy not rush and do this and do this because you have to. If it feels right then ok if not I'm not marrying or getting someone preggo just because time's running out. Girls I dated seemed to think that once you get married or get preggo everything will magically be fine.
 
It's a preference thing. I've dated older women in the past and personally I despise it, and in regards to a potential long term relationship/family, does not remotely fit with my lifestyle and wants.

But to each his own.
 
I am 37 and my girlfriend is 22.

The age difference was more of an issue for me, at first. I didn't like the idea of dating a younger woman (and I had preconceptions about older guys with younger chicks, that turned me off the idea). In all honesty, I usually prefer women who are my age or older. I like their independence, intelligent chat, rich life experiences, and so forth.

This time, despite my reservations, I took the punt, because she was different to me in every way. I am glad that I did, because our different life experiences and outlook actually enrich each other (although it helps that she is intellectually mature and I am still incredibly juvenile).

In all honesty, the age difference doesn't come into it that much, aside from the fact that with 15 years difference we have different cultural experiences. Still, the good thing is we have lots to share and always learn new things. Makes it much richer to have different experiences than talking about stuff with someone from a similar age group, where you have a good chat, but don't really learn anything new.

I have deliberately avoided the obvious physical aspects. This side of the relationship goes without saying.
 
If my daughter/sibling was 22 dating a 37 year old man, I would probably feel very uncomfortable. No offense.
 
ComputerMKII said:
It's OK, I've rarely found girls my age interesting either.

When I was studying English at the university I had a big crush on a classmate who was 37 (I was 24). I eventually revealed my feelings to her but she said she just wanted to be friends. My world was devastated.

The following year I had another classmate who was 33 and she was even more interesting - a PhD/Researcher in Philosophy, foreigner, knew lots of things and stuff. We had amazing conversations. After the end of the year I revealed my feelings (by e-mail) to her, too. She didn't answer and we pretty much stopped seeing and talking to each other. The rare times we did talk to each other since then we never mentioned the e-mail thing. A couple years later I learnt on Facebook that she got married and had a kid. My world was devastated again and I swore never to reveal my feelings to a girl again.
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I don't understand why you're so devastated. You didn't even date the girls...
 
I'm 34 and my wife is 45 we've been married for three years. The age difference does not bother me, and she does not look her age (not important). Sometimes things are a little rocky because I think people have a different outlook depending on the decade they are in. Also, I think at times she is a little insecure regarding the age thing.
 
I'm currently in a relationship with someone 12 years older than me. I'm 27 and she is 39.

Some of my friends think the age gap is weird but it doesn't bother me. I enjoy being with her and I know she shares the same sentiment.
 
One of my good friends is married to a girl almost 12 years older than him. They have been married for about 10 years, he is 38, she almost 50.

He told me that he doesn't ever really think about the ages anymore. His biggest problem is that she couldn't have kids, but this was before any type of natural cause, and from a problem they found out about when they were trying.

Overcoming that, they have gone for adoption and have 2 children now.

Both of them get along fine and have enjoyed their time being married. Like I said, age doesn't matter to either of them and only comes up when one brings home their friends and then sees the differences. With time, they both get to be looking about the same age anyways, so in a few years wouldn't surprise me if they don't here those questions ever again either.
 
My wife is only a year and half older than me. She is 33 and wants kids soon. I'd like to wait. It's times like that I wish she was younger than me, because my understanding is that the risk for abnormalities go up around 35 and beyond. Also, I'd rather not outlive her.
 
bjb said:
If my daughter/sibling was 22 dating a 37 year old man, I would probably feel very uncomfortable. No offense.
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No offense taken. Like I said, I was never keen on the idea. This was one reason. Other people's perceptions are often an issue and, in all honesty, my initial reaction would be to feel the same. Normal protective reaction and valid point.

Even if age difference isn't an issue for the couple, it can be for friends and family (although not always).
 
I'm 35, my wife is 23, we met when she was 19.

I'd had plenty of off-age hookups before her.. older women when I was younger.. lots of young 20'ish girls when during my single late-20's years and whatnot, but this was my first serious relationship with anyone that wasn't within a year or 2 of my age.

It's worked out amazingly well, which has little to do with age. We are just compatible as all hell. I think of all people involved (our families included) I had the most hangups about the age difference.

It helps that most people would guess me to be in my mid-late 20's (depending on how much sleep I've gotten, lol), but I did have a bit of paranoia early on that I'm being looked at like "one of those guys" or something.

Meh, in the end.. who cares? Really most judgement came from the guys her age, which wasn't shocking.
 
I have the weirdest problems with age and looks. Maybe someone can give me some advice. This something that's bothering me for a while now.

So here's the deal, I'm 31 but look closer to early 20s. Sounds awesome right? No. Women my age will think I'm too young. Women who likes younger guys won't like it since I'm actually old. Younger girls will think I'm too old. Girls who like older guys don't want guys that looks like he's in his early 20s.

It's like I'm on the losing end no matter how I look at it. I try not to let this bother me, but I'm in this weird situation where I'm the the middle of the ocean with no paddle.
 
Another thing to note - despite my wife only being a year and a half older than me, a number of people have mistakenly thought that she was my mother - which of course bothers her. The main reason I think though, is that I dress very casually (sweatpants and video game or Baseball tshirts) while she dresses more formally (dresses, or more formal-looking pants and shirts).

The main problem though, is that when I'm clean-shaven, I look really young. Right now I have a decent-sized beard, but any time I do shave it off, I look much younger.
On the other hand (on the bright side?), I am starting to go gray, whereas she's not, so that will help some with that I guess.
 
I don't often date girls my age because unfortunately it seems the vast majority of them fall somewhere between ditz and potato.
 
riotous said:
It's worked out amazingly well, which has little to do with age. We are just compatible as all hell. I think of all people involved (our families included) I had the most hangups about the age difference.
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Yeah, I thought my family would flip out over the age difference, but they absolutely adore him. The only person who had hangups was my sister, but she had a lot of hangups about relationships, guys, and sex anyways. Made seeing him at first pretty difficult, but she's over it thankfully.

Cow Mengde said:
I have the weirdest problems with age and looks. Maybe someone can give me some advice. This something that's bothering me for a while now.

So here's the deal, I'm 31 but look closer to early 20s. Sounds awesome right? No. Women my age will think I'm too young. Women who likes younger guys won't like it since I'm actually old. Younger girls will think I'm too old. Girls who like older guys don't want guys that looks like he's in his early 20s.

It's like I'm on the losing end no matter how I look at it. I try not to let this bother me, but I'm in this weird situation where I'm the the middle of the ocean with no paddle.
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I don't know what you look like, but I don't think it's a completely lost cause or anything. When I first started talking to my boyfriend, I assumed he was in his early to mid twenties and sure, I probably wouldn't have come on to him so hard if I had known his real age. But once I found out, I already knew how awesome he was that it didn't matter. Not all people are so rigid in their preferences.

terrisus said:
Another thing to note - despite my wife only being a year and a half older than me, a number of people have mistakenly thought that she was my mother - which of course bothers her.
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Yeah, I can see how that would not be a nice thing to hear. :/
 
It doesn't matter at all. Only stupid people let shit like age gap affect anything, if there's mutual interest.

The only thing that will suck especially with age gaps significantly bigger than 5 years is that the older person will likely die a lot earlier and you'll have to learn to deal with the loss possibly a lot earlier than couples who are about the same age, if you have a relationship that lasts that long.
 
Pau said:
Yeah, I can see how that would not be a nice thing to hear. :/
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Yeah, it would be one thing if there were actually a 10-15+ year age difference - but, when there's only a year and a half age difference, her getting that comment generally doesn't go over that well.

Famassu said:
The only thing that will suck especially with age gaps significantly bigger than 5 years is that the older person will likely die a lot earlier and you'll have to learn to deal with the loss possibly a lot earlier than couples who are about the same age, if you have a relationship that lasts that long.
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But people can die at any point for a whole variety of reasons.
I know you said "likely," not "will," but nonetheless.
 
7 year gap in my marriage - she's 7 years younger than me. She's going to be 28 this year and I'm kind of thinking she's getting a bit too old for me.

(just kidding of course)
 
Girlfriend is three years younger than me which suits me just about perfect. I feel like a lot of girls are maturer in the head at a younger age than men, her more so than me certainly.

One of my mates is 29 and his girlfriend is 19, and she seems to be the more clued up one. Age gaps don't bother me as everyone is different.
 
I'm 5 years older than my girlfriend. Took some time for me to get used to it. I'm 30, she's 25.

Half your age + 7 is the rule. I think it works.

ComputerMKII said:
The following year I had another classmate who was 33 and she was even more interesting - a PhD/Researcher in Philosophy, foreigner, knew lots of things and stuff. We had amazing conversations. After the end of the year I revealed my feelings (by e-mail) to her, too. She didn't answer and we pretty much stopped seeing and talking to each other. The rare times we did talk to each other since then we never mentioned the e-mail thing. A couple years later I learnt on Facebook that she got married and had a kid. My world was devastated again and I swore never to reveal my feelings to a girl again.
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Sorry it didn't work, but... kind of an extreme response to a person you don't know getting married?
 
If it is legal and you dig each other you win.

Maturity age is what really matters and you can't judge that until you actually get to know them.
 
ComputerMKII said:
I swore never to reveal my feelings to a girl again.
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It's a very unnatural approach to courting someone. It occasionally works, but it's often somewhat offensive. From completely platonic friends to "By the way I love you" is a bit of a smack in the face if the person doesn't feel the same way. You have both suddenly made the friendship uncomfortable, and potentially made them think the friendship was only there because of some ulterior motive.

Learn to flirt/read girls reactions and you'll be much better off.
 
The Albatross said:
I'm 5 years older than my girlfriend. Took some time for me to get used to it. I'm 30, she's 25.

Half your age + 7 is the rule. I think it works.



Sorry it didn't work, but... kind of an extreme response to a person you don't know getting married?
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We had known each other for a year when I confessed and about two years when I learned she was getting married
 
My wife graduated from university before I was out of high school. It's not a big deal. She's aged extremely well physically, and has had a lot of interesting life experiences which have enriched her personality.
 
My girlfriend is 9 (well, closer to 10) years younger than me (I'm 34, will be 35 tomorrow, and she's 25). We've been together for 5 years now. Works for us, though even I thought it was mildly creepy 5 years ago when I was 29 and she was 20.

The older you get, the less the age gap really matters. And as long as you're compatible with the other person, I don't see any issue (assuming that both people in the relationship are on the same side of 18, of course).
 
From my experience, a woman's maturity level seems to blur from like 22 and up. 18-21 tends to be too volatile since they're often still growing up in some ways. Getting done with college and starting out in that career job often marks that line from "party days" to "serious relationship days". Your mileage may vary of course.

I'm 32 for what it's worth.

edit: Also my mom was 29 and my dad was 52 when they married and had me. So I'm probably less shocked by these things.
 
Dated girls older and dated girls younger. Definately perfer the younger ones. Obviously it varies from person to person but usually they have less baggage.
 
terrisus said:
Had to kind of go back over that and piece it together since, due to the parenthetical breaking it up, I read that much differently the first time...
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Ok, some people like 'em young, but not THAT young. ;)

"What's the best thing about twenty nine year olds? There's twenty of them!"
 
terrisus said:
Yeah, it would be one thing if there were actually a 10-15+ year age difference - but, when there's only a year and a half age difference, her getting that comment generally doesn't go over that well.



But people can die at any point for a whole variety of reasons.
I know you said "likely," not "will," but nonetheless.
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Sure, but I was mostly talking about a situation where both live, say, to be 70+ years old and there's no accident or disease that takes you away prematurely. If, then, the older one dies a somewhat natural death when he/she is 70 years old and the other one is, say 55, then you might look ahead for 15-20 years of sadness and easily more if you've lived a healthy life and don't get any incurable diseases. Of course that could happen even if you're both the same age and one dies at 70 and the other one lives to be 85+ years old, but the chances are much bigger with a larger age gap.
 
I was once interested in a judo partner. She was 21 and I was 34.

I was just out of a very long and bad relationship and the girl was very forthcoming. I was hungry for sex. She would always try to get me as her partner for practice. When it was ground grappling time, she would do her best to get herself in the most embarrassing position. Giving me those winks.

There was a couple opportunities to get physical. Ultimatly it felt too weird and I got in an other relationship.

Girl was in med school too. Maybe I did a mistake ;)
 
King Cobra said:
My wife is 1 years older than me, but my girlfriend is 6 years younger.
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image.php
 
I'm 31 and just keeping up with 24 yo friends can be a headache. They can stay out later, recover faster, so much shit is still new to them, their cultural references are all different - they miss Simpsons references and spout Spongebob or whatever. They're at a different stage of life, their priorities are different, their spending power is different, everything is different. When I was 24 hanging out with someone who was 30 was fine. They were cool. But now being on the flip, I can see how much of an ordeal it was.

One of my friends was in a relationship with an older guy and he would hang out, but after a while he stopped and everyone missed him because he was cool. We asked her to bring him around more but she said while he liked us, he couldn't always "handle" our group. It took me like 7 years to figure out what he meant.
 
I generally see no issues so long as they both are over 20 years old. After that point, I don't see any reason to have a problem with people dating whoever they want.
 
I don't mind the age thing at all myself. As long as both are adults, willing and mentally on the same level, it is all good.

For example my father is 22 years older than my stepmother is and they have been happily together over 10 years now.

OP, congratulations and good luck!
 
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