Por ejemplo of your first messages?
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Por ejemplo of your first messages?
This never works. Just send a message relating to a pic of theirs or something they wrote in their profile. I'd also keep it short and not send a whole essay on it. I've been using a cheesy pick up line right now and it's working wonders with for me lol.
Here's an example. I always try to refer to their profile, say a little about myself, ask a question and keep it short. So all of my messages tend to be very different.
Looking back on this one now, perhaps my lame attempt at humour wasn't so hot.
Didn't realize there was a thread for this!
My week just instantly filled up with some OKC dates. Have one tonight with a girl; we'd been messaging back and forth for a week and she's the one who suggested to meet for coffee. Simple and casual, and she's easy to talk to, so it should be a fun time.
Second date is with a girl who messaged me last night and the conversation was moving really fast. Seems like we both like the same hobbies and hangouts, so we decided to meet up on Thursday. She's just back in town after a stint, so maybe she just wants to meet some new people as friends, which is totally fine. It's always fun to meet new people who are cool, but hopefully there's something more.
Third date is from another girl who I met on OKC. I honestly didn't think she was that into me, even though we really hit it off during our first meet up. We spent 3 hours talking and laughing at each other's jokes and even stayed way after the bar's closing time, but the end of the night ended with a pretty simple "See you later!". She's also slow on the texts, so it's hard to gauge her level of interest, but she's the one who asked me out on Saturday. We're going to see roller derby, which should be a good time. Feels like events are a lot easier to carry conversations because you can just take a break and watch the action going on. I like her, but we'll see how it goes after this date.
Stay strong GAF, if I can get some dates out of the online game, so can you.
My week just instantly filled up with some OKC dates. Have one tonight with a girl; we'd been messaging back and forth for a week and she's the one who suggested to meet for coffee. Simple and casual, and she's easy to talk to, so it should be a fun time.
Second date is with a girl who messaged me last night and the conversation was moving really fast. Seems like we both like the same hobbies and hangouts, so we decided to meet up on Thursday. She's just back in town after a stint, so maybe she just wants to meet some new people as friends, which is totally fine. It's always fun to meet new people who are cool, but hopefully there's something more.
Third date is from another girl who I met on OKC. I honestly didn't think she was that into me, even though we really hit it off during our first meet up. We spent 3 hours talking and laughing at each other's jokes and even stayed way after the bar's closing time, but the end of the night ended with a pretty simple "See you later!". She's also slow on the texts, so it's hard to gauge her level of interest, but she's the one who asked me out on Saturday. We're going to see roller derby, which should be a good time. Feels like events are a lot easier to carry conversations because you can just take a break and watch the action going on. I like her, but we'll see how it goes after this date.
Stay strong GAF, if I can get some dates out of the online game, so can you.
Honestly, that's not a bad first message. Short, witty, and relevant. How's your profile/pictures?
Ok, I think.
I've refined them both several times and got other people to look over them.
I wont lie and say I am dashingly handsome, but I'm not monsterous either.
But then I've never had a girl message me, who I didn't message first.
That leaves me feeling kind of hollow.
I'm writing messages on PoF now. I've done 6 and I'm going to do more.
TOP SHOTTA
Member
The "Please Respond" in this thread's title is perfect.
If I were to venture a guess, I'd say the content of your first message probably only has like a 10% effect on whether or not you get a reply back.
90% is probably determined by things like: Is she attracted to your pictures? Do you have a profile interests her? Is she available to answer your message (not incredibly busy, on vacation, etc.)? Is her message inbox bombarded by 100 other guys saying, "Hey, what's up?", so she doesn't see your message right away? She may even be somewhat interested, but her schedule is packed with dates or is focusing on dates with a couple guys, so she purposefully keeps you on the backburner since she has no intention of being able to go out with you immediately even if she does message with you.
My rules of thumb: keep the message somewhat short (enough to interest her to look at my profile, but not so much that writing back to it via a phone app seems too demanding), say something intriguing that shows you read her profile, and formulate it in a way that allows her to pick up on a subject to write back about or answer a question you asked her.
90% is probably determined by things like: Is she attracted to your pictures? Do you have a profile interests her? Is she available to answer your message (not incredibly busy, on vacation, etc.)? Is her message inbox bombarded by 100 other guys saying, "Hey, what's up?", so she doesn't see your message right away? She may even be somewhat interested, but her schedule is packed with dates or is focusing on dates with a couple guys, so she purposefully keeps you on the backburner since she has no intention of being able to go out with you immediately even if she does message with you.
My rules of thumb: keep the message somewhat short (enough to interest her to look at my profile, but not so much that writing back to it via a phone app seems too demanding), say something intriguing that shows you read her profile, and formulate it in a way that allows her to pick up on a subject to write back about or answer a question you asked her.
I'll echo what others have said... Not a good idea to focus on someone that that. It's ok to get a little excited but you're better off keeping expectations in check at this point. Keep multiple conversations going, keep chatting, keep going on first dates.
If you saw their responses clearly you should've kept reading further along the page.
My bad!
stn
Member
@dan2026
Not that I'm an expert or anything but I usually follow the same formula when I send messages. I just send a witty joke or something playful. Everybody wants someone who's fun. That's why my profile is littered with humor. Try not to make it seem like you're trying hard to make a joke. Just something nice, fast, and fun.
I got the sense that some girls replied to my messages not because they were attracted to me, but because they probably felt sympathy for a guy who was different than the rest. Then again, I probably send out about 1-3 messages a year (not exaggerating).
To offer a different perspective, here's this. I get messaged 1-3 times a day, most of them being either "hey how are you" or "hey there". I pretty much ignore all of those. Granted, I'm an asshole because I've also ignored really good messages. However, the good messages at least stuck with me and I remembered the people who sent them.
Not that I'm an expert or anything but I usually follow the same formula when I send messages. I just send a witty joke or something playful. Everybody wants someone who's fun. That's why my profile is littered with humor. Try not to make it seem like you're trying hard to make a joke. Just something nice, fast, and fun.
I got the sense that some girls replied to my messages not because they were attracted to me, but because they probably felt sympathy for a guy who was different than the rest. Then again, I probably send out about 1-3 messages a year (not exaggerating).
To offer a different perspective, here's this. I get messaged 1-3 times a day, most of them being either "hey how are you" or "hey there". I pretty much ignore all of those. Granted, I'm an asshole because I've also ignored really good messages. However, the good messages at least stuck with me and I remembered the people who sent them.
Dabookerman
Member
Cheers for the tips/advice, but I'm very curious to know what pictures you've seen me in where I've appeared to be white haha
electricshake
Member
What about the girl who asked you to stop seeing your female friends? Or was that a hypothetical question?
Hypothetical. If a girlfriend asked me that I'd sit her down and have an adult conversation. If it continued on...well it's the friends over her. Now I've asked girlfriends not to talk to dudes who have had obvious interest in them/a past with them (why don't you leave your boyfriend blah blah, we should hang out at my house alone, etc.) but just friends? Id never do that.
I tend to write thought out messages and my response rate seems to be pretty good. I also regularly get compliments on how thoughtful they are. I generally keep to 2-3 paragraphs but depending on the profile +/- a paragraph. So yes, I generally write about overlapping interests & values and it provides a pretty good base to start a conversation. Humor and lightness wherever I can weave it in.
I've gotten a lot better about not thinking about what happens after I click 'send'. Get a response? Nice. I honestly try to take each interaction and response on it's own. No thoughts past the current message... Usually.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I think I've pretty much reached my limit with online dating. Sure my pictures could be a little better, my profile could be a little more serious, and I could put a little more effort into my messages, but I think I know what I want and it won't be found on a dating site.
I'll still keep my account active though since it's served me well. It's just that continued usage tends to make one jaded and further increases one's standards to a near-unrealistic level.
I'll still keep my account active though since it's served me well. It's just that continued usage tends to make one jaded and further increases one's standards to a near-unrealistic level.
Ok I've had a break, now I'm going to have another go.
I feel like posting in this thread has reinvigorated me some.
I don't think online dating has made my standards unrealistic.
If anything I am messaging people who I would probably never meet in real life.
I feel like posting in this thread has reinvigorated me some.
I don't think online dating has made my standards unrealistic.
If anything I am messaging people who I would probably never meet in real life.
Took me a bit to figure that out... When I first got on OKC if i didn't get a response I assumed it has something to do with me me me. But now I wonder if I drop conversations too quick. I dunno. Is it too much to expect decent conversation?
I'm asking them to meet me in the park to get down and dirty.
What's wrong with that? I normally go for a coffee or a drink and the last one I went out to coffee with ended up going pretty well.
Thanks for the honesty (& reality check).
Still not sure what to think, the girls I've ended up on dates with/relationships were good over msg/text. It just flowed. There was a hint of chemistry and lately I'm struggling to find any.
Coffee is a great first date (for online dating), because you get to talk AND you can cut it short if there's no connection. If there IS connection you can always extend it by doing something else afterwards. Coffee/dessert/drinks is usually my first date go-to idea.
Also, first messages, most successful for me were like 5 sentences long max, something funny you noticed about their profile, something you have in common, an open-ended question she can answer with more than just yes/no. Nothing "how are you" crap.
Also, first messages, most successful for me were like 5 sentences long max, something funny you noticed about their profile, something you have in common, an open-ended question she can answer with more than just yes/no. Nothing "how are you" crap.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
The last guy I dated sent me a message saying my zombie costume was awesome. Definitely relate to something in their profile. Got my attention for sure
Fisticuffs
Member
So, I finally have another date planned. Thursday night! This one was off Tinder. I think I like it a lot better than OKCupid. It's much easier to start a conversation with someone, for me, on that app.
Thursday night! This one was off Tinder. I think I like it a lot better than OKCupid. It's much easier to start a conversation with someone, for me, on that app.Fisticuffs
Member
I've found that some girls like to meet for coffee, and some girls like to meet for drinks. I prefer the latter, but have had good experiences with both.
Fixed.
Welcome to the Off-Topic side AKA the best side of GAF most of Gaming only members ignore and welcome to the thread. The threads are on this side here are way more interesting man and GAF meet ups are organized on this side. Hope you enjoy your stay; I split my time on GAF 51/49 between both sides personally.Never ventured into the off topic gaf before lol
Anyway tbh i've tried Pof before and only resulted into 1 date over the years which never worked out at all
trying OKC now just to see what the craic is but myself with a major lack of self esteem and confidence i doubt it'll work. messaged a girl on there now who had a high percentage about the same as me so guess see what happens.
Any way in my experience, I usually don't care all that much about match percentage. As long as we have a few things in common in the profile, it doesn't matter honestly. If anything, you should try your hand at Tinder as well. You shouldn't give a hoot about whether or not girls reply to you or not as I'm about to tell GK86 below. If anything you should work on those confidence issues by hitting up girls that you don't find attractive as well just for practice. You're also welcome to post your a link to your profile if you're feeling up for it to see if you look like you have confidence issues. Instructions are in the OP for how to do that.
I'm gonna give you a reality check man: don't take it so personal if girls on OKC don't reply. I'll give you a quick personal anecdote on the same thing you're going through now. So well over 1.5 years ago or so, I got super frustrated with OKC that I wasn't getting any replies after watching my brother get messages again and again to the point that I rage quit and deleted my account (by this point I'd only had 2 dates from the website under my belt). It's also why deleted my POF account. I asked my brother why he was so successful and he told me because he doesn't give a hoot and messages whoever the hell he wants. It shows through his one lonely picture I showed you.
So I took a break from online dating to focus on my studies until the semester had ended. I decided one day in June to make a new OKC account and start anew determined to get the same success my brother achieved.
Since that day I've had 2 more additional dates under my belt. It's an accomplishment for me and I'm determined to keep working on it. Granted, I haven't gotten any messages from girls out of the blue but I came to terms with the fact that in order to get success in life, you have to seek it out.
My point being that you learn to develop a thick skin for not getting replies and overcome failure by continuing to do it more. Persistence pays off man; I take it for granted that I get replies because I'm fairly good looking but then again, I'm one of the lucky dudes on OKC. Again, maybe you should try taking new pictures or uploading semi-recent ones.
Also---and this applies to the rest of you looking to throw in the towel on online dating--- read this article my brother found on learning not give a hoot:
http://inoveryourhead.net/the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fuck/
I agree with this. I stopped caring so much about spending several minutes overthinking about a lovely message to craft and said to hell with that stuff. If a person likes your profile and pictures, they'll reply. Granted, I still think of messages to say every now and then and I'm not going to lie when I say that the messages that have gotten me dates this year so far have been well thought out original messages based around something a girl had on their profile. At least on OKC.
On Tinder, I typically say "Hey how's it going/how's your weekend going" and have gotten plenty of replies but do occasionally send out a message to a girl in Spanish if she mentions a Spanish speaking country/Spanish in her little bio or make a reference to something in the girl's picture.
Welcome man. Awesome to see someone in good spirits having success and being a cheerleader. Definitely looking forward to your updates; y2dvd does roller derby IIRC. Reading people's successes gives people hope and personally makes me smile.
You're welcome. I guess it was the long hair man; you look like popular images of Jesus what with that hippie hair. It's like you came out of the 60s/70s. All you needed was a laurel of flowers wrapped around your head to be set.Cheers for the tips/advice, but I'm very curious to know what pictures you've seen me in where I've appeared to be white haha
I like to think that with online dating women have it like air traffic controllers trying to multitask all the air planes at once but only focusing on a handful of planes' progresses because it's too overwhelming.
I typically go to bars on first dates myself since I don't personally drink coffee. However, my understanding is that coffee shops also sell tea (my brother works at a Starbucks so I've seen it all) so I wouldn't rule out going to one in the future for an inexpensive first date since in both places, you're having a conversation at a table.
All right time for an update from my camp (shout out to DoktorEvil lurking out there). After joining Tinder over the weekend and messaging several girls, I can confirm that I have my first date out of it tomorrow afternoon; we've been flirting pretty heavily via text for the past two days so it's looking really good for me. Don't worry guys, it's a cheap date consisting of walking along this park in downtown Manhattan and maybe getting ice cream afterwards. Definitely have to shave before tomorrow's meeting.
I also got the aforementioned 34 year old woman's number and have been texting her for the past several hours. I'm closing in locking down Saturday night with her. She keeps saying maybe e.g. "maybe this weekend, maybe Saturday" which is throwing me off a little bit. EDIT: Update: 10PM on a Saturday night. Strange because I've never had a first date so late in the night. The park closes at 11PM so I'm wondering if this is what I *think* it is, then okaaaay. I'm in for a treat.
As a whole, to echo what Fisticuffs said, I've been striking gold on Tinder at much a faster rate than on OKC. Many of the girls on Tinder are pretty damn attractive that I find myself in awe messaging a bunch. I suggested hanging out with a girl from Seattle this weekend but she said she's booked and would be willing to hang out next weekend. I plan on suggesting we exchange numbers soon since I've been delaying the inevitable. My only concern is how to keep her interest high between now and next week.
I'm also closing in on several more dates with a couple of other girls I've been messaging and have started having a back and forth going with a few others including this really attractive tattooed white girl with a rocking body so hopefully it leads to a date. Crazy stuff and hopefully without breaking bank.
On OKC, I texted a girl a girl who gave me her number yesterday but she hasn't replied.I'll chalk it up to her being busy since I know she runs a non-profit organization for artists. I'll give it another day or two before I try shooting her another text. I've gotten an exchange going with one girl, got replies from a few others, and been sparingly sending out messages.
Lastly, I'm really confused as to how CofeeMeetsBagel works. Are you supposed to give out beans/spends them in order to message people? It's a strange UI as it reminds me of Badoo in a lot of ways.
Great advice from Jipan all around. Btw, I do rock climbing, not roller derby.
This is totally a numbers game. At first, I was being picky and only swiping ones I like. Now, I don't even pay attention and swipe right on everyone. Thing is, the ones you're choosing carefully to swipe right to more than likely aren't doing the same to you unless you are an extreme stud. It's kinda sad to say this but this is true; even if you get matched up with someone you're totally unattracted to, the fact that you got a match is a bit of a confidence booster. All the more if they message you first.
Also, I experience random spurts of success. There are weeks where I go cold and get no responses and there are weeks like this where I am extremely hot. Just got off of a drink date tonight and I got 3 more lined up for the next 3 nights. I could've planned 2 more over the weekend but I told them it was my bday weekend so I will be spending it with buddies (which is actually true). I could've had 6 outta 7 nights of dates this week holy hell. I'm going to go cold after this week I just know it lol.
Basically, this is what I've been doing on OKC.
1. Swipe right until there's no more profiles to swipe right to!
2. Go to Matches and click on profiles that interest you.
3. Send message with something relating to their profile or pics.
4. If I can't relate to anything, I'll send a cheesy pick up line lol.
5. Hide profile. If they don't reply, I'll just assume they weren't interested, so I don't want to see them pop up on my matches again.
6. Repeat the next day or whatever.
Seems sad and systematic but it's been working for me lately. If anyone have seen my pics in Facepic-gaf, I am average looking at best. If I can land dates with attractive people of all races, so can you. Stick with it.
This is totally a numbers game. At first, I was being picky and only swiping ones I like. Now, I don't even pay attention and swipe right on everyone. Thing is, the ones you're choosing carefully to swipe right to more than likely aren't doing the same to you unless you are an extreme stud. It's kinda sad to say this but this is true; even if you get matched up with someone you're totally unattracted to, the fact that you got a match is a bit of a confidence booster. All the more if they message you first.
Also, I experience random spurts of success. There are weeks where I go cold and get no responses and there are weeks like this where I am extremely hot. Just got off of a drink date tonight and I got 3 more lined up for the next 3 nights. I could've planned 2 more over the weekend but I told them it was my bday weekend so I will be spending it with buddies (which is actually true). I could've had 6 outta 7 nights of dates this week holy hell. I'm going to go cold after this week I just know it lol.
Basically, this is what I've been doing on OKC.
1. Swipe right until there's no more profiles to swipe right to!
2. Go to Matches and click on profiles that interest you.
3. Send message with something relating to their profile or pics.
4. If I can't relate to anything, I'll send a cheesy pick up line lol.
5. Hide profile. If they don't reply, I'll just assume they weren't interested, so I don't want to see them pop up on my matches again.
6. Repeat the next day or whatever.
Seems sad and systematic but it's been working for me lately. If anyone have seen my pics in Facepic-gaf, I am average looking at best. If I can land dates with attractive people of all races, so can you. Stick with it.
What is everyone's personal philosophy on texting after the first date?
I hear two school of thoughts wherein you exchange a few texts a day, leading up to the actual subsequent dates, and then confirm plans, or you stay radio silence and only text/call when it's time to set up the next date.
I'm in the latter camp. I like texting when I've gotten to know a person really know and me texting out of the blue isn't deemed excessive. Probably not going to see this girl until sometime next week and it's difficult not to have any sort of communication because I don't want to give the impression of a fade, but the fact that I'd be calling her Sunday night to schedule a second date should indicate my non-fadedness.
We exchanged one text today so far, me sending one at 9am relating to something we said on our date Monday, and she just responded. I know she's busy and is on the road/meetings 9-5, so the fact that it took so long doesn't bother me. Probably won't reply to that text.
I hear two school of thoughts wherein you exchange a few texts a day, leading up to the actual subsequent dates, and then confirm plans, or you stay radio silence and only text/call when it's time to set up the next date.
I'm in the latter camp. I like texting when I've gotten to know a person really know and me texting out of the blue isn't deemed excessive. Probably not going to see this girl until sometime next week and it's difficult not to have any sort of communication because I don't want to give the impression of a fade, but the fact that I'd be calling her Sunday night to schedule a second date should indicate my non-fadedness.
We exchanged one text today so far, me sending one at 9am relating to something we said on our date Monday, and she just responded. I know she's busy and is on the road/meetings 9-5, so the fact that it took so long doesn't bother me. Probably won't reply to that text.
Disclaimer: I'm a VERY text-happy person. But I'm capable of adjusting my texting schedule to whatever the other person does - I start with my normal texting and if they respond more slowly, so do I.
E.g. this girl I'm currently trying to set up a third date with texts SUPER sparingly, so I just try and get like 2, 3 texts in each day (with her answering ofc), sometimes a day of nothing. Just small things like "ooh I saw x today which reminded me of when we talked about y!", just things to tell her you're thinking about her. If they're not texting much I try to avoid small-talk though, ESPECIALLY after the date has been set-up. Once the date has been set up, feel free to tone it down even more or you'll risk running out of the most fun things to talk about ON the second date.
Ugh Plenty of Fish is rubbing me the wrong way, I get so little replies on that damn site its almost funny. Almost.
OkCupid is a bit better, but there are less people on it.
And while I am venting, if I do get a reply, you can guarantee it will be crappy and half hearted. If you have taken the time to reply to me at least ask a question or show a little enthusiasm or something.
People aren't playing fair, dammit.
OkCupid is a bit better, but there are less people on it.
And while I am venting, if I do get a reply, you can guarantee it will be crappy and half hearted. If you have taken the time to reply to me at least ask a question or show a little enthusiasm or something.
People aren't playing fair, dammit.
Halcyon
Member
I have to ask. Are you in any way attractive.
This is really the key to most of this. Step #1 Be Attractive
Dabookerman
Member
Heh yeah alright. Well I'm half Indian so
In either case, the long hair has been nothing but help as far as getting dates/relationships before. Just working out ways to style it jason mamoa style. His hair is badass.
And yeah. You won't believe the amount of times I've had dudes, complete strangers, yell "Jesus!" At me. I guess it's better than terrorist...
Saiyan-Rox
Member
i'm finding it difficult to even message people on these seems to happen over all of them they take one look at my profile and boom never hear anything back.
seems to happen over all of them they take one look at my profile and boom never hear anything back.Like I said before, I don't think I am massively handsome, but I don't look like swamp thing either. I guess I'm just average.
Ugh, I should just shoot myself. But I don't even have a gun.
Freakinchair
Member
That escalated quickly
Halcyon
Member
Saiyan-Rox
Member
these sites can make you feel like you're bad looking tbh makes me not really like them either cause i'm really not good lookin but these places can make it seem worse
Lone_Prodigy
Member
If you're not having success quote your profile here and/or post your picture and we can help you.
But really, don't take a lack of success as an indictment on you. Some things are just out of your control and not your fault.
But really, don't take a lack of success as an indictment on you. Some things are just out of your control and not your fault.
You are making yourself feel that way. Snap out of it.
j0hnnix
Member
How do you link a profile from OkCupid.. seriously, I dont think my profile is that bad.. maybe I mention video games a bit to much.. lol.
Edit: Here it is. - https://www.okcupid.com/profile/xxiijm
Edit: Here it is. - https://www.okcupid.com/profile/xxiijm
Saiyan-Rox
Member
Can't seem to get a link of my profile on OKC but my old POF account is here quote to grab it sure.
EDIT added OKC
Thought that way for years can't seem to break it said before my self esteem and confidence is less than low tbh
NoctisVsStar
Member
WoW gotta go from the private section lol
j0hnnix
Member
ROFL.. I guess I shouldn't add how many 90s my acct has.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Well nvm if it works , it works! I just say it cause some girls have this erroneous image at times when a guy mentions games. In my case while I like playing I don't mention it cause my other features my get overlooked unfairly.