This was hard. So many good stories!
Votes:
1 Dandy Crocodile - A ritual
2 Nenner - Faith will always ease sorrow
3 Frekifox7 - Cruel Devices
Feedback:
Beaniedude - Detective Dirk
The detective story - complete with rain, leggy secretary and cigarettes. I liked how you connected the yellow gloves at the end and you used some good description, like when the detective was out in the rain and holding his coat against him, trying to salvage what little dryness he could. I was a little lost on why the cases were such big news. Im guessing its a parallel or future society where this type of crime makes big news? Overall a well paced read, I just was questioning some aspects of the storyline.
Ourobolus -
I think I'm missing the beginning of this story or what it referenced. You used some good descriptions of the waiter tottering away and looking away when he opens the coke. I did expect the coke to spill over and was surprised when it didn't after all that vigorous shaking. I also thought when he goes to drink it, he'd just get bubbles and then a flatter tasting soda. Why would anyone want that?! I didn't see the connection to the prompt, was he needing that coke in just that way to evoke a memory?
Ashes - Memorable kisses
I liked the visual elements and to me it read more like a screenplay than an enclosed short story. I really liked it though. Great use of description and characters and I felt it was an interesting way of writing. You definitely evoked a great mood with your writing.
Dandy Crocodile - A ritual
This was a really entertaining completely enclosed short story with beginning, middle and end. I like how you didn't jump and explain what a La Llorona was the first time you named her. The descriptions and tense tone were done well. This was a story I didn't think "ok, I'm editing for feedback with this." I got caught up in the story. I very much enjoyed it. The only thing I stumbled on was the ending when La Llorona makes a 'decision' to leave the house and not take Ximena. I just don't think of ghosts making conscience decisions, especially when she comes off kinda like a ghost broken record - crying every night and killing the way she does. Just something to think about.
Flowerisbritish - A student's chase
I liked the concept of the old apprentice trying to make sense of his master and finding he wasn't as amazing as he had always thought. Isaac making potions was neat and I liked the interaction between Clark and Isaac. Even though I knew the woman at the door was most likely the daughter, I didn't know why Isaac knew so instantly, when he was so hesitant to believe the rumors of his master before. I also thought it jumped a bit - from Isaac being so diligent about finding the cause of the ruins, to his acceptance that his master wasn't that great. Wouldn't he still be doggedly wanting to find out the complete truth of the ruins in the skull? Overall it was an entertaining story.
Tangent - Foolproof
This was an easy-to-read, light-hearted read that followed the prompt well. The character was likable and I enjoyed reading about their system and how it was almost thwarted by parents craving a house without smelly socks thrown everyone. The only thing I was expecting was more of a beginning, middle and end with a resolution but it seemed more of a vignette. The end petered out a bit for me, but the beginning was solid to get you interested in reading the rest.
Frekifox7 - Cruel Devices
*previously discussed. I think you did a great job and it was a well-paced story that kept you reading. Great job with the prompt!
FairyD - Repeat
The tale of the sultan had me really interested. I found myself wondering if that was an actual story or if youd made that part up as well. I think you did an interesting thing with the prompt - the ring with the inscription- but I would have liked the other side of the promise illustrated. The sultan asked to be happy when sad and sad when happy, so a little explanation of the saying this too shall pass, in both happy moments to make you sad and sad moments to make you happy, might have strengthened the old piece. I think the story started strong but felt like it had less direction as it went along. I still enjoyed the read though.
Mike M - The Hinny
*previously discussed. Your writing is always something interesting to read. I'd like to say I liked this one- but it also made me want to throw up
Well written and a great example of horror writing.
Sober - AND
I really enjoyed reading this. It was an easy, fast-paced read and very sweet. I liked how it jumped from head to head and between years to get the whole romance down. I wish the ending was more final, but it was still good. Starting off at third grade and using the prompt to catapult the whole story was great. I wish I had seen a bit more description of Holly and Andy, but I know the word count probably made you cut that part out
Nezumi - I think I'm forgetting something
I liked how you tied the prompt into what appeared as actual events. Nice descriptions to a short vignette.
Cyan - My very efficient mother sent us nine...
I liked this story. The fact that his mother was still messing with his life and position even though he'd tried so hard to separate himself was good. I enjoyed the setting and the surprise of all the troops showing up unannounced and thought the oxygen problem was interesting to read about. I expected the robot we kept revisiting to have a bigger part and at times I was a bit thrown by all the story time-lapses (* * *) but the story itself was well-written and I enjoyed it.
Nenner - Faith will always ease sorrow
I really liked the concept of this piece. It was a complete short story with a solid (if not sad, because you knew she had kids) ending. I thought you described the rooms well and the energy of each room housing each element. I was wondering the whole time where it was going, making me keep reading. The pacing was good, characterization and element of surprise. The only criticism Id give is something I myself have issues with - editing for grammatical mistakes and sentence structure. Great story!