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[Tovarisc]

House Speaker Paul Ryan roasted President Donald Trump, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and others during his keynote speech at Thursday night's annual Alfred E. Smith Dinner.

On Trump's Cabinet
"Enough with the applause. You sound like the Cabinet when Donald Trump walks into the room."

On the dinner
"I don't think I've seen this many New York liberals, this many Wall Street CEOs, in one room since my last visit to the White House."

On Trump last year at the dinner
"I want to promise you, though, as I've heard a few stories about how the dinner went last year. So I want to put your minds at ease. You can relax about my remarks. I know last year that Donald Trump offended some people. I know his comments, according to critics, went too far. Some said it was unbecoming of a public figure. And they said that his comments were offensive. Well, thank God he's learned his lesson."

On Schumer
"A lot of people, they ask me, you know, a guy from Wisconsin, what's it like to work on a daily basis with an abrasive New Yorker with a loudmouth? But you know once you get to know him, Chuck Schumer's not all that bad. I know why he's been so hard on the President, actually. It has nothing to do with ideology. You see, Chuck's mad that he lost his top donor."

On the White House resignations
"The truth is, the press absolutely misunderstands and never records the big accomplishments of the White House. Look at all the new jobs the President has created -- just among the White House staff."

On Twitter
"Every morning, I wake up in my office and I scroll through Twitter to see which tweets I'll have to pretend I didn't see later on."

On Russia's President Vladimir Putin
"I've learned that in Catholicism you are guilty until proven less guilty. I learned that God is always listening. As is Vladimir Putin."

and few others at http://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/20/p...-e-smith-dinner-trump-schumer0946AMVODtopLink

So is Trumps goal in life now to try and undo everything Ryan has ever achieved?

 

[Mark Andrew]

Some of these are pretty funny to be honest.

 

[Lord_Byron28]

Maybe I need to see a video because none of this sounds like he is roasting anyone:

I know last year that Donald Trump offended some people. I know his comments, according to critics, went too far. Some said it was unbecoming of a public figure. And they said that his comments were offensive. Well, thank God he's learned his lesson.

Other than saying Schumer only hates Trump because he took his top donors.

 

[Wag]

Hilarious.

Now go back to letting the country turn to shit.

 

[Dude Abides]

I didn't realize jellyfish had senses of humor.

 

[Socreges]

That Twitter joke. Putting comedy over reputation. I like it.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Trump about to drop ether.

 

[Alucrid]

Maybe I need to see a video because none of this sounds like he is roasting anyone:


Other than saying Schumer only hates Trump because he took his top donors.

he's saying trump was schumer's top donator

 

[Cagey]

"You see, Chuck's mad that he lost his top donor."

Ouch.

 

[Jarmel]

On Twitter
"Every morning, I wake up in my office and I scroll through Twitter to see which tweets I'll have to pretend I didn't see later on."

I mean this is funny but at the same time you know the guy is incompetent yet you’re not doing anything about it.

 

[Sobriquet]

These are pretty great tbh. Ryan still sucks tho.

 

[WrenchNinja]

He might be spineless but he has a funny bone

 

[KraftyKrankins]

The same spineless Ryan? What's going on in this world..

 

[cryptosporidium]

Gawdamn those were fire.

GG to whoever wrote those dayum

 

[Beartruck]

Maybe I need to see a video because none of this sounds like he is roasting anyone:


Other than saying Schumer only hates Trump because he took his top donors.

He is clearly being sarcastic in that quote.

 

[CopperPuppy]

Never go full White House Correspondents' Seth Meyers, Paul.

What have you done.

 

[DUFFMCWALIN]

Alright the Twitter one was pretty good. Some self-awareness by this shit-heel is surprising.

 

[ValeYard]

It'd like be really funny if the joke weren't on all the people he's elected to work for. Repugnant.

 

[BoosterDuck]

his funniest joke was being one and done at repealing Obamacare

 

[kirblar]

"Jokes". That the Schumer one is so tame relative to the rest says it all.

 

[captive]

just proves Ryan and other republicans know exactly whats wrong with Trump, they just don't care.

 

[Dartastic]

Oh cool. So he knows that Trump is a threat to our republic and yet he's doing absolutely fuck all about it.

 

[Game-Biz]

Haha. As much as I despise Ryan, I gotta say that I laughed at everyone of those. Trump will be pissed.

 

[hitme]

"I won Wisconsin during the election without Paul Ryan's help! Total loser."

Old man tweet incoming.

 

[Karkador]

Let's revisit Trump's rough performance at this event last year:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/watch-donald-trumps-full-remarks-at-the-al-smith-dinner/2016/

 

[Trojita]

He's deflecting to calling the W.H. a liberal New York White House. This is going to be the narrative if things do fall through for them.

 

[Oblivion]

He's so affable!

It totally makes up for the fact that he's about to shred the social safety net.

 

[jelly]

This is fine.

Decent jokes but he is an evil scumbag enabling an evil scumbag. It's like the trickle down laughing picture except they have white cloaks or Nazi uniforms on.

 

[Baraka Obama]

dont forget paul ryan is a piece of shit

 

[RDreamer]

Haha, these things I'm enabling are hilarious, aren't they?

 

[mnannola]

On Twitter
"Every morning, I wake up in my office and I scroll through Twitter to see which tweets I'll have to pretend I didn't see later on."

Hahahaha that's so funny, it's a joke, because of course he really doesn't do this.

 

[makingmusic476]

This is gonna make Trump so pissy.

 

[ryan13ts]

Ok, I have to admit that cabinet and twitter joke genuinely funny.

Where's the sensible chuckle gif when you need it.

 

[benicillin]

Excuse me if I don't find Paul Ryan funny while he tries to destroy America.

 

[Beartruck]

He's deflecting to calling the W.H. a liberal New York White House. This is going to be the narrative if things do fall through for them.

Bingo. "He was never really republican anyways!"

 

[StopMakingSense]

THe twitter one and ‘losing his top donor’ got a chuckle out of me.

 

[smokeandmirrors]

ah yes 'jokes' from a person who can only get off to the idea of gutting medicare and watching poor people suffer and die.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

"Isn't it funny that this man who still has my full loyalty and support is totally unhinged and unfit to lead the country?"

**badum tish**

 

[darkwing]

let them fight?

 

[norm9]

MC Paul Ryan dropping bombs.

 

[fluffydelusions]

just proves Ryan and other republicans know exactly whats wrong with Trump, they just don't care.

.

 

[RDreamer]

On Twitter
"Every morning, I wake up in my office and I scroll through Twitter to see which tweets I'll have to pretend I didn't see later on."

It's basically:

Harvey Weinstein staff:
"Every morning I wake up and see which woman I have to pretend I didn't lead into the filthy cavern of a rapist."

Funny stuff, guy who's allowing it to happen!

 

[RMI]

It's all jokes to these fuckers when they are destroying the country. This is sad.

 

[Jarmel]

It's basically:

Funny stuff, guy who's allowing it to happen!

I actually might be fine with the joke if it was from the White House PR team as they don’t really have any power. Ryan actually can put the brakes on a lot of Trump’s shit though so it comes across as tasteless.

 

[Mike M]

Taken in isolation, those are pretty solid jabs. But in context, yeah, this is still, "Trump's a shitbag, but I won't do anything about it."

Hopefully Trump will be completely unable to let any of this go and end up putting even more grist in the gears of the GOP agenda.

 

[Deuce Deuce]

Damn Paul Ryan got jokes.

 

[Lightning_Roller]

Excuse me if I don't find Paul Ryan funny while he tries to destroy America.

Thank you. I don't care if he is roasting Trump, he's still helping the orange bastard take away medicare for so many people for money. Fuck him.

 

[Silexx]

Some of these are pretty funny to be honest.

Indeed, but they kinda lose their punch when you realize they're being told by the biggest spineless toad in the White House.

 

[UnemployedVillain]

Last time Trump got roasted he ran for President. Who knows what this'll do to him. Also Ryan is still a shithead.

Spoiler

Just one with good jokes/joke writers

 

[chekhonte]

So is he burning bridges? Is he done trying to work with Trump? You have to know that Trump is going to go ape.