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[Caipirinha]

I moved from UK to Aus last year for work and can say thAt there’s absolutely nothing I miss about Britain other than family.. but family is the most important thing in life to me, so it’s a painful jigsaw piece to be missing.

Now I’m going back for year 2 and the pain of leaving family behind is actually worse than the first year, rather than easier.

I’m also at the age where I will be having kids in 2-3 years and the idea of raising them away from my parents and my partners parents is very upsetting.

But back in the UK I would be working longer hours for half the pay and be far more stressed at work and missing the lifestyle of Aus.

Expats.. how did you square this circle?

 

[Dalauz]

im from Argentina living in Mexico. Cook man, cook.

 

[rykomatsu]

My responsibility is to my immediate family first and foremost. My parents problems aren't mine and my problems aren't my parents. Maybe because of this thinking, being across the pond from my parents doesn't bother me at all.

I've never really understood the notion of homesickness due to being away from parents, and no one's really been able to explain to me the root cause of why they feel that way. ("I miss my family" isn't a root cause).

I would argue that if you can figure out the root cause, reconciling your current situation would be easier.

 

[BadHand]

I moved to Canada from the UK in 2006, so it’s been 12 years. I miss a lot from the UK still but I have kids and a wife in Canada now. I do miss my family, but, the reality is we’re better off here, and I think they know that. My wife is Canadian and her family is here, so it’s not like moving back to the UK solves the problem of missing the family.

I have made it important to visit at least once a year and take the wife and kids over ever 2 years, minimum. Usually visiting for 3-4 weeks at a time. Which due to money and vacation time from work, is about the best I can do. Unfortuately they aren’t in a position to visit me as often as I would like... and nobody enjoys 10 hour flights.

Can’t say the pain of missing them gets any easier, we all choke up a bit when the trip comes to an end, but at least we can say we’re doing what we can do.

 

[highrider]

Look man, I’m sure Australia seems nice, but that’s just what the spiders want you to think.

Seriously though, missing family isn’t something that goes away. I’d love to live in a warmer climate year round area, but I’d miss my sister and mom. And DC is home.

 

[Caipirinha]

My responsibility is to my immediate family first and foremost. My parents problems aren't mine and my problems aren't my parents. Maybe because of this thinking, being across the pond from my parents doesn't bother me at all.

I've never really understood the notion of homesickness due to being away from parents, and no one's really been able to explain to me the root cause of why they feel that way. ("I miss my family" isn't a root cause).

I would argue that if you can figure out the root cause, reconciling your current situation would be easier.

It’s mainly the feeling of ageing/time passing and worrying about missing out on doing things with my parents before they are too elderly to do so, and eventually pass away ofc.

They are early 60s now and very fit and healthy but I know when 70 comes those things change. Definitely 80s.

 

[dc3k]

I send them a text every so often.

 

[DonJimbo]

I miss my famliy aswell but with many communication apps like telegram or imo i stay in touch with my family at home

 

[xk0sm0sx]

I'm in my first year of working overseas where it's my first time experiencing living alone after 28 years (we do not have a culture of leaving home when adult because of extremely limited land)

I wanted to do this for really long, and to be able to finally do so is a dream came true, but man after 8 months I'm completely wrecked. I'm quite close to my parents and have friends I go out to have dinner with several times a week at home. I lost all of these emotional support and I've tried hard to make new friends here, but they are more like contacts rather than friends. I'm thinking of just, fuck this shit I'm living alone from now on, because socializing is so exhausting. I'm seriously losing all my motivations.

Even though I've went back twice in a year, I'm actually afraid of going back even more because each time it hurts so bad I just felt like I just want to quit this and go back, but I can't because I've invested time and money into this dream for a few years.

So sorry, no solutions but just to say I feel the same way

 

[Caipirinha]

I'm in my first year of working overseas where it's my first time experiencing living alone after 28 years (we do not have a culture of leaving home when adult because of extremely limited land)

I wanted to do this for really long, and to be able to finally do so is a dream came true, but man after 8 months I'm completely wrecked. I'm quite close to my parents and have friends I go out to have dinner with several times a week at home. I lost all of these emotional support and I've tried hard to make new friends here, but they are more like contacts rather than friends. I'm thinking of just, fuck this shit I'm living alone from now on, because socializing is so exhausting. I'm seriously losing all my motivations.

Even though I've went back twice in a year, I'm actually afraid of going back even more because each time it hurts so bad I just felt like I just want to quit this and go back, but I can't because I've invested time and money into this dream for a few years.

So sorry, no solutions but just to say I feel the same way

Hey man I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. I was lucky because I moved with my girlfriend and Australia in particular seems to be a very friendly and sociable place so we actually have more friends here than back home already! But if I wasn’t with my gf, I think it would be a different story for me because even though the same friendship opportunities would be around on my own I’m not good at taking them.

Some places are just genuinely harder to fit into. I feel bad for people moving to the UK tbh because I actually don’t think it’s particularly friendly at all.

What I find most weird though is that leaving for year 2 was 100x harder than leaving for year 1.

Also, I tended not to feel homesick during that year at all but I had a constant nagging feeling in my head that I was missing out on family events and my parents were ageing etc

 

[Deleted member 1235]

I send them a text every so often.

Cuts close to the bone

 

[rykomatsu]

It’s mainly the feeling of ageing/time passing and worrying about missing out on doing things with my parents before they are too elderly to do so, and eventually pass away ofc.

They are early 60s now and very fit and healthy but I know when 70 comes those things change. Definitely 80s.

Why not create a bucket list with them? That way, at the end of the road you're thinking will be "man, did so many things with my parents and left some really awesome memories", instead of "man, I wish I did <xyz> with them".

That way, your day-to-day in Aus will drive towards not just your immediate family goals, but extended family goals, too.

Might be an oversimplification, but it sounds like the worry about missing out on things stems somewhat from an unclear self-understanding of what it is you want with your parents. Make the bucket-list creation a family thing rather than have them create in a vacuum and hand to you. You might learn a new thing or three about them, and them you.

 

[ehead]

My response is not really on topic but it's still relevant.

It sucks. My friends/cohorts are all getting married while I'm stuck here working away with minimal to no social life at all. I'll be turning 30 in a few months too.

As for family left behind, I try to keep in touch (phone/video calls) with my mom every now and then. Anyway, best of luck to you, and to all expats here.

 

[nush]

Skype the family, got a local girlfriend.

 

[Griss]

I was sent away to boarding school in a foreign country at age 11 lol, so I've had plenty of time to get used to it.

With FaceTime and other video calling apps, there's never been a time in history where you can feel closer to your family despite living thousands of miles apart. If your life is better and you have a social life, keep at it. If you're lonely and missing your family because you don't have a social life, that may mean you'd be better off moving back home.

 

[Later Alligator]

my parents are retired, we get them to visit fairly often. we no longer put a lot of money towards gifts for them, rather we put it towards trips back and forth

my daughter and wife visit home a lot (wife can't work here), and facetime with my parents all the time

 

[Cato]

I give my brother a call every few years. He passes my greetings on to the rest of them.

 

[Susurrus]

Military (yes I realize not an expat, but still relevant info) since 2004, never stationed near my family minus a couple years where it was a 9 hr drive/1 hr flight if you consider that close, stationed overseas since 2010 (korea/japan/germany) so even further. I don't really know how. I skype my folks, and google voice call my grandmother. It didn't bother me too much, but while I was in Japan, met a local that I married after moving to Germany and my kid was born in 2015. The kid is when it when I felt guilt start to kick in. I'm sitting here in Germany, with my kids' grandparents and great grandparents 11 hours in each direction (Tokyo/Seattle). Technology helps a lot, and certainly I love traveling and being abroad, but it does suck knowing that. My kid is an excellent flyer and he's made the trips plus some other vacations like a champ but we're huge travelers so a bunch of my money and leave days are burned up going on vacations to other places. Kind of hoping for Hawaii next so I can be pretty much as close to the middle as possible between the families but that's a high-in-demand location so not getting my hopes up. Just have to deal with it, and focus on your immediate family if you have one, and focus on why you're there and what you like about being where you are, that's pretty much what's done it for me, but that guilt feeling never fully goes away. I will add, though, I do have the support of my family and they know I'm out doing what I love and seeing the world. 31 countries and counting (+2 airport only/+2 base only)!