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The morality and ethics of being a home-wrecker
- Thread starter Kraftwerk
- Start date
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Well then by your definition I'm in the clear.
I wouldn't get serious with anyone who was cheating on their husband with me, because in my mind I'm not perfect and if she's willing to cheat she'll eventually do it to me.
As for sex only I'd do it. It's not my job to care about the status of someone else's relationship. If I refused she would just go to someone else anyway.
As for sex only I'd do it. It's not my job to care about the status of someone else's relationship. If I refused she would just go to someone else anyway.
perryfarrell
Member
Everybody has a price.
Plenty of people are in bad relationships with people they're not really compatible with, even marriages. If they stumble upon a person that's a total and complete match, who can blame them for jumping ship? Of course, you don't really know these things in advance.
They also might be serial cheaters with a serious case of 'the grass is greener...' Perhaps they can't truly commit and soon grow tired of the new significant other as well. Also, if kids are involved, the picture gets even more complicated.
I guess I'm trying to say that a blanket condemnation of people who break up a relationship or marriage to be with another person is a bit too simplistic.
Musha_Soturi
Member
It's not that easy to just walk away from a long term relationship for someone you 'might' like. You could be making more of a mistake by ending it with someone you love just because you're going through a rough patch or are currently unhappy. Maybe you just want a bit of attention and aren't getting it at home? Or maybe you do get genuinely swept off your feet and end up leaving your significant other. But it's a big step to take and shouldn't be done lightly unless you know for sure it's completely over.
Nothing more romantic than the only thing keeping you from cheating is the LAW.
Seriously, why would anyone advocate making this illegal? It's a crummy thing to do but don't let the government get involved in personal relationships, ever. One of my parents cheated on the other years ago and I still don't think there should be any state-sponsored consequences(other than a break-down of relationships and trust, obviously). I dealt with it and so did the rest of my family and we didn't need the fucking law getting involved and making things worse. This is supposed to be a free country.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
In my opinion, as someone who was severely messed up by cheating, I won't say that cheaters should be arrested or anything.
However, they should lose claim to any Property or finances.
I'm not exactly coming at this from an objective perspective, mind you.
Just throwing this out there and seeing if it sticks, everybody, buuut.... Seppuku?
I kid, I kid.
However, they should lose claim to any Property or finances.
I'm not exactly coming at this from an objective perspective, mind you.
Just throwing this out there and seeing if it sticks, everybody, buuut.... Seppuku?
I kid, I kid.
I agree completely. An unsettling amount of people marry just because it's what's expected of them, and wind up enduring stagnant/incompatible relationships for financial reasons or because there are children involved. I don't believe for a second that people in this category who wind up cheating are horrible people, but morally I have qualms with it all the same.
On a side note, I'm of the belief that monogamy would be a fringe thing if everyone had unlimited sexual selection. The fact is that we're not all created equal and that some wind up settling with "the best we can get". It's an ugly reality, but a truthful one.
LowEndTorque
Member
I don't like the term "homewrecker."
To me, the responsibility of cheating falls 100% on the cheater and not the person they cheated with. The cheater is the real homewrecker.
If you are an attractive woman, or a good-looking, confident guy you will get hit on by the opposite sex. It's totally unavoidable (especially for hot females), unless you are a hermit living in a cave. If the person is selfish enough to throw away their relationship/children/family/whatever for lust then that's all on them IMO. It also usually doesn't bode well for the future relationship with their new partner if they are that type of fickle person that could just leave on a whim.
To me, the responsibility of cheating falls 100% on the cheater and not the person they cheated with. The cheater is the real homewrecker.
If you are an attractive woman, or a good-looking, confident guy you will get hit on by the opposite sex. It's totally unavoidable (especially for hot females), unless you are a hermit living in a cave. If the person is selfish enough to throw away their relationship/children/family/whatever for lust then that's all on them IMO. It also usually doesn't bode well for the future relationship with their new partner if they are that type of fickle person that could just leave on a whim.
It happens every day with the state (or county) involved in custody and financial decisions.
captmorgan
Banned
In these types of threads Ive never understood the extra hate the "homewrecker" seems to get.
Their not the ones that made a vow/commitment to someone else. But people always seem to phrase the situation as the married spouse was "seduced" or "manipulated" by some evil 3rd party that they were powerless to resist. The fact is the married person is the one completely responsible.
Their not the ones that made a vow/commitment to someone else. But people always seem to phrase the situation as the married spouse was "seduced" or "manipulated" by some evil 3rd party that they were powerless to resist. The fact is the married person is the one completely responsible.
Its hard to rubber stamp any of those situations with any sort of moral alignment, as there are just too many variables that factor in. My parents divorced when I was young, they ran the gamut of issues: infidelity, substance abuse, so on. They were also entirely wrong for each other. Both are remarried and happy and can be in the same room with each other and act like normal people, but I'm sure there are scars there as well.
I don't know. I've seen people split from their spouses and end up becoming happier people and I've seen people whose lives have been destroyed by it. You have to consider all variables and ask how could they play out before doing such a thing.
I don't know. I've seen people split from their spouses and end up becoming happier people and I've seen people whose lives have been destroyed by it. You have to consider all variables and ask how could they play out before doing such a thing.
Angry Fork
Member
Right alongside rapists, animal/baby torturer's etc. lol...
So the person who was 'seduced' doesn't have any decision making capabilities of their own? If they're drugged that's a completely different story but otherwise that's still on them. Nobody is forcing them to cheat. That's not to say the person doing the seducing is in the clear or anything, just that both should take the blame.
I have to say the tone of this post sounds like you're using the kids angle in order to pretend your argument has the moral high ground, but really you just hate people who cheat whether kids are involved or not.
You have to first explain why you think it's so morally reprehensible for someone to cheat in the first place whether there are kids or not. It's not a good thing to do obviously since you've already committed yourself to the relationship, but many who cheat are not 'scum', they're confused, dissatisfied, unsure of themselves, want something new etc. And whether or not they should split up before cheating/exploring alternatives is not for you to judge.
If a woman was with me for a long time and then cheated, I may be hurt obviously but it's not the end of the world. Half the planet is female and if she's not satisfied with me then she can have whoever she cheated with. She's capable of her own decisions and we can both go our separate ways. I don't know why people treat it as if it's the worst thing someone can do. If anything cheating can allow the other spouse to realize that person isn't for them.
Neither of which have to do with the act of adultery itself. The one at fault will be considered when it comes to custody/etc but you shouldn't be punished for the cheating itself.
Were you cheated on or something? It's obviously a horrible feeling but can you honestly say that the law should come down on that person? Maybe if this were some horrible, backwards country in the middle east that doles out punishment based on their religious texts... We are better than that.
Nailed it. I feel the same about this topic.
Nobody is forced to cheat on their partner. It's up to the person in a relationship to tell others that they are taken. Many, many relationships begin with someone leaving their BF/GF for someone they think is better. There are lots of people who aren't ever truly single, but instead go from relationship to relationship.
Sorry but I disagree with this. The onus lies on the person in the committed relationship alone to prevent cheating. You can't seduce a person that isn't willing to be seduced.
Edit: LowEndTorque ended this thread.
Angry Fork
Member
Okay... people are usually only left with assumptions if the person in question doesn't explain themselves/defend their arguments. I don't know what the convincing argument is in defense of the state making adultery illegal. It sounds like a tenet inflicted by a religious dictatorship.
You don't feel any guilt toward the guy who got hurt?
Jake McLargeHuge
Banned
It's cool if you don't mind the prospect of them cheating on you in the future and being seen as a dirtbag by anyone in the know.
I never said both shouldn't take the blame, and I never said both sides aren't morally wrong. I'm just saying that "home-wrecker" should be applied to people who actively try to get with a married person, rather than the married person approaching them. My issue is with the term.
Whether true or not, that's pretty irrelevant. Lying and then hurting someone like that I would imagine is a tough pill to swallow. At least for most decent people.
Adultery is technically illegal in 23 states, though most do not actively enforce it. Lawyers in these states have been able to substantially affect child custody and support and alimony amounts by invoking that adultery is technically a criminal offense.
Members of the U.S. military who commit adultery can be charged with a court-martial offense under the provisions of Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). In order for the person who committed adultery to be prosecuted, three elements must be proven:
•The accused had sexual intercourse with a particular individual;
•At the time of the sexual encounter, the accused was lawfully married to another person; and
•The accused actions brought discredit to the armed forces or threatened the "good order and discipline" of the armed forces.
If convicted, a serving member of the armed forces can be imprisoned for one year and dishonorably discharged. All pay and allowances will be forfeited.
Members of the U.S. military who commit adultery can be charged with a court-martial offense under the provisions of Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). In order for the person who committed adultery to be prosecuted, three elements must be proven:
•The accused had sexual intercourse with a particular individual;
•At the time of the sexual encounter, the accused was lawfully married to another person; and
•The accused actions brought discredit to the armed forces or threatened the "good order and discipline" of the armed forces.
If convicted, a serving member of the armed forces can be imprisoned for one year and dishonorably discharged. All pay and allowances will be forfeited.
Jake McLargeHuge
Banned
Not to be a jerk, but what did that say about the girl who was with the asshole?
She had just been through a great deal of pain and grief when she got with him.
That and everybody makes mistakes.
Yep, dude moved on and is now in a good relationship with someone he loves.
We still keep in touch and he harbors no ill-will. (He's still an ass though.)
Felix Lighter
Member
I agree that the majority of the blame for cheating lies with the cheater but I don't think you can just wash your hands of any involvement, if you are actively pursuing a married person with children with the hopes that they cheat. From my perspective, it's morally wrong.
freenudemacusers
Member
This is rarely enforced, IME. I've seen, in a 4 year span at one base, about a dozen cases of blatant infidelity, all of them with kids, half of them while the guy was on a tour of duty. A few of them even worked together. Bored isolated housewives and horny lonely dudes is not a good combo.
OT, I dunno, if say, my wife fucked around on me, that's on her for not communicating how I am failing to meet her needs etc. I don't think I could have legitimate anger toward the dude (I would probably still be pissed,but it wouldn't be reasonable ), since who knows how it went down? She could have lied to him about our relationship (I'm abusive, we are swingers, etc) for all I know.
Angry Fork
Member
Why is this a good thing.
He obviously doesn't have enough justification or he would have presented it when he started the debate.
Perspicacity
Banned
Yeah, irreparably damage the parent's income capabilities in order to protect the children!
Also, many areas of the world are terrible places...
Jake McLargeHuge
Banned
Fair enough. Personally, the girls I know that date worthless guys are usually worthless as well. There's always exceptions, but I haven't come across one yet.
freenudemacusers
Member
Well you typically don't want a lot of personnel drama when handling nuclear equipment or matters of national security.
Well of course I don't think she's worthless, but sometimes people can show you one thing and then become something else entirely years down the road.
I have already stated my opinion, at the start of this thread. That is not going to change. You can either agree or disagree.
I was elabourating that I am not alone in that opinion, and that the state has been involved in many cases, to the point that the act is technically illegal in 23 states. I have not touched on the fact that adultery is actively considered a criminal offense in many countries.
Adultery is morally and ethically wrong.
freenudemacusers
Member
I haven't been paying too close attention to the travel thread... Did he bone a married girl?
Skellig Gra
Member
No just someone with a boyfriend.
Mammoth Jones
Member
It depends. If they're unhappy in their respective relationships and have found a spark between each other without crossing that physical line then they should pursue it. But they should end their relationships first.
Problem is most people don't do this. They cheat and keep their current relationship as a Plan B. And inevitably it comes to light and their relationship is ruined.
Problem is most people don't do this. They cheat and keep their current relationship as a Plan B. And inevitably it comes to light and their relationship is ruined.
phosphor112
Banned
Yes. It's wrong, even without any hard feelings in the end. Things won't turn out like that majority of the time.
RepairmanJack
Member
It's just bad.
Someone close to me just completely destroyed a 'home' and I seem to be the only one in the family that's pissed off that she gets off scot free because she lives in another state and can just go on acting like it never happened. I see the person quite regularly and it disgusts me to even be around her.
Someone close to me just completely destroyed a 'home' and I seem to be the only one in the family that's pissed off that she gets off scot free because she lives in another state and can just go on acting like it never happened. I see the person quite regularly and it disgusts me to even be around her.
Wronging a person is still a wrong doing even if it triggers a sequence of events that by happenstance leads to a fairy tale ending. Even if it did magically make it a right, it is an irrelevant point because we are not able to predict the future. And let's face it, odds are it isn't going to end perfectly for everyone involved.
In my mind, if you even get to the point of falling in love with another, then you've already fucked up, because a married person should not have allowed an outside relationship to become that intimate in the first place.
In my mind, if you even get to the point of falling in love with another, then you've already fucked up, because a married person should not have allowed an outside relationship to become that intimate in the first place.
Maybe it's time to think about moving to a country where women are second class citizens and law is based on emotion, not logic?
You people need to understand that we're all human. It's terrible to lie to someone who trusts you but you can't help the development of feelings for a new person in your life.
RepairmanJack
Member
Sure you can't be responsible for your feeling and peoples feelings do change. That doesn't mean you should act on those feelings when married or in a long committed relationship. You fall for someone else that's fine, cut it off with your current relationship. You can't hedge your bets and try to keep both relationships up until you make up your mind.
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