-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
Doctor West
Member
All good advice on getting her name. Thanks, GAF.
reallyfull
Member
I'm just wondering how to go about asking a girl out through Facebook. She has been a friend (her request) on Facebook for awhile now. I've also known her for quite a long time, as we used to attend school together. I'd rather ask in person, but have no opportunities to do so.
Ask for her number or Just ask her out then get the number?
Ask for her number or Just ask her out then get the number?
I would do both.
1. "Hey can I grab your number so that we can catchup for a coffee sometime?"
2. Ask her to catch up over a coffee through FB and if the chemistry's right then ask for her number.
twilitesparklemotion
Member
How would that work better than talking to her?
Cow Mengde
Banned
Holy crap... I just read this and it's a real eye opener for me. Don't know how I missed it. For the most part, I thought me being a douchebag was what caused my relationship to collapse years ago. Things that went through my head were that I didn't pamper enough, or spent too much time doing my stuff, and among other thoughts. Who knew I was actually doing the right thing for the most part? I guess I can be a little thoughtless sometimes, but this post really opened my eye!
Sometimes it's better. The dynamics of desire in our brain are hard-wired in a way that we want what we do not have. Of course, if someone is bland as fuck when meeting the other person, then it is not going anywhere, but everyone should know when to lay low.
reallyfull
Member
So I asked for her number and that I would like to go out with her sometime. We'll see if I get a response. 
thanks guys
thanks guysAffection grows stronger when there's a lack of presence. That's why you shouldn't be too available, it's boring. Same with long ass conversations and/or skype calls in LDR's.
Maybe it was his way of finding you on facebook?
I would go with the facebook thought as well. I usually like to go for a 1-2 combo of Phone #/FB.
Wait so your "friend' who turned the guy away from you is also a male? Maybe he's jealous or madly in love with you. Either way I would talk to them to get some more details, and possibly cut contact after that.
AlimNassor
Banned
Girl I like seems to hate me now. She was having a bad day and I said "That blows, but, shit happens, you'll get over it". All of her white knight friends jump on me and call me emo and an asshole, and she seems angry calling me a real jerk. I was just telling it how it was. I thought girls liked jerks that didn't stroke their ego like that. I'm not a nice guy, I'm mostly emotionally distant to people. I'm not emotionless, I'm just distant is all.
I don't want to constantly be having someone hover around me, or hover around them.
I don't want to constantly be having someone hover around me, or hover around them.
electricshake
Member
Yeh sorry I should have made that clearer. I actually don't really see him anymore, he got a new girlfriend and has stopped seeing most of his friends. The other guy (the one who I was interested in) is a friend of a friend so I never see him anyway. It doesn't really matter, it's just that NYE was a kind of crappy time to find out about it, especially seeing as I've not had the best luck with men recently.
PflargBlarg
Member
I dunno, sounds like classic tactics to get a name that you've forgotten.
Ahhh, this is true as well.
AlimNassor
Banned
That just makes me sound like one of her pathetic white knight boyfriends. I'm not a nice person, it's hard for me to feign compassion for something as minor as her issues. She was complaining about her car getting towed.
TLDR (You don't want to see the non TLDR version. We'd be here for days)
For context, both of us (me being a male) are early twenties and in school.
Talked to girl for months. Girl asks me out for coffee. We begin dating. Wants to take things slow as previous boyfriend was one of her first and was really messed up. Within a few weeks /dates, at second base and spending a lot of time together. Her just as in to it at this point as I am, including her messaging me a ton.
We then go to a party together where she won't let me close as she isn't used to public intimacy. After said party she freaks out and says we're going too quick and she wants to try again and start over as friends. After this, she doesn't talk to me for a week, says she was out of the city, apologizes. Another week goes by, she texts me after I ask her if something is wrong and apologizes for being busy the times I've texted her. We chat a bit. Says she isn't avoiding me, had personal stuff to deal with and was busy. Says she isn't ignoring me and wants to spend time together but has been busy.
New years eve, she's apparently babysitting and I can't come. No message from her NYE or today.
I feel there's a wall there now that wasn't there before, as she won't discuss her personal issues with me and I don't want to push any more. She could indeed be busy, but it's been weeks and I haven't seen her and barely spoken to her. I'm thinking GAF's response to this is going to be bail out time, so have at it.
For context, both of us (me being a male) are early twenties and in school.
Talked to girl for months. Girl asks me out for coffee. We begin dating. Wants to take things slow as previous boyfriend was one of her first and was really messed up. Within a few weeks /dates, at second base and spending a lot of time together. Her just as in to it at this point as I am, including her messaging me a ton.
We then go to a party together where she won't let me close as she isn't used to public intimacy. After said party she freaks out and says we're going too quick and she wants to try again and start over as friends. After this, she doesn't talk to me for a week, says she was out of the city, apologizes. Another week goes by, she texts me after I ask her if something is wrong and apologizes for being busy the times I've texted her. We chat a bit. Says she isn't avoiding me, had personal stuff to deal with and was busy. Says she isn't ignoring me and wants to spend time together but has been busy.
New years eve, she's apparently babysitting and I can't come. No message from her NYE or today.
I feel there's a wall there now that wasn't there before, as she won't discuss her personal issues with me and I don't want to push any more. She could indeed be busy, but it's been weeks and I haven't seen her and barely spoken to her. I'm thinking GAF's response to this is going to be bail out time, so have at it.
Howard Ballou
Member
Just don't contact anymore. If she wants you, she'll get in touch with you.
got this girl to take me to the gym so i could play basketball while she did cardio.
then she offers to carry me to my front door.
she gets about halfway and asks for a break so i'm just like ok let me carry you back to your car (she is light as a feather).
semi-serious question: should i have kissed and fucking taken her right there? (this is actually the same girl that little joke came from haha)
then she offers to carry me to my front door.
she gets about halfway and asks for a break so i'm just like ok let me carry you back to your car (she is light as a feather).
semi-serious question: should i have kissed and fucking taken her right there? (this is actually the same girl that little joke came from haha)
Baki
Member
I agree and disagree with the post you linked. By that, I mean that I disagree with the idea that we need to emulate characteristics of the Diva/Bad Boy (i.e. play a game) in order to have a successful relationship.
However, I do agree that a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and love (keyword being mutual), which as mentioned in the post involves a two way investment from both parties. Where an individual respects himself (and in turn values himself enough) to expect his partner to offer him the love and attention that he deserves. At the end of the day, how can you expect someone else to value and respect you, if you don't respect or value yourself.
Now on an unrelated note, I disagree with the idea that being a "nice guy" is somehow bad. My own personal principle is that I act as the person I am and I follow the values that I hold. This includes being polite and dependable and generally just being the nice guy. If that means girl xyz turns me down, then that's her loss. I don't think I should compromise my values just to be with a girl that didn't necessarily see the value in who I was. I think you are deceiving her and deceiving yourself if you compromise on who you are I order to score some tail. Personally, being yourself and being comfortable and confident with who you are should be your foremost priority. Sure, if you just want random hookups, you can play the game. But if you want a healthy relationship, be yourself and if you are compatible with the person, he/she will see you value and if she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be in the first place.
TL;DR : if you want to be nice, be nice. Just do it for the right reasons and eventually you'll meet someone that genuinely values you as a person.
Made a mistake Gaf,
A few weeks ago I went to a party with my buddy, his girlfriend, and two of her friends. Everyone was having a good time, and sometime in the night my buddy's girlfriend comes and tells me that both of her friends want to get with me, and it's up to me to decide. It was my first time meeting these girls, so I didn't really know them that well, so I just went with the one who I thought was hotter.
We chilled as a group more often after that, and that's when I came to realize that the girl I chose is actually horrible, and the other girl is an amazing person.
Now I kinda have a crush on the other girl, and would like to ask her out, but it seems like an awkward situation and don't know how to go about it. Should I just take my losses and move on from the whole thing? Or is managing something like this even possible?
A few weeks ago I went to a party with my buddy, his girlfriend, and two of her friends. Everyone was having a good time, and sometime in the night my buddy's girlfriend comes and tells me that both of her friends want to get with me, and it's up to me to decide. It was my first time meeting these girls, so I didn't really know them that well, so I just went with the one who I thought was hotter.
We chilled as a group more often after that, and that's when I came to realize that the girl I chose is actually horrible, and the other girl is an amazing person.
Now I kinda have a crush on the other girl, and would like to ask her out, but it seems like an awkward situation and don't know how to go about it. Should I just take my losses and move on from the whole thing? Or is managing something like this even possible?
hawkshockey11
Banned
Ok I am not putting too much at all into dating so it wasn't a huge loss, but I believe I lost everything I had on by backburners. Eh
yes. parking lot sex is best sex
yes. parking lot sex is best sex
Jaffaboy
Member
It's only awkward if you think it's awkward. Tell yourself it's not awkward and it won't be. Though it would have been better to not wait a few weeks, I'd just go for it anyway, what have you got to lose?
AdventureRacing
Member
PflargBlarg
Member
If it's related to dating, it belongs here. So throw it on out.
You're cold and distant, so learn to expect those responses.
And a car getting towed isn't exactly "minor".
Sure, just know that Dating Age is the laughing stock of the OT.
So last Friday I left a relationship of 6 years, almost to the day. It's tough to summarize everything that happened in that time, but all of what happened went a long way to strengthening us as a couple. Because we both were the first ones to be with eachother, I think it is particularly tough for her in addition to all the confusion and loss simply because we never experienced the first-love breakup in highschool that most people do. Which sort of ended up really affecting her expectations of this relationship. She is an independent person at the end of the day, and is not obsessive, she just really believed that we would never need to end it. A bit more on those 6 years: we lived in the same country, but it's Canada and she was on the opposite coast in Vancouver. So after graduating secondary I worked fulltime for a year and made the decision to study out there with her. It was always sort of implied that I would be the one to make the move, although she told me she would do the same. I can only say that the years leading up to the move were trying but rewarding and my relationship with her overall was loving.
I have lived out there for two years now, and have been able to survive living on my own and having to establish myself in a new place while studying and working. My first year out there was full of misery and stress, but I figured that it would only get easier. I came home that summer and watched the life I would otherwise live in my home province and my family and friends and it nawed at me. It made me want to project all of the things I saw and wanted onto my life in Vancouver. I'm not sure how much you know about either Toronto or Vancouver, but they are different in many ways. And I made a few friends and found a decent roommate, but my mind was always drifting back to home.. It was starting to effect me severely by the time this December rolled around. Out of shape, reclusive, depressed, and my grades were falling. I'm not the only one to get homesick, I know, but this didn't feel like the life path I should be taking when I didn't necessarily need to other than to be with one person. I learned so much more about living and thriving independently in 2 years out there than I would in 5 years in my home province.. I had to try it, and see if it could work, lest I regret it. And I am ultimately satifisfied and don't think it was a waste of time. Same for the relationship, of which I only really have good things to say besides what started to become restlessness and dissatisfaction. Additionally reading Murakami's South of the Border, West of the Sun scared the shit out of me halfway through my time out there, being about not doing what is best for your happiness and letting time slip away and all that, and living honestly with yourself.
She always told me that what I want and what makes me happy in regards to my living situation is what is most important, and that if that didn't involve her, so be it. And living out there, while I tried to tell myself otherwise, was not making me happy. And the lifestyle that comes with a committed relationship wasn't either. Moving back "early" would mean 2 years before she could finish her major and join me. But I didn't want that anyways. Believe me when I say that it was pure coincidence that my reason for leaving (wanting to live in my home province with access to my friends, family and familiarity) was followed by the other reason of my not wanting to settle down. The prospect of the freedom to meet new people, be with family more than twice a year, in a place I am familiar with and prefer, made me happy and drove me to what seemed to her a hasty breakup. I had been tempering her expectations with small talks and reminders over the past year as I started to feel the need to make a choice for the a number of reasons; we were considering moving in together; I can only transfer two years worth of credits to a uni in my home province; I did not want to cheat on her or do any number of things that she would not agree with (getting high, etc) while with her; if I didn't tell her now, when I really felt the tug and when there was the least to ruin, it would only be so much worse at pretty much any point beyond now. After a few days of seriously thinking about it (which may not have been enough to some) I did it, and have held fast to my decision. It is the right decision, I think. It is a shitty time of year to do it, but any longer and I would have been lying to her through my teeth. Besides just not wanting to settle down, there was no explosive or violent reason or end, although I was beginning to feel like she simply didn't understand multiple facets of my personality and I couldn't live my life knowing there might be someone I traded away that would. Ultimately I just didn't want to lie to her or myself. I don't feel I've ever made a more honest decision before. I felt like karma was breathing down my neck before I did.
There's all kinds of other things I could say, like how she reacted, and how I feel bad in the short term. But all of that massive text is what is most important to it and I just needed to get it out.
I have lived out there for two years now, and have been able to survive living on my own and having to establish myself in a new place while studying and working. My first year out there was full of misery and stress, but I figured that it would only get easier. I came home that summer and watched the life I would otherwise live in my home province and my family and friends and it nawed at me. It made me want to project all of the things I saw and wanted onto my life in Vancouver. I'm not sure how much you know about either Toronto or Vancouver, but they are different in many ways. And I made a few friends and found a decent roommate, but my mind was always drifting back to home.. It was starting to effect me severely by the time this December rolled around. Out of shape, reclusive, depressed, and my grades were falling. I'm not the only one to get homesick, I know, but this didn't feel like the life path I should be taking when I didn't necessarily need to other than to be with one person. I learned so much more about living and thriving independently in 2 years out there than I would in 5 years in my home province.. I had to try it, and see if it could work, lest I regret it. And I am ultimately satifisfied and don't think it was a waste of time. Same for the relationship, of which I only really have good things to say besides what started to become restlessness and dissatisfaction. Additionally reading Murakami's South of the Border, West of the Sun scared the shit out of me halfway through my time out there, being about not doing what is best for your happiness and letting time slip away and all that, and living honestly with yourself.
She always told me that what I want and what makes me happy in regards to my living situation is what is most important, and that if that didn't involve her, so be it. And living out there, while I tried to tell myself otherwise, was not making me happy. And the lifestyle that comes with a committed relationship wasn't either. Moving back "early" would mean 2 years before she could finish her major and join me. But I didn't want that anyways. Believe me when I say that it was pure coincidence that my reason for leaving (wanting to live in my home province with access to my friends, family and familiarity) was followed by the other reason of my not wanting to settle down. The prospect of the freedom to meet new people, be with family more than twice a year, in a place I am familiar with and prefer, made me happy and drove me to what seemed to her a hasty breakup. I had been tempering her expectations with small talks and reminders over the past year as I started to feel the need to make a choice for the a number of reasons; we were considering moving in together; I can only transfer two years worth of credits to a uni in my home province; I did not want to cheat on her or do any number of things that she would not agree with (getting high, etc) while with her; if I didn't tell her now, when I really felt the tug and when there was the least to ruin, it would only be so much worse at pretty much any point beyond now. After a few days of seriously thinking about it (which may not have been enough to some) I did it, and have held fast to my decision. It is the right decision, I think. It is a shitty time of year to do it, but any longer and I would have been lying to her through my teeth. Besides just not wanting to settle down, there was no explosive or violent reason or end, although I was beginning to feel like she simply didn't understand multiple facets of my personality and I couldn't live my life knowing there might be someone I traded away that would. Ultimately I just didn't want to lie to her or myself. I don't feel I've ever made a more honest decision before. I felt like karma was breathing down my neck before I did.
There's all kinds of other things I could say, like how she reacted, and how I feel bad in the short term. But all of that massive text is what is most important to it and I just needed to get it out.
hawkshockey11
Banned
ow
Vermillion
Banned
I'm sorry, but this is kind of hilarious.
Hence my belief that the "nice guy" thing needs a more appropriate term.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
There's "nice guys" and then there's good guys. Nice guys are dicks, good guys are just good.
It is? Might explain why we have 45000 views already.
You'd be less of a nice guy if you stopped feeling things like that.
So last Saturday I'm at the bar for my friends birthday just hanging out. It gets late, around 2:30am, and a girl approaches me. We're both drunk and we start dancing, we go outside to smoke a cigarette, then go to a table in the back and just talk and hang out. Her friends tell her they're leaving and want her to come with them but she insists on staying with me. One of her friends questions me, gives me the thumbs up and they leave without her.
It gets late, about 4:30am and she says she is going to go home (it was a local bar and we all live close). She says "give me your phone" and she puts her number in my phone and makes it very clear to me "you BETTER call me!!". I can tell she was really into me, even before that.
At first I really didn't want to call her, I was on the fence about it at best. So I spend Sunday pretty much talking myself out of calling her. Then on Monday, I start think to myself "MAYBE I will.....". And by Monday night I was definitely going to call her and I'll do it tomorrow. (I like to put myself through mental gymnastics even on the littlest of decisions)
So on Tuesday, New Years Day, I decide to text her instead of call her because I was really busy and running around like crazy.
Here's the convo:
ME: Hey, happy new year!
HER: Hey!! Happy new year to you too!! I hope you had a good nye
ME: I did! Did you?
End of conversation, and that was yesterday.
So while it's possible she's just super busy it's more likely that I was just denied which is quite alright by me, it really is.
I would like to give it just one more little chance though, she really did seem like an interesting person and I would like to genuinely get to know her. This is where I'm looking for advice.
I think I will wait until either Sat/Sun/Mon to text her one more time. I'm not sure if I should go with the standard "Hello!" route or the silly "Hey, hope you're having a good *insert silly holiday/observance day here*".
Or should I just not bother at all? lol
It's very unlikely I will run into her again, so it's either just deal with it or give it one last little push.
Side note: it is certainly possible that I am just butthurt because all signs were big time thumbs up and then I don't get responses on text, there probably is a little damage to my ego involved in here.
It might take me a few hours to respond to any responses if there any, sorry.
It gets late, about 4:30am and she says she is going to go home (it was a local bar and we all live close). She says "give me your phone" and she puts her number in my phone and makes it very clear to me "you BETTER call me!!". I can tell she was really into me, even before that.
At first I really didn't want to call her, I was on the fence about it at best. So I spend Sunday pretty much talking myself out of calling her. Then on Monday, I start think to myself "MAYBE I will.....". And by Monday night I was definitely going to call her and I'll do it tomorrow. (I like to put myself through mental gymnastics even on the littlest of decisions)
So on Tuesday, New Years Day, I decide to text her instead of call her because I was really busy and running around like crazy.
Here's the convo:
ME: Hey, happy new year!
HER: Hey!! Happy new year to you too!! I hope you had a good nye
ME: I did! Did you?
End of conversation, and that was yesterday.
So while it's possible she's just super busy it's more likely that I was just denied which is quite alright by me, it really is.
I would like to give it just one more little chance though, she really did seem like an interesting person and I would like to genuinely get to know her. This is where I'm looking for advice.
I think I will wait until either Sat/Sun/Mon to text her one more time. I'm not sure if I should go with the standard "Hello!" route or the silly "Hey, hope you're having a good *insert silly holiday/observance day here*".
Or should I just not bother at all? lol
It's very unlikely I will run into her again, so it's either just deal with it or give it one last little push.
Side note: it is certainly possible that I am just butthurt because all signs were big time thumbs up and then I don't get responses on text, there probably is a little damage to my ego involved in here.
It might take me a few hours to respond to any responses if there any, sorry.
The ball's in her court, let it stay there until she passes it along again. Don't shoot more balls at the goal, it won't work well. She made it clear right from the start that she wants you to chase her by her statement. Be better than that. If she responds, go straight for meeting up. If she reciprocates, suggest day X or Y and get the ball rolling again. You've already shown her that you are willing to chase her though so it might be rough going from here so be prepared for that until next time.
A girl I hadn't seen and barely contacted since 2011 because she friend-zoned me phoned me after new years eve at 4:30 AM, she was absolutely wasted and was telling me that she's sorry. I told her straight up that she's really drunk and that she doesn't know what she's talking about. She then said she'd call me later and hung up. She never did call back since then, but I'm tempted to call her tomorrow evening to see if she wants to hang out.
Back then she friend-zoned me because "I'm an ex to one of her best friends". That was a long time ago now so...
Should I call her tomorrow?
Back then she friend-zoned me because "I'm an ex to one of her best friends". That was a long time ago now so...
Should I call her tomorrow?
she won't answer if you call
- Status