-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Youve made your choice: Gay man posts dads brutal farewell letter disowning him
- Thread starter Gaborn
- Start date
- Status
triplestation
Member
How the hell can a sane human father think this way? This is so stupid.
Count Dookkake
Member
That's an easy one to answer.
The man is not sane. He is operating under a delusion.
That is unbelievably tragic.
JiuJitsuka
Neo Member
well said =/ . everyone should represent his own views, as long he does not hurt others mentally, emotionally or physically.
Mercury Fred
Banned
You help situations like the one in the OP happen. Congrats.
How would you feel if your father told you they didn't "approve" of you dating someone from another race?
TheChewyWaffles
Member
Again, I will face those things like every other human being - when they come into my life. I'm sure that by the time my son understands his sexuality I will have thought through these things. As a matter of fact, letters like the one in the OP help me think them through so for that I'm thankful for them.
Do tell.
EatinOlives
Member
Willkiller
Banned
This is the single most rediculous post I've read all year on Gaf
Okay, I'm going to use a metaphor, I personally do not believe most of it.
To him, it's probably the same as if his child made a decision he disagreed with (because I assume he thinks being gay is a choice), like, let's say, your daughter getting into porn. You'd probably not approve, but you wouldn't stop loving her and you wouldn't ignore her or anything like that, you'd just probably wouldn't want her to talk about it with you and such. I hope you now understand his mindset.
What have you got to apologise for? You're not to blame if other people don't understand their own religion and its teachings.
As sad as it is, if the guy can sustain himself then it is best for him to move on. The final response is out and at least his dad had the courtesy to not pretend to love him just so he could try to change his son's sexual orientation (which is not a life style choice) by taking him to church or other back patting BS.
There is the truth and no hope of reconciliation. In his twilight years, the father will perhaps miss his son enough to write another letter rescinding his ban. Regardless, I respect the guy for coming out about his orientation, illogical people be damned.
There is the truth and no hope of reconciliation. In his twilight years, the father will perhaps miss his son enough to write another letter rescinding his ban. Regardless, I respect the guy for coming out about his orientation, illogical people be damned.
patrickthehedgehog
Member
Shit "dad." Doesn't deserve the air he breaths.
And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents
Then don't? Another thing I don't understand is coming out to the parent. My parents are huge prudes. My mother thinks oral sex is degrading and anything but missionary is sinful. Do I feel the need to come out that I like anal sex? No, I hide that shit like a normal person. Egh maybe this is a bad example since I tend to keep my parents away from anyone I care about :-/
Crumpet Trumpet
Banned
Just realize that people don't just wake up one day and choose to be gay. That's why people were judging your "I don't approve" comment, because it's really not something that needs any approval or disapproval- your hypothetical gay son won't be able to help it no matter what you think, so your disapproval would only prove to be psychologically damaging, even if you add the caveat that you'll love him regardless.
And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents
I hope that when you eventually do, they've come far enough that they can embrace you for who you are.
Emerson
May contain jokes =>
Yes, of course you can. 99% of people would prefer their children be heterosexual for a number of reasons, including:
1) Not having to face the bullying and ridicule, which obviously should not exist but still do
2) Wanting to have natural grandchildren, a (arguably selfish) thing most people desire; and while adoption is a great thing, most people would still prefer to have their own natural children with their partner and not a donor
It's just about being honest enough with yourself to admit you have a preference and not being such an extremist that when somebody admits they have a preference you don't insist they're a bigot or hateful. Personally I'm willing to believe you'd love your kid no matter what. But then I actually read what people say and don't automatically assume the worst about them.
What does porn have to do with anything in this thread?
JiuJitsuka
Neo Member
I was raised in a familial environment that ensured us total freedom of expression. My dad would tell me his opinion, and he would still reassure me that he loves me. As I said, expressing one's own opinion without hurting someone mentally. Nothing wrong with that. The guy in OP is cold , bitter and ruthless.
TheChewyWaffles
Member
Fair enough. I'll take that into consideration. I don't know where I stand on the biological vs decision thing. I gather most here on this forum believe it's biological. That debate aside thanks for offering your input.
Ravensmash
Member
I hardly think that's a fair statement to make at all. He's explicitly said that he'd still love his son regardless of sexual orientation - leave it at that guys, don't jump on him and analyse his every word.
And I read this the other day on Reddit, pretty heavy stuff to read - poor guy.
Edit: Volimar, that's an incredibly sad story, wow :[
Complex Shadow
Cudi Lame
Amazing.
Emerson
May contain jokes =>
My parents (and especially grandparents) don't approve of a lot of things I do, including having sex out of wedlock and (soon) cohabitating before marriage. But they're still ultimately good people and while they may not approve, they don't treat me or her poorly. And I know their beliefs are what they are, even if I personally think they're ridiculous.
John Rabbit
Banned
terrible penmanship.
Come on, don't be an ass. Obviously he'd like to be able to have a regular relationship with his family where he can introduce SOs to them like everyone else.
That and not have this secret hanging over everything he does with them where he's in constant fear of how they might react if they find out.
It's always the same with these kind of threads on GAF. Lately, it's just been annoying..people don't even have civilized conversations anymore, it's just personal attacks where people rage furiously trying to convince each other of their own opinion but in the end most people aren't open minded and won't respect the other parties' opinion.
wow...
Salvor.Hardin
Banned
All I'm saying is that if you willfully watch videos of sweaty arm-length penises, you automatically forgo the right to be critical of a sexuality that leans towards men.
I think you would acknowledge your father is an exception. I think most people would be upset and understandably so if a parent told them they "don't approve" of someone that they love whether because the person is male, or black, or Jewish or has whatever characteristic. I can't imagine it cultivating a happy relationship, if anything it'd make me want to cut off ties with my parents if they can't accept me and the people I love who love me.
You say you're not supposed to harm anyone mentally or emotionally, so please introduce me to the child who wouldn't end up just a little bit scarred from his father telling him that while of course I still love you, gee I sure would have preferred if you just could've been born someone else?
Edit: initial post way less respectful than it should have been. Edited with apologies.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
How the fuck can a father tell his son he would shoot him?
Heterosexual sex involves penises, too, dude. What are you implying?
Oh goddamn it this shit needs to stop
out0v0rder
Member
some people are just born religious, been going to church since they were like 1 years old.
Emerson
May contain jokes =>
Just because you believe something on a theoretical or academic level, i.e. - preferring your child to be a heterosexual - does not mean you would actually regret having your kid be gay once they are born and already exist as a homosexual.
You hear stuff like this all the time from parents of all sorts. Would have preferred a boy/girl/etc. Doesn't mean anything negative about the kid or the parent if it didn't play out that way.
JiuJitsuka
Neo Member
Yea Gaborn, I ain't talking about parents who won't accept you because you what you are. Parents can simply express their views and opinions, whilst accepting their kids totally and providing them warmth and love. How does it contradict.
DonMigs85
Member
And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents
Don't do it until you've at least made a comfortable life for yourself and moved out.
speculawyer
Member
And this is why I'm afraid to come out to my parents
Well, you don't have to. If you are at all dependent on them the best decision is probably not to tell them. That sucks but . . . well it gets better.
Well, look at the standard I mentioned above. Would you write Christmas Cards addressed to both of them as a couple? Would you invite both to stay in your home on visits? When you say you "don't approve" but you love your SON what are you actually saying in a practical sense? How will that affect not your relationship with a son, but with the partner you disapprove of?
speculawyer
Member
No one is born religious. But yeah, indoctrination is a powerful thing.
- Status