-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Youve made your choice: Gay man posts dads brutal farewell letter disowning him
- Thread starter Gaborn
- Start date
- Status
It's shocking to me that someone can't understand why people take things like this personally. There was a kid in the county I grew up in that got beat up by his father and some of his parishioners in the parking lot of their church because he brought home a boyfriend.
I'm not trying to be angry with you, but it should be clear as to why the language can get a bit heated.
JiuJitsuka
Neo Member
Well yea, that's a good point. How you'd treat the partner, not your son. I guess if the father would have enough courage, he'd simply invite both.
Salvor.Hardin
Banned
Exactly. Regardless of what kind of porn you watch, you're staring at a stranger's dick. And it's not like that dick is an out-of-the-pizza-box surprise. You consciously subject yourself to staring a long hard thrusting cock. Then I assume you masturbate - masturbate to a strange man getting off inside a girl.
If you're this person, then you're being an awful hypocrite when you criticize homosexuality. If you masturbate to non-lesbian porn even once a week, you see at least 52 dicks in a year. That's more dicks than a gay porn star has to look at in at least 3 years of work.
It must be heartbreaking. I can hardly imagine the pressure a gay man or women feels before coming out. Let alone living it... -.-
The reaction from the father, though...remind me again, what commands you to not "love thy neighbours?" What stops you from loving those around you who do not uphold themselves to the same standards that you do? I just do not get this one.
The reaction from the father, though...remind me again, what commands you to not "love thy neighbours?" What stops you from loving those around you who do not uphold themselves to the same standards that you do? I just do not get this one.
So, again, how would YOU react with them?
TheChewyWaffles
Member
If you're referencing back to my original statement, let me just say that it was a sentence or two paraphrase of a longer conversation that I imagine would happen between my son and I were he to give me that news. I will probably not say things in those words. Honestly I'm not sure how I would phrase things, I just know that he will know at the end of it that I love him.
I think some of you honestly just don't want me to give a shit at all. Like if he says "hey dad I'm gay" then I'm supposed to feel nothing, shrug, and say "Hey that's cool, what's for dinner?" I suppose that's one way of handling it. I believe, knowing him at his current age, that if he worked up the courage to tell me then he would want to hear more reassuring words from me.
OriginofHysteria
Banned
Approve or disapprove, the partner is now part of the family and should be treated as such. With that, I would invite said person along with my son over and still treat them the same as if they were a heterosexual couple.
Of course they can, but when someone is under the belief that their child 'wants to be gay' or is 'choosing to be gay' then it probably isn't going to end well. Or not without a lot of hurt being caused first.
Rather different from wanting a boy over a girl, as it sets up a love the child but hate their 'decision'. They will think they are still loving the child, but the child will see it very different as the only decision was to be themselves.
How did you deduce that?
ReBurn
Gold Member
So are you saying that if you've ever seen a penis that isn't your own that you're gay? I don't get what your schtick is about here. Please elaborate.
JeTmAn81
Member
So according to you, looking at a screen with penises on it is what makes you gay. Interesting.
TheKaeptain
Banned
If he does just do what you're supposed to do as a parent. Love and support him. Just like I will do if my son is gay and decides to come out to me. We are parents. It's our job to let them know that everything will be okay and that no matter how much life knocks them down we as parents will be there for them until we die.
JiuJitsuka
Neo Member
haha I don't really know how my personal preferences and what would choices are relevant here. but hypothetically if I were in that case, I'd invite both. I don't want to lose my son.
Perspicacity
Banned
Just wanted to quote this for another page as I think it's the best illustration of why "disapproval" is wrong.
Many of the same points are even used to defend this idea as well "wanting the grandkids to look like us", "not wanting to be singled out for being different", etc.
And for the record I don't think people who would say that they don't approve while still loving the child are bad people, but I do believe that they are woefully misguided and naive to the effects of that statement.
Salvor.Hardin
Banned
No of course it doesn't mean that you're gay. But it clearly means that you don't mind looking at dicks.
Excellent. And THAT I think is the only decent answer. I'm sure a lot of parents have disapproved personally with a lot of choices of partner people have made over the years male or female and for a variety of reasons. That doesn't mean most parents cut people off. Yet it's like pulling teeth to get some people to actually say it when it comes to gay couples.
JiuJitsuka - You made it relevant when you were avoiding the question earlier and defending someone who "disapproved" without explaining what it meant.
ReBurn
Gold Member
Ok, that makes sense I guess.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
Even then... they're still your babies.
Emerson
May contain jokes =>
Sure, but the concept of believing it's a choice to be gay is one I didn't introduce to this discussion and it adds a whole level of idiocy that I'm certainly not going to defend. I'm by no means defending the guy who wrote this letter.
OriginofHysteria
Banned
That's exactly how you're supposed to act, but some people will act in that manner but deep down will have a negative feeling (slight or large) towards it. I think that's how the person you quoted wanted it to come across. Apologies if I'm wrong.
TheChewyWaffles
Member
See, here's the part in the conversation where someone will bold the words I just did and say something like "why do you need to tell them that? Why isn't it ok already?" And the conversation is off on a wild tangent because they want to tear the words out of context. I really wish that would stop.
Edit: Just like thatbox did to me below. Yah, I'm out.
Wait you think procreation is selfish ?
"No present exchanges will be accepted."
I would have written "You can send me presents, that's cool, just don't expect any presents from me!"
That way there's a chance that I'd get presents. The way Dad wrote this means he won't get any presents from his gay son anymore. That's foolish. Everyone wants presents even if they're from a son whose lifestyle choices they have rejected in an overly aggressive manner.
The man is not only a heartless brute but he's also a fool to himself.
The only son I'd disown was one who posted on GAF. I wouldn't tolerate a filthy GAFfer in my house.
I would have written "You can send me presents, that's cool, just don't expect any presents from me!"
That way there's a chance that I'd get presents. The way Dad wrote this means he won't get any presents from his gay son anymore. That's foolish. Everyone wants presents even if they're from a son whose lifestyle choices they have rejected in an overly aggressive manner.
The man is not only a heartless brute but he's also a fool to himself.
The only son I'd disown was one who posted on GAF. I wouldn't tolerate a filthy GAFfer in my house.
It really doesn't.
Emerson
May contain jokes =>
No I don't, I was allowing for the possibility that somebody else would make an argument along these lines:
While it's natural to want offspring or descendants of your own, it's selfish to want to put that desire before the needs of your children (i.e. being gay).
It's an argument I wouldn't agree or disagree with, which is why I said (arguably selfish) in the first place.
I wonder what the rate of conversion is to the same penis lots of times?
Meatspin could have made loads of people gay.
ReBurn
Gold Member
My dad kicked me out of the family because he didn't approve of the woman I married. My wife wouldn't put up with snark from my mom, and I stood up to him over it. We were out of the family for like 3 years until he finally realized he was being stupid and changed his mind.
A lot of parents cut their kids off because of whatever they decide to not approve of. I don't know how someone who is gay feels about it or if it is worse, but it hurts no matter what it is over.
Yeah, I know. But I figured that train was already off the rails.
PhoenixDark
Banned
Unless you're a Jehova's Witness
So porn viewers are the 1%?
I guess playing football makes you gay too b/c they shower in groups sometimes :O.
I didn't realize "shit[ing] up the thread" is asking the same exact question that other people did.
So asking you a question about your beliefs is somehow "having preferences"? I'm trying to tease an opinion out that intrigues me. I'm wondering if this comes from a place where you think that your son has a "preference" for being gay, that's all. But if you want to say "get bent", go ahead.
I know, didn't mean to suggest you had, but the dreaded wants to be gay is already in the thread when talking about the hypothetical situation.
I'm sure it won't be the last either.
I think he means that watching porn where penises are an innate part of show (for most categories) does not create or drive sexual preferences. Home or Hetero, it's in the genes.
I get what you mean. Sex is part empathy and part taking pleasure. By the same token watching, for eg a blowjob vid, people would think of the girl's tongue work and fantasize how it'd feel. By working it backward you'd almost empathize with her ending up in essence giving yourself a blowjob. However, you have to remember the vagina in this picture. There is the penis that goes in the vagina and the other womanly bits that hetero sexual men get off on (in general). Replace her with a man and the whole perception changes blowing fuses within the conservative heterosexuals wound up too tightly due to years of indoctrination.
that's really sad man, I'm sorry to hear it. It definitely does happen in a variety of situations, I just think it's more common with gays than any other single reason statistically.MyAbsolution
Member
Im gunna reference back to your original post that you "dont approve but still love".
While im sure you are right, most parents want some form of preference when having kids; want them to be smart, boy/girl, get a good job, marry someone nice... but ultimately dont you have to accept that they are an individual and whatever makes them happy you should accept and approve regardless?
Lets say your son wanted to become a ballet dancer or an artist because it made him happy. Would you tell him you didn't approve but still love him anyways? Isn't unconditional love supposed to be just that. It isn't your life, or yours to control, so wouldn't you think the best thing for them to hear is that you accept and support them?
"I love you still, but i dont approve" would feel like the most backhanded form of support ever. If my father said that to me, I would feel like utter shit (thank god he didnt).
Rentahamster
Rodent Whores
What a terrible father...
Hopefully they can reconcile someday.
Hopefully they can reconcile someday.
Because it looks like my dad's writing and my dad is left handed.
Similar slant, spacing, mix of capitals and lower case, mix of printing and cursive, and the wide margin on the left of the sheet and minimal margin on the right of the page (and going by the image dimensions it's probably a regular 8.5 x 11 sheet, so no weird cropping going on).
Also I could tell by some of the pixels.
Well that....doesn't make any fucking sense. lol. The fuck?
Its unfortunate that you can't see how your preference, and that alone, causes situations like this. But note that a poster said that hes afraid of coming out to his parents. People are aware of the desires of their parents. Thats what your preference does, makes your loved one afraid of telling you the truth, in fear of your judgment. Sure, keep it to yourself, and never let your children know who you'd rather have them love, I think thats fine if its what you're doing. But why voice it, if its just a mental preference, and not one your child will be aware of.
Will you let them know your preference for them.
TheChewyWaffles
Member
I apologized later in reference to that statement - I took it personally because I felt baited. If you are really interested then I'd be glad to converse. I will take you at your word and assume you are being earnest, so here goes: I do not know whether being gay is a preference or a predisposition. Probably a little bit of both (?) imo. Again, I'm sure many here believe it's the latter than that's fine, I just don't know where I stand on the matter. So by default I'm operating from the "preference" standpoint.
ReBurn
Gold Member
I'm sure you're right. I know if one of my kids were to tell me that they were gay the last thing I would want to do is kick them out of my life. I realized that when my dad died you really don't have enough time with the people you love. Even if you don't agree with everything they do or say, you have to love them.
- Status