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Am I the only one that can't stand cuddling/holding hands/intimacy?

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VegiHam said:
I'd totally hug you back, proudly, in public, cus that I can legitimately claim is just an affectionate display of friendship.
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It's pretty fucking lame that you'd have to even "claim" anything. Society sucks.
 
I hate cuddling (more specifically spooning).

Other signs of affection are cool (hugging, holding hands, kissing).

But I genuinelly hate cuddling, its really awkward to mash your body against another person and stay still in that one set positions for a good period time.

Its just not in me to do that.
 
For me cuddling always leads to sex or more sex. I just can't....
 
I hate being single because it means that I don't have anyone to cuddle and watch movies/TV with, or just cuddle with in bed. It's not even about the sex, which I enjoy.
 
I think it's sweet and pleasant.

However I saw a couple holding hands at a business meeting at E3 and I guess that's where I draw the line.
 
terrisus said:
Agreed.
I could definitely do with more hugs.




And that's my main problem when my wife is actually willing to cuddle - is that she expects sex soon after.
The trade-off just isn't worth it to me, really.
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You are so weird, you don't even like sex if you hold her while having sex?

Is the sex bad? If you can get it up and all that I just don't understand how penetration doesn't feel good to you? are you attracted to your gf?
 
I'm trying to not have threads turn into discussions about me (contrary to what some people seem to think).
PM me if you're curious and I can share whatever.
 
Switch Back 9 said:
Back from dinner, 'twas lovely.

And again, for the upteenth time, I do hold hands, cuddle etc... with my GF because she likes it and I understand that and care enough about her to, as one poster put it, "suck it up". All I'm saying is that personally, I don't enjoy it, and I don't really like being touched or touching other people in general.

When I said I find it "nauseating" when other couples are being super touchy and affectionate in public, I didn't mean it literally makes me sick to my stomach, I was using hyperbole to illustrate the fact that yes, it annoys me for some reason and I dislike it.

I'm not embarrassed to show affection in public, I kiss her frequently and despite what my posts may have implied, I even do it when other people are around. I just don't find the other things- hand holding, cuddling, leaning on each other etc...enjoyable and lack the urge or impulse to do so that many posters feel is a natural, mammalian instinct.

I don't think I suffered an abuse or trauma that made me this way, as I said, my upbringing was pretty great for the most part, I think I might just lack the wiring or gene that causes humans to act this way or get pleasure from it.

To address another point, I don't treat her as a "side chick" or purely an outlet for sexual pleasure. We spend lots of time together doing a variety of activities from fun dates to romantic dinners to camping and travelling. I support her and build her up and all the other important things couples do for one another. Just because I don't enjoy being super touchy and physically intimate the way other people do doesn't mean I treat her poorly.
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Your posts are all over the place. Hate physical contact with anyone else but you still are in a relationship? Someone who actually dislikes physical contact wouldn't be in a relationship. It's like someone who dislikes onions who eats onions: no sense making in the brain.

The worst part about this problem? No one is actually honest about it because we're all afraid of being called pathetic or shy or whatever you think will be said. It sounds like PDA is embarrassing for you. Come on, you give her the D but hand holding is bad? Sounds like the difference is people.
 
I can't stand the lovey dovey shit my family wants to do all the time. It's not because I feel emasculated or because I want to have an air/keep an impression I just can't stand it.

With the ladies I've dated another issue is that I don't mind the lovey dovey stuff in private. In public it bothers me.
 
I'm pretty affectionate so I love them. I only hated it when my ex topples over me when sleeping. I usually woke up with a sleeping arm or leg lol.
 
It doesn't sound like this is something that you really care to change about yourself, but given that you've made this thread, I assume that you have at least some interest in understanding why you feel this way. Now I don't know you, but given how you've mentioned that you view physical intimacy (that isn't sex) as something to be endured and how it's caused issues with your partner, I'm willing to bet that there's some sort of traumatic event that subconsciously affected you in the past, and I think it'd be worth exploring this in a therapeutic setting. Someone mentioned the possibility of aromanticism, but I don't think that's what this is, as an aromantic wouldn't even bother being in a romantic relationship to begin with (unless they were only in it for the sex, but I'm just going to assume that you're not a total psychopath).

You claim that people use physical intimacy as a way of advertising their relationship status. That's, frankly, an incredibly cynical and warped view of what physical affection and, more generally, a romantic relationship. If I were a betting man, I'd put money that there was some event or series of events earlier in your life that caused you to develop this aversion to physical intimacy. If you think these intimacy issues might potentially create a problem in the future, I'd urge you to explore it, preferably with a psychotherapist. To answer your original question, you're not the only one who feels this way; however, generally speaking, people who feel this way have a reason.
 
hiryu64 said:
It doesn't sound like this is something that you really care to change about yourself, but given that you've made this thread, I assume that you have at least some interest in understanding why you feel this way. Now I don't know you, but given how you've mentioned that you view physical intimacy (that isn't sex) as something to be endured and how it's caused issues with your partner, I'm willing to bet that there's some sort of traumatic event that subconsciously affected you in the past, and I think it'd be worth exploring this in a therapeutic setting. Someone mentioned the possibility of aromanticism, but I don't think that's what this is, as an aromantic wouldn't even bother being in a romantic relationship to begin with (unless they were only in it for the sex, but I'm just going to assume that you're not a total psychopath).

You claim that people use physical intimacy as a way of advertising their relationship status. That's, frankly, an incredibly cynical and warped view of what physical affection and, more generally, a romantic relationship. If I were a betting man, I'd put money that there was some event or series of events earlier in your life that caused you to develop this aversion to physical intimacy. If you think these intimacy issues might potentially create a problem in the future, I'd urge you to explore it, preferably with a psychotherapist. To answer your original question, you're not the only one who feels this way; however, generally speaking, people who feel this way have a reason.
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This is seriously a good post. All jokes aside, OP, you should really listen to this and try to get some help for yourself.
 
Cuddling and holding hands is fun. I just really enjoy being in contact with my significant other. I feel bad for your lady friend, and for you, but to each their own.
 
I used to be like you OP. Though a lot of it was to do with being abused, so I couldn't understand how physical contact could be a good thing. All it really took was to let myself truly relax with a girl I loved and I could start to enjoy it, not saying getting there was easy though, took years.
 
Switch Back 9 said:
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against ALL physical contact. I, like most people, enjoy a good, sweaty, aggressive bang. I'm quite sexually active and when it's go time I'm all about it.

But I fucking hate cuddling, and holding hands, and walking arm in arm, and all that nonsense. If we're not fooling around, I don't like being touched. Especially in public...I find it nauseating when I see couples draped all over each other like they'll wither away and die if they aren't touching skin.

Now obviously, this drives my girlfriend nuts and makes her really sad. She's like most women, or humans in general I suppose, and wants lots of physical affection on a regular basis.

But I don't like it, I don't see a reason for it, and it just grates on me to have to do it to make her feel happy and secure.

Am I strange in this respect? Are there others out there like me?
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I believe the reason for it is the same reason you enjoy sexual activity; people find it pleasant. In the same way that sex satisfies some deep need in you, cuddling satisfies a deep need in others.

Neither is inherently reasonable (unless you're procreating, but I sincerely doubt you're having sex and trying to get your girlfriend pregnant), so if you can accept one of these as okay then you should accept the other, even if one of them doesn't happen to ring your bell.
 
terrisus said:
Agreed.
I could definitely do with more hugs.




And that's my main problem when my wife is actually willing to cuddle - is that she expects sex soon after.
The trade-off just isn't worth it to me, really.
Click to expand...
I think I've seen you mention this before, and I'm kind of curious as to why you're not into sex.
 
My wife isn't a big snuggler. I'll spoon her when we're sleeping in, but even that leads to sex half the time. Oh and sometimes she'll prop some pillows up against me on the couch and rest her head on them. And hugs when it's needed (shitty day or some drama, maybe).

Anyway, I think she appreciates that I pay attention to her, try to have actual conversations with her, ask her questions, give her honest answers, etc. Way better than touchy/feely to me.
 
Completely understand (while I may not feel the same). My Graphic Design teacher has the same issue to the point where she doesn't even want to hug her kids/husband. It weirds many people out but I'm used to it at this point.
 
In my part of the world, we are quickly transiting out of cuddle season into "I'm too fucking hot and I'm sweating and no that fan doesn't help so stay on your side of the damn couch" season. But, it will return in October.
 
hiryu64 said:
It doesn't sound like this is something that you really care to change about yourself, but given that you've made this thread, I assume that you have at least some interest in understanding why you feel this way. Now I don't know you, but given how you've mentioned that you view physical intimacy (that isn't sex) as something to be endured and how it's caused issues with your partner, I'm willing to bet that there's some sort of traumatic event that subconsciously affected you in the past, and I think it'd be worth exploring this in a therapeutic setting. Someone mentioned the possibility of aromanticism, but I don't think that's what this is, as an aromantic wouldn't even bother being in a romantic relationship to begin with (unless they were only in it for the sex, but I'm just going to assume that you're not a total psychopath).

You claim that people use physical intimacy as a way of advertising their relationship status. That's, frankly, an incredibly cynical and warped view of what physical affection and, more generally, a romantic relationship. If I were a betting man, I'd put money that there was some event or series of events earlier in your life that caused you to develop this aversion to physical intimacy. If you think these intimacy issues might potentially create a problem in the future, I'd urge you to explore it, preferably with a psychotherapist. To answer your original question, you're not the only one who feels this way; however, generally speaking, people who feel this way have a reason.
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Excellent post.
 
I am usually pouring sweat during and after sex so, no, I don't cuddle. I also last way too long due to delayed ejaculation so I'm just exhausted and don't care for it afterwards.
 
hiryu64 said:
It doesn't sound like this is something that you really care to change about yourself, but given that you've made this thread, I assume that you have at least some interest in understanding why you feel this way. Now I don't know you, but given how you've mentioned that you view physical intimacy (that isn't sex) as something to be endured and how it's caused issues with your partner, I'm willing to bet that there's some sort of traumatic event that subconsciously affected you in the past, and I think it'd be worth exploring this in a therapeutic setting. Someone mentioned the possibility of aromanticism, but I don't think that's what this is, as an aromantic wouldn't even bother being in a romantic relationship to begin with (unless they were only in it for the sex, but I'm just going to assume that you're not a total psychopath).

You claim that people use physical intimacy as a way of advertising their relationship status. That's, frankly, an incredibly cynical and warped view of what physical affection and, more generally, a romantic relationship. If I were a betting man, I'd put money that there was some event or series of events earlier in your life that caused you to develop this aversion to physical intimacy. If you think these intimacy issues might potentially create a problem in the future, I'd urge you to explore it, preferably with a psychotherapist. To answer your original question, you're not the only one who feels this way; however, generally speaking, people who feel this way have a reason.
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Holy shit, disliking intimacy does not indicate traumatic events in one's childhood. I have great parents, I had a great childhood and the rest of my family is incredibly 'huggy'. I, however, hate intimacy. I hate hugging, I hate holding hands and I hate kissing. Now I don't date so I don't know how I feel about sex beyond desiring it on a very basic level but most intimacy does nothing for me and is something I only do because others would be offended if I don't. Is it that unbelievable that someone just doesn't enjoy physical intimacy?
 
Pusherman said:
Holy shit, disliking intimacy does not indicate traumatic events in one's childhood. I have great parents, I had a great childhood and the rest of my family is incredibly 'huggy'. I, however, hate intimacy. I hate hugging, I hate holding hands and I hate kissing. Now I don't date so I don't know how I feel about sex beyond desiring it on a very basic level but most intimacy does nothing for me and is something I only do because others would be offended if I don't. Is it that unbelievable that someone just doesn't enjoy physical intimacy?
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I don't think you read the post carefully enough. He mentions aromantic in there...
 
Pusherman said:
Holy shit, disliking intimacy does not indicate traumatic events in one's childhood. I have great parents, I had a great childhood and the rest of my family is incredibly 'huggy'. I, however, hate intimacy. I hate hugging, I hate holding hands and I hate kissing. Now I don't date so I don't know how I feel about sex beyond desiring it on a very basic level but most intimacy does nothing for me and is something I only do because others would be offended if I don't. Is it that unbelievable that someone just doesn't enjoy physical intimacy?
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The overwhelming majority of intimacy-averse people have reasons for being that way. There have been numerous psychological studies on the effects of various trauma on how people develop attachments to others. You'll notice that I did acknowledge aromanticism, but true aromantics (that is, those who are that way due to biological predetermination before and at birth as opposed to those who develop such tendencies in response to life events) are such a small percentage of the population that I'm comfortable in saying that this is most likely a trauma-related issue borne out of some experience that OP may have subconsciously buried and forgotten about, and that's before getting into some other sentiments he's expressed. You may be an exception--I don't know a thing about you other than what you mentioned--but you can't apply your own situation to the general population, or even the subset that identifies as aromantic, as a whole, or even OP. Maybe OP is, in fact, one of the small percentage of the population who are true aromantics. Look, I don't know the guy, only he does. And if he doesn't, or if he wants to explore a certain facet of himself, then he should do so with the help of a trained professional.

Often when we refuse to ask questions, it's because we don't really want to know the answers, as denial is way safer. I think it's commendable that OP is at least opening the door to these hard questions.
 
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