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Are you the type to defend a stranger in public?
- Thread starter HammerOfThor
- Start date
I have tried to diffuse situations plenty of times. Like gently, Jean-Luc Picard style. I don't make it a habit to defend other adults.
The only time that comes to mind is when I saw some tall, muscular guy trying to wrestle his girlfriend's purse away and, rebuffed, jack slapped her. I stepped in we tussled a bit, but luckily for me he was really drunk so I was able to kind of throw him on the ground - and by that point cops were there (we at the waterfront, cops are all over down there). I had a wicked lump on my head though - like I mentioned that dude was big, one of his wild flailing punches caught me in the side of the head.
The only time that comes to mind is when I saw some tall, muscular guy trying to wrestle his girlfriend's purse away and, rebuffed, jack slapped her. I stepped in we tussled a bit, but luckily for me he was really drunk so I was able to kind of throw him on the ground - and by that point cops were there (we at the waterfront, cops are all over down there). I had a wicked lump on my head though - like I mentioned that dude was big, one of his wild flailing punches caught me in the side of the head.
Nope.
Calling the police is about the most I would do. I am not risking myself to defend a stranger. Besides the whole people being stabbed on the news and all that, I personally know someone who was hospitalized because he tried to stop someone who was beating their girlfriend and child at a party. Worst part about it is the guy got away with hospitalizing the guy because the cops said "both of them were fighting so we would have to charge both".
Calling the police is about the most I would do. I am not risking myself to defend a stranger. Besides the whole people being stabbed on the news and all that, I personally know someone who was hospitalized because he tried to stop someone who was beating their girlfriend and child at a party. Worst part about it is the guy got away with hospitalizing the guy because the cops said "both of them were fighting so we would have to charge both".
I honestly don't know. I'd love to be that kind of person and I can envision myself (in some situations), spouting off without thinking. But, if it was a situation that made me at all frightened for my safety, I absolutely wouldn't risk it. Realistically, I'd probably just comfort the victim afterwards. I've definitely don't that before, when there was a rude customer ahead of me in line. Just a simple: "You're doing an awesome job. That person was crazy," could be enough to help turn their day around, without escalating things with the actual jerk.
TeddyShardik
Banned
I guess people here think the only way to help someone in trouble is being the comic book hero and rush in to beat down the bad guys. Calling attention to the situation, making people around you aware of it and/or calling the cops is already a good step.
Ignoring it and looking the other way is really the worst thing anyone could do.
Edit:Then again, first of all I have no children and don't live in a country where every nutjob could have a gun so maybe my stance would be different if I lived in the US or had kids.
Ignoring it and looking the other way is really the worst thing anyone could do.
Edit:Then again, first of all I have no children and don't live in a country where every nutjob could have a gun so maybe my stance would be different if I lived in the US or had kids.
Mammoth Jones
Member
Yup. I got kids and everyone packing. Not risking it.
TeddyShardik
Banned
Yeah, as I said you can't expect people to put themselves in danger but again, calling the cops or more people from a distance is already a good start to help.
The worst that ever happened to me was a guy pulling a knife on me and getting my arm slashed a bit. But I live in Germany so in the US that may have been a gunshot. I honestly can't really relate to that danger completely so I'm not judging anyone.
Depends on the situation. If its an actual fight (2 guys start it and its clear that its just a normal fight) ill probably just pull out my phone and record it. But if someones getting assaulted or jumped i'll most likely help them, especially if I see a weapon.
Because I do Muay Thai and Sanda I'd feel like i'd have to do something since i'd actually have an idea of how to stop the attack quickly. Even if I mess up somehow and get cut it'll still end alot better than a random guy who has no idea what he's doing trying to help.
It's usually my first reaction to a fight haha. But it would depend on the situation
Because I do Muay Thai and Sanda I'd feel like i'd have to do something since i'd actually have an idea of how to stop the attack quickly. Even if I mess up somehow and get cut it'll still end alot better than a random guy who has no idea what he's doing trying to help.
It's usually my first reaction to a fight haha. But it would depend on the situation
WaterAstro
Member
You have to think objectively. Even if you decide to defend the stranger, are you capable of defending them without being injured yourself?
If you can't guarantee your own safety along with the victim, then you're just adding more work for the police and medical emergencies. All you can really do is call the police and be a witness.
Definitely wouldn't recommend it if you have family depending on your well being.
If you can't guarantee your own safety along with the victim, then you're just adding more work for the police and medical emergencies. All you can really do is call the police and be a witness.
Definitely wouldn't recommend it if you have family depending on your well being.
Soldiussnaku
Member
Yep, done it before and I would do it again. Did it plenty of times in high school and college against bullies, good self defence practice,
Even now being a family man. The family defence is kinda weak imho, since the person being attacked/abused also could have a family. Also you lead by example, like fuck do I want my kids growing up to be self serving, selfish cowards and like helll I'm going to project that across to the, in my words and actions.
Even now being a family man. The family defence is kinda weak imho, since the person being attacked/abused also could have a family. Also you lead by example, like fuck do I want my kids growing up to be self serving, selfish cowards and like helll I'm going to project that across to the, in my words and actions.
This is both incredibly melodramatic and overly reductive. I actually thought the OP might elicit some nice nuanced discussion but geez some people just rush for the extreme positions.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Yeah I've told people to relax a few times in my life for being shitty to someone in public.
I'll never forget a drunk couple outside a bar a few years ago that were arguing and at one point the guy said, "You're getting such a good beating when we get home." I looked at the girl to see if I had missed some kind of fucked up joke between them and she was looking down. I was hammered and flipped out on the dude immediately, asking him what the fuck he was thinking talking like that, especially in public and whether he felt good for beating up a girl. I honestly couldn't believe how nonchalant he was about it; that's what pissed me off the most. A couple of buddies of mine heard me and came outside. We got in his face and he was still mouthing off, but the girl got in a cab by herself while this was going on, then he walked off, still mumbling some shit. What a fucking tool. I obviously don't know what happened after that. I hope she ended up ok.
I'll never forget a drunk couple outside a bar a few years ago that were arguing and at one point the guy said, "You're getting such a good beating when we get home." I looked at the girl to see if I had missed some kind of fucked up joke between them and she was looking down. I was hammered and flipped out on the dude immediately, asking him what the fuck he was thinking talking like that, especially in public and whether he felt good for beating up a girl. I honestly couldn't believe how nonchalant he was about it; that's what pissed me off the most. A couple of buddies of mine heard me and came outside. We got in his face and he was still mouthing off, but the girl got in a cab by herself while this was going on, then he walked off, still mumbling some shit. What a fucking tool. I obviously don't know what happened after that. I hope she ended up ok.
brokenbeans
Banned
Nope.
PandaShake
Member
If it escalates to injuries, I would call police. Otherwise, probably not.
brianjones
Member
nope.. i'm a pussy
Wafflecakes
Member
Depends. If it was some drive by event probably not because it would take me a while to process what is happening.
However, I think I would step in if it continued for more than a minute or two.
However, I think I would step in if it continued for more than a minute or two.
Alter_Fridge
Member
Yeah I did it at the gym actually lel
Zepp Twofist
Member
The bystander effect is named after me. I'm John Bystander.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Its in my nature to help people in trouble out. Usually try to diffuse a situation without resorting to violence. Years bouncing at a nightclub known for having crazy shit go down all the time made me used to the confrontation. Here in Canada its not likely someone is going to pull a gun on you outside of a few neighbourhoods in the big cities.
PersonAndStuff
Member
Probably not. I'm the type of person who wouldn't really notice something was happening until there was a dead guy on the ground.
I'm not going to throw punches at people at the first sign of a disagreement but I try to be brave enough to get between people if there's a good enough reason. Two evenly-matched guys on a night out don't need me to break up their fight. But a few weeks ago, I was walking through the city after leaving work and this white guy in his mid-20s called out to a group of three African kids (maybe 13 or 14yo) and used the N-word, laughing. I live in Australia and that sort of overt racism is pretty rare. Street violence is pretty rare too, so you know you can usually retaliate against this sort of thing. I started after him and the kids followed me.
The kids started heckling him and then he turned around and looked like he wanted to fight at first. I swallowed whatever kind of apprehension I had about the fact that he might take a swing. I now accept the reason he didn't punch me was probably because I was in a suit. I pointed my finger in his face and shouted straight at him, 'what did you say?' He was so smug when he said, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' I just saw red. I started shouting at him that he was a racist, he was disgusting, he should pack up his shit and leave because Australia isn't a place where you can say that shit, etc. He was at least visibly embarrassed by being called out, so I suppose that's good.
In the end, the people watching on probably had more questions about me than they did about him but the kids were pretty thrilled that a white Australian had actually visibly and publicly opposed racism (lol white saviour fantasy). Even though you wouldn't see someone being vocally racist here very often, you also don't see people being vocally anti-racist very often. It's a weird culture.
The kids started heckling him and then he turned around and looked like he wanted to fight at first. I swallowed whatever kind of apprehension I had about the fact that he might take a swing. I now accept the reason he didn't punch me was probably because I was in a suit. I pointed my finger in his face and shouted straight at him, 'what did you say?' He was so smug when he said, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' I just saw red. I started shouting at him that he was a racist, he was disgusting, he should pack up his shit and leave because Australia isn't a place where you can say that shit, etc. He was at least visibly embarrassed by being called out, so I suppose that's good.
In the end, the people watching on probably had more questions about me than they did about him but the kids were pretty thrilled that a white Australian had actually visibly and publicly opposed racism (lol white saviour fantasy). Even though you wouldn't see someone being vocally racist here very often, you also don't see people being vocally anti-racist very often. It's a weird culture.
Gravy Boat
Member
I've got my ass kicked when trying to stop a stranger getting their ass kicked. If I see a fight or something happening I can't stop myself from trying to break it up. I'm not a fighter myself, and I have the strength of about 4 harnessed children, but I'm pretty fearless when it comes to things like that. Same if I hear someone being openly racist towards another person, I'll call them out on that shit. I feel like more people need to get involved when bad stuff is going down.
I saw a guy grabbing girls' butts at a university party. I told him to stop it but he wouldn't listen. I went up to him, tapped his shoulder and told him to stop right now. He looked at me, shoved me against the wall and told me never to touch him again. I told him he was sexually harassing girls, and that he needed to stop right now. He was drunk and he wanted to kick my ass. His friend tried to stop him, and he kept telling him he would get into trouble and that they had to leave. I told him if he kept pushing me I would have to defend myself.
Luckily, security got there before anything bad happened to me, because some of the girls went and told security about the guy. I just stood there and got pushed around and I didn't even need to fight him or anything. I probably would have gotten my ass kicked. The girls thanked me, I went home and ate pizza
I would probably defend a stranger in public again, even if it meant getting my ass kicked. (Plus, I have a baby teeth with no adult teeth underneath, which means it will fall one day and leave a hole. It costs 3000$ to have it filled. However, if it falls due to someone punching me in the face, it'll be free. So yeah)
Luckily, security got there before anything bad happened to me, because some of the girls went and told security about the guy. I just stood there and got pushed around and I didn't even need to fight him or anything. I probably would have gotten my ass kicked. The girls thanked me, I went home and ate pizza
I would probably defend a stranger in public again, even if it meant getting my ass kicked. (Plus, I have a baby teeth with no adult teeth underneath, which means it will fall one day and leave a hole. It costs 3000$ to have it filled. However, if it falls due to someone punching me in the face, it'll be free. So yeah)
Yeah you really don't know how crazy/dangerous some people are, but helping out is in our nature so we just do it without thinking sometimes.
I'm lucky that I never got seriously injured, but a friend was intervening one time when this dude attacked him with a car jack. Ended up with a few broken fingers and several bruises.
MeatGrinder
Member
I once defended a woman getting beaten by her BF in the central station. I went up there and confronted him while she escaped. I was so scared that he would beat my teeth out. The funny thing is, that he started crying at told me she's a drug addict and she just took a lot of shit.
I didn't know if he was lying or telling the truth.
I didn't know if he was lying or telling the truth.
DiipuSurotu
Banned
If you intervene try to get other people involved like at least telling them to call the police or an ambulance or whatever is relevant. The more people intervene the more the bystander effect dissipates.
velociraptor
Junior Member
Not in America. You'll probably get shot to dead.
I'm also not the tallest person out there so that probably discounts against me.
I'm also not the tallest person out there so that probably discounts against me.
thelatestmodel
Junior, please.
Depends on the situation. I'm a big dude, a 6'5" hockey player, and I know I can handle myself in a fight. But I want to do what's right.
If I can be absolutely sure that someone needs help, and I'm pretty sure I understand what I'm seeing in front of me, then yes, I'll jump in and defend.
The bit I struggle with is deciding if it's my business to get involved. Thankfully it's only happened like twice in my life.
If I can be absolutely sure that someone needs help, and I'm pretty sure I understand what I'm seeing in front of me, then yes, I'll jump in and defend.
The bit I struggle with is deciding if it's my business to get involved. Thankfully it's only happened like twice in my life.
Shadow Puppetry
Member
Physically, yes. Verbally, no. It's none of my business.
I'm not about to put my life at risk needlessly, but it entirely depends on the situation, and how well I can read the attacker(s). There's no point if my intervention would mean I'm lying there getting beat beside you. Verbal abuse? I will probably just walk away. There are some fucking crazy people out there, and life can be taken from you in an instant.
Yeah, I am, and I've had some close calls because of it. I am in no way a good fighter, but I hate seeing people bully other people, and self-preservation tends to go out the window when I do... Most recent incident was a bunch of incredibly huge, ripped guys catcalling a woman. I damn near got my head punched off my shoulders, lol.
I live in Portland and the recent terrorist stabbing was really scary, not just because of the Islamophobia, but because I could have easily been one of the men who got stabbed. I take that train all the time.
I live in Portland and the recent terrorist stabbing was really scary, not just because of the Islamophobia, but because I could have easily been one of the men who got stabbed. I take that train all the time.
I used to as a kid. Many times. Got bullied pretty hard for it since the bullies started to bully me instead.
I used to be the kind of guy who would have said "yes" to this question without hesitation. Now though? I'm not sure. Way too many guys are suddenly carrying knives. It's fucking scary how many has a knife. I've read many cases where a bystander helps someone being hurt, only for the assailant to not just push or shove the good samaritan, but going from 1 to 11 in a heartbeat, taking out a knife and going instantly for the kill on the good samaritan. That is fucking scary. I can imagine a scenario where I help a person who is getting physically assaulted by another person and you know, punches are exchanged etc. Standard stuff. But for some reason the aggressor is a major class fucko and instead decides to escalate things from a simple street fight to a murder without batting an eye and then you're dead, your dreams and ambitions are dead, just because you wanted to help.
I used to be the kind of guy who would have said "yes" to this question without hesitation. Now though? I'm not sure. Way too many guys are suddenly carrying knives. It's fucking scary how many has a knife. I've read many cases where a bystander helps someone being hurt, only for the assailant to not just push or shove the good samaritan, but going from 1 to 11 in a heartbeat, taking out a knife and going instantly for the kill on the good samaritan. That is fucking scary. I can imagine a scenario where I help a person who is getting physically assaulted by another person and you know, punches are exchanged etc. Standard stuff. But for some reason the aggressor is a major class fucko and instead decides to escalate things from a simple street fight to a murder without batting an eye and then you're dead, your dreams and ambitions are dead, just because you wanted to help.