Times change I guess.
My father was a traditionalist with a twist, he'd not only expect the conversation - if it didn't happen voluntarily he forced it by inviting the
victim prospective son/daughter-in-law to an interview where, in his twinkling not-sure-if-serious way he would quiz them on everything from the population of their home town to the performing talents. the all of us would (mum, dad, their 5 children and the victim) would sit down to dinner and hold a mock board meeting discussing the merits/demerits of the proposed marriage and of course all voting in favour at the end. Made it a bit uncomfortable for the victim at the start, but it broke the ice brilliantly. We're all still happily married 20-25 years on.
In my turn I'm a lot more laid back about it. I don't expect to be asked permission - it doesn't matter whether you do that or ask a blessing or just announce your intentions. What is important to me is that whatever you do, you do it face to face and we have a proper talk.
? You do it out of respect because it's a tradition that they appreciate and because the reality is that in most cases, your spouse's parents become a part of your life in some way, so you want to help create a good relationship between them and you.
It's not about whether you "believe in it" or not.
This. Plus there's the practical side that sometime in the future you might
need your parents-in-laws support, and it is likely (if it happens) to be when something's gone wrong - serious illness, children problems, financial, whatever. It's easier to discuss that sort of stressful stuff if you've already had one uncomfortable conversation with them.
When I went to her house, I called ahead and said I wanted to talk to both of them about something. We'd been together for a long ass time so they pretty much knew what was up.
I sat down with both of them in the family, we made small talk for 15-20 minutes and then her dad said "Well...I know you didn't come over here to make chit-chat..so...?" And I dropped into it. Little speech about how I loved their daughter and would greatly appreciate their blessing of our marriage.
Her mom was beaming the whole time, her dad greatly appreciated the gesture. Of course they said yes and I went on my merry way and proposed to my wife on a dinner cruise in NYC.
Before this I hardly talked to them at length. It was a great thing to do and helped pave the way for our future relationship.
This is exactly why you do it.
I think it depends on what culture the father comes from.
I proposed to my missus last year and her dad is from Peru and he raised her by himself since she was was 8 yrs old when her mother passed away.
Now I grew up thinking I probably wouldn't have asked the parents of a girl who comes from a westernised family, but i think with other cultures it carries that much more significance if you do. We're paying for our wedding so it wasn't to score a freebie or anything like that.
We had talked about getting married before I proposed so she had an inkling it was coming (but didn't know when) and she suggested it was be appreciated if I did so, so I did.
It was relatively painless for me (short of arranging a time to meet up without her knowing).
Called to meet up with the dad after work while she was out at a work function, went to dinner with him came back to his place and told him "As you know I am in love in with your daughter and that I would appreciate your blessing in us getting married".
His response: "About time!" lol. He later said to my fiance that I respected him more than she does heh.
And this is exactly the right way to do it.
Sure, it is an antiquated tradition that goes way back to when people married a lot younger and there were dowries and stuff involved (there still is in some places), but it is still a nice thing to do.
