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Awkward moments/conversations with your mom or dad?

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A few years ago I had weird internet contact with this girl with whom I talked about sex a lot, met up with her once, all without my parents knowing. That was until I told my mom about her and she decided without me knowing to read my IM logs. Those were embarassing to say the least. We had a horrible, horrible talk that same evening, with a lot of tears on her side. Never talked to or seen the girl after that, I'm glad all this happened. Probably would've gone the wrong way.
 
When I was 14 my Dad thought I still knew nothing about sex. He then bought a book about sex for me. However, it wasn't just any book. It was a fucking picture book with "For ages 3-5" on the cover. There were sperm dressed up in tuxedo's dancing on the back cover. When he handed it to me I was just thinking "You got to be fucking kidding me".
 
whatsinaname said:
Have you ever considered the idea that it could have been your mom deleting both folders?
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m-night-shyamalan.jpg


This thread is great, wish I had something to add.
 
thespot84 said:
More funny than awkward, but the rents are cool...

1. My mom taught middle school health, as a preface. I was 12, and she asked me at the behest of my brothers if i knew what "oral sex" was. I answered: "what, like a blow job?"

2. I had a bunch of friend over in high school and we were in my basement, playin poker and watching porn. I was on the couch with my back to the stairs, and I see people look at the stairs and all the color starts draining from their faces. I turn around and my dad is standing there. He calls me over seriously: "What is that?" I said...."uh....a porno?". "No, I mean which one?" He says. I tell him the title. "Oh, haven't seen it" and turns around and walks upstairs.

3. Watching sex and the city with the parents during dinner. One of the girls makes a comment about a pearl necklace, so my mom turns to me and says "What's a pearl necklace". I pulled a Costanza, got up, said "I'M OUT!" and left it for my dad to explain. That's what marriage is for, not parenthood.
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:lol Your parents sound awesome.
 
Im adopted (inter country adoption when I was 2 months old) and it seems that whenever mum is meeting one of my friends for the first time, she always brings up that she breastfed me when I was a baby.

Most people are pretty grossed out about it and/or dont know what to say.

The other awkward moment was not with my parents but with a mate of mine's dad. Me and another mate were around at this guys house getting drunk. The guy whose house it was passed out and me and the other guy went looking through his house to see if we could find some more alcohol. We ended up finding his dad's stash - porn and weed. We started to smoke the weed and then the dad came home and found us with his pipe. Was awkward at first cause he knew we also must have seen his porn stash as well (which was pretty tame). We ended up getting stoned with this guy's dad and he has never found out about it. He doesnt even think his dad smokes!
 
Oh god there's so many... I can't even pick a favorite.

One time, I think I was fourteen, my parents and my sisters said they were going to the movies. I was hanging out with my boy Dan, and I of course said I didn't want to go. Because I wanted to get stoned instead. So there we were, chilling inside my room... smoking up and blowing the smoke out of the window. Not more than twenty minutes into this process, my parents car pulls back into the drive way. My head was still stuck out the window blowing smoke. I dodge back in (hitting my head on the window bottom) and lock my door, turn on the TV and get real quiet. Dan is sitting there like "holy shit dude holy shit" on repeat.

Apparently, the movie they wanted wasn't playing at the theatre nearby. As soon as my mom shuts the door, not a second into her ascent up the stairs, I hear "CHRIS!? WHAT IS THAT SMELL!? I AM NOT STUPID I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!" Soon thereafter, loud knocking on my door. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Nothing ma, you're imagining things. I don't smell anything."

After going back and forth for a few minutes, she leaves from the door and things get quiet. We both calm down. Then my mom calls out "guys, I made dinner. It's really good!"

Dan looks at me with some crazed look in his eyes. "Dude, I am hungry as fuck. Let's go eat."

Suspicious, I refuse. "I am too fucked up to act in front of my mom, and this is weird. Nah, fuck that."

Dan creeks the door open and disappears down the hallway and into the kitchen. "Thanks Mrs. G! This tastes so good wow." My ear is pressed against the door, listening. I'm in full paranoia mode. I can hear her sly, sarcastic responses. "oh, I BET it tastes good Dan. I bet it does."

The temptation! Oh God! I can't resist the temptation! I'm so hungry! Fuck me... I can practically taste the delicious food. I rush around the room and hide the remaining weed in my sneaker and shove it in the closet.

"I think I'll have a bite to eat too Ma."
"Oh sure, eat up! It's still warm. After dinner you guys can go downstairs and play the N64 if you want, but don't disturb your father."

After dinner, we forget about the incident. Then me and Dan go downstairs to play N64. Less than ten minutes in, I hear footsteps by the staircase.

"Hey honey, I have something to show you! Dan you can come too."
"Oh ok!" What I really meant, of course, was 'oh shit.'

As soon as I look up to see her shadow shrouded face, the weed bag is dangling from her hand.

"Wipe that look of surprise off your face. I found it. You need to be a better sneak."

Now normally, this conversation wouldn't have been too awkward... except she invited my friend Dan to also have this conversation. Since my mom is a Jehovah's Witness, this entailed literally over an hour of biblical teaching of God's word on the subject, followed by awkward silences and even more awkward debate over "how [she is] going to break the news to [Dan's] mom."

Needless to say, it was awkward as fuck. She eventually decided she wasn't going to tell my friend Dan's mom, which Dan felt was cool... but was probably a bad idea considering where our friendship went from there drug-wise :lol

But anyway yeah. Awkward.
 
Amir0x said:
Oh god there's so many... I can't even pick a favorite.

One time, I think I was fourteen, my parents and my sisters said they were going to the movies. I was hanging out with my boy Dan, and I of course said I didn't want to go. Because I wanted to get stoned instead. So there we were, chilling inside my room... smoking up and blowing the smoke out of the window. Not more than twenty minutes into this process, my parents car pulls back into the drive way. My head was still stuck out the window blowing smoke. I dodge back in (hitting my head on the window bottom) and lock my door, turn on the TV and get real quiet. Dan is sitting there like "holy shit dude holy shit" on repeat.

Apparently, the movie they wanted wasn't playing at the theatre nearby. As soon as my mom shuts the door, not a second into her ascent up the stairs, I hear "CHRIS!? WHAT IS THAT SMELL!? I AM NOT STUPID I KNOW WHAT THAT IS!" Soon thereafter, loud knocking on my door. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Nothing ma, you're imagining things. I don't smell anything."

After going back and forth for a few minutes, she leaves from the door and things get quiet. We both calm down. Then my mom calls out "guys, I made dinner. It's really good!"

Dan looks at me with some crazed look in his eyes. "Dude, I am hungry as fuck. Let's go eat."

Suspicious, I refuse. "I am too fucked up to act in front of my mom, and this is weird. Nah, fuck that."

Dan creeks the door open and disappears down the hallway and into the kitchen. "Thanks Mrs. G! This tastes so good wow." My ear is pressed against the door, listening. I'm in full paranoia mode. I can hear her sly, sarcastic responses. "oh, I BET it tastes good Dan. I bet it does."

The temptation! Oh God! I can't resist the temptation! I'm so hungry! Fuck me... I can practically taste the delicious food. I rush around the room and hide the remaining weed in my sneaker and shove it in the closet.

"I think I'll have a bite to eat too Ma."
"Oh sure, eat up! It's still warm. After dinner you guys can go downstairs and play the N64 if you want, but don't disturb your father."

After dinner, we forget about the incident. Then me and Dan go downstairs to play N64. Less than ten minutes in, I hear footsteps by the staircase.

"Hey honey, I have something to show you! Dan you can come too."
"Oh ok!" What I really meant, of course, was 'oh shit.'

As soon as I look up to see her shadow shrouded face, the weed bag is dangling from her hand.

"Wipe that look of surprise off your face. I found it. You need to be a better sneak."

Now normally, this conversation wouldn't have been too awkward... except she invited my friend Dan to also have this conversation. Since my mom is a Jehovah's Witness, this entailed literally over an hour of biblical teaching of God's word on the subject, followed by awkward silences and even more awkward debate over "how [she is] going to break the news to [Dan's] mom."

Needless to say, it was awkward as fuck. She eventually decided she wasn't going to tell my friend Dan's mom, which Dan felt was cool... but was probably a bad idea considering where our friendship went from there drug-wise :lol

But anyway yeah. Awkward.
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Did you find out where she threw away the weed and try to get it back?
 
Grade 9 in high school, I went to my moms place for lunch because it was close by. I don't remember how it came up but she out right asked me if I'm interested in guys and that there is nothing wrong with being gay.

I don't really remember the conversation to recite it here but it was definitely awkward. Her excuse was that she knew I haven't had a gf yet at this point and that she had asked all of us that. I'm the youngest of 4 boys.

Shes really cool though. Super easy to talk to about anything. Very open minded and understanding.
 
Angry Grimace said:
Did you find out where she threw away the weed and try to get it back?
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I didn't need to find out because she did the ol' flush it down the toilet right in front of me routine. It happened at the end of the conversation, and she's like "well I guess it's time to get rid of this weed. We won't tell your Dad." And I'm all "OK I SWEAR I WONT SMOKE AFTER THAT BAG JUST DONT DO IT IT COST ME THIRTY BU--" *flusH*
 
every time my mom talks to me about going to church. extremely awkward every single time because I'm simply not into that sort of thing. and this happens every time I talk to her. needless to say, I kind of try avoiding conversations with her altogether because it's all she wants to talk about. and I love my mom a lot. it really sucks. thanks jesus.
 
Amir0x said:
I didn't need to find out because she did the ol' flush it down the toilet right in front of me routine. It happened at the end of the conversation, and she's like "well I guess it's time to get rid of this weed. We won't tell your Dad." And I'm all "OK I SWEAR I WONT SMOKE AFTER THAT BAG JUST DONT DO IT IT COST ME THIRTY BU--" *flusH*
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"I'm going to make you smoke all the weed in the house."

Whatever happened those days? :lol
 
Running into your house to ask your mam to confirm to your friend that 'women have 3 holes down there.' At the time all I cared about was being right, a few days later I couldn't look her in the eye.

Curiosity of kids, eh.
 
Hmm, I told my parents (Mormon) that I was cool with gay people and that I believed gay marriage should be 100% legal.

Didn't go over well, and now they (probably) think I'm gay, since I don't have a GF. :\ Despite the fact that I jerk off to purely hetero porn once a night. Though, they've never caught me... kekeke

edit: Oh yeah, I'm also an alcoholic, and have no end of discussion with my family about it, and the dumb things I've done while drunk.
 
This happened earlier this year and I wasn't aware of it.

So I keep MSN on auto-sign in, and one day my mother decides to use my computer to check her emails (I know it's her, because my dad doesn't use computers). Apparently this girl I was involved with at the time messaged my account with "Hey baby, you ready for tonight? Got the condoms?". That night I said I was going to a friend's house to study for a test, my parents said I could study at home, and didn't let me go (I tried the whole, "But they have some notes I don't" bull). The next day I was confronted by this girl and she asked why I ignored her on MSN, I said I wasn't even on last night. Then I put two and two together.

I'd hate to be my mom in that situation.
 
John Dunbar said:
Can't think of many. My mom did tell me I was an accident, but I sort of knew.
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Don't say that man, the fact they decided to keep you in the end means you were no "accident".
 
ronito said:
Oh man I remember that, I mean who hasn't had that tal..wait, what?
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Yup. I was watching an episode of Golden Girls and for some reason I started to think about sex. I tried finding something with a hole in it, but the only thing I could find was my dead rabbit still lying inside a box out in the back porch. I started to examine the rabbit and as I pulled my pants down, my mother came rushing to the back freaking out. I just told her that TV said if you peed on the rabbit, it would come back to life.
 
Jason's Ultimatum said:
Yup. I was watching an episode of Golden Girls and for some reason I started to think about sex. I tried finding something with a hole in it, but the only thing I could find was my dead rabbit still lying inside a box out in the back porch. I started to examine the rabbit and as I pulled my pants down, my mother came rushing freaking out.
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uh










*cough*

HouseWelp.gif
 
My mom and I had a strange conversation about Rap music once...she said that "they just sound to angry! if only people loved them." I was trying to tell her it was a legitimate form of music but to no avail

she was also pretty drunk
 
I've git several of the usual sex talk and busted with weed and walking in on my parents having sex but the most disturbing one I can remember is this.

One day of an NES marathon of playing Willow, I had to piss really bad. You know the type, where you hold it about two hours longer than you should because you just don't want to stop playing and get up. Well it brewed to the point I had pains in my stomach and when I got up to finally go, I couldn't stand up straight.

So I shuffle down the hallway looking like quasimodo hunched over and I got to the bathroom and rushed in. Relief was almost there I thought. Upon realizing that the bathroom light was on, everything began to move in slow motion.
I looked over to the toilet and much to my horror I see my mom leaning up on one ass cheek to wipe her pussy after taking a piss. She looked over at me and didn't say a word. Instead, she stood up, pulling up her pants, completely exposing her 70's bush. She then left the bathroom and told me "there ya go its all yours".

That abruptly ended my videogame marathon for the day, and I never went back to playing Willow ever again. All I could think about was Pussy Willow after that and couldn't touch it.
 
Jason's Ultimatum said:
Yup. I was watching an episode of Golden Girls and for some reason I started to think about sex. I tried finding something with a hole in it, but the only thing I could find was my dead rabbit still lying inside a box out in the back porch. I started to examine the rabbit and as I pulled my pants down, my mother came rushing to the back freaking out. I just told her that TV said if you peed on the rabbit, it would come back to life.
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Golden Girls gave it away.
 
Ha, this happened last weekend while I was home.

"So, you've been living in NYC for almost a year, have you found a church to go to yet?"

"Nope."

That was the end of the conversation, thankfully. I think my parents know not push anymore lest they shatter the illusion they have of me that doesn't drink, swear or have sex. I feel kind of bad for them in their denial but whatever. Oh, and I haven't "gone to church" in almost five years.
 
Zilch said:
Ha, this happened last weekend while I was home.

"So, you've been living in NYC for almost a year, have you found a church to go to yet?"

"Nope."

That was the end of the conversation, thankfully. I think my parents know not push anymore lest they shatter the illusion they have of me that doesn't drink, swear or have sex. I feel kind of bad for them in their denial but whatever. Oh, and I haven't "gone to church" in almost five years.
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That makes it sound like an innuendo to me :lol
Prostitutes

And 30$ weed at the age of 14 Amir0x? smh :)
 
I was watching porn one night probably in middle school. My mom walks in to say good night and I'm like mom get out I'm watching porn without even thinking, in just a casual tone. my mom just said alright see you in the morning and walked out. never mentioned it again:lol :lol
 
Oh god, so many. The few I recall reasonably well...

When I was about 16 my parents would routinely ask me if I was gay and reassure me over and over that it was ok and I didn't need to feel ashamed. I'm not gay, but I guess I can see why they might have thought I was.

When I was 17 I went to my first music festival, just before I leave my dad took me aside and said quietly, "I want to give you some advice, if you're going to a festival, do whatever you want, but please don't take acid. A field full of thousands of tents is the worst place to have a bad trip." I pretty much only smoked weed at the time and didn't dabble in anything stronger until a few years later, so all I could do was say ok, thank him and try not to look too weirded out. For the record this is the only father/son advice he has ever given me :lol

When I was about 18 I had been smoking weed all day long at college only to find out when I got home that it was extended family dinner time! I had to sit at the table full of all my relatives trying to look casual. Eventually my mum leant over and whispered to me "you could at least try to not look stoned, stop leaning on the cabinet!" I had been literally slouched over this dining room cabinet that was next to the dinner table and hadn't even realised...

Good times. My family was pretty cool in retrospect.
 
Trying to explain to my mom why my girlfriend was screaming about not wanting a abortion.

Oh that was a crazy weekend.
 
I got circumsized recently, had a lot of talks about my penis with my mom.

I'll post a thread of gaf about my experiences to start some healthy discussion on the issue as I'm still recovering and want to be able to tell a full glorious tale.
 
Dipper145 said:
I got circumsized recently, had a lot of talks about my penis with my mom.

I'll post a thread of gaf about my experiences to start some healthy discussion on the issue as I'm still recovering and want to be able to tell a full glorious tale.
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That isn't going to happen
 
mom: "Why don't you go to the church's youth group tonight and meet up with some girls there?"
me: "Nah mom. I'm good."
mom: "Well you're not going to meet any nice girls anywhere else. There's only three places you could potentially meet girls, at church, at BJU, or at bars and you're sure as hell not going to date some bar skank."
me: "...I'm pretty sure those aren't the only places to meet girls, mom."

-------

dad: "Son, you don't seem to be your chipper self anymore. What's bothering you?"
me: "Well its kind of hard to be happy when I have male pattern baldness at such a relatively young age."
dad: "There's nothing wrong with the way you look, son. You need to stop obsessing over your hair loss."
me: "Well at least let me shave my remaining hair all off. It'll probably look better that way."
and it does
dad: "No. You'll look like a neo-Nazi or a cancer patient."
me: "fine..."
dad: "Don't be sarcastic with me. You know, if you don't change your attitude I might have to schedule you with a psychiatrist."
me: "That won't be necessary..."
dad: "Well I can tell that there is something definitely wrong with you at an emotional and spiritual level. Satan has probably been feeding you lies about yourself and you need some kind of help."
me: "err.... I don't think Satan is the problem, dad."
 
Minamu said:
And 30$ weed at the age of 14 Amir0x? smh :)
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that is pretty tame compared to what other shit I shortly got into at that point in my life, or the money I ended up spending. $600 in a weekend and shit :lol
 
came home drunk with girlfriend, no car in the driveway = no parents home = loud drunk sex.
get up in the morning, still no car in the driveway but Mum is home - car was getting serviced :(

I was actually ashamed :lol
 
Atramental said:
mom: "Why don't you go to the church's youth group tonight and meet up with some girls there?"
me: "Nah mom. I'm good."
mom: "Well you're not going to meet any nice girls anywhere else. There's only three places you could potentially meet girls, at church, at BJU, or at bars and you're sure as hell not going to date some bar skank."
me: "...I'm pretty sure those aren't the only places to meet girls, mom."

-------

dad: "Son, you don't seem to be your chipper self anymore. What's bothering you?"
me: "Well its kind of hard to be happy when I have male pattern baldness at such a relatively young age."
dad: "There's nothing wrong with the way you look, son. You need to stop obsessing over your hair loss."
me: "Well at least let me shave my remaining hair all off. It'll probably look better that way."
and it does
dad: "No. You'll look like a neo-Nazi or a cancer patient."
me: "fine..."
dad: "Don't be sarcastic with me. You know, if you don't change your attitude I might have to schedule you with a psychiatrist."
me: "That won't be necessary..."
dad: "Well I can tell that there is something definitely wrong with you at an emotional and spiritual level. Satan has probably been feeding you lies about yourself and you need some kind of help."
me: "err.... I don't think Satan is the problem, dad."
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I bet you listened to evil backmasked cassettes too! Repent!
 
when i was like 21 or so, i was staying at my moms who lives in a different part of the country. I was talking to some chick online on my mom's computer, and she was sending me some naughty pics. She told me to send some, so I did. Like me pulling down my pants with and ass shot, and a front pube shot etc. No dick though as far as I can recall. Well, I deleted the pics off the HD (or so I thought). About 6 months later I get a personalized birthday card from my mom. It was the naked pics I sent to the chick all over the fucking card, complete with captions like, "I used to powder that butt!" and "Who do you think you're trying to impress?" Oh man. She told me her brother (my uncle) found them on the computer when cleaning it out. And also, I'm pretty sure she had help making that card so I dunno who else was involved. I got owned by my mom.
 
Lkr said:
I was watching porn one night probably in middle school. My mom walks in to say good night and I'm like mom get out I'm watching porn without even thinking, in just a casual tone. my mom just said alright see you in the morning and walked out. never mentioned it again:lol :lol
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:lol :lol :lol

best one
 
LizardKing said:
when i was like 21 or so, i was staying at my moms who lives in a different part of the country. I was talking to some chick online on my mom's computer, and she was sending me some naughty pics. She told me to send some, so I did. Like me pulling down my pants with and ass shot, and a front pube shot etc. No dick though as far as I can recall. Well, I deleted the pics off the HD (or so I thought). About 6 months later I get a personalized birthday card from my mom. It was the naked pics I sent to the chick all over the fucking card, complete with captions like, "I used to powder that butt!" and "Who do you think you're trying to impress?" Oh man. She told me her brother (my uncle) found them on the computer when cleaning it out. And also, I'm pretty sure she had help making that card so I dunno who else was involved. I got owned by my mom.
Click to expand...

Hahaha... amazing.
 
Well it wasn't really my mom but there's a lady I work with who's kind of adopted me since I live so far from home. She does stuff like bakes cakes for me and invites me to spend time with her family during holidays when i can't get home so I'm pretty close to her. Anyway, one day she brings me her personal laptop because she says she can't get it to start. I fix it without too much trouble but my coworker insists that I should do an image search on it before she gets back. I usually would never do that, invade someone's privacy, but she's so prim and proper I was sure that we wouldn't find anything.

Well, the laptop was filled to the gills with chicks with dicks porn, like tons and tons of it. We both sat there stunned as I scrolled through some of it, in total disbelief at how much of it there was. I shut down the laptop and she came back to pick it up a little bit later with a hearty thanks. I wanted to ask her if it really was her laptop or if it belonged to some other friend or family member but I couldn't gather the courage. Things are still really akward between us but I don't think she knows why :(
 
Atramental said:
dad: "Son, you don't seem to be your chipper self anymore. What's bothering you?"
me: "Well its kind of hard to be happy when I have male pattern baldness at such a relatively young age."
dad: "There's nothing wrong with the way you look, son. You need to stop obsessing over your hair loss."
me: "Well at least let me shave my remaining hair all off. It'll probably look better that way."
and it does
dad: "No. You'll look like a neo-Nazi or a cancer patient."
me: "fine..."
dad: "Don't be sarcastic with me. You know, if you don't change your attitude I might have to schedule you with a psychiatrist."
me: "That won't be necessary..."
dad: "Well I can tell that there is something definitely wrong with you at an emotional and spiritual level. Satan has probably been feeding you lies about yourself and you need some kind of help."
me: "err.... I don't think Satan is the problem, dad."
Click to expand...
sgjpmb.jpg
 
LizardKing said:
"I used to powder that butt!" and "Who do you think you're trying to impress?" Oh man. She told me her brother (my uncle) found them on the computer when cleaning it out. And also, I'm pretty sure she had help making that card so I dunno who else was involved. I got owned by my mom.
Click to expand...

:lol Talk about awkward
 
About...30 seconds after my GF gave me a BJ and lets just say the stuff was pretty much everywhere my mother came into my bedroom(had never happened before) and asked if I had the TV remote. She saw us and turned around without another word.

The next day my mom said only one sentence to me. "I am not cleaning your bedroom anymore."
 
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