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Awkward moments/conversations with your mom or dad?

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Oh wait i have another awkward moment with my mom. A few years ago (I was like 24), I went out to see her and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend knows this woman who owns a strip club. So one night we all (me, my mom, my bro, my moms bf, strip club owner, her husband) hopped in my moms bfs limo and went to the strip club to get fucked up. Sounded like a fine idea at the time. While we were there they stopped the show and had me and my bro get on stage on the chairs while the girls danced on us. Then my moms drunk ass got on stage and started dancing on the pole behind us. I saw everyone yelling and starting to get all crazy. I turn around and she has her shirt off (but bra on). All I could do was plead with everyone not to tell her to take the bra off. I don't think she did, but I didn't turn around again.
 
Oh man.. got caught masturbating. I remember locking the door but the lock didn't catch. I was wanking it hard when I heard the door open. All I could do is freeze with my dick in my hand looking back at the door in horror.
She said something like "lock the damn door"
of course after she left I finished.
It was the most awkward masturbation I ever had.
 
Atramental said:
mom: "Why don't you go to the church's youth group tonight and meet up with some girls there?"
me: "Nah mom. I'm good."
mom: "Well you're not going to meet any nice girls anywhere else. There's only three places you could potentially meet girls, at church, at BJU, or at bars and you're sure as hell not going to date some bar skank."
me: "...I'm pretty sure those aren't the only places to meet girls, mom."

-------

dad: "Son, you don't seem to be your chipper self anymore. What's bothering you?"
me: "Well its kind of hard to be happy when I have male pattern baldness at such a relatively young age."
dad: "There's nothing wrong with the way you look, son. You need to stop obsessing over your hair loss."
me: "Well at least let me shave my remaining hair all off. It'll probably look better that way."
and it does
dad: "No. You'll look like a neo-Nazi or a cancer patient."
me: "fine..."
dad: "Don't be sarcastic with me. You know, if you don't change your attitude I might have to schedule you with a psychiatrist."
me: "That won't be necessary..."
dad: "Well I can tell that there is something definitely wrong with you at an emotional and spiritual level. Satan has probably been feeding you lies about yourself and you need some kind of help."
me: "err.... I don't think Satan is the problem, dad."
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Once again, my condolences Atramental.
 
My Mum came around to help set up a new bed at my girlfriend's place, and when we moved the old bed out, there was a dried condom stuck to the wall.
 
Not really the same, but I remember listening to some metal record (I know it was either Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast) and my stepmom walked in. She told me that if I didn't keep listening to this music that I'd be going to hell. I said I didn't care and she said I would after a few eternities there.

I had no idea what to say, but I just listened with headphones from then on.
 
When I was young I found a rubber monkey with a pot on its head with its tail curled back which spun in circles as the whole thing shook. Curious, I asked my mom what it was...
 
Mr Sandman said:
When I was young I found a rubber monkey with a pot on its head with its tail curled back which spun in circles as the whole thing shook. Curious, I asked my mom what it was...
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Hah, oh ya that reminds me when I was around 16 i found my mom's vibrator infront of her.

Mom "Hey could you get that off the top shelf over there?"
Me: "Sure" *reaches up and grabs something down*
Mom: "No! Not that!!!"
Me: *Looks at it.... and hurriedly puts it back*


edit; Heh another event I remembered.

I used to sneak out some of my parent's porno tapes and watch them. One day the VCR eats one of the tape, and after a lot of prying i finally get it out of the VCR. After much thinking, I called my mom and told her what happened. One of the most embarrassing moments in my life.
 
Whenever I'm out with my dad he tries to get me to hit on just about any girl within five years of my age. He also often tries to tell me that I should start going out with one my little sister's friends, who are anywhere from 14-17 (I'm 20) and while I wouldn't mind a three year age gap, I'd find it pretty weird to date someone that's friends with my sister and who is that much younger which I've repeatedly told him but he won't back down. Makes for some weirdass conversations. :lol
 
Having to call my dad and telling him I fucked up bad by accidently flooding the first floor of my college dorm. Don't throw anything in dorm hallways if you are reading this!
 
TheUsual said:
Having to call my dad and telling him I fucked up bad by accidently flooding the first floor of my college dorm. Don't throw anything in dorm hallways if you are reading this!
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how did you flood the first floor?
 
DeathNote said:
how did you flood the first floor?
Click to expand...

Someone in the hall threw some object in my room. I pick it up, and lean out in the hall and try to throw it down the other end. As I was going in the motion of throwing the item, it slipped out and went full force into a sprinkler head and cleaned it right off. A deluge of water soon followed and my first though was "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"
 
Plywood said:
Once again, my condolences Atramental.
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Thanks, man.
Just three more years until I'm free...
At least I've got Gaf to keep me sane.


edit:
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AVATARGAF.gif
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6fnp1k.jpg

heh. They're like cousins.
 
Nearly ten years ago, my parents and I went to the local indie theater to see a foreign film. It was one they had picked out based on reading a short description. Can anyone guess what it was?

Y tu mamá también.
 
:lol Some of these stories had me busting up.

Nothing much to add other than being caught masturbating by my mom when I was like 15 or so. Although it was kind of lucky that she didn't see that I was looking at some hentai at the time, which would have been extra weird. Never really spoke about it though other than to pseudo ban me from the computer for a few days.
 
My parents found out about me smoking a few weeks back, and had a couple hour long lecture on me. They blamed it on me doing doing great in college (freshmen year, 2 As, 1B, and a C)
 
Forgot to mention that one time my mom asked if I was gay as well...

And this was a couple months after I had asked a girl out. Of course, that incident was an epic failure so maybe that's why my mom asked.
 
Sitting in my room watching tv, mom comes up and stands by the door.
"Why is there gay porn on your computer?"
"Uhhhhhhhh..."

And this story registers as being less awkward, but one night mom and I were talking and for some reason the subject of sex toys came up. I refused to believe she had a dildo until she pulled one out from her closet. She had another one still sealed in the box that she gave to me.
 
I couldn't pick just one, so I picked 5 stories (of MANY... MANNNNNY... my life was one big humiliation and my family loved it)


1) Smoking, at 14 years old (had been for a few years). My (older) brother was a D-bag who couldn't get smokes (without stealing my moms) and if I didn't bum him smokes (my hard earned money and that little shit didn't inhale!) he would tell on me. Thankfully I hid well, I made sure he saw me put them somewhere and without him noticing I pulled a Houdini and my mom never found them where he said they were.

Except for my downfall, as most teenagers I hated wearing a jacket (in -30 to -40 Celcius weather) and one day my mom got sick of this and decided to trap me. I am out there smoking in the blackness of a 7 AM winter morning in northern Canada and I exhale this puff of smoke... into my moms face.

I didn't have another smoke in my entire life for the next 5 years... I can't remember the conversation but it involved the typical mom guilt-trip / crying thing.

~~

2) Masturbation. I am 11 years old and my cousin is using these HUGELY exaggerated motions to explain it to me. My grandmother (who in my eyes was a saint, an angel on earth so to speak) just looks over and says "INSERTNAME its not that big" to my horror. That was the moment my innocence was truly lost.

~~

3) Sex. My mom actually had a CD to play when I was having sex to drown out the sounds. Also, when I have the chance, she still expects me to repair the holes in the walls from said action.

~~

4) Suicide. This one isn't so much funny like the rest... but the most awkward moment of my life was when my mom found me OD'd and bleeding out. Of course in this time of my life I was such a recluse and her just crying and hugging me literally made me mad... I won't repeat the words I said because I have never forgiven myself for saying them but to be honest if she, to this day, hasn't forgiven me for saying them I won't blame her.


~~

5) Ending on a happy/funny note! My mom was smart, she played mindgames. Woman had me TERRIFIED that porn (via internet) would be tracked by the FBI so I found a new source. Hentai. It wasn't real people, I rationalized it to myself, I was 12 and while I was usually smarter than my mom this was new game to me.

Before I had my own computer I had to use hers, and a printer. I had some pictures printed off and hidden under my blankets. I came home one day and saw a note written on one of the pictures.... from my mom.

She now tells everyone the story, which sucks, but I totally had my own computer in my room with internet after that sooooo alls-well-that-ends-well (except my lifelong humiliation with a mom who refuses to get Alzheimer's and forget >.<
 
Mine definitely takes the cake :lol. So, every summer my family stays at my grandparent's house on Cape Cod (near Hyannis). There are two guest rooms in the house, connected by a shared bathroom. We always keep the bathroom light on & and leave the bathroom door open a bit. So, about 8-10 years ago (I'm 23 now), I get up in the middle of the night (nature called :lol ), open the bathroom door & what do I see? My mom standing buck naked looking in the mirror. Lucky me, I got a view of everything >_<

I must've looked like a deer in headlights :lol I ran back to my bed & pulled the comforter over me. We never mentioned that incident :lol

There's that, the porn talk, me finding my dad's porn stash on the family computer (some interesting genres for sure :lol), my mom catching my dad looking at porn :lol
 
To add a little bit onto my earlier post because it just came back to me.

Dad: "So how'd you manage that?"

Me: "Condom broke"

Dad: *FULL FORCE LAUGHTER FROM HIS SIDE OF THE LINE*
 
Ok back in 98' My cousin,my brother and me would go play basketball at the fire station...Well one day I had to pee so I went inside the station and what I saw on the back of the toilet....a PLAYBOY mag!!!!!I put the Playboy in my pants and ran back home(everyone thought I shit myself lol cause I left them)Well one day my mom was helping me clean my room and under the bed was the Playboy!!!!!She saw it and said throw that away lol :lol :lol But I didnt...:lol :lol Btw my mom is a preacher...

Also one day I was in the bathroom(door wide open)I had something on my shirt (I think flour from fryin chicken or fish)so I took a wash rag and wet it...Im somewhat behind the the door wiping it off..I then finish left the bathroom and my dad was standing there in the kitchen and I ask If I was jacking off :lol :lol just standing there with a fuck up face :lol :lol Im like wtf...hell no
 
During the 4 days or so that my parents were away me and my friends smoked weed and got high pretty much every waking moment. The night before my parents came back I wrote down a note to myself: 1. clean up the kitchen 2. take the trash out 3. hide weed and lighter.
So I completely forgot about the note and only realized it when my mom read out the note and and repeated it because she was slightly confused at first. I tried to bullshit by telling them I was smoking cigarettes and that weed=tobacco but they didn't buy it.
 
McLovin said:
Oh man.. got caught masturbating. I remember locking the door but the lock didn't catch. I was wanking it hard when I heard the door open. All I could do is freeze with my dick in my hand looking back at the door in horror.
She said something like "lock the damn door"
of course after she left I finished.
It was the most awkward masturbation I ever had.
Click to expand...
You should have stared, deep Into her eyes and finished like a man.
 
I think a few years back, my mum and dad were on my computer and someone im'd me on msn saying "i want to sex you" and my mum and dad were like :| i think i said, he must have mis-spelled "see".:lol

Just thought of a another recent story, my mum and dad were watching the news and suddenly there was a small headline about "rapelay" and then my dad asked me if i knew about it i said "yeah" and then he asked "is the game actually good?" and i'm like "NO WAY why would you ever want to play a game like that".:lol
 
Lafiel said:
I think a few years back, my mum and dad were on my computer and someone im'd me on msn saying "i want to sex you" and my mum and dad were like :| i think i said, he must have mis-spelled "see".:lol

Just thought of a another recent story, my mum and dad were watching the news and suddenly there was a small headline about "rapelay" and then my dad asked me if i knew about it i said "yeah" and then he asked "is the game actually good?" and i'm like "NO WAY why would you ever want to play a game like that".:lol
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What a bold faced lie, e and x are two rows apart, also it's really hard to have a typing error with two letters in a row. If I was your parents, I would not have believed you.
 
This is slightly off topic, as it doesn't involve any parents, and I'm REALLY happy about that, but whatever, I don't know if anyone here has seen the movie Lilja 4-ever? Anyway, I was forced to watch this movie in the theater with my whole class and teachers one time. And near the end, there was this really long first person view pedophile rape scene. Watching that on a huge screen in a dark room with about 300 other school children was beyond awkward :lol Seeing an old and fat russian creep pound away at this poor 15 (?) year old girl was pretty disturbing :S
 
Ultima_5 said:
My parents found out about me smoking a few weeks back, and had a couple hour long lecture on me. They blamed it on me doing doing great in college (freshmen year, 2 As, 1B, and a C)
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...wait, what?
 
bumping for the absolute classic that happened today.

My Dad wanted me to sort out a problem with his computer, me ofcourse not knowing what to do opened up chrome to google it.

Y'know how chrome has often visited webpages on the frontpage?

Yeah.

porn303.com

He claimed that it was a virus that put it there, and that loads of people he knows has had it.
 
Shick Brithouse said:
I've git several of the usual sex talk and busted with weed and walking in on my parents having sex but the most disturbing one I can remember is this.

One day of an NES marathon of playing Willow, I had to piss really bad. You know the type, where you hold it about two hours longer than you should because you just don't want to stop playing and get up. Well it brewed to the point I had pains in my stomach and when I got up to finally go, I couldn't stand up straight.

So I shuffle down the hallway looking like quasimodo hunched over and I got to the bathroom and rushed in. Relief was almost there I thought. Upon realizing that the bathroom light was on, everything began to move in slow motion.
I looked over to the toilet and much to my horror I see my mom leaning up on one ass cheek to wipe her pussy after taking a piss. She looked over at me and didn't say a word. Instead, she stood up, pulling up her pants, completely exposing her 70's bush. She then left the bathroom and told me "there ya go its all yours".

That abruptly ended my videogame marathon for the day, and I never went back to playing Willow ever again. All I could think about was Pussy Willow after that and couldn't touch it.
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At least you don't have a photographic memory.

:lol
 
I had the classic, "So, what would it take for me to do to get you to try girls?" speech last week as I informed my mom that I wanted her to meet a guy I'm seeing.

I couldn't believe we were having that conversation. I felt like I was in a tv show, minute by minute.
 
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