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[Nephtis]

I don't think you're a bad person, but I do think you're selfish

I mean... it doesn't make you an evil person or anything. going to see a psychiatrist is one of the best things you could do to help you figure things out.

 

[EVOL 100%]

Seeking acceptance from others isn't exactly a foreign concept

It becomes a problem when it's too much, but yeah. Everybody is an asshole in someway or another too. It's okay to be an asshole every now and then. Nobody's perfect

It's also a good idea to not expect things from others. People aren't vending machines that you put affection in to get a can of friendship

 

[Lesath]

I try to be nice not to avoid being lonely, but because for all the inadequancies of my character, being kind is the only thing keeping me from severe self-loathing.

 

[avrophantasm]

It's natural to be altruistic in one situation and self-centered in others, or to act due to a mixture of both desires. Helping others also makes us feel good for a host of different reasons, since there's many social elements in play. Not only do you feel great about establishing a positive relationship with someone, but if you help them, there's a good chance that they'll help you or others when help is needed. Charity and compassion also have an affect on your reputation, and your perception of yourself.

It could be that your low self-esteem caused you extra baggage because your self-worth was tied up in how others perceive you. But I think it's good that you've recognized that not everyone you've done nice things for will do the same for you, and that you've distanced them from your life. It sucks to be alone, but I think that it's best to surround yourself with people who'll reciprocate for the good things you do for them, wherever or whenever from which they come.

Also, your trouble with your friend; it's human to make mistakes. It can be hard to talk about difficult matters with others, especially if you've hurt them and you don't want to face them. But I've read that a good indicator of the health of a relationship is how quickly troubles are brought up, talked about and dealt with. I try to live according to that now, and I find that I'm a lot happier when I don't let issues go to rot, even though it was hard to get in the habit at first and can still be tough sometimes.

 

[Fudgepuppy]

I don't think you're a bad person, but I do think you're selfish

I mean... it doesn't make you an evil person or anything. going to see a psychiatrist is one of the best things you could do to help you figure things out.

I am selfish because I don't want to feel alone and disliked? :S

A lot of good posts in this thread, really insightful stuff.

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

I suggest taking a look into "codependency", that could be part of your issue.

 

[Piers]

Sounds like the "nice guy" syndrome which applies mostly to relationships but can extend to friendship as well.
Saying that, most people rarely offer something out of genuine charity.

Edit:
And there's an aspect that everybody does or seeks something to feel good about themselves — which is pretty normal imo, at least in our first-world society.

 

[Plywood]

Here's how i think about it OP. Everything's a trade. All your interactions are an exchange of some kind, money for services, talk for networking, touching for companionship, smiling at someone to make them feel better, which itself makes you feel better. And generally trades that make people feel better about themselves are always good, regardless of who they are.

As to your point of feeling lonely, i've felt the same and went through a similarly arduous process of nihilistic depression because i had by myself come upon the notion of ethical egotism, and being someone who had little to no motivation to act in self interest it took me a long time to digest it. But thankfully after a long while i decided that that just wasn't true. Self interest is just one way of reading what's happening, and a particularly faulty one. People put themselves constantly in situations where they act solely in the interest of another person, often because watching someone in distress upsets them enough to act altruistically, and accepting that feeling of letting yourself come to be uncomfortable and drawn to helping someone is acting for the good of others. You let yourself care, you let yourself be drawn to help, you let yourself depend on them. Love basically. Love for those you meet daily, for your SO, for people lacking the skill to act by themselves, for everyone. That's what's deep inside all of us.

It's easier to do this when your self esteem tells you that they're inherently worth more than you. But that doesn't matter. If you know hardship and pain it's easier to be kind to others, and i'd wager that's exactly why it comes so naturally to you. Kindness isn't a weakness.

I always thought, be good. If you're in severe hardship yourself, it doesn't matter. It helps you be even better at helping others. Work on yourself if it can make you better for others as well. Whoever you are, whatever makes you, make it work for the best of others who need it

Somebody better quote this fucking post i swear to god if i wrote this all for nothing i'm quitting the internet.

#positive