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Bi/pansexuality for idiots: a Very Useful Guide
- Thread starter pashmilla
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AmaterasuOkami076
Member
To me, the OPs unnecessarily condescending tone seems like bait. It's hard to question anything without tip-toeing around mousetraps and I feel like if you're truly trying to educate on the subject (which is great) then creating a hostile environment from the get go will do more harm than good.
I get 6 ALL the time. I guess I lean towards bisexual heteroromantic. But people love to insinuate that I am straight because I usually date men. "You live a straight lifestyle"- whatever that means.... as if I identify as being bi to be cool or something(?). Well, I absolutely love eating pussy. End of story.
I guess I might be a demiwoman? I just learned this term today tbh. I'm not sure that's what describes me. Periodically, I vacillate wildy. Sometimes I'm very fem and enjoy it very much; but 80% of the time I wear men's clothing including boxers and don't quite 'feel' cis. Sometimes I put on drag king makeup when I'm home alone and feel really great in a mustache. And sometimes I like to mix it up and wear my mustache, mascara and a pushup bra. I went out once in my genderfuck get up and it was overall a very positive experience. I don't know if I'll do it again... nice to hold on to that good memory. I also feel kind of like an imposter for some reason.
Anyways, thanks for this thread. I learned a few things.
I guess I might be a demiwoman? I just learned this term today tbh. I'm not sure that's what describes me. Periodically, I vacillate wildy. Sometimes I'm very fem and enjoy it very much; but 80% of the time I wear men's clothing including boxers and don't quite 'feel' cis. Sometimes I put on drag king makeup when I'm home alone and feel really great in a mustache. And sometimes I like to mix it up and wear my mustache, mascara and a pushup bra. I went out once in my genderfuck get up and it was overall a very positive experience. I don't know if I'll do it again... nice to hold on to that good memory. I also feel kind of like an imposter for some reason.
Anyways, thanks for this thread. I learned a few things.
QuantumSquid
Member
The human brain is way too complicated for anything about it to be either one way or the other.
How About No
Member
"Safe spaces are dumb. What happened to free speech?"
"Woah why are you establishing such a hostile environment when you're trying to educate people on complex topics? Please show some courtesy and respect."
It doesn't matter what you do. Someone will always take issue with your "tone" whether it's too "oppressive" or too "hostile".
"Woah why are you establishing such a hostile environment when you're trying to educate people on complex topics? Please show some courtesy and respect."
It doesn't matter what you do. Someone will always take issue with your "tone" whether it's too "oppressive" or too "hostile".
AmaterasuOkami076
Member
Totally appreciate that. It's mental how far we've come and yet there is still a depressing percentage of the population that refuse to accept the validity of the LGBT community.
I still believe that the OP set an unnecessary tone in the OP with the condescension though. If the primary goal of the OP is education, I feel like toning down the aggression would make it a more welcome and approachable thread.
I kind of agree. It can be off-putting, and not how I'd approach an educational thread, but it's never stopped me from seeing the other side before.
I think it's important to understand the context that this is a response to some frustrating comments on gaming side. It's probably not just for education, but for venting
Take the OP's post with some context - there was a particular thread on the gaming side that this was in response to. The OP was angry, and understandably so.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
I think people have a difficult time grasping the complex nature of the mind. It's not a black and white organ.
By which I mean it can have many different "configurations".
By which I mean it can have many different "configurations".
TBH I partially identify as non-binary and I'd really like one too. I mean man and woman are plenty hard to identify(and there aren't really objective definitions to start), so identifying what's outside of those two can be plenty complicated as well.
The bolded is important and you should listen to it, but the rest of what you describe doesn't invalidate you if you decide you do identify within the binary. Also I totally get the imposter thing, but I feel that way about a lot of things that I rationally know I'm really good at or capable of so /shrug.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I can imagine that some parts of a bisexual person's life are pretty much incessantly annoying, certain conversations are had over and over and over again, and then calling it out would be a way of turning it around/preserving your sanity through humour. It's probably not that hard for you to see how that might be the case.
Romantic: Would you like to share your life with that person?
Sexual: Would you bang that person?
Not that simple, of course, but close enough.
EDIT Asexuals for example often may be attracted to others romantically (same gender or not), just not interested in (but not incapable of) sex. Bisexuals, as noted, are attracted to both sexes but might not feel anything romantic toward one sex.
Ace?
Asexual
echoshifting
Banned
For me, I experience a romantic intimacy with women that I have never had with men. Despite being sexually attracted to many men (and fucking my fair share). It's not that I am closing myself off to it, it's more like there is a light bulb that does not turn on with guys, but has always been present in my relationships with women.
Aha, cheers.
Milksheikhs
Member
Agreed!
I actually have a personal question on my own way of identifying, but don't know where to direct it.
This thread is really interesting, and seeing certain aspects separately defined -- while not new to me -- is kinda nice to see laid out so completely.
I'm a good 95-98% percent straight, probably (like if I met someone who knocked me out of my world I could maybe find the way to be with them, but feels super unlikely). But emotionally (romantically) I connect with women far, far better. It kinda sucks because I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to myself, and I could never be intimate with someone I don't have infinite trust for. I've pretty much backed myself into the forever alone corner.
Not that I especially have a problem with this, cuz it's something I've realized for years now and I'm very satisfied with my job and friends. But just going to show who you're sexually attracted to and who you're romantically attracted to can totally not match up. It is definitely a thing.
On the topic of bi/pansexuality, I never understood why anyone has a problem with it. Even when I was a kid in like middle school/early high school before I had figured myself out, I always thought if I was gonna date someone that I hoped it would be a bi person. That sounds kind of weird to say, but I just found the idea of being with someone who's really open to whatever (not confined to sexuality stereotypes, maybe?) to be comforting.
I guess I just hate the idea of black/white sexuality as being the norm because I think people are a lot more diverse in their tastes, but are never given the chance to explore it. And that's a bit odd to say, probably, coming from me and my 95% straight thing, but I think it'd just be a nicer world if sexuality was more widely viewed and accepted as a scale instead of This or That.
I'm a good 95-98% percent straight, probably (like if I met someone who knocked me out of my world I could maybe find the way to be with them, but feels super unlikely). But emotionally (romantically) I connect with women far, far better. It kinda sucks because I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to myself, and I could never be intimate with someone I don't have infinite trust for. I've pretty much backed myself into the forever alone corner.
Not that I especially have a problem with this, cuz it's something I've realized for years now and I'm very satisfied with my job and friends. But just going to show who you're sexually attracted to and who you're romantically attracted to can totally not match up. It is definitely a thing.
On the topic of bi/pansexuality, I never understood why anyone has a problem with it. Even when I was a kid in like middle school/early high school before I had figured myself out, I always thought if I was gonna date someone that I hoped it would be a bi person. That sounds kind of weird to say, but I just found the idea of being with someone who's really open to whatever (not confined to sexuality stereotypes, maybe?) to be comforting.
I guess I just hate the idea of black/white sexuality as being the norm because I think people are a lot more diverse in their tastes, but are never given the chance to explore it. And that's a bit odd to say, probably, coming from me and my 95% straight thing, but I think it'd just be a nicer world if sexuality was more widely viewed and accepted as a scale instead of This or That.
I identify as hetroflexible, if using the last two years as an example of this I have been interested in a woman once and 19 times in men, but in total the ratio is much lower since and before that just 2 other women and I do not have count on the guys at all. It just doesn't feel right for me to identify as bi when the chances for any from of attraction are so unequal, and I never hit on any of the women either but been plenty proactive with guys. Even if a woman were to hit on me the chances of me being attracted to her are very slim. Lastly, as discussed a bit in here, the definitions of bi and pan seem have become muddled up a bit and I do not have any evidence that makes it possible for me to say that I am able to be attracted to any gender other than male and female. I would not like to "promise" people that I could when I don't even know, and as said chances are so slim to begin with that it seems kind of pointless to identify with such wide definitions. These are just my thoughts on my orientations.
UnemployedVillain
Member
You'd hope...but I see it often enough that I start to wonder
Aarglefarg
Member
The definition of bisexuality that a lot of bisexuals use is the attraction to people of more than one gender. Bisexuality isn't about the binary and has a lot of overlap with pansexuality, with many people identifying as both.
No. This isn't kindergarten. Enough with the hand holding. I can't treat nor deal adults like scared children everyday.
I see, thanks for explaining. I've tried understanding the difference but no one seems to agree and it's hard
Aarglefarg
Member
I would say the difference is that pansexuality makes the non-binaryness explicit. Whereas bisexuality can include people who are attracted to two sexes as well as people attracted to more.I see, thanks for explaining. I've tried understanding the difference but no one seems to agree and it's hard
thezerofire
Banned
lol there's actually dudes who still think like this in 2017
That's interesting. Could you expand on this, maybe?
TenCentCoast
Banned
Something tells me you've never met anyone who labels themselves as pansexual in your life.
molnizzle
Member
I think I've talked about it here in the past, but basically I was raised to think that homosexuality was a choice, and since it was easier to pick up guys than girls I decided to "choose" to be gay when I was in the Army. Turns out it was easier to pick up guys, but the actual sex part wasn't happening. I couldn't get it up no matter what, and I tried everything. It was easy to continue because most gay men I encountered saw it as some sort of challenge. Never happened.
I thought I was just stubborn for continuing to pursue it over and over again (I really did feel comfortable in those relationships until the clothes came off) but eventually I realized that it just wasn't meant to be. That experience was actually what set me on the path of liberalism and realizing that most of what I was taught growing up was wrong. If homosexuality wasn't a choice, then what does that say about religion? What does it say about our laws? etc.
I'm glad these kind of threads exist. I have learned a lot from reading GAF and saving me from asking questions and maybe being told if I'm an idiot, being mistaken as a homophobic or something like that.
My social circle is really, really limited and all the people I know are straight, so it's kinda embarrassing to be ignorant about this kind of stuff. :/
My social circle is really, really limited and all the people I know are straight, so it's kinda embarrassing to be ignorant about this kind of stuff. :/
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