I will say this i get along with women and have a friendly relationship with girls, but most of the time i don't click the way i do with male friends. Now that not to say i have had great relationship with girls that i like and "love" so to speak, but it comes down to common interest and most women i like don't share those interest.
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Can men and women be "just friends"?
- Thread starter Rookje
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You might not be obsessed about having sex with them but isn't what lays at the core of these relationships is their attractiveness?
Infernodash
Member
I would listen to my bro, sure. That's why we're friends. I don't expect a woman to listen to me complain about women, that's what I have Bros for. That's also why I don't expect a woman to complain to me about men, that's why she has female friends. They can relate. I can't. If you make the mistake of complaining about your boyfriend, all I'm going to hear is that you're currently looking for a replacement and you're taking applications.
ZephyrFate
Banned
I guess sapience really doesn't matter, we're just dumb, horny animals, then.
We have that instinct, it doesn't obliterate our higher brain functions but it is still there and can often overwhelm any logic we use to restrain it.
ZephyrFate
Banned
Smart people know how to curtail attraction and be friends with people they might be attracted to, though. Men are not all horny children.
Delicious misapplied armchair evo-psych bullshit.
Well, what are we defining "attractive" as? If it's physical attraction, then yes I have some very physically attractive friends that I'm just friends with. Many of them have deal breakers or other things that I don't want.
If we're talking about the whole package, then that's more of a grey area. Would I not consider dating someone that has an attractive personality and has traits that I'm looking for in a partner? I cannot give a firm answer to that.
If we're talking about the whole package, then that's more of a grey area. Would I not consider dating someone that has an attractive personality and has traits that I'm looking for in a partner? I cannot give a firm answer to that.
Sure, most of my friends are female, a lot of them are hot. Hmm... how do I say this - I'm attracted to a lot of them, and I wouldn't mind having sex with them, but I can step back and understand why it would be a bad idea to have sex with a lot of them, and I'm sure if any of them find me attractive, they feel the same.
I think it also helps if you're the sort of guy/girl who doesn't pine after people. If you have other girls/guys to distract you, you don't give too much thought to your friends.
I think it also helps if you're the sort of guy/girl who doesn't pine after people. If you have other girls/guys to distract you, you don't give too much thought to your friends.
SpartanForce
Member
Yeah same here. Some dude on gaf once said, that the time he spend talking with a hot girl, would be the time he spend fucking her. So in general, you still have to have a car, good financial in check, and will lose a lot of pacience in your on time to get laid.
Any topic of my interest I can talk with a good male friend without any sexual tension. I don't need a girl to do this. And now honestly, the time that I would trying to be friendly to get laid to a hot chick, is the time that I use to play my guitar, and to get some money to buy a new guitar that I'm looking out here. Besides reading, going to gym, playing that new game out, watching a tv show/movie, so on.
Fap takes care of the sexual need, and I'm pretty much happy the way it is.
Angry Grimace
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
I mean, let's clarify; I'd happily fuck my attractive female friends were I not married to someone else, but that doesn't mean they aren't my real friends or that I have no ability to control myself.
The fact that I want to fuck chicks doesn't make me a fucking ape with no self-control or reason. It's faulty logic created by lonely people who try to come up with some greater theory why they got rejected.
I'm always flabbergasted by how warped Internet Guy's logic and view of interpersonal relationships is. I mean, you prefer the company of men? Great. There are girls I don't like too, but that doesn't mean they aren't friend material across the entire gender.
The fact that I want to fuck chicks doesn't make me a fucking ape with no self-control or reason. It's faulty logic created by lonely people who try to come up with some greater theory why they got rejected.
I'm always flabbergasted by how warped Internet Guy's logic and view of interpersonal relationships is. I mean, you prefer the company of men? Great. There are girls I don't like too, but that doesn't mean they aren't friend material across the entire gender.
Infernodash
Member
I'll give you dysfunctional. I concede that it's a flawed way of thinking. However, it's not impractical to desire casual relationships. All I'm really doing is limiting the participants. I would befriend any female that's open to being in a casual relationship.
And believe me when I say this, I'm not blocking myself off from the female population by doing so. More women are open to that idea because it's much more practical than wasting several years of your life on a "committed" relationship that eventually fizzled.
Furthermore, it's not petty to offer another viable option to a problem. If anything, I'm being helpful. If she's unhappy in her relationship, maybe shifting gears or trying something new isn't a bad idea. If you take it upon yourself to complain to me, I'm assuming you're also asking me for a solution. I happen to be the solution...
In the end, I guess I am dumb for being so candid about my thought process. I figured I would share my views with reasonable people able to see the pros and cons of my approach, but I guess it's easier to just call me names.
ZephyrFate
Banned
It's hard to be reasonable about it when your own position isn't reasonable in the slightest.
It varies on the person, which is to say it varies on the circumstances that shaped that person.
I could be friends and have, but what shaped me as an individual is significantly different than what shapes most people.
In the back of my mind there's a beating drum of biology that compels me with the unintelligent impulse to basically have sex with any unrelated nubile woman above what is by and large a very low threshold for attractiveness that varies based on several other factors like age, alternatives, etc. This exists and cannot be denied to exist. It's there.
So can men and women be just friends? The possibility exists but it involves some overriding control, at least on the mans part for sure, of some innate impulses. This control isn't even noble or reasonable, but comes about because of other competing passions that require precedence.
I could be friends and have, but what shaped me as an individual is significantly different than what shapes most people.
In the back of my mind there's a beating drum of biology that compels me with the unintelligent impulse to basically have sex with any unrelated nubile woman above what is by and large a very low threshold for attractiveness that varies based on several other factors like age, alternatives, etc. This exists and cannot be denied to exist. It's there.
So can men and women be just friends? The possibility exists but it involves some overriding control, at least on the mans part for sure, of some innate impulses. This control isn't even noble or reasonable, but comes about because of other competing passions that require precedence.
Why do you think men in general are more sensitive about this issue than women?
HarryHengst
Member
Yes, unless you are a dumb manchild who is unable to keep his penis under control.
But you ARE thinking about it huh?
I've had some friends who were girls that I was definitely not attracted to, because I found them to be pretty ugly. They were cool people and had good personalities, but I would never ever fuck 'em.
On the other hand I have had friends who were obviously "just friends" that I definitely would have had sex with given the chance. That wasn't the core of why I was friends with them, at all. It was there, and I could push it down and deal with it, obviously.
For some reason I feel much more comfortable talking to a girl friend about a lot of topics more than male friends. That's just in general. Obviously I have some male friends I can talk about most things with, but in general I'm FAR, FAR more comfortable with girls.
On the other hand I have had friends who were obviously "just friends" that I definitely would have had sex with given the chance. That wasn't the core of why I was friends with them, at all. It was there, and I could push it down and deal with it, obviously.
For some reason I feel much more comfortable talking to a girl friend about a lot of topics more than male friends. That's just in general. Obviously I have some male friends I can talk about most things with, but in general I'm FAR, FAR more comfortable with girls.
Infernodash
Member
Yea...because dtf, nsa, and fwb are all taboo practices in modern day societies.
I've had plenty of female friends, some of them quite attractive. Did I want to sleep with them? Sure, that's just how I am. But that doesn't mean I wasn't their friend, and that doesn't mean I'm only their friend because I want to sleep with them. I just mean that I wouldn't say no.
And the number one reason why I lose touch with these girls is that they get an obsessive boyfriend that doesn't want them hanging with me. Number two is one of my friends dates her and they break up, fractioning the group. It's never been "ooh we messed around and now everything's changed!!"
And the number one reason why I lose touch with these girls is that they get an obsessive boyfriend that doesn't want them hanging with me. Number two is one of my friends dates her and they break up, fractioning the group. It's never been "ooh we messed around and now everything's changed!!"
Joel Was Right
If you smell burning, it's probably the generators acting up. Report it anyway.
It doesn't really matter if the video showed only attractive girls. It succeeded in highlighting that attraction plays a factor [something it does not in same gender friendships] in determining the answer to this question, and thus whilst men and women can be just friends there is a but involved.
Circular evo-psych reasoning?
TheKaeptain
Banned
This.
I'm friends with a bunch of women. Shit, one my best friends is a woman and I have known her since we were 12. I'm turning 29 this month.
Mystic Theurge
Member
Who said anything about a shitty relationship? People complain about their SO from time to time. It's normal.
Just like it's normal for friends to listen to their buddies complain about something.
Devolution
Member
This thread is gettin' real douchey.
TheKaeptain
Banned
I'm curious for all those that say it isn't possible, how old are you?
fix'd
Yes you are. You just don't know it yet.
I'm literally just asking a question. You cant say someone's ideas are bullshit without providing your own explanations. I don't think human beings are polar bears but do you honestly think there isn't even a little bit of truth to what he said? By the way I actually do believe it is possible to be just friends.
ZephyrFate
Banned
The word you're looking for is homosocial, not homosexual.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
TurboLibre
Member
Sure you can. I don't know why people are saying you can't be physically attracted to them though. Just because you think a girl is pretty doesn't mean you have to try and sleep with them.
Exactly. My cousin and I were just having a talk about this. She and I both agreed that two people finding each other attractive doesn't mean either side is trying to make something happen.
ZephyrFate
Banned
You can be attracted to your best friend and not sleep with her/date her. Shock, and awe?
NEOPARADIGM
Banned
Not in my experience, no.
But I'm no one.
But I'm no one.
So, what I don't get is... if you have a platonic best friend of your preferred sex, and you're in a relationship, that means your SO isn't your best friend. I don't see how that works tbh. Shouldn't your SO be your best friend of the sex you're attracted to? Honestly, I wouldn't last long in a relationship if my GF would have a male friend she was better friends with than me. Don't really see a future there.
ZephyrFate
Banned
I couldn't give up my best friend for a relationship anyday. My boys gotta expect that there's a love there that they can't fuck with.
That's not to say I'll take sides or value one over the other, but my best friend is my best friend. My SO doesn't supercede that unless we've been together for years and years/gotten married.
^^^^: No, I would not sleep with my best friend.
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