• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

Could straight men and women just be friends?

Status
Not open for further replies.
Yeah.

When I was a teenaged virgin, no. I was secretly and desperately fawning over every one of them. Glad those days are over with.

yesterday ;_;
 
On a somewhat related note, one of my female co-workers has been acting a little weird ever since I refused her invitation to go to lunch the other day.

Hmm.
 
answer is no, why would you even attempt to have girls to be your friends if it is not work, school, business, something related ? What are you doing with those girls ? laughing at their stupid jokes pretend it is funny ? If they spend time with you, they are obviously in for something, whether they secretly like you or just waiting up. In the end, the end is the same. For most, it is attraction or feeling of loneliness, after break up, ect. whatever you wanna call it.
 
Some girls are fun to be around but have a deal breaking quality. My old best friend was a girl, but our chemistry was more like brother and sister. I have a friend now who is really pretty but she's a farm girl who isn't particularly funny, but she's fun to talk to. For those reasons, I couldn't date her.

There are plenty of girls out there I'd like to fuck or something but its not worth trying to do because I'd rather have a girlfriend I really like and isn't a chore to be with. I like girls who I actually enjoy being around and can talk to for hours. That is 100x more attractive.
 
rapid32.5 said:
answer is no, why would you even attempt to have girls to be your friends if it is not work, school, business, something related ? What are you doing with those girls ? laughing at their stupid jokes pretend it is funny ? If they spend time with you, they are obviously in for something, whether they secretly like you or just waiting up. In the end, the end is the same. For most, it is attraction or feeling of loneliness, after break up, ect. whatever you wanna call it.
Click to expand...

I think you're being a little cynical.
 
I believe it can be, but that's because i wouldn't fuck someone i didn't consider my friend. I would rather get to know a girl and become her friend and see if i even like her before i decide it can be a relationship, but I'm picky and would rather be happy than with some one i end up hating.



On that note i have been put in the friend zone and i feel like the word describes it perfectly, and if you find it offense or sexist then maybe should look at yourself and decide why your offended. Its just a word and there is no reason to get upset over it.

One last thing, i sense a lot of frustration in this thread and having a interaction with a girl, and telling yourself nothing will ever happen is like saying you can't do something and in my book that's BS. People can change their mind or think of you in a different way if you can show them your true self and see if that is attractive, and you may not even know it is. We can't read mind and know anything about someone unless we get to know them, that can be called being friends!
 
LosDaddie said:
Yeah, I'd say that's true for most guys....just, aparently, not most guys on GAF.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't say that, the problem with this site seems to be that people are afraid of getting banned by saying some things so they just don't say anything at all. I'd say from what I've seen here its still say the majority of guys would do that here just not many would say it.

I'm also pretty sure most people here don't act like they do offline like they do online so there's that to, i'm sure bigots and what not are still here by the droves just pretending to agree on matters they can do nothing about.


H.Protagonist said:
Apparently girls tell bad jokes. Deal-breaker right there.
Click to expand...
Everyone tells bad jokes that's not exclusive to anyone. I guess females may tell more bad jokes but I honestly just think that the males jokes are bad but the only reason females laugh is because the guy is attractive. Yep I've had that happen to me.
 
rapid32.5 said:
answer is no, why would you even attempt to have girls to be your friends if it is not work, school, business, something related ? What are you doing with those girls ? laughing at their stupid jokes pretend it is funny ? If they spend time with you, they are obviously in for something, whether they secretly like you or just waiting up. In the end, the end is the same. For most, it is attraction or feeling of loneliness, after break up, ect. whatever you wanna call it.
Click to expand...

What the fuck man. I'm pretty sure my best friend does not hang out with me because she secretly likes me. We've known each other for 4 years. And to lay it out, I find her attractive but I know that she's not interested at all so it's fine how it is. And I know her well enough to logically know that dating her would be an awful idea.

I hang out with her because she's generally a cool person and we've also been through some shit together that kind of ties people together.

You sound like a pretty damn bitter person.
 
A.E Suggs said:
I wouldn't say that, the problem with this site seems to be that people are afraid of getting banned by saying some things so they just don't say anything at all. I'd say from what I've seen here its still say the majority of guys would do that here just not many would say it.

I'm also pretty sure most people here don't act like they do offline like they do online so there's that to, i'm sure bigots and what not are still here by the droves just pretending to agree on matters they can do nothing about.



Everyone tells bad jokes that's not exclusive to anyone. I guess females may tell more bad jokes but I honestly just think that the males jokes are bad but the only reason females laugh is because the guy is attractive. Yep I've had that happen to me.
Click to expand...

I was just poking fun at rapid32.5's post. I don't think girls tell bad jokes at all. :P
 
I'm confused, if two people find each other attractive (and are able to control their apparently "uncontrollable urge" to fuck each other), but choose not to be in a relationship (for whatever reason), but be instead, in a friendship, wouldn't they be friends still? Does attraction invalidate a friendship?
 
In rare circumstances. If there is any sexual tension in the dynamic whatsoever then I'd argue that at least one party is not truly operating as a friend. There's friendship and then there's the guise of friendship.
 
As sick as I am with these threads (especially with friendzoning/white knighting bullshit), I'll admit that with each my opinion always slightly changes. I definitely sympathize with both arguments.

With that said, of course they can. It's either if both are not attracted to each other, or if one of can respect the other's feelings if they're not attracted to them. I've had male friends who I was attracted to/liked, but I was perfectly fine with not having anything more than that. And sure it's awkward after a friendzone, and you're not obligated at all to stay friends, but it definitely doesn't mean it's not possible to maintain a friendship.

Any pair can be friends, whether they're hetero or not. :x
 
is this one of those threads where people who only think with their genitals tell us how men and woman can't be friends unless theyre having sex?

*checks*

Yes
 
Is this one of those threads where people drop in here just to make a blanket statement and generalization of GAFers without contributing anything insightful to the topic?

*checks*

Yes
 
rapid32.5 said:
answer is no, why would you even attempt to have girls to be your friends if it is not work, school, business, something related ? What are you doing with those girls ? laughing at their stupid jokes pretend it is funny ? If they spend time with you, they are obviously in for something, whether they secretly like you or just waiting up. In the end, the end is the same. For most, it is attraction or feeling of loneliness, after break up, ect. whatever you wanna call it.
Click to expand...
I've been told in the past that sufficiently pointed satire is indistinguishable from reality, and I believe it.

Implying that women have no redeemable qualities? Check.
Implying that all women are succubi? Check.
Perpetuating the stereotype that women can't be funny? Check.
 
H.Protagonist said:
I was just poking fun at rapid32.5's post. I don't think girls tell bad jokes at all. :P
Click to expand...

Ok sorry missed that. I still stand by that males tell more bad jokes that females though because we are usually the one's doing all the talking. I know I had more than my fair share of hit and misses while trying to get numbers from people :P.
 
rapid32.5 said:
answer is no, why would you even attempt to have girls to be your friends if it is not work, school, business, something related ? What are you doing with those girls ? laughing at their stupid jokes pretend it is funny ? If they spend time with you, they are obviously in for something, whether they secretly like you or just waiting up. In the end, the end is the same. For most, it is attraction or feeling of loneliness, after break up, ect. whatever you wanna call it.
Click to expand...

kid, you're gonna go far...

what the fucking fuck :|
 
Not in my case. When there's a girl I'm friendly with, and I'm attracted to her, I'd be more interested in pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship. I'll lose interest and disengage if they go on about their boyfriend. I'll still act friendly, but it's just an act for the most part. I'm probably an asshole. Maybe that would change if I had a girlfriend.

Or maybe, it's me who needs to change to get a girlfriend.
Revelations.
 
I think it varies on a case by case basis and cannot be a blanket statement. I have a girl who has become one my closest friends and confidants in the matter of a few months. We've never met, but we skype almost daily. I live in Florida and she lives in Oregon. The thing that brought us together is we both have cystic fibrosis. We find each other attractive, but we've already put it out on the table a relationship probably is not possible due to us each having infections that could harm the other. Not to mention the simple fact that we're separated by 3100 miles. Maybe if we met up in real life things could possibly get awkward, but as of right now it's a fantastic friendship and one I will miss dearly if it ever ends.
 
rapid32.5 said:
answer is no, why would you even attempt to have girls to be your friends if it is not work, school, business, something related ? What are you doing with those girls ? laughing at their stupid jokes pretend it is funny ? If they spend time with you, they are obviously in for something, whether they secretly like you or just waiting up. In the end, the end is the same. For most, it is attraction or feeling of loneliness, after break up, ect. whatever you wanna call it.
Click to expand...

Come on straight guys. You have to admit we make better friends than people like this.
 
I guess it comes down to the individual. If you're that shallow that you can't just be friends with someone of the opposite sex, then that's your loss.

I have always had lots of male friends because I share the same interests as them, which my female friends did not. My best friend is a guy, and there's no attraction there whatever. So I say yes, definitely guys and girls can be just friends.
 
My question is don't (young) people nowadays still have a group of friends they normally hang out with? When I was in high school/college/early 20's I had my "crew" of guys and girls that would do everything together. But I don't mean we were all boyfriends/girlfriends, we actually didn't really date within the circle, we were just a group of gals and guys partying, traveling, whatever.

Do the guys here on gaf just go out with "the guys" everywhere? No female contact at all unless you're trying to pick someone up?
 
It depends on what kind of guy or girl that person is. Me, myself? I'm very sexual and open about my sexuality and most of my jokes are plays on girls. Yeah I'm messing around most of the time but the reason why I hit on girls a lot is because on some level I do want to get with them casually. My view on sex is very laid back which lends me to think its not a big deal and a bad reason to get attached over. If that makes me estranged or superficial to you guys then whatever. The bottom line is my relationships with women are strong, honest, and fun and I'm happy with that.
 
All my siblings were sisters and my dad moved out when I was starting high school, so I guess that's why I tend to get along just as well with women as friends as with men. It can be a little awkward at first if they think I'm interested in them, but that usually disappears after a while.
 
I have sometimes seen friends go after their friends ex's. That's another topic for another day, but people who seem to hook up with their friends ex's seems to be those that dont have any easy time getting romantic partners. Those that have, usually dont think its worth it. They dont need it. Its just another pretty girl. But those other guys who suddenly have a good shot with someone, its much harder to say no regardless of their friends wishes.


I think it might be a bit like that with men being friends with attractive girls. I've been friends with a decently attractive women, who sometimes looks hot when she dresses up, I noticed that I wanted to fuck her when I was low or had girl problems. But her and I are too different, and we just have a good time. We wouldn't make a good couple. But we are good friends and good roommates. I actually reached the point were I think having sex with her would ruin our friendship.

Was I drunk, and was she all over me, would I say no, if I was single? That's a harder question to answer.
 
Gustav said:
Not without any sexual subtext. It's impossible for me.
Click to expand...
Yep. At the very least, the question of "would I have sex with her" will always be in my mind. Doesn't mean that I'm only friends with girls because I want to screw them, far from it, but it does mean that that element is always going to be there, be it one-sided or not.
 
Science has deemed this to be false, so we can now finally put the kibosh on this argument!

Scientific American - Men and Women Can't be Friends
men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends_1.jpg


New research suggests that there may be some truth to this possibility—that we may think we’re capable of being “just friends” with members of the opposite sex, but the opportunity (or perceived opportunity) for “romance” is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most inopportune moment.

...

The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.

Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status. However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners. Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else.
Click to expand...

Download the 28-page study PDF

Unless if men thought like women and never had this thought ever go in their head:
lloyd-300x300.jpg
 
I find pretty much all of my female friends sexually attractive. I have no trouble not sleeping with them. In fact I'm pretty sure with one of my newer ones, that opportunity presented itself a few times - didn't do anything about it, and we're still good friends.

Basically, you can be attracted to someone and still be their friend.
 
Let's start by the friendship angle

If you and your male friend sleep in the same bed, do sausage fest has to occur? Nope!

If you and a female friend sleep in the same bed, do sausage garage has to occur? Nope!

If it is a friend you don't want to put something yours on his/her holes. Stop being horny virgins already.
 
I love having a girl in my groups of friends. They're fun, open up some doors that a group of guys might not be able to open, and having something pretty to look at always makes me happy. As long as you aren't pining from them, secretly loving them and all that crap, then there is absolutely no harm in it.
 
Messofanego said:
Science has deemed this to be false, so we can now finally put the kibosh on this argument!

Scientific American - Men and Women Can't be Friends
men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends_1.jpg
Click to expand...

The study is pretty accurate in my experience in regards to this aspect
Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends.
Click to expand...
but man even if this was objectively true for every person out there, does it really make a difference in our friendships with the opposite sex? I'd say males just have to get over whatever attraction they have towards a close female friend if the opposing party clearly isn't interested in them, is their plight so different from what gay people feel towards their straight friends? or bisexuals too! :p
 
I don't like the conclusions of the study. The study itself is believable, but I don't think that means men and women CAN'T straight up be friends. It just means men are much more likely would sleep with them if given the chance. And that's not wrong either. Doesn't mean they aren't my friends.
 
A time period needs to be established between "friends" and just acquaintances at work or other environments. You can be acquaintances for small chats, but I don't believe in long-time friends who can spend hours in each others' company.

The study proves that both parties have different perceptions of the relationship, and men need to be aware of it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Ask yourself and be honest... Do you congratulate women on Women's Day?
2 3
133
1K
Heimdall_Xtreme replied
Movies with Largest Disparity when Ranked by Men vs Women on IMDB
2
74
2K
The Cockatrice replied
If you could go on any game show, what would it be?
33
517
Grenseal replied
Reddit Could Be The Next Platform To Force Face ID
Community 
45
735
Solarstrike replied
Bonjour, my French GAF friends.
2
67
1K
p_xavier replied
Top Bottom