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Could straight men and women just be friends?
- Thread starter entremet
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I didn't say it was impossible, I just think that there is always a risk that you will develop feelings for said person. Obviously, civilized people will know how to control themselves, but in this day and age it seems like cheating has become more and more common.
Anyways, is it true that homosexual men are more likely to be promiscuous than other people, due to raging hormones or something like that?
freenudemacusers
Member
now we have a thread
If she's attractive and single and you're attractive and single, its more difficult, but still perfectly possible. If either of you is unnattractive or tied down, its pretty easy since any lust will be one-sided and nothing will happen anyways, or either of you can simply be a decent person and not play the 'pursuer' if the other person has a boy/girlfriend.
Seriously though, I dont see how people struggle with it so much. I can control my urges well enough that I dont feel the need to get in every attractive chick's pants, whether I'm close to them or not. Often enough, once you do get close to a girl on a friend level, they become just that in your eyes - a friend, not a potential mate.
I suppose with me, its easier because I'm picky. I like specific things in girls and there's so many of them that dont fit the bill that its easy to be friends with them knowing that I wouldn't want to be with them anyways.
Seriously though, I dont see how people struggle with it so much. I can control my urges well enough that I dont feel the need to get in every attractive chick's pants, whether I'm close to them or not. Often enough, once you do get close to a girl on a friend level, they become just that in your eyes - a friend, not a potential mate.
I suppose with me, its easier because I'm picky. I like specific things in girls and there's so many of them that dont fit the bill that its easy to be friends with them knowing that I wouldn't want to be with them anyways.
Both sides might be fine with being friends, but the judgement of others can really complicate your life.
RustyNails
Member
When you stare at your friend's ass, it's no longer friendship.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Now this was unexpected.
From what I understand, these women feel that the term 'friendzone' implies that the guy deserves to be in a romantic relationship with a woman he is interested in. That the term 'friendzone' is a demeaning way to refer to the woman's right to say no.
For Christ's sake, this.
At that point you should state your intentions and hope that they reciprocate. The best romantic relationships start out as good friendships, but you have to be honest about your feelings for each other which is understandably difficult for a lot of people.
Not really to the latter part of this statement. You are assuming that one or both of the parties are already committed to someone else which isn't usually the case with young people.
Schattenjäger
Gabriel Knight
No
at least one side always want to bang the other
at least one side always want to bang the other
Keeping her on deck doesn't count.
youngwerther
Banned
For me, not really.
I just can't turn it off.
It's a problem.
I just can't turn it off.
It's a problem.
That's one way to look at it. However, girls can be put in the "friendzone" too (and yes, this means girls have said they've been put there).
fluffydelusions
Member
Ever seen Seinfeld? Just sayin... 
Helllll no. At least in terms of the "raging hormones" part.
Gay men DO tend to be more promiscuous than straight men, but I think the biggest factor in that is there is less of a limiting factor because men tend to have and desire sex more often than women - and going to men to request sex is more likely to get a positive response than going to women. That's why, for example you see lesbian women are LESS promiscuous and more stable than heterosexual couples.
I disagree with this. I got a female friend who's smoking hot, and if given the opportunity, I would ruin the friendship super hard. But its not going to happen, cause I'm not going to try to seduce her or anything. I'm not in love with her, and my intention for our friendship has nothing to do with sex. I treat her as a friend and nothing else.
I like having a pretty female friend in my group of friends. They make me happier.
I'm not keeping her on deck. I honestly never think about anything with her, I just dont deny the fact that if we both found ourselves single, we would probably make a good couple.
I think a better question is, can they be friends without wanting on some level to have sex with one another?
I can't speak for a woman, but at least for me, only if they are a close relative or I find them unattractive
Edit: and even if they aren't attractive to me, sexual thoughts and desires can still creep in.
I can't speak for a woman, but at least for me, only if they are a close relative or I find them unattractive
Edit: and even if they aren't attractive to me, sexual thoughts and desires can still creep in.
entremet
Member
Yes. There's a big distinction here.
Claude
Catalina's bitch
Then I have no friends.
Yes of course, but each situation is different and depends on a number of factors. In ten years I've only ever fell for a friend once and it was the one I was attracted to the least. It's just that the personality, and everything else grew on me to the point where I couldn't help myself feeling that way.
yeah, but can't this be explained biologically by hormones (testosterone,etc..)?
VGChampion
Member
Almost all my friends are women. As long as I don't date the jealous type it's fine.
Eh, I don't know a lot of gay men, nor do I know any statistics, but it wouldn't surprise me. Not because of raging hormones or anything like that - heck I am pretty sure girls like sex more than guys on average - but because of the fact that homosexual relationships are already 'outside the box' as it were, other non-traditional relationships (like open relationships or polyamory) seem like it wouldn't be that much more of a stretch.
That being said, I don't think it's anything that can be measured outside of some anecdotes, so it's better to err on the side of caution and say 'probably not true'.
There is no significant difference between straight men and gay men's hormone levels. So no.
zephervack
Member
If a hot girl drives by my car, I sit up and try to look cool, etc, its pathetic.
If this girl was my friend, I sure as well would change a bit of who I am, in order to look more appealing sexually to her, not even trying, just on a subconscious level.
Yup, I have plenty of attractive female friends who I consider like family. It also really helps having social proof when you go out. Why risk losing that to get laid once? It's like "give a man a fish or teach a man to fish." Play the long game and you can't lose.
Of curse they do. I find it weird that some men apparently want to have sex with every single female on the planet and get grasp the idea that not everyone wants to have sex with everyone and that other meaningful relationships are sometimes preferable.
Also - what do you mean sexually attracted? I have female friends who I acknowledge are sexually attractive, as in, they're pretty, but I wouldn't actually want to have sex with them due to various other reasons. I am completely capable of being friends with them.
The only women I can't be friends with are those I'm actively trying to be together with or one I've given up trying to be together with due to one-sidedness.
Also - what do you mean sexually attracted? I have female friends who I acknowledge are sexually attractive, as in, they're pretty, but I wouldn't actually want to have sex with them due to various other reasons. I am completely capable of being friends with them.
The only women I can't be friends with are those I'm actively trying to be together with or one I've given up trying to be together with due to one-sidedness.
If you and girl click, are both single, and find each other attractive, then maybe actually pursue the person. There's nothing wrong with that. Just be a little confident that she might actually feel the same way or else you could be burning that bridge or at least making things awkward.
But there's plenty of chicks that are attractive and that I get along with real well that I could never actually date. There'll be certain things they do that I've come to see(from being a friend) that I wouldn't find acceptable in a relationship, so immediately I can get over that part of it and just get on with being friends and enjoying their company like I would any other friend.
Yeah because no guy has ever put a girl in the friendzone.
Ive had two relationships in my life with... well one relationship where there was no sex involved. We still chat on twitter... well we don't really talk anymore.
youngwerther
Banned
Describe these "factors" that you speak of...
zephervack
Member
I guess the confusion in threads like this is that everyone has a different meaning of "friends".
My version is that If I find myself attracted at all to a friend, it automatically isnt a platonic relationship any more.
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