I know from first hand experience the ups and downs of this, not because I have done it, but because my dad raised my (technically "half") sister with my mom.
There was definitely a lot of "I'm not her father"/"You're not my dad" type situations growing up in our household....it was definitely the worse in her teenage/highschool years. The fact that that is typically the "bad years" for child/parents relationships anyways, was only compounded by the stepfather aspect, add the fact that my parents were going through some rough patches during the same period....and well, it was a disaster from time to time.
My dads relationship with my sister got immediately better as soon as she moved out after highschool. It's like for the first time, she really understood the sacrifices he made for her, that he was the only that stayed and took care of her when her dad was half way across the country, at the same time, I think he realized not only that she was important to him, but that she is me and my brothers SISTER, and she is the only big sister we ever had. Also, about 3 years ago, she had a baby, and I can honestly say that my dad (Her stepdad) is the only granddad that baby has. It's wonderful to see their relationship develop, just ten years ago, my sister was making threats about going to live back with her "real dad", now her so called "step dad" is her sons favorite person in the household....:lol
I barely even consider the fact that he is her stepdad right now, I haven't looked at us as anything other then a regular nuclear family in years....this topic is the first thing thats even spawned such contemplations in quite some time.
The people telling him to bail out because the mother has some so called "baggage" fucking disgust me, I'm sure as hell glad as shit that my dad didn't brush aside my mother just because she had a daughter when they met.
I say see what happens, don't be scared off just because she might be more interested in the long term, hell, nearly every romantic relationship you get into is going to have that tension at least a little bit...see if the mother is at least okay in just taking things as they come for awhile, and don't get too attached to the kid too early, and who knows, maybe everything will fall into place.
