JadedWriter
Member
Oh I know, I think that's why I care more about mental health than appearance..
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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Gotdatmoney
Member
I've kept quiet the last for pages but this in particular...man what the fuck are you on about? Everything you been tahm bout the last few pages has posed everyone you've been around as crazy or mentally unstable and you are the perfect constant that has been pure. Dude, fucking stop. If every girl you have been with is crazy, it means you are also crazy and attracting similar outcomes. It is not just "them", it's also "you". Stop this bullshit excuse making blame party and take some personal responsibility for your outcomes. A person that dresses crappy isnt more or less likely to stab you Dr. Psych analysis. Get outta here with that shit. Get a better wardrobe because that's what the fuck adults who want outcomes do. Period.
You are not seriously telling us that appearance doesn't matter. You aren't so naive to have made it this far in life and not learned that how you present yourself to people matters. You aren't so sheltered that you haven't heard "dress to impress". Reading this whole thing has been ridiculous. You are blaming everything else for your issues but you. No its not the mental health of all the girls you have been with that is the source of all the issues here.
artsi
Member
JadedWriter
Member
I wore this no no shirt:
Not every woman I have tried to date has been crazy, I think the one's that actually have been were just a bit traumatizing. It's only been...2? That I can justifiably say have been crazy. I would say 3, but I know enough about her from being Facebook friends with her to know we'd never date. I also know I'm a bit of a clusterfuck. If what I write comes off as me trying to dodge that then that's solely my fault. I guess I'm just a bit of a fucking dolt for trying to find acceptance while at the same time refusing to change.
There is no correlation between fashion and mental health. All schizophrenics (I know a lot due to work) I know dress badly.
When you show up dressed badly at a first date, what you are saying is 'I didn't care enough to make myself presentable for you'
Haloid1177
Banned
I feel it's gonna be important to reiterate that the shirt in itself is fine, but it's when you decide to wear it that needs greater thought put into it.
Draconestra
Member
So guys, how do you deal with the anxiety and uncertainty of whether things are gonna be good between you and someone or if it's going to go downhill from now on.
I'm old enough to know that this girl will need some major space, but damn. There's just so many questions and misunderstandings that I'm just so damn confused about.
Normally, like any advice given here, I'd keep busy and go on about my day and if things go south, I'll be upset and move on with my life. Thing is, this is my best friend, and I'm terrified of losing her. I already took the risk of asking her out, and thankfully she said yes. We've gone on two dates already, but there's something I did, that I now regret, that she knows about, and it's making her question whether I'm being serious about us or not.
It's been barely a week since our first date, but damn, last week was so hectic it feels like it's been a month.
I'm old enough to know that this girl will need some major space, but damn. There's just so many questions and misunderstandings that I'm just so damn confused about.
Normally, like any advice given here, I'd keep busy and go on about my day and if things go south, I'll be upset and move on with my life. Thing is, this is my best friend, and I'm terrified of losing her. I already took the risk of asking her out, and thankfully she said yes. We've gone on two dates already, but there's something I did, that I now regret, that she knows about, and it's making her question whether I'm being serious about us or not.
It's been barely a week since our first date, but damn, last week was so hectic it feels like it's been a month.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Hold on a minute, are you purposely making this too easy?
So what's your checklist look like now?
1. Won't Stab me
2. Meets my standard of beauty
3. Educated to university degree
4. Has her ducks in a row
5. Aqueses to me begging on a Subway station for another chance
So what's your checklist look like now?
1. Won't Stab me
2. Meets my standard of beauty
3. Educated to university degree
4. Has her ducks in a row
5. Aqueses to me begging on a Subway station for another chance
JadedWriter
Member
Man I think you guys pretty much just ascertained the fact that I'm a basket case. I need to develop some form of confidence already...yikes.
Don't worry I agree. I guess this is what I get for not having friends willing to slap the fucking bejesus out of me whenever I say something stupid.
dappered.com is a good resource, a really good one.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You need therapy, not a woman.
I say this with kindness. I'm in therapy. Everyone should be in therapy.
But there's little to no chance that (without help) you could be an adequate partner right now. A date, sure. Don't stop trying and learning. But you need to realize that a fulfilling relationship is something that takes work -- and you're not exactly working on being one half of that equation.
Gotdatmoney
Member
We get this type of response a lot here and the issue is, no one is trying to actively change you. We are saying you need to put in work to be better. Like, it's nice to want things but ultimately if you find yourself in this thread it's probably because you are failing. So if you want different results you have to do different actions. People who are not having success need to accept a different path.
I told another person that you have to aspire to do more than play vids and watch anime if you wanna be successful in the dating world. If you don't want to aspire to more than yeah, you'll keep taking Ls. No one can help you if you arent open to change.
Worrying about it isnt gonna fix anything so chill?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You accept it. You will never know if things will work out, and even if they do, people change.
But stop vagueposting. How the heck can we offer commentary if you leave out 95% of the story?
Oh hell no, you just struck a damn nerve with me
You do know that a college education isn't an end-all, be-all sign of intelligence, right? Why the fuck do you need this girl to have a FUCKING BACHELOR'S DEGREE to date them? No, seriously, why? People with degrees aren't going to automatically get awesome high paying jobs. Colleges are getting prohibitively expensive and many people can't justify the cost, especially when there's trade school for many decent paying jobs like electrical work and nursing.
Like, why? Why would you limit your dating pool based on a piece of paper that says little about the actual person you are? Why not discern the ACTUAL intelligence of a person via talking instead of just being like "oh this person didn't get a 4 year degree, they're obviously stupid". Not everyone is #blessed enough to go to fucking college, Jesus fucking Christ
JadedWriter
Member
I work in an office with people with degrees yet at the same time they're dumb as rocks so I know paper does not equal intelligence. I gotta a bachelors and well...there are clearly some gears in my head that are not turning right at the moment. I think the reason for this goes back to my upbringing and watching my non diploma'd father go back and forth between jobs and not really being a useful financial partner and societies expectations.
I need to talk to living people more. I spend too much damn time cooped up in my head, it's clearly destructive.
Widdle Puppy
Banned
I have a crush on someone online that I'm friends with. I can't help but feel bad whenever we are talking cause I wish we could be more but we live in different countries.
I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to end the friendship. I also then feel bad about it.
What should I do?
I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to end the friendship. I also then feel bad about it.
What should I do?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Talk to more people in real life.
Like AD said, find a therapist. They're trained to talk to people, they don't have to be polite and can call you out on your bullshit, and they're legally unable to tell anyone else what you talk about (unless you're a threat to yourself or others).
Redirect your energy towards dating people in your own country.
JadedWriter
Member
I really should see if I can find one that takes my insurance, was actually in therapy for six years during and post college, it's been a while and life has been a bit too...emo lately. Clearly that stress and keeping it bottled isn't helping my outlook.
Widdle Puppy
Banned
You guys are right. I'm meeting up with a girl I met on tinder this week.
I just can't help but wish it was my online friend cause I want her and only her.
But I think I'll just try my best to redirect these feelings.
Should i end our friendship or should I just distance myself, not message her as much, etc
I just can't help but wish it was my online friend cause I want her and only her.
But I think I'll just try my best to redirect these feelings.
Should i end our friendship or should I just distance myself, not message her as much, etc
Spaced Harrier
Member
Turns out you weren't too far from the truth. And worst of all, i would fucking smash.
Its not fair to be a dude, but the anime shirts will have to be just 6 nights a week for you my friend.
Spaced Harrier
Member
JadedWriter
So what are you going to do today?
What specific action, from the many suggested by the more seasoned here, will you complete.
Today.
Without making an excuse.
It is 12.37 in New York City, the day is young.
Type out an answer (a sensible one) and commit to it.
What is your response?
So what are you going to do today?
What specific action, from the many suggested by the more seasoned here, will you complete.
Today.
Without making an excuse.
It is 12.37 in New York City, the day is young.
Type out an answer (a sensible one) and commit to it.
What is your response?
JadedWriter
Member
Well I'm currently at work, but at some point this week I really need to start browsing at Macy's or step into the Gap I work by. At least get a new shirt or something (don't worry it will include buttons). I will admit to not browsing dating sites too much now.
henleys are a good look if you can fill them out
Have you met your friend in real life before? It sounds like you've turned her into a fantasy, and no human female can ever compare to a fantasy. I won't tell you what do with her - that should be your call. Do whatever you think is necessary to stop her from holding back your dating life.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Theory tees are solid. I do the same.
Ron Mexico
Member
Some food for thought (and I'm being pedantic for a reason)-- you set your "educational standards" at a Bachelor's yet there's...this? Tell me you majored in English. It would truly make my day.
My fiancee didn't finish college. She was paying her own way by working full-time throughout and after a couple promotions realized she frankly didn't need it. She's also one of the most intelligent people I've ever met and makes a shade over $100k (only offering this based on this quoted need for a "financial partner" as justification for a degree on your dating checklist). I'm in a career where a piece of paper means jack shit-- to the point where it was a) not a requirement for the job description and b) not discussed whatsoever during my interview. I'll merely say I hold up my end of the "financial partner". By that same token, if we both made a fraction of what we do, and while we're not close to millionaires as it is, we'd still make it work.
Frankly Gaiages is right. Advocatus is right. Gotdatmoney is right. But until you pull your head out of your ass and realize the problem is with you, nothing is going to change.
You were told you needed therapy. You responded with "I need to talk to living people more". No. Unless by "living people" you mean "therapist".
Edit to add: In the time it took you to post from work that you need to find a therapist that takes your insurance, you could have already been on your provider's website and have the answer to that question.
Noice. I don't really like dress shirts or any buttoned shirts that much. I only wear them on very rare occasions. I look good in them like anyone else does but I just don't like them. My wardrobe is getting a little repetitive lately. I wear the same 5 or so shirts and two or three jeans. And I definitely need new shoes. I should buy those today...
Draconestra
Member
Alright, basically I had a quick fling with a girl that lasted three days about two months ago. We literally only had sex once out of those three days but no one else knows besides this girl and I. Best friend knows because I told her, but didn't get into any details because I'm not vocal about my sex life really. Anyways, I guess this is where I made my first mistake. I called it quits with that girl because it just wasn't what I wanted, doesn't help that alcohol was involved either.
Moving on, from this point onward I start spending time with my best friend and actually start catching feelings, hard. So far, I have never hinted that I was interested, so to her, when I asked her out and she's aware of my recent fling, it comes out of the blue to her and she probably thinks I'm asking her out like a "Why not?" situation. During our date, I made it crystal clear that I meant it. In fact, that's why I asked her out on a second date, and she thankfully said yes.
Our second date was a lot better, we were much more relaxed and we had a lot of fun and did some light flirting. Basically, we were being our normal selves again. I had a lot of fun and we arranged plans for Saturday. We did briefly talk about us dating, to make sure we were on the same page. She just said she was terrified of losing me, as am I.
On Saturday, everything is fine and we talk like always and we decide to meet up with some friends of mine later that night. As the night progresses, a mutual friend of mine decides to come over and being said girl from two months ago. I didn't know how to react, and I wanted to leave. Except, I get blindsided by her leaving early with someone else. I was her ride home. This actually hurt, and I left soon afterwards.
The following day I ask her if she's alright, and she told me she was fine. But then we start talking about her and I, and she reveals that said girl was a bit of a problem, because she did actually like me, but when I told her about said girl, she pretty much decided not to pursue me since she felt I didn't feel the same way. However, I come here out of the blue asking her out now, and she doesn't know what to think. She didn't know that I dropped that girl a while back until we talked last night.
Now, I'm not sure where this is going. I feel like I failed to show her I'm legit interested in her, and it's blowing up on my face. I feel like a jackass and I have to own the mistake I made, I'm not denying it, but damn do I regret it.
I honestly have no idea how to proceed from here. I really want to talk to her to clear things up, but I feel that's just gonna add more strain to our relationship/friendship and it's bugging the shit out of me. I feel like she needs a lot of space so she can think, and I need to respect that.
I feel like a fucking dumbass tbh.
Edit: Oh, and the reason I was being vague at first was because the general consensus of this thread, is if you have to type paragraphs about your situation, you're most likely overthinking it and need to move on. And now I'm pretty sure that's what I'm going to get now.
JadedWriter
Member
Majored in Journalism and Creative Writing. I really am the problem. Looks like my union offers "mental health assistants" I wonder if this counts. This is really a phone call I need an empty office to make.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Best friend = Online friend? Dude, you only like her because she's giving you attention. That and you are projecting onto her. The advice we give here is stop texting and set up a real date quickly so you can see if the online persona is a true refection of the real person.
Stop using her as a substitute relationship.
always crazy bacon
Banned
You've certainly mastered creative writing.
JadedWriter
Member
I spend too much time in my head with my head up my own ass. Yeesh, I knew I was a bit...off, but I had no idea I was this bad.
always crazy bacon
Banned
So stop posting in this topic and start posting in one that can help you, if you really do want to change.
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=212365158#post212365158
Spaced Harrier
Member
Dude today, after work. Get a shirt and jeans.
I don't know what Macy's is and if it's anyone's so US Gaf have to advise on that.
But do it today. And post back here.
Christ take some photos in the changing room the guys here will give advice.
But do not push it to "later in the week" it never comes.
Do it today.
When you're fit you can make most things look good. I would recommend a V-neck over a normal tee though. I guess v necks are t shirts though, damn names
Wait hold on, she's mad about a fling you had before you two were dating? That's, like, not normal nor is it fair to you. If she has a problem with your romantic past, then that's on her, not you.
Macy's is a department store. But yes, he should absolutely go there today. Jaded, don't push what you can do today to tomorrow.
It feels great to make progress and get stuff done. You can do this.
It's a department store. Good place to pick up a pair of Levi's. They have dozens of different styles, refer to this guide to help figure out what'll work for you - http://pantsme.net/blog/levis-definitive-guide
Astral Dog
Member
Megalosaro
Banned
Jaded,
Fashion dosent need to be expensive. Check out H&M. They look pretty good and aren't bad. American Eagle is good too.
I am not the most fashionable dude. I refuse to spend that much money on a shit, and you can't dress that well anyway or else is some try hard shit.
Fashion dosent need to be expensive. Check out H&M. They look pretty good and aren't bad. American Eagle is good too.
I am not the most fashionable dude. I refuse to spend that much money on a shit, and you can't dress that well anyway or else is some try hard shit.
Draconestra
Member
That's what I'm so confused about! At first she was terrified of losing me, but I told her I was serious about asking her out and meant it. I told her I have real feelings for her. I wasn't beating around the bush or anything like that, I no longer had any time to keep shit vague on my end.
Now though, it seems like this previous fling is a problem, but I don't know why exactly. Other than the fact that I made her think I wasn't interested in her at the time, I have absolutely no clue what to make of it.
This is why I want to talk in person and clear things up, but I don't know how to proceed. I don't want to seem so godamn pushy and make it look like I want an answer "right now!", you know? Having to say "We need to talk" just sounds so negative and dreadful, and I don't like it but I know we need it.
I seriously like this girl a lot, but holy shit am I probably overthinking shit on my end. I definitely do not feel like my confident usual self, the one she always knows. Instead, I feel anxious and really strange because of all this uncertainty. My head is all over the place right now.
JadedWriter
Member
I will run into a Gap cause I might have to meet up with a prospective roommate to show him the apartment space later.
Oh yeah, H&M is a pretty good one! I forgot about that one. I buy the men's v necks there because the frigging neck line isn't all the way down to my damn cleavage and the sleeves are *actual* sleeves unlike women's shirts and their damn 'tiny flap of fabric' fake sleeves. Oh obviously the men's v necks will look good on men, too. >.>
They're reasonably priced too.
Megalosaro
Banned
Eh... Gap...
I guess to each their own.
I guess to each their own.
JadedWriter
Member
Convenience, I hate their prices.
I'm guessing you know your size there already or something?
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