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[desertsession]

Current situation, want advice on how to navigate the next step...

Had a big night drinking on Friday night, found myself sat in my flat on my laptop at 7 in the morning. A girl was online who's sister I really fancy, have for a while. So I decided to awkwardly start a conversation.

Long story short, the conversation actually went better than I'd imagined as I told her I thought her sister was beautiful and had wanted to chat to her for a while but didn't feel like I had a way in. Her sister told me that they had discussed me in the past, as I had liked a couple of her Instagram pictures (without anything in return), to which the sister said 'That may have been my fault, I told her I thought you had a girlfriend'.

So I was quite buzzed that I'd been talked about. Anyway, we left it that she would talk to her sister (who has 'little confidence') and tell her to 'give me a chance' as the sister thinks I'm alright.

This is where I may have messed up. During the conversation she said 'I'll text her today', so on the night, I popped up again to ask if there'd been any good/bad developments (I know, I shouldn't have done this). She replied with 'I haven't seen her, I'll probably talk to her tomorrow' (Sunday).

Haven't heard anything since then (Saturday). How long do I wait before popping up again, or do I just leave it indefinitely and take no answer as... no? Or do I try speaking directly to the girl, not the sister.

Really wanna speak to the girl lol.

 

[Peltz]

Current situation, want advice on how to navigate the next step...

Had a big night drinking on Friday night, found myself sat in my flat on my laptop at 7 in the morning. A girl was online who's sister I really fancy, have for a while. So I decided to awkwardly start a conversation.

Long story short, the conversation actually went better than I'd imagined as I told her I thought her sister was beautiful and had wanted to chat to her for a while but didn't feel like I had a way in. Her sister told me that they had discussed me in the past, as I had liked a couple of her Instagram pictures (without anything in return), to which the sister said 'That may have been my fault, I told her I thought you had a girlfriend'.

So I was quite buzzed that I'd been talked about. Anyway, we left it that she would talk to her sister (who has 'little confidence') and tell her to 'give me a chance' as the sister thinks I'm alright.

This is where I may have messed up. During the conversation she said 'I'll text her today', so on the night, I popped up again to ask if there'd been any good/bad developments (I know, I shouldn't have done this). She replied with 'I haven't seen her, I'll probably talk to her tomorrow' (Sunday).

Haven't heard anything since then (Saturday). How long do I wait before popping up again, or do I just leave it indefinitely and take no answer as... no? Or do I try speaking directly to the girl, not the sister.

Really wanna speak to the girl lol.

Just text her.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Just text her.

Am I reading right? He's asking one sister to contact the other that he fancies?

 

[desertsession]

Am I reading right? He's asking one sister to contact the other that he fancies?

I know the sister somewhat... Not the other.

 

[Joelstinton14]

Ok GAF life is getting interesting

Just started dating an amazing woman, we've been friends for a few months and it happened completely naturally... our personalities just click, we have very similar interests and a really intense connection. Only she's 5 years older (I'm 25 which puts her at 30) and my relationships so far amount to a 2-week-thing last summer.

At this point I'm mostly past caring about my lack of experience, in the end I had a ton of anxieties and other stuff to work through in the last years, maybe it was even for the better... still, this could get weird

I could see this turning serious pretty soon just because of the connection we have. But at the same time while 5 years isn't a whole lot I can't deny that physically I'm more attracted to girls closer to my age

What to do...

It isn't really about physical attraction the more you grow up. That is what i am finding anyway. Also you will find things that only you think is cute about her, or what you think is sexy and over time she will appear really attractive just to you and no one else will.

I kind of get what you mean because it is something that I have struggled with. I probably used to be a right perv, but i used to check out every girl that i came across, but i am slowly realising that looks don't matter that much. All that looking meant nothing. I still do check out girls but for me physical attraction doesn't matter anymore. Which confuses me sometimes but it is the actual person that i am interested in, and i find that i see something there that is phyiscally attractive about her that i hadn't noticed before the more i get to know and like her. It's in the little details, like how maybe she will one day wear her hair, or how she reacts to something that i think is super hot.

I often find that if i talk with a girl, enjoy it, and then realise that she is attractive. Perhaps the physical attraction aspect is working it's magic underneath and why you move or get drawn to certain people, but it is never what you expect.

You seem to have a natural rapport with her. Go for it.

Edit: That is not to say that physical attraction doesn;t matter, but if you are epexting to date super hot girls you can forget about it. Over time you will just notice and get drawn to people. Go for those people!

 

[always crazy bacon]

I know the sister somewhat... Not the other.

Forget it. You basically did the equivalent of drunk calling an ex girlfriend. The sister you are talking to more than likely does not have a good impression of you and I'd not going to hook you up with her sister. She's blocking you, "I'll text her" then follows up with "I haven't seen her" why do you need to see her to send a text? At what point are these sisters not away from thier phones for more than 5 minutes. If the sister that you're talking to thought you were good she would have most likely A) passed on your contact details B) given you her sisters. She's done neither and she's not going to.

Don't ask again, wait until you actually see the sister you want and talk to her yourself.

 

[Solo]

We've only been together 7 weeks........ Last weekend I took her to Paris for her birthday

Whaaaaaaaaat

No fam, not like this.

 

[artsi]

...

Or do I try speaking directly to the girl, not the sister.

Really wanna speak to the girl lol.

Why didn't you do this in the first place?

You need to grow a pair and ask her out directly like a man, not try to sneak in her vagina through her sister ffs.

 

[desertsession]

Don't ask again, wait until you actually see the sister you want and talk to her yourself.

You need to grow a pair and ask her out directly like a man, not try to sneak in her vagina through her sister ffs.

Ok ok!

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Ok ok!

Are you twelve? Because that's the impression I'm getting from your post.

 

[LegendofDragoonLives]

An update on my situation, she didn't turn up for work today. Told me she wanted to look for a new one. Found out from a lot of people that apparently she is engaged with this guy, getting married next year lol!

She txt me saying she really really likes me too and that we should talk to sort this out. I told her to not bother and to forget it, that I'm done. Can't be bothered with any of this shit.

Thanks again to the kind posters here, really appreciate it.

dude what the fuck.. just came in for a quick read and your updates left me

At least it got sorted breh, but this is some really fucked up shit lol

 

[DJwest]

Whaaaaaaaaat

No fam, not like this.

I feel bad for laughing lol

 

[jimmypython]

Current situation, want advice on how to navigate the next step...

Had a big night drinking on Friday night, found myself sat in my flat on my laptop at 7 in the morning. A girl was online who's sister I really fancy, have for a while. So I decided to awkwardly start a conversation.

Long story short, the conversation actually went better than I'd imagined as I told her I thought her sister was beautiful and had wanted to chat to her for a while but didn't feel like I had a way in. Her sister told me that they had discussed me in the past, as I had liked a couple of her Instagram pictures (without anything in return), to which the sister said 'That may have been my fault, I told her I thought you had a girlfriend'.

So I was quite buzzed that I'd been talked about. Anyway, we left it that she would talk to her sister (who has 'little confidence') and tell her to 'give me a chance' as the sister thinks I'm alright.

This is where I may have messed up. During the conversation she said 'I'll text her today', so on the night, I popped up again to ask if there'd been any good/bad developments (I know, I shouldn't have done this). She replied with 'I haven't seen her, I'll probably talk to her tomorrow' (Sunday).

Haven't heard anything since then (Saturday). How long do I wait before popping up again, or do I just leave it indefinitely and take no answer as... no? Or do I try speaking directly to the girl, not the sister.

Really wanna speak to the girl lol.

Sometimes the sister is your worst enemy lol.

Another note, I think I have exhausted the OKCupid population ughhhh

 

[gaiages]

It's not just you who's noticed. He's just running the same cycle every time expecting a different outcome when the common factor in all the dates is him. He's mentioned several times about feeling judged for one reason or another by the girl and has zero tolerance for minor things and the way he recounts these things makes them sound like a much bigger deal than they probably are. Also he's Hispanic and I only know one Hispanic guy personally (admittedly small sample size) but he has temper issues as well, but he's aware of his and has even said to me it's something he needs to work on.

Jhoan says he's confident but his insecurities are still there because he's not relaxed and comfortable with himself first and that's why he's feeling judged.

My boyfriend is Hispanic and he is literally the most chill person I have ever met. His brother is pretty chill too... his sister is a bit more wound up, though.

I do realize Hispanic cultures can have problems with masculinity and machismo that can cause undue aggression, though. I'm unsure whether or not that's the case with Jhoan, I haven't been keeping up on his updates if I'm being honest.

 

[manfestival]

Yes. .

....you almost smashed, and you're wondering if she wants to kiss you?

bruh, don't worry about fucking it up, you already got it. Just be yourself.

She wouldn't have climbed in a bed with you or invited to spend time with you if she didn't like you already.

Yeah so things went very well. Didnt smash but whatever. We did kiss on the beach and I guess that is romantic. We honestly just spent the whole time talking and getting to know each other. Got there at 9pm and left at 4am.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

My boyfriend is Hispanic and he is literally the most chill person I have ever met. His brother is pretty chill too... his sister is a bit more wound up, though.

I do realize Hispanic cultures can have problems with masculinity and machismo that can cause undue aggression, though. I'm unsure whether or not that's the case with Jhoan, I haven't been keeping up on his updates if I'm being honest.

A friend is married to a Brazilian woman and she's one of the most chill people I've met so far. She's into meditation, essence sticks, crystals and all that nonsense, so that might be why.

There used to be a Ecuadorian guy at my old work place and dude was a legit ticking time bomb. He erupted once when someone messed with his chair.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Are you twelve? Because that's the impression I'm getting from your post.

The whole thing just reads fucking silly. Is it hard to just ask for what you want? This is just some ultra cowardly ass shit. You like someone, ask em out. Sttaight up.

 

[Prime crotch]

I'm probably screwing myself here, but with the girls I've met seems I'm always the one pushing, so I'm refraining from texting first for a while to see what happens.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I'm probably screwing myself here, but with the girls I've met seems I'm always the one pushing, so I'm refraining from texting first for a while to see what happens.

Are you pushing in terms of asking to meet up or just to start pointless small talk? If you have to ask to go on dates and they are actually receptive and committ to going on the date then you have a very small problem frankly. If you have to push to get any discussion at all from them then yeah it is probably going no where.

 

[Prime crotch]

Pushing as in day to day communication. We've hooked up a couple of times beforehand, and I know that some people fall under the notion that the guy should take the first step more than others, buuuut I've taken quite a few first steps already.

 

[AcridMeat]

Pushing as in day to day communication. We've hooked up a couple of times beforehand, and I know that some people fall under the notion that the guy should take the first step more than others, buuuut I've taken quite a few first steps already.

There's no set "limit" or something for who sets up dates. As already mentioned if she is receptive and not flaking on dates and you enjoy each other's company then you have no problem at all.

If it's an issue still you can talk to her and say how you'd like if she plans the next one.

edit: Oh and if all you've done is hook up, then maybe there's a lack of communication on where each other's priorities are. Maybe you're looking for a relationship and she's looking at you as a hook up and nothing more.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Pushing as in day to day communication. We've hooked up a couple of times beforehand, and I know that some people fall under the notion that the guy should take the first step more than others, buuuut I've taken quite a few first steps already.

Hooking up isn't dating. Make it clear you would like a date. Or ask what you 2 are so you can set up your expectations properly. If all you are doing is hooking up its hard for me to see why there is an expectation for day to day communication.

 

[Megalosaro]

A friend is married to a Brazilian woman and she's one of the most chill people I've met so far. She's into meditation, essence sticks, crystals and all that nonsense, so that might be why.

There used to be a Ecuadorian guy at my old work place and dude was a legit ticking time bomb. He erupted once when someone messed with his chair.

Are Brazillians considered Hispanic.

Crazy.

 

[Megalosaro]

The slut shaming over online dating in that "never see someone again" is fucking ridiculous.

What the hell with some people.

 

[jimmypython]

Hooking up isn't dating. Make it clear you would like a date. Or ask what you 2 are so you can set up your expectations properly. If all you are doing is hooking up its hard for me to see why there is an expectation for day to day communication.

this is very true.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

The slut shaming over online dating in that "never see someone again" is fucking ridiculous.

What the hell with some people.

I have no idea what you're talking about tbh.

 

[Neoweee]

Interesting scenario:

I finally signed up for Tinder again (last tried a few years ago). Chatting with somebody while at a game night when I decided to look at some more matches. One girl had a group photo as her main, so I asked how to check out more pictures. The people that gave me advice peered over and said "Oh, shit, it's ***** *******", and that she was pretty cool.

We matched.

I pretty much have to mention this somehow, right? It seems immoral or deceptive to not say otherwise.

 

[WriterGK]

So I need some advice. I had one relationship which lasted 6 months and ended exactly 3 years ago. She told me 3 years ago that she didn't feel ''us'' anymore after 3 months of those 6. Which in hindsight for me wasn't that all bad because we started having sex after the first 3 months. It wasn't great sex but it was sex. It's her fault to keep it on going for another 3 months if she doesn't feel us anymore...
Anyway fast forward 3 years...
I am going to the gym now 2/3 times a week and 1 day a week I do yoga. My goal in the gym is getting fit and maybe a little bitt of muscle. But this is just basically background so I stop there.

The thing is maybe I have too high of standards. But If I think I like a girl and there is some sort of connection I ask them out and specifically say the word date. But there reply's mostly are ''I just started dating someone but really sweet and brave of you to say the word date'' or they are in a relationship. Those two reasons are the best ones. But there is this other 10-20% of girls and there reply is ''I am too busy right now for dating''
And there is this other thing about many girls say they have a boyfriend but in 95% of those cases or more the boyfriend is never there. So either he is busy working, is not very social or they just don't want to say no to me?

What should I do different? I have autism for a very light form but everywhere I go I talk to people even dudes but most of the time to women. And since I am currently unemployed I do a lot of volunteering work to just be busy and build my resume. But even when I do had jobs I still do a lot of volunteering work because there girls there are really good looking and I like to give customers/visitors a really nice time.

I can get phone numbers from girls I even did that on the train/bus and such things but It never really pans out.

So should I just try to hook up and ask girls out for a date? Or should I just lower my standards?

 

[Megalosaro]

I have no idea what you're talking about tbh.

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1400967

Apparently all Internet dating girls are sluts only looking for hookups, and "if you fuck them well enough, they'll come back"

 

[Gotdatmoney]

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1400967

Apparently all Internet dating girls are sluts only looking for hookups, and "if you fuck them well enough, they'll come back"

Oh okay. Yeah dude is an asshole. He got properly chewed out rather quick so I aint really feeling that outraged.

 

[gaiages]

Are Brazillians considered Hispanic.

Crazy.

No, but I think Miles was just adding to the cultural differences discussion.

At least, I haven't heard of Brazilians being considered Hispanic, but tbh I never delved into that label much.

The slut shaming over online dating in that "never see someone again" is fucking ridiculous.

What the hell with some people.

I don't understand what you're talking about... elaborate?

EDIT: Oh. Yikes, that's a thread.

So I need some advice. I had one relationship which lasted 6 months and ended exactly 3 years ago. She told me 3 years ago that she didn't feel ''us'' anymore after 3 months of those 6. Which in hindsight for me wasn't that all bad because we started having sex after the first 3 months. It wasn't great sex but it was sex. It's her fault to keep it on going for another 3 months if she doesn't feel us anymore...
Anyway fast forward 3 years...
I am going to the gym now 2/3 times a week and 1 day a week I do yoga. My goal in the gym is getting fit and maybe a little bitt of muscle. But this is just basically background so I stop there.

The thing is maybe I have too high of standards. But If I think I like a girl and there is some sort of connection I ask them out and specifically say the word date. But there reply's mostly are ''I just started dating someone but really sweet and brave of you to say the word date'' or they are in a relationship. Those two reasons are the best ones. But there is this other 10-20% of girls and there reply is ''I am too busy right now for dating''
And there is this other thing about many girls say they have a boyfriend but in 95% of those cases or more the boyfriend is never there. So either he is busy working, is not very social or they just don't want to say no to me?

What should I do different? I have autism for a very light form but everywhere I go I talk to people even dudes but most of the time to women. And since I am currently unemployed I do a lot of volunteering work to just be busy and build my resume. But even when I do had jobs I still do a lot of volunteering work because there girls there are really good looking and I like to give customers/visitors a really nice time.

I can get phone numbers from girls I even did that on the train/bus and such things but It never really pans out.

So should I just try to hook up and ask girls out for a date? Or should I just lower my standards?

Uh, it's a bit hard to give advice about your standards or what might be going wrong when all you've really told us is that you've asked women out and got rejected. Most of what you wrote here, to be blunt, doesn't really matter in terms of you dating, including a relationship from 3+ years ago.

I mean, you just could be unlucky and just constantly asking taken women out. Maybe trying online dating instead?

 

[WriterGK]

No, but I think Miles was just adding to the cultural differences discussion.

At least, I haven't heard of Brazilians being considered Hispanic, but tbh I never delved into that label much.



I don't understand what you're talking about... elaborate?

EDIT: Oh. Yikes, that's a thread.



Uh, it's a bit hard to give advice about your standards or what might be going wrong when all you've really told us is that you've asked women out and got rejected. Most of what you wrote here, to be blunt, doesn't really matter in terms of you dating, including a relationship from 3+ years ago.

I mean, you just could be unlucky and just constantly asking taken women out. Maybe trying online dating instead?

Okay thnx mate. I have tried Okcupid before but even the average/little bit better then average looking there ''replyed realy rarely'' I am on Tastebuds.fm for 5/6 years now but never met anyone face to face. There is this dutch website were you only see each other photo after you have sent a lot of messages over and over but at least all of these are better then a paid dating site which just totally suck imo

 

[Llyranor]

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1400967

Apparently all Internet dating girls are sluts only looking for hookups, and "if you fuck them well enough, they'll come back"

I love that the backpedaling from that guy is 'Did you know that if you go on a date with a girl you met online, there is the possibility you might not be the first person she's ever gone on a date with ever?'

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Are Brazillians considered Hispanic.

Crazy.

No, but I think Miles was just adding to the cultural differences discussion.

At least, I haven't heard of Brazilians being considered Hispanic, but tbh I never delved into that label much.

Yup, I left that post rather vague, so my apologies for any misunderstanding.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

So I need some advice. I had one relationship which lasted 6 months and ended exactly 3 years ago. She told me 3 years ago that she didn't feel ''us'' anymore after 3 months of those 6. Which in hindsight for me wasn't that all bad because we started having sex after the first 3 months. It wasn't great sex but it was sex. It's her fault to keep it on going for another 3 months if she doesn't feel us anymore...
Anyway fast forward 3 years...
I am going to the gym now 2/3 times a week and 1 day a week I do yoga. My goal in the gym is getting fit and maybe a little bitt of muscle. But this is just basically background so I stop there.

The thing is maybe I have too high of standards. But If I think I like a girl and there is some sort of connection I ask them out and specifically say the word date. But there reply's mostly are ''I just started dating someone but really sweet and brave of you to say the word date'' or they are in a relationship. Those two reasons are the best ones. But there is this other 10-20% of girls and there reply is ''I am too busy right now for dating''
And there is this other thing about many girls say they have a boyfriend but in 95% of those cases or more the boyfriend is never there. So either he is busy working, is not very social or they just don't want to say no to me?

What should I do different? I have autism for a very light form but everywhere I go I talk to people even dudes but most of the time to women. And since I am currently unemployed I do a lot of volunteering work to just be busy and build my resume. But even when I do had jobs I still do a lot of volunteering work because there girls there are really good looking and I like to give customers/visitors a really nice time.

I can get phone numbers from girls I even did that on the train/bus and such things but It never really pans out.

So should I just try to hook up and ask girls out for a date? Or should I just lower my standards?

I dont get what any of this has to do with standards?¿¿?

 

[Megalosaro]

Ok GAF life is getting interesting

Just started dating an amazing woman, we've been friends for a few months and it happened completely naturally... our personalities just click, we have very similar interests and a really intense connection. Only she's 5 years older (I'm 25 which puts her at 30) and my relationships so far amount to a 2-week-thing last summer.

At this point I'm mostly past caring about my lack of experience, in the end I had a ton of anxieties and other stuff to work through in the last years, maybe it was even for the better... still, this could get weird

I could see this turning serious pretty soon just because of the connection we have. But at the same time while 5 years isn't a whole lot I can't deny that physically I'm more attracted to girls closer to my age

What to do...

I don't see the issue. It's okay to acknowledge that you're more attracted to other women than your girlfriend. I don't think anyone thinks their SO is the most attractive person on the planet.

30 isn't that bad. I'm 30 lol. I think there are unique issues that come with dating some one older than you, but I think it's very rewarding. There will be things you're going to have to discuss with her eventually.. but at the same time, a lot of those issues are pretty far off.

As long as you are in fact attracted to your girl, you can be in a happy, rewarding committed relationship. Appreciate her, and she'll appreciate you.

 

[cyborg009]

Looked at coffee meets bagel for a bit it seems cool.

 

[brawly]

Ok GAF life is getting interesting

Just started dating an amazing woman, we've been friends for a few months and it happened completely naturally... our personalities just click, we have very similar interests and a really intense connection. Only she's 5 years older (I'm 25 which puts her at 30) and my relationships so far amount to a 2-week-thing last summer.

At this point I'm mostly past caring about my lack of experience, in the end I had a ton of anxieties and other stuff to work through in the last years, maybe it was even for the better... still, this could get weird

I could see this turning serious pretty soon just because of the connection we have. But at the same time while 5 years isn't a whole lot I can't deny that physically I'm more attracted to girls closer to my age

What to do...

I'll say this about experience: you have to start somewhere. If you always think about that and let it stop you you'll never (or much slowlier) get more experience.

Interesting scenario:

I finally signed up for Tinder again (last tried a few years ago). Chatting with somebody while at a game night when I decided to look at some more matches. One girl had a group photo as her main, so I asked how to check out more pictures. The people that gave me advice peered over and said "Oh, shit, it's ***** *******", and that she was pretty cool.

We matched.

I pretty much have to mention this somehow, right? It seems immoral or deceptive to not say otherwise.

Chill. Mentioning that will not give you any plus points (morally or otherwise), so keep it to yourself. If you do end up dating you can always bring it up that so-and-so know her.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Interesting scenario:

I finally signed up for Tinder again (last tried a few years ago). Chatting with somebody while at a game night when I decided to look at some more matches. One girl had a group photo as her main, so I asked how to check out more pictures. The people that gave me advice peered over and said "Oh, shit, it's ***** *******", and that she was pretty cool.

We matched.

I pretty much have to mention this somehow, right? It seems immoral or deceptive to not say otherwise.

No idea what *** is so cant advise.

 

[always crazy bacon]

So I need some advice. I had one relationship which lasted 6 months and ended exactly 3 years ago. She told me 3 years ago that she didn't feel ''us'' anymore after 3 months of those 6. Which in hindsight for me wasn't that all bad because we started having sex after the first 3 months. It wasn't great sex but it was sex. It's her fault to keep it on going for another 3 months if she doesn't feel us anymore...
Anyway fast forward 3 years...
I am going to the gym now 2/3 times a week and 1 day a week I do yoga. My goal in the gym is getting fit and maybe a little bitt of muscle. But this is just basically background so I stop there.

The thing is maybe I have too high of standards. But If I think I like a girl and there is some sort of connection I ask them out and specifically say the word date. But there reply's mostly are ''I just started dating someone but really sweet and brave of you to say the word date'' or they are in a relationship. Those two reasons are the best ones. But there is this other 10-20% of girls and there reply is ''I am too busy right now for dating''
And there is this other thing about many girls say they have a boyfriend but in 95% of those cases or more the boyfriend is never there. So either he is busy working, is not very social or they just don't want to say no to me?

All of those answers as such common replies ESPECIALLY "Your sweet and brave" tell me your being too nice and aproaching women as friends not as potential dates. Your not giving off enough sex appeal. All those answers are no, they just dont want to say it becaise there are too many crazy men out there that cant take rejection well.

 

[LordKasual]

Are Brazillians considered Hispanic.

Crazy.

Well the official language is Portuguese, so i would assume no

The thing is maybe I have too high of standards. But If I think I like a girl and there is some sort of connection I ask them out and specifically say the word date. But there reply's mostly are ''I just started dating someone but really sweet and brave of you to say the word date'' or they are in a relationship. Those two reasons are the best ones. But there is this other 10-20% of girls and there reply is ''I am too busy right now for dating''
And there is this other thing about many girls say they have a boyfriend but in 95% of those cases or more the boyfriend is never there. So either he is busy working, is not very social or they just don't want to say no to me?

Huh. Well none of us know exactly how you approach, but.....

- "I have a boyfriend" is the easiest rejection possible, she's allowed to turn you down without it even being your fault, thus keeping your self esteem intact. "I'm too just busy" or "i'm not looking for" whatever is the same thing. All of this is easier to say than "i'm not interested in you" or "you aren't my type". Yes, they're all effectively rejections, don't take them personal.

- I've never used the word "date" while setting up a date. If you ask a girl to go somewhere, it should 100% already be implied that you're going on a date. So you can just casually ask her somewhere and omit the word. Not only does it escalate the request too much, It comes off as inexperienced and tryhard when you have to specify that your outing is going to be a date.


Now, a girl calling your attempt "Sweet and Brave" almost nearly sounds patronizing. This is just her way of saying that she did not get the vibe that you were approaching her as a potential sexual mate...."I have a boyfriend" is an infinitely better rejection than this.

As an experiment, try approaching the next few girls with the mindset that her going somewhere with you is something they she already wants to do, but she just isn't aware of it yet.

 

[always crazy bacon]

- I've never used the word "date" while setting up a date. If you ask a girl to go somewhere, it should 100% already be implied that you're going on a date. So you can just casually ask her somewhere and omit the word. Not only does it escalate the request too much, It comes off as inexperienced and tryhard when you have to specify that your outing is going to be a date.

Disagree with this aproach, read too many stories here of guys asking girls for a hangout and thinking its obvious to the girl that its a date. Thats the path to the friend zone, state your intentions call it a date. Better to make that clear at the start rather than have lots of hangouts and wonder why she wont date you. Its experience that teaches you this, not inexperience, its confidence not tryhard.

 

[LordKasual]

Disagree with this aproach, read too many stories here of guys asking girls for a hangout and thinking its obvious to the girl that its a date. Thats the path to the friend zone, state your intentions call it a date. Better to make that clear at the start rather than have lots of hangouts and wonder why she wont date you. Its experience that teaches you this, not inexperience, its confidence not tryhard.

I honestly feel like if your date turns into a "it was just a hangout tho" then that's entirely your fault. I mean, if you go from meet > ask > actual one-on-one date, and she leaves it genuinely feeling like you two were just hanging out, then you just completely and totally failed at sparking any sex hormones in her. Whether or not you called it a date is irrelevant.

The only time I feel like this is ever justified is if you're going out with a girl that you've known for an extended amount of time and have already built a friendly rapport with. In that kind of situation where you've likely been around her on friendly outings anyway, it can genuinely be misconstrued. But if he's just approaching women at the gym and asking them out? There should be zero reason that she don't already know what the deal is.

Unless the dude's approach was too friendly (friendzone) or she's just playing him or something.


But ultimately doesn't even matter whether or not he explicitly calls it a date when he asks because by the time the words have left his mouth, she's already decided whether or not she's going to go. What he's saying probably isn't the issue.

 

[Megalosaro]

Disagree with this aproach, read too many stories here of guys asking girls for a hangout and thinking its obvious to the girl that its a date. Thats the path to the friend zone, state your intentions call it a date. Better to make that clear at the start rather than have lots of hangouts and wonder why she wont date you. Its experience that teaches you this, not inexperience, its confidence not tryhard.

I agree. Be clear about your intentions.

It's okay to be like "Hey, you wanna go see that Dodgers game with me?" And then follow up with "Okay, it's a date." Make sure Date I'd in there though.

 

[ZackieChan]

I honestly feel like if your date turns into a "it was just a hangout tho" then that's entirely your fault. I mean, if you go from meet > ask > actual one-on-one date, and she leaves it genuinely feeling like you two were just hanging out, then you just completely and totally failed at sparking any sex hormones in her. Whether or not you called it a date is irrelevant.

The only time I feel like this is ever justified is if you're going out with a girl that you've known for an extended amount of time and have already built a friendly rapport with. In that kind of situation where you've likely been around her on friendly outings anyway, it can genuinely be misconstrued. But if he's just approaching women at the gym and asking them out? There should be zero reason that she don't already know what the deal is.

Unless the dude's approach was too friendly (friendzone) or she's just playing him or something.


But ultimately doesn't even matter whether or not he explicitly calls it a date when he asks because by the time the words have left his mouth, she's already decided whether or not she's going to go. What he's saying probably isn't the issue.

While this may be true, there's no downside to calling it a date, and only upside. If you don't, you run the risk of what you said - so why risk it?

 

[brawly]

No idea what *** is so cant advise.

Her name.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Her name.

Ok, so he's good then.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Someone take me on a date and trigger my sex hormones.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Someone take me on a date and trigger my sex hormones.

LordKasuals got it all figured out, that's where we're going wrong mate. Not enough sex hormone triggering.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Someone take me on a date and trigger my sex hormones.

If my dates aren't damp by the time the main course arrives, I'll cover dinner and apologise for my failure.

Spoiler

I'll pick you up at 7