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[Advocatus Diaboli]

So last night was interesting. The brunch friend ended up spending the whole day with me, while I slowly gave into anxiety and paranoia, beginning to think the guy I' seeing wasn't going to come. No word from him as to when he'd come, but I bought groceries to cook dinner together. So I hadn't heard anything from him after 3pm and i sent him a tet around 8:20 with my address and another one at 9:30 asking if he was coming at ten that both went to text message rather than iMessage, so I definitely panicked.... and drank an entire bottle of scotch. At 9:45 he sends me a text telling me his phone was off and the second act of the play he’s attending is about to start, but that he’d let me know when he’s leaving. I was already blasted by then and a total mess. finally the guy gets here around 11:30. We cook chili, but decide to eat it the next morning for brunch. Things progress and I mentioned that we cant do too much cause we dont have condoms. He responds “Oh I bought condoms! Especially after last week you yelled at me for not having any!” Oh man guys felt so bad and said “I don’t mind waiting, I didn’t mind then, but I do want to know why you wanted to, as it’ll get me to understand you more.” He seemed so nervous but he told me it was because he liked me and wanted things to go somewhere/ develope to something. He seemed nervous but the connection was intense. Damn yall that eye contact.

Lazy day today, just spent the day napping in bed, watch a couple episodes of broad city and brunch. He’ll be gone this weekend so I probably wont see him until valentines day weekend.

Anyways, I was thinking about getting him tickets to hannibal buress show as a valentines gift. Do ya’ll think thats too much? It’s not until april, but I worry about the situation where you start dating someone and get them a gift and they don’t have one to return. It wouldn’t be a big deal at all to me, but I feel like it would make him feel awkward and ruin the gift I’m giving him. You know?

I know I've commented on your situation before, especially in a positive fashion, but I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with this guy - the "drank an entire bottle of scotch" is a huge red flag, as is your admission of anxiety and paranoia. On his end, he could really be better about keeping you apprised of his plans and whereabouts, especially since you're officially dating.

I feel like you need to discuss things with him, or else his inexperience with dating is just going to continue to drive you crazy until he either gets better at it - certainly possible, especially if he's willing to work at it - or you're going to get even more frustrated.

In other words, the fact that you're an item means you get to regularly review the status of the relationship to figure out what could work better. And yes, if you both enjoy Broad City (and you should, it's fucking amazing), Hannibal Buress tickets are 100% fine. It's not romantic, it's not sappy, it'll just be a great time. Don't be concerned with the gift, but I don't know if you need to pitch it as "Valentine's"... something tells me that, considering your boyfriend is not exactly an experienced dater, he might not even know he's supposed to get you a gift. (Actually, is he? I don't know what the rules are for dating, and as you said, you did just start...).

My advice: just get the tickets, invite him to go, and you'll both have a good time. Ignore V-Day altogether. It may just freak both of you out and do more harm than good.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

I know I've commented on your situation before, especially in a positive fashion, but I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with this guy - the "drank an entire bottle of scotch" is a huge red flag, as is your admission of anxiety and paranoia. On his end, he could really be better about keeping you apprised of his plans and whereabouts, especially since you're officially dating.

Yea I know, my stress level is super high due to other factors I don't feel too comfortable talking about on here. My family isn't helping either. Today I was talking to my mom and my she kept saying he probably has side girlfriends and is lying about all the different jobs he's doing. But yeah I just got super nervous. I know I shouldn't and now that we've slept together I think I'll feel much more secure. Today was incredibly intimate, just laying and talking forever. I'm not sure we are an item or anything, I'm not sure I'm ready to be in a relationship until he opens up more, but it's something I want to do, I'm just not ready to put myself at that sort of risk yet.

I'll probably get the tickets. I absolutely love holidays and giving gifts. I get such a joy giving gifts to people I care about. I love broad city , he hasn't seen it yet so I'm making him watch it with me. I'm totally Illana.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

There was a girl who I messaged a while back who had "a few extra pounds" on her profile. But the thing is, she was pretty thin and hot. I mean, she wasn't fat at all.

So I decided to send a message about that and was a tad surprised at the response:

Me: Hey, I think you mistaken put the wrong description in your profile. "A few extra pounds" is something that would be appropriate to others.

Her: That may not accurately describe me, but I take issue with the fact that you seem to think that larger women can't be beautiful.

Me: Wha?


Given her attitude, I probably dodged a bullet as well.

Her reply made me chuckle; "Wha?" is definitely an appropriate response and you definitely dodged a bullet.

 

[War Peaceman]

Quite bit of advice please. Had a date scheduled for tomorrow, was told 'sorry I'm really busy, paper in thursday'. I asked if she was up for anything after and she said 'I'll let you know. Just running a busy schedule. I'll see you around though'. (not direct quotes) Am I reading the signals correctly here?

 

[Septimius]

Yes, you are.

 

[stn]

IMO, that sounds like a no go. "I'll see you around" sounds very definitive. I'd be surprised if it actually works out.

 

[War Peaceman]

IMO, that sounds like a no go. "I'll see you around" sounds very definitive. I'd be surprised if it actually works out.

Well, actually it was Ill see you at the library. But yes, I mostly just wanted someone to confirm my thoughts, thanks.

 

[Symphonia]

Quite bit of advice please. Had a date scheduled for tomorrow, was told 'sorry I'm really busy, paper in thursday'. I asked if she was up for anything after and she said 'I'll let you know. Just running a busy schedule. I'll see you around though'. (not direct quotes) Am I reading the signals correctly here?

You are. She's playing you hot and cold to the max. She knew she had a paper due in, so why agree to the date in the first place? And then giving you the old excuse of her schedule being busy and being unsure what she's got planned after the paper has been handed in? Nah, that ship's sunk, mate, move on to the next one.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

So some stuff came up that sort of freaked me out....want to hear some people's opinion and how they would react. for those that havent seen my bombarding of posts in this thread. Been seeing a guy for a month, slept with him saturday night. Been exclusive for 2 weeks now.

Theres a hot tubbing spa by his house that he's mentioned a few times, asking if I'd want to go. I've always expressed interest and so has he about us going together, you have to go with at least 1 other person. Anyways, I hadn't heard from him at all today and he was unsure if he could make it to a potluck I'm having tomorrow. So I text him

Me: potluck begins at 7:30, but we probably wont start eating until 8:30. I know things aren't very certain but figured I'd give you the info if you end up being able to make it! hope your appointment tomorrow goes well.

Him:Sounds really good but I just don't think I can get over there after the appointment. i tried hot tubbing tonight which was good!

Me: Thats totally fine. Aw man hot tubbing?! I really want to go sometime. How was it?

Him: It was really good and a nice place. It seemed like an extra special ime to go with nobody there.

Me: Nice. Was it the place by your house? Do they allow solo or only groups?

Him: Yes. You have to do at least 2 people. Very dangerous to tub alone. I ve actually almost fainted in a hot bath last year. Very scary.

I can't help but feel a little jealous about it. I would love to have gone with him and I also feel a little uncomfortable not knowing who he went with. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm scared of getting hurt. Would any one else feel a little uncomfortable with this lack of information and vagueness? I want to talk to him more about what he looks for in a relationship and partner and maybe bring this up next time we are in person together (probably not until valentines day weekend). What the best way to bring up this situation? I'm not saying he can't go hot tubbing with members of the opposite sex, I certainly would never control him, but it does make me feel uncomfortable not knowing who he went with or how many people.

 

[norm9]

His plan was to make you jealous and it looked like it worked.

ETA: If I talk to someone about possibly doing an activity, I don't go ahead and do it with someone else. Seems lame.

 

[Uncle0wnage]

Hot Tub Time Machine

Honestly, I would ask who he went with, cause this guy sounds kinda sketchy to me. What is his definition of "exclusive"?

 

[GK86]

Put me in the "you are over thinking it" camp. You are barely two weeks into the relationship. You are not always going to do everything as a couple. Have trust in the guy.

 

[RobertM]

Edit: apparently I can't read, disregard my comment.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

He clearly said "it seemed like an extra special ime to go with nobody there" as in, there were people there when he went and it can be intimate if you're alone with someone.

I'm confused by what you're saying. I think he meant it was extra special because of the blizzard today, no one being there. There was a blizzard in boston today, parking ban and schools being closed, unsure if he had work today or not.

Put me in the "you are over thinking it" camp. You are barely two weeks into the relationship. You are not always going to do everything as a couple. Have trust in the guy.

Yeah I didn't have a problem with him going without me as much as the situation sounded vague and sketchy, but I'm going to trust him. I told my mom about him recently which was a huge mistake. Ever since last week she's been telling me he probably has girls on the side, theres no way he's actually working as much as he says he is, he's lying to you, etc. These thoughts are making me so stressed and certainly not helping. You were right about why he didn't want sex so fast. He seems like a good guy so I'll try and ignore other people. A friend of mine also said this was super sketchy, but he's met the guy twice and said he seems like a nice guy who isn't trying to play me. I mostly posted to get a response like yours for reassurance

 

[Symphonia]

Put me in the "you are over thinking it" camp. You are barely two weeks into the relationship. You are not always going to do everything as a couple. Have trust in the guy.

Exactly.

Arsenic, every couple needs their own individual time and space apart for that relationship to work. As someone who's been in a relationship where we spent every living second together, you NEED some time apart to do their own thing. This guy sounds decent and seems to make you happy. He wasn't pressuring you for sex, and he was honest about hot tubbing. My advice? Stick with 'im!

 

[Exploding8]

I'm gonna put myself in the sketchy sketch camp, but I feel like that could easily be because of how you worded it. Why not just ask who he went with if it's bothering you?

 

[davepoobond]

Well, I don't really peek my head in here often, but I'm going with what he said:

His plan was to make you jealous and it looked like it worked.

ETA: If I talk to someone about possibly doing an activity, I don't go ahead and do it with someone else. Seems lame.

I don't think he was trying to cheat or whatever necessarily. Also, what gives with your mom? Sheesh.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

I'm gonna put myself in the sketchy sketch camp, but I feel like that could easily be because of how you worded it. Why not just ask who he went with if it's bothering you?

Well, I don't really peek my head in here often, but I'm going with what he said

I don't think he was trying to cheat or whatever necessarily. Also, what gives with your mom? Sheesh.

That's the thing I have no idea how to ask that without sounding jealous or clingy. Why try to make someone jealous before going on a weekend trip away from them? Again, I don't know if I'll see him until Valentine's weekend.

Saturday I did have a friend over the day of, his grandfather is about to die and he really needed someone to talk to. It was so bad he started crying in the middle of the sidewalk while we were getting groceries. I started freaking out because I worried the nye guy wasn't coming. We were waiting for a third friend to come over who was taking forever. By the time 2nd friend showed up at my house it was 11:30 pm and nye guy was waiting with him at my front door. Nye guy knows the friend who was over and I explained the situation about the grandpa dying. I properly kicked both friends out (my friends were aware I would kick them out once nye got there) I didn't mention it in any of my posts because I didn't think it was relevant. Could that have made him jealous? That was way before he told me he liked me and slept with me.

The text correspondence is worded exactly as it appears. I tried to play it cool with this text late last night:

Me:Yeah I've had the same thing happen to me in baths. We should go sometime Classes were cancelled today. I'm never going to that writing class...

Still no response, but he's always been a bad texter. Thank god the rest of my day is busy with class and a potluck tonight, hopefully I can keep my mind off of things.

Also,My mom has serious issues and takes her anxieties out on me. It's a big factor of why I'm so nervous about this.

 

[depths20XX]

Probably should have just said "Oh yeah? Who'd ya go with?" or something during the initial conversation. I don't think it would have come off as clingy at the time, just a general question. You can still ask him about it later though.

 

[Branson]

It's pretty weird how you think your relationship before had everything you want in a person. And then when they break up with you and you start dating around again, especially with the idea you won't find someone better, you end up meeting someone who's interests line up even closer than your previous partner. Really helps you get over the past.

Yes, I enjoy PC games too, m'lady.

 

[bcl0328]

advice needed.

here's some background. theres this girl i've been friends with on facebook for probably 8 years. known each other since high school. she dated my friend back then for a bit. we hardly ever talked. just recently, i've been seeing her pop up on the dating sites i'm using. i think she has been seeing me on them too. she started liking all my status on facebook recently and now is commenting on them.

am i reading too much into this? is she sending hints?

what do you guys think?

It's pretty weird how you think your relationship before had everything you want in a person. And then when they break up with you and you start dating around again, especially with the idea you won't find someone better, you end up meeting someone who's interests line up even closer than your previous partner. Really helps you get over the past.

'tis how i got over my oneitis. talk to/date other girls and that one girl i wanted so badly doesn't seem that great anymore.

 

[Rei_Toei]

advice needed.

here's some background. theres this girl i've been friends with on facebook for probably 8 years. known each other since high school. she dated my friend back then for a bit. we hardly ever talked. just recently, i've been seeing her pop up on the dating sites i'm using. i think she has been seeing me on them too. she started liking all my status on facebook recently and now is commenting on them.

am i reading too much into this? is she sending hints?

what do you guys think?



'tis how i got over my oneitis. talk to/date other girls and that one girl i wanted so badly doesn't seem that great anymore.

Hard to say but I think she's definitely interested in you. Either in becoming closer as friends or romantically, one way to find out dude

 

[Jokab]

Going on a coffee date tomorrow with a girl I found on tinder. We talked a lot on the app, then exchanged numbers, and now we've been texting a bunch for a few days/week. The texting has been very light-hearted and fun, but we've not really talked about anything personal, so I guess that's one thing we can talk about when we meet (it's mostly been making up random stories containing ourselves, it's not funny out of context so I'll just leave it out lol). But otherwise I'm honestly scared of running out of things to say. I mean it's not like I can't keep asking questions, but I obviously don't want it to feel like an interview. The texting has contained a lot of "we" and other signals so I think it's safe to assume she's interested, more than as a friend (also the fact that we met through tinder I guess).

Anyway I'm probably over-analyzing. I always get into my head when doing (for me) complicated social things, and I start looking up advice on the internet, which told me that coffee dates are the worst thing since it's 100% talking which can be difficult. At first I considered something like pool or bowling, but my friends told me to go for the coffee so I just did. Maybe a mistake considering my fears.

Not sure what I want to say with this post, maybe some advice? How do I keep it from feeling like an interview session? Since we've only texted, where I might add we have great chemistry, I don't know what she's like to talk to in real life.

 

[bcl0328]

Not sure what I want to say with this post, maybe some advice? How do I keep it from feeling like an interview session? Since we've only texted, where I might add we have great chemistry, I don't know what she's like to talk to in real life.

i have a good video for you

http://youtu.be/9jT6pxugoQg

 

[Makonero]

Going on a coffee date tomorrow with a girl I found on tinder. We talked a lot on the app, then exchanged numbers, and now we've been texting a bunch for a few days/week. The texting has been very light-hearted and fun, but we've not really talked about anything personal, so I guess that's one thing we can talk about when we meet (it's mostly been making up random stories containing ourselves, it's not funny out of context so I'll just leave it out lol). But otherwise I'm honestly scared of running out of things to say. I mean it's not like I can't keep asking questions, but I obviously don't want it to feel like an interview. The texting has contained a lot of "we" and other signals so I think it's safe to assume she's interested, more than as a friend (also the fact that we met through tinder I guess).

Anyway I'm probably over-analyzing. I always get into my head when doing (for me) complicated social things, and I start looking up advice on the internet, which told me that coffee dates are the worst thing since it's 100% talking which can be difficult. At first I considered something like pool or bowling, but my friends told me to go for the coffee so I just did. Maybe a mistake considering my fears.

Not sure what I want to say with this post, maybe some advice? How do I keep it from feeling like an interview session? Since we've only texted, where I might add we have great chemistry, I don't know what she's like to talk to in real life.

Coffee can be great for a first date. Low key, no pressure, and conversation can flow naturally. I would think of a few questions to ask (no more than five) and think of a few topics to discuss more broadly (things you are interested in, things you know she is interested in, current events, etc.) and don't worry about filling the silences. Sometimes I will let a silence naturally occur to see if she has something to say or if she makes it awkward.

Good luck! Sounds like it should be fun! Remember: no pressure, just have fun getting to know someone.

 

[Jokab]

i have a good video for you

http://youtu.be/9jT6pxugoQg

This is all solid advice, thanks. But what the hell is going on in this video. The guy keeps looking into the wrong camera, and what are the girls even doing? They're filming him from behind, that footage wasn't even used. Wacky.

Coffee can be great for a first date. Low key, no pressure, and conversation can flow naturally. I would think of a few questions to ask (no more than five) and think of a few topics to discuss more broadly (things you are interested in, things you know she is interested in, current events, etc.) and don't worry about filling the silences. Sometimes I will let a silence naturally occur to see if she has something to say or if she makes it awkward.

Good luck! Sounds like it should be fun! Remember: no pressure, just have fun getting to know someone.

Thanks for the concrete advice, I appreciate it. I just know I've ended up in the "friend zone" (I don't really like the expression but it's the best way to describe it) way too many times because I haven't been forward enough with my intentions. Meeting over coffee is something friends would do, having pleasant conversation and getting to know eachother is something friends would do. This time I'm certain she feels the same as I do, but expressing that is difficult for me, probably because I lack experience. I don't want this one to slip away too if it turns out she's as great in person as she is through text.

 

[Makonero]

Thanks for the concrete advice, I appreciate it. I just know I've ended up in the "friend zone" (I don't really like the expression but it's the best way to describe it) way too many times because I haven't been forward enough with my intentions. Meeting over coffee is something friends would do, having pleasant conversation and getting to know eachother is something friends would do. This time I'm certain she feels the same as I do, but expressing that is difficult for me, probably because I lack experience. I don't want this one to slip away too if it turns out she's as great in person as she is through text.

As long as you're flirty and upfront about your romantic intentions, you shouldn't have to worry. Being friendly is a great way to start a relationship.

 

[Branson]

So, is it a good sign if a girl I've been talking to through tinder, now texting, asks when I go to bed if she can text me tomorrow?

Also does that mean I should probably wait for her to text me?

 

[Septimius]

That's the thing I have no idea how to ask that without sounding jealous or clingy. Why try to make someone jealous before going on a weekend trip away from them? Again, I don't know if I'll see him until Valentine's weekend.

Saturday I did have a friend over the day of, his grandfather is about to die and he really needed someone to talk to. It was so bad he started crying in the middle of the sidewalk while we were getting groceries. I started freaking out because I worried the nye guy wasn't coming. We were waiting for a third friend to come over who was taking forever. By the time 2nd friend showed up at my house it was 11:30 pm and nye guy was waiting with him at my front door. Nye guy knows the friend who was over and I explained the situation about the grandpa dying. I properly kicked both friends out (my friends were aware I would kick them out once nye got there) I didn't mention it in any of my posts because I didn't think it was relevant. Could that have made him jealous? That was way before he told me he liked me and slept with me.

The text correspondence is worded exactly as it appears. I tried to play it cool with this text late last night:

Me:Yeah I've had the same thing happen to me in baths. We should go sometime Classes were cancelled today. I'm never going to that writing class...

Still no response, but he's always been a bad texter. Thank god the rest of my day is busy with class and a potluck tonight, hopefully I can keep my mind off of things.

Also,My mom has serious issues and takes her anxieties out on me. It's a big factor of why I'm so nervous about this.

The course of this relationship needs to change. You might be pushing too hard with some of these insecurities, which in turn can have him make a bit of space for himself. That, or he makes more space normally than you're comfortable with, and that blossoms your insecurities. The only thing that's gonna save this communication. If he backs away from that, I doubt it'll work.

It would've been very normal for you to go "who'd you end up going with?" during that conversation. It's odd that he didn't say who he went with, but you can't really blame him.

If the relationship continues on this course, the balance will just inexorably keep shifting. He'll pull further away, you'll come faster after. It's a fickle time, but it's time to utilize communication to steer this ship on the right course. If you feel the way your mother pours onto you affects the way you feel about the relationship, tell him about it. Say you feel a bit insecure. I'm not gonna lie, it can backfire, because if he just backs of out it, you'll feel worse. However, if he does that, the relationship would never last, anyway.

advice needed.

here's some background. theres this girl i've been friends with on facebook for probably 8 years. known each other since high school. she dated my friend back then for a bit. we hardly ever talked. just recently, i've been seeing her pop up on the dating sites i'm using. i think she has been seeing me on them too. she started liking all my status on facebook recently and now is commenting on them.

am i reading too much into this? is she sending hints?

what do you guys think?

Doesn't matter. Just strike up a conversation with her via facebook-chat.

So, is it a good sign if a girl I've been talking to through tinder, now texting, asks when I go to bed if she can text me tomorrow?

Also does that mean I should probably wait for her to text me?

That's a clear sign, but no, you don't have to wait. She's apparently giddy about texting with you. If you send her a text first, she'll probably be even more giddy.

 

[stn]

That's the thing I have no idea how to ask that without sounding jealous or clingy. Why try to make someone jealous before going on a weekend trip away from them? Again, I don't know if I'll see him until Valentine's weekend.

You need to communicate these things to him in as light a tone as possible. It could backfire if he's scared of having "the talk," but at that point the relationship wouldn't be meant to last. You're clearly used to a certain amount of affection, closeness, and control. He's clearly testing that because he seems to be the opposite of what you might be used to. By the tone and recurring nature of your posts it feels like you guys have been dating forever. You can either keep quiet and let the problems sort themselves out, or you can have a talk and let everything out. There's no other way. My advice would be to hold off and just have fun.

am i reading too much into this? is she sending hints?

what do you guys think?

Don't waste your time reading into it, just ask her out. You'll save time, energy, and you'll have almost-immediate closure. Signals can be hard to interpret as it is, doubly so for Facebook-related instances. Don't waste time on this, just assume she likes you and go from there. I've actually never considered whether a girl liked me or not when making a move. Its not important. Good luck!

 

[Pat]

It's pretty weird how you think your relationship before had everything you want in a person. And then when they break up with you and you start dating around again, especially with the idea you won't find someone better, you end up meeting someone who's interests line up even closer than your previous partner. Really helps you get over the past.

Yeah, well, it really depends. I've yet to find someone better. I'm pretty sure I'll never will actually, she was the holy grail of what I can get. I accepted it though and there are some things about the last girls I met I liked.

And Arsenic, you're really too much insecure. If you continue being this way, this will eventually affect his freedom and he will probably move on.

 

[GK86]

So, is it a good sign if a girl I've been talking to through tinder, now texting, asks when I go to bed if she can text me tomorrow?

Also does that mean I should probably wait for her to text me?

Yes. And you can text her first if you want.

 

[bcl0328]

i'm an idiot

 

[Symphonia]

ok so you guys gave me shit for adding a random chick on FB. i got the message there.

what about a girl at work that i've only spoken to a few times? should i talk to her a bit more first?

she works on a floor above me so i don't see her much.

Yes.

For the love of God, yes. Stop adding random people to FB, man, you'll get a bad reputation. Talk to the girl, get to know more about her, then drop hints about adding her on Facebook. Otherwise she'll just know you as 'The Guy Downstairs Who Spoke To Me Twice And Started Facebook-stalking Me' and, trust me, that won't be a name you can shake.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

There was a girl who I messaged a while back who had "a few extra pounds" on her profile. But the thing is, she was pretty thin and hot. I mean, she wasn't fat at all.

So I decided to send a message about that and was a tad surprised at the response:

Me: Hey, I think you mistaken put the wrong description in your profile. "A few extra pounds" is something that would be appropriate to others.

Her: That may not accurately describe me, but I take issue with the fact that you seem to think that larger women can't be beautiful.

Me: Wha?

Given her attitude, I probably dodged a bullet as well.

She's the one that dodged a bullet here. She was trying to challenge you on your thinking. I see what you were going for, but was putting down others really the best line you had in the moment?

 

[brickwalker0]

She's the one that dodged a bullet here. She was trying to challenge you on your thinking. I see what you were going for, but was putting down others really the best line you had in the moment?

I don't know, her going on the defensive immediately and assuming that he doesn't like women with a "few extra pounds" comes off a little too strong.

Either way, as others have said, it sounds like it was a serious clash of personalities.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I mean, he wrote here "but the thing is, she was pretty thin and hot" after saying she had "a few extra pounds" on her profile.

She saw through him and challenged him on it.

 

[Granadier]

ok so you guys gave me shit for adding a random chick on FB. i got the message there.

what about a girl at work that i've only spoken to a few times? should i talk to her a bit more first?

she works on a floor above me so i don't see her much.

Dude, stop trying to use FB as a dating sight. It comes off as desperate and having a lack of confidence.

Find reasons to stop by her floor, or just go up there and ask her to coffee.

 

[bcl0328]

Dude, stop trying to use FB as a dating sight. It comes off as desperate and having a lack of confidence.

Find reasons to stop by her floor, or just go up there and ask her to coffee.

i'm trying to get to know people before asking them out by talking to them. we don't have free time to stand around and talk at work. it's better for me to find a way to communicate through text. we also can't have our phones at work so even getting a number and texting isn't a great option. i've had success through talking to people on facebook first. the last few girls i've went out with wanted to talk and get to know each other first. one even asked how i knew i liked them before even talking to them. i think it's a good idea to get to know someone before asking them out honestly. i like building rapport first as a friend and then going for the relationship. i don't like the idea of cold approaching someone and asking them out. that's the way i am. the last 3 times i tried that the girls just faded.

 

[Jokab]

So the date went great I think, we talked for 3 hours straight (this is pretty long, right?) about random stuff and neither of us looked at our phones at any point, which I think is a pretty good sign. I didn't really ask her anything specific (like "So what movies do you like?") at all, the conversation just flowed naturally. Silences weren't awkward either, and she was pretty much always the one to pick the conversation back up. At the end we hugged and I said I really enjoyed my time and I'd love to see you again soon. She said she has the whole next week off from school, so it should be no problem.

Ideas for second date? All we did was talking. I'd rather not do dinner and movie, it seems so boring even though I'm sure we'd pull it off. I would invite her to my house if I wasn't living with my parents, meh.

Thanks for the advice guys, it definitely helped!

 

[Symphonia]

i'm trying to get to know people before asking them out by talking to them. we don't have free time to stand around and talk at work. it's better for me to find a way to communicate through text. we also can't have our phones at work so even getting a number and texting isn't a great option. i've had success through talking to people on facebook first. the last few girls i've went out with wanted to talk and get to know each other first. one even asked how i knew i liked them before even talking to them. i think it's a good idea to get to know someone before asking them out honestly. i like building rapport first as a friend and then going for the relationship. i don't like the idea of cold approaching someone and asking them out. that's the way i am. the last 3 times i tried that the girls just faded.

Yeah, but 'getting to know them' doesn't equal 'Facebook stalking' which this is. Jesus, man, if you're going to have the balls to ask them out, have the balls to talk to them face-to-face. Not everything has to be done online or through a screen.

 

[brickwalker0]

Ideas for second date? All we did was talking. I'd rather not do dinner and movie, it seems so boring even though I'm sure we'd pull it off. I would invite her to my house if I wasn't living with my parents, meh.

Bowling, ice skating, walk in the park (do either of you have pets? Doggy date?), shopping, any events in a nearby major city?

 

[Septimius]

i'm trying to get to know people before asking them out by talking to them. we don't have free time to stand around and talk at work. it's better for me to find a way to communicate through text. we also can't have our phones at work so even getting a number and texting isn't a great option. i've had success through talking to people on facebook first. the last few girls i've went out with wanted to talk and get to know each other first. one even asked how i knew i liked them before even talking to them. i think it's a good idea to get to know someone before asking them out honestly. i like building rapport first as a friend and then going for the relationship. i don't like the idea of cold approaching someone and asking them out. that's the way i am. the last 3 times i tried that the girls just faded.

Building rapport 'as a friend' is a statement that doesn't do the situation justice. It's a misnomer. The moment you meet a girl, you'll both know if you could be interested in each other. The conversation moves towards that, naturally. You're not really getting to know someone "as a friend", because if you are moving towards asking someone out, it's hopefully with a bit of flirting or otherwise containing subtle things that show interest. So yeah, I agree that it's not a bad idea to talk with a girl before asking them out, as you can see if you two feel compatible, but that's really what that would be.

If you're not in a position where you can hang out and talk and get to that point, then it means you have to take the jump. Suddenly adding them on facebook is weird and it does not set a good presence. If you do feel most comfortable texting, then I'd say there's nothing wrong with that. Play to your strengths. Remember to challenge your weaknesses, but yeah, let's play to your strengths. How? Walk up to her and get whatever of a conversation going. When your time's up, go "hey, what's your full name? Can I find you on facebook? I figured, since we can't stand around talking all day"

It's a nice compliment, you take initiative by just going for that. If she likes talking to you so far, she'll be eager to have you add her. Talk with her a bit more there, then ask her out!

 

[bcl0328]

Building rapport 'as a friend' is a statement that doesn't do the situation justice. It's a misnomer. The moment you meet a girl, you'll both know if you could be interested in each other. The conversation moves towards that, naturally. You're not really getting to know someone "as a friend", because if you are moving towards asking someone out, it's hopefully with a bit of flirting or otherwise containing subtle things that show interest. So yeah, I agree that it's not a bad idea to talk with a girl before asking them out, as you can see if you two feel compatible, but that's really what that would be.

If you're not in a position where you can hang out and talk and get to that point, then it means you have to take the jump. Suddenly adding them on facebook is weird and it does not set a good presence. If you do feel most comfortable texting, then I'd say there's nothing wrong with that. Play to your strengths. Remember to challenge your weaknesses, but yeah, let's play to your strengths. How? Walk up to her and get whatever of a conversation going. When your time's up, go "hey, what's your full name? Can I find you on facebook? I figured, since we can't stand around talking all day"

It's a nice compliment, you take initiative by just going for that. If she likes talking to you so far, she'll be eager to have you add her. Talk with her a bit more there, then ask her out!

some good advice. i will have to find out where she sits. although that seems creepy in itself. it's a huge floor. maybe next time i see her in the cafeteria or something?

 

[stn]

Walk up to her and get whatever of a conversation going. When your time's up, go "hey, what's your full name? Can I find you on facebook? I figured, since we can't stand around talking all day"

This. Its infinitely less creepy to just go up to her, tell her you think she's cute, and try to strike up a conversation. Adding her on Facebook out of nowhere will kill all your chances, anyone would view it as weird. Find the strength to talk to her in person, otherwise there's nothing else you can do. You'll know if she's interested by whether she gives out her Facebook or not. If she's not then she'll say she doesn't use it, which you would know to be false.

 

[DutchNeon]

Lol why do I always fall for the "weird" types.

Been chatting, apping and skyping with an insecure, authistic girl since sunday. Met her through OkCupid. We've got a date scheduled tomorrow as she is fun to talk with, looks good and we share interests. We've been chatting non stop with each other since sunday.

She is still somewhat unsure about tomorrow. She is scared I'll judge her due her autism and that she is somewhat insecure. She is really open to me about it to me which is cool and I think she feels somewhat comfortable to me. Just that she is scared that I'll reject her.

She also isn't working atm due some illness she has related to Vitamin B12 deficiency. Nonetheless I want to give it a shot. We are both pretty geeky, we like gaming and Star Wars etc.

I'm not really authistic which seems a reason she wants to date me too. She feels she can't start a relationship with someone who has autism too as she'll get annoyed by seeing her own problems again in a person she has a relation with.

Anyway, i'll see how it goes tomorrow. Bit scared she'll respond heavily on me rejecting her if I don't like her if she likes me. Just that I have no experience with girls that are insecure and somewhat autistic.

Edit: And with rejecting I mean further dating in the current state ofc.

 

[Septimius]

Lol why do I always fall for the "weird" types.

Been chatting, apping and skyping with an insecure, authistic girl since sunday. Met her through OkCupid. We've got a date scheduled tomorrow as she is fun to talk with, looks good and we share interests. We've been chatting non stop with each other since sunday.

She is still somewhat unsure about tomorrow. She is scared I'll judge her due her autism and that she is somewhat insecure. She is really open to me about it to me which is cool and I think she feels somewhat comfortable to me. Just that she is scared that I'll reject her.

She also isn't working atm due some illness she has related to Vitamin B12 deficiency. Nonetheless I want to give it a shot. We are both pretty geeky, we like gaming and Star Wars etc.

I'm not really authistic which seems a reason she wants to date me too. She feels she can't start a relationship with someone who has autism too as she'll get annoyed by seeing her own problems again in a person she has a relation with.

Anyway, i'll see how it goes tomorrow. Bit scared she'll respond heavily on me rejecting her if I don't like her if she likes me. Just that I have no experience with girls that are insecure and somewhat autistic.

Edit: And with rejecting I mean further dating in the current state ofc.

Sounds like a genuine go. I don't get your edit, but that aside, there's nothing to fear. You can't force yourself to feel something. That's not feeling. Just have fun and don't lock yourself in a situation.

some good advice. i will have to find out where she sits. although that seems creepy in itself. it's a huge floor. maybe next time i see her in the cafeteria or something?

This is one of those strange situations where the more you think about it and the more you plan it, the worse it'll go. Relax. How do you know who she is, anyway? Where do you speak to her before?

I'll do this easy for you. Whenever you see her next, do what I said. If you follow that, you'll be fine. If you plan for something else to happen, or if you go looking for a suitable situation, it won't work. Let it happen spontaneously.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Good lord, I just cannot figure out how to attract girls. Forever a scone.

 

[retrogamer84]

Goodness it is so frustrating being a situation where you are farther along with your feelings than they are. The girl I have been seeing likes me a lot, but isn't ready to commit. I am ready to jump in, but I have to hold on for now I guess. It's not the end of the world, but it would be nice to get this rolling soon. The only problem so far is that she is still hung up on one of her exes, but I am not really concerned about that yet.

 

[Septimius]

Goodness it is so frustrating being a situation where you are farther along with your feelings than they are. The girl I have been seeing likes me a lot, but isn't ready to commit. I am ready to jump in, but I have to hold on for now I guess. It's not the end of the world, but it would be nice to get this rolling soon. The only problem so far is that she is still hung up on one of her exes, but I am not really concerned about that yet.

Why aren't you? She's not ready for a new relationship if she's not past her old ones, yet.