Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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#1
I thank you all for the honor of creating this thread. Feedback is always welcome!

Who are we?
This community is made up of people. People like you and me. We're here because we want to help you succeed. Take into account that there isn't a reply to your problem that will be the definite answer to it. Please remain open to the things people say. Try to be open to the opinion of the people that challenge your own views. Consider if they have a point. It would be rude to ask for advice and only keep those that are in line with what you think.


Why are we here?
We're here to help you succeed, be it approaching a new girl, asking them out, finding what to wear on your first date, or how to ask someone to be your partner. We'll continue to help you with snags you might encounter on the way, or even if you have anything you want to discuss after 30 years of being together. We're here. Anything relating to you and someone you hold dear or wish to hold dear are things we help you with. If you're looking for tips with online dating, feel free to refer to the Online Dating Thread


”How do I do it? How do I get the girl? How do I make my relationship work?”
My being is not to make a list of what to do, and what not to do. My being is that of an underlying philosophy of who we are and how we get where we want to be, and even why we want to get there. This feels to me as a natural evolution of the Dating-Age thread, since Minamu already moved away from the checklists of how to be and what to do. I'll debunk some old myths, and show you why being an asshole works, but why you shouldn't be an asshole and what you might want to try instead.

It's not to say that lists and ideas on how to be aren't a great place to start, or always helpful, but seen how they're awesomely covered in soultron's sweet Dating-Age |OT3| and -PXG-'s great Girl/Dating Age Part 2, so I recommend you check them out for that. We'll try to look a bit behind the veil in this. I can also with a warm heart recommend Minamu's previous OT.


”What do women/men find attractive?”
The most common notion found in pick-up artist communities are notions that you should be “a bit of a bad boy” or even asshole to attract a potential partner. I'd like to look a closer look at why this is brought up so often. As you'll find I'll advocate later, you should always be yourself. An easy mistake to make when you're trying to find your place in the dating situation, is to adhere to tips you've heard on how to appear appealing. It is my personal philosophy that you should be yourself, but it is also an important aspect when it comes to how you behave, when it comes to what's called congruency. If you're not congruent with who you are, it will lead to a dissonance between the person you are, and the person you try to be. People pick up on that, perhaps even more aptly so women. The dissonance creates a sort of unpleasantness that people often find hard to pin-point. This is why you should be yourself.

When it comes to being an asshole, it is true that this works, but not for the asshole part itself. I'll move on to subjects of how other may manipulate your feelings and how being an asshole can manipulate the feelings someone has towards you, but I cannot see any way this is a desirable way to build a relationship, or even a desirable way to treat another person. The way “being an asshole” works is much because it creates feelings of confusion and disarray in the other. The response to follow you after being treated like such is the same of people that cannot get out of relationships they know are bad for them. I can't recommend being an asshole to create attraction.


Have “an edge”, instead
Don't be a push-over. Challenge the person you're interested in. This is not being an asshole. It's how you defend your beliefs, it is how you defend who you are, and it is how you defend your choices in life. It is also a way to create a fun atmosphere, and flirting is nothing without a bit of an edge. Dare be cocky about the things you can be cocky about. If you're the best Street Fighter-player in town, you better be cocky and proud about it. If you're an amazing pianist, be the same. Anything you're awesome at is something you can be proud of.


Have fun
All these things boil down to you believing in yourself. It really is true, the tired cliche that you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. The insight that comes with it is often obscure. It relates to insecurities we have with ourselves. If we don't dare to love ourselves for who we are, how do you expect someone else to love you for the same things?


Unhealthy relationships
Sadly, there are many people that, instead of understanding and working on their insecurities, make their insecurities into their strengths. A girl might not dare to trust people, because her trust was once broken. Instead she keeps people at an arms length, pushing them away, creating emotional discord. Ironically, this draws the guys that are interested in her to her, but she keeps on pushing them away. Or a guy might not be able to let that special someone into his heart. When he's with someone that really matters, he still pushes her away. These things might turn out to be unhealthy relationships. People might be unable to move on or let go of past relationships. Whatever the insecurity, it often results in the other part being pushed away. I categorize such things in the broad term push-pull.

Have you ever done the prank where you get someone to hold their fist as close to their shoulder as they can as you pull their fist away from their body? When you let go, they punch themselves right in the face. This is a great metaphor for what push-pull does. The push implies when you show someone interest. The pull is when you stop. Doing this creates emotional instability in the other. When we're not emotionally stable, we cling to what we have.

It is like the hand and the shadow;
When one retreats,
The other follows


From all my time on GAF, quite some people have reached out to me and explained a situation they're in, when they don't understand what their potential partner or their partner is doing. They're hurt and vulnerable. They all have the common thing that they wish to fight. It is extremely hard to see that you should stop fighting, and it is extremely hard to turn our backs on unhealthy relationships. If you ask people about things relating to this, chances are I'd call it out as being push-pull. The reasons why it happens are as many as there are relationships, but the signs are the same. Best would it be if you, when you read this, take note of what might happen. Thinking through it might mean you are better suited at spotting the situation when you're in it, yourself.

And as always, if you do ask and people tell you it's an unhealthy relationship, it's really, really easy to say that “they don't know the love we feel!”, or some thing to that effect. Chances are people that have been through this themselves are telling you you're in a toxic relationship. But, don't fret. Most of us go through a toxic relationship. The lessons we learn are valuable. I've been there. I've fought and lost. The lessons I've brought with me from it are things I wouldn't be without. If you want to fight for your relationship, always do so, no matter what anyone tells you. Dare to follow your feelings. Dare to follow your heart.


The relationship and you
So you're in a relationship, and it works awesomely. How can you ensure that it keeps that way? COMMUNICATE. Communication is the single best advice I can give when it comes to being happy and building a healthy and lasting relationship. Why? Let me share an anecdote. A year ago, my girlfriend of four years broke up with me. I moved on, and pieced myself together, slowly and steadily. It was through that process that I found this thread and amazing community, and it is through this community that I was able to heal. It was hard to move on. At a point, I felt detached from the feelings I had once had. But still I didn't feel ready for a new relationship, because I had a lot of insecurities from the previous relationship that I didn't want affecting a new relationship. However, I'd met the most amazing girl, but I kept her at bay, since I didn't feel ready. She, however, was set that I was the man she was going to end up with, and fought for us. We became closer. I still didn't feel ready.

One day, a guy she'd had a thing with, who'd moved away for a year to study, suddenly came back and sent her a message. I was with her when she got it, and her reactions to it, quickly had me understanding there was underlying history. That night, I was unable to sleep, because past experiences had me feeling horribly insecure about what was going on. I was afraid and anxious. I woke her up, but she was calm and helped me through it. She told me about their history and how it didn't hold a candle to us. How, yes, she'd thought about it, but why it was not something that could ever hold a candle to what I was to her. It was an absolutely amazing feeling. Not only had I woken her in the middle of the night, but I told her I was uncertain and insecure. In return she just helped me through it. That's when I realized I wanted to be with her. Communication stays with us, and it helps us both deal with insecurities we have from past experiences.

When I say we should communicate, I also mean that you should fight to be there for your significant other. You should be relentlessly understanding. Never give up trying to understand how they feel, and never be upset that they might have insecurities. When they talk to you about it, it means they trust you. That's the road to a fantastic relationship. Fight to communicate


Sex
I want to share some thoughts on this, because sex is an important part of most relationships. Some have reasons to abstain, but not touching upon that, I will talk about sex for those it may concern. It is an integral part to our relationships. It is a way for bodies to communicate on a more basic level. I often see people that come in and ask about advice for their sex lives. Again, communication is of the utmost importance. Take time to get to know each other. Take time to get to know how you work and how you partner works. Figure out the ins and outs of each other. Try an tweak here and bite there. Listen to your partners body as well as your own. Be vocal about the things you like and the things you don't like. If you think it might be hurtful for your partner to know you'd like for them to do something different, then you're hindering your sex-life to be the way it should be.

Sexuality is a difficult subject for many. Learn to be comfortable with your own sexuality. It can mean a lot of different things for people. This is another time where you need to be inexorably understanding. Your partner might have things that shouldn't be pushed. Talk about them, explore them together. You are allowed to talk during sex. Don't just ask if you should change positions. Let them know that you like it. Let them know when they're doing things right. If you're wondering, ask if they like what you do. Share the way it feels. Dare to talk.

But most importantly, remember that sex is like music. The point of music isn't the end of music, just the way the point of a dance isn't to aim for one particular spot in the room. If the point of music was the end of music, classical composers would've only written finales. People would've come to concerts only to hear the crashing chord at the end, and the best conductors would be the fastest. That's not the case, and sex isn't about the orgasm. It's not about the end. It is like a song, and you're supposed to just let yourself be lost in the moment along the way. Sex is just as varied as music is, too. There's classical, there's contemporary. There's the free-flowing of jazz, and the rigid structures of a fugue. Sometimes you follow the rules, other times you break them. Just the way there's a myriad of genres, there's also songs of different lengths. Pink Floyd has an album where one song's 2:15 and another is 23:27. Variety is the spice of life, so don't get caught up in technicalities or the end. The point is to sing and dance. Let yourself be free to express yourself.


Dating. Why do it?
Why not? Life is amazing. Dating is amazing. But don't date to force yourself. Don't force it. You won't find the one you're looking for if you're desperate to find it. If you find yourself unable to succeed with the women you wish, feel free to talk with us, and we'll try and help you assess the situation. Be vigilant, seek to understand, and the rest will follow. Life is much like sex. It's not one point we aim for, it is the entire journey. It's just as awesome to be out and scouting as it is to have found someone to date as it is to be in a relationship and all the days that follow. There's nothing wrong with being single. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship. Always be comfortable with the way things are. If you're single and you don't like it, you might find you get in your own way when it comes to meeting women. Like the hand and the shadow, when you chase them, they might run away.


In closing
All of this really boils down as to say that any situation you are in is perfectly fine. We won't judge you for wanting to fight in a relationship that might seem hopeless. We'll be rooting for you, even if we might let you know that we feel it might not work out, but we'll support you for trying. We want you to follow your heart. If you're looking to find someone, if you're looking to fight for someone you've found or any other situation, you'll find we'll be here and we'll try and help. No matter where you are in the process, relax and remember that it's never a problem that you are where you are. Where you are is a situation worth being proud of. When it comes to how the future will turn out, I will leave you with the parting thoughts

No thought, no reflection, no analysis,
No cultivation, no intention;
Let it settle itself.​
 
#4
I went on a date last week. Went really well - nice meal, walk along the beach, kissing, etc. Talked loads the next day too, and then...she kinda stopped. I kept trying to start up a conversation again as we had planned to meet again on sunday, and at the last minute she sent me a text saying she really wants to meet me again, but has has a bad weekend and would rather not.

I sent a text back saying not to worry and to call me when she felt OK again. Haven't heard anything from her since then.

Its pretty much over before it started, I guess. Right? Its as if she suddenly changed her mind about me.
 
#5
I went on a date last week. Went really well - nice meal, walk along the beach, kissing, etc. Talked loads the next day too, and then...she kinda stopped. I kept trying to start up a conversation again as we had planned to meet again on sunday, and at the last minute she sent me a text saying she really wants to meet me again, but has has a bad weekend and would rather not.

I sent a text back saying not to worry and to call me when she felt OK again. Haven't heard anything from her since then.

Its pretty much over before it started, I guess. Right? Its as if she suddenly changed her mind about me.
People are fickle. Could have been for any number of reasons that aren't your fault.
 
#6
I went on a date last week. Went really well - nice meal, walk along the beach, kissing, etc. Talked loads the next day too, and then...she kinda stopped. I kept trying to start up a conversation again as we had planned to meet again on sunday, and at the last minute she sent me a text saying she really wants to meet me again, but has has a bad weekend and would rather not.

I sent a text back saying not to worry and to call me when she felt OK again. Haven't heard anything from her since then.

Its pretty much over before it started, I guess. Right? Its as if she suddenly changed her mind about me.
Prolly met someone else. If they're interested, you'll know it man. Saddle up and move along.
 
#7
People are fickle. Could have been for any number of reasons that aren't your fault.
Yeah, I kinda presume its over.

Probably for the best, me and my ex slept together earlier. And that was kinda fun, not being tied into a relationship. May just stick with that for the near future, shes cool with it.
 
#11
I went on a date last week. Went really well - nice meal, walk along the beach, kissing, etc. Talked loads the next day too, and then...she kinda stopped. I kept trying to start up a conversation again as we had planned to meet again on sunday, and at the last minute she sent me a text saying she really wants to meet me again, but has has a bad weekend and would rather not.

I sent a text back saying not to worry and to call me when she felt OK again. Haven't heard anything from her since then.

Its pretty much over before it started, I guess. Right? Its as if she suddenly changed her mind about me.
Been there a good amount of times myself. It's possible something did actually happen and she just has been distraught. But if she was just making some shit off to blow you off then there's always somebody better. The best is when you've waited so long that you forget to kind of care and then boom... best feeling in the world.
 
#12
Subbed.

Okay RelationshipGAF, I've never had a girlfriend, ever. I've kissed girls, had sex, etc, but never a girlfriend. I think I'm a decent looking guy, but for some reason am never able to get the girl that I want. I have had a couple of women interested in me, but I wasn't into them. There was this woman however, where I work, that I really liked and we could've gone out, but she moved to Georgia. It's one of those cases where the one I want, I never get and those that I don't want, find something attractive about me.

In any case, is my case of solitude really just me being too picky? I certainly don't feel like I am.
 
#13
Been there a good amount of times myself. It's possible something did actually happen and she just has been distraught. But if she was just making some shit off to blow you off then there's always somebody better. The best is when you've waited so long that you forget to kind of care and then boom... best feeling in the world.
Yeahh. I will probably just chill for a while. I should really just focus on my daughter anyway.

Considering me and my ex (her mother) still meet reguarly and now have progressed to being pretty much fuckbuddies, I guess I will be alright. Knowing us, we will probably end up together again. Not living together though, fuck that.
 
#14
Choo choo, time to ride the new date train errybody!

Old title was way better. I don't understand what this one is referencing, but even if I did it's assuredly not based off of an Iron Maiden song so is therefore worse by default. Don't worry Septimus, you were playing a losing game from the beginning. Just like dating!

CHOO CHOOOO
 
#16
So I've been on 3 dates with this one girl and it's going well, but she never offers to pay or split the bill. When and how do I bring up splitting the bill? I ain't rich yo. D:
 

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
#17
Nice OT. Don't forget to link to the online dating thread.

So I've been on 3 dates with this one girl and it's going well, but she never offers to pay or split the bill. When and how do I bring up splitting the bill? I ain't rich yo. D:
I usually don't ever bring it up. I tend to make cheap dates that don't break the bank (park, ice cream, museums, free events, coffee, etc).

Where have you guys gone to?
 
#21
So I've been on 3 dates with this one girl and it's going well, but she never offers to pay or split the bill. When and how do I bring up splitting the bill? I ain't rich yo. D:
Where are you taking her? Just go somewhere cheap where you pay at the counter, pay for your food, and leave her to take care of herself.

I've never payed for my gf's food (well we've taken turns paying for each other at times). Frankly I don't want to date someone that can't take care of themselves.
 
#22
What's this bathroom thing about?
About one to two Dating-Age threads ago, I think a GAF member by the name of Anastacio posted in the thread from a bathroom in the middle of his date seriously asking for advice. Hilarity ensued as people proceeded to tell him to get the hell off GAF and go back to his date. It was one of the funniest things someone posted in a Dating-Age thread. To this day, I still bring that moment up in meet ups since it's always one of those things that's ridiculously hilarious about GAF.

Also, welcome new Dating-Age thread. Thanks for the Online Dating plug in the OP. :D I updated the Online Dating OP with the link to this new thread so remember folks, if it's anything online dating related we welcome you all with open arms. If it's super urgent that you need a reply ASAP say the titular "Please respond" and someone will pop in. I'll be lurking in this thread as it's one of my favorite, consistent threads on GAF as well as in the aforementioned Online Dating thread.

I'm in major procrastination mode right now but looking back at my old posts through the previous Dating-Age threads before OT4, I was a completely different person. Very naive, super inexperienced (never been kissed; virgin), and deathly afraid of talking to girls. I was also incredibly picky about the girls I wanted to go with that I had ridiculous standards.

Today? Still get the jitters every now and then but mostly on dates (still oblivious to signals), I've made out with two girls, had my first sexual experience in July of this year (see my massive post in the Online Dating thread detailing ever minute) at the age of 26, can have decent/good conversations with girls without sweating bullets or expecting anything, and I've gone on several dates with girls even though I haven't been able to break my personal record of going past 2 dates with girls let alone one but I'm not even mad. I'm also more comfortable with my sexuality that I can discuss it more openly with girls that I flirt or with guy friends without feeling left out of conversations any more.

I don't know what I want so far other than that I'm happy being single and dating girls but that's fine since I'll eventually figure it out. I got to the point where I am today by taking a risk and seeking out girls instead of being passive about it and expecting girls to come to me.It also helps that I'm a good looking guy with a likable personality and passionate about stuff that I'm into that girls are attracted to me. Downloading Tinder helped me immensely as it was a blessing for me personally but that's YMMV for everyone. Still I've come a long way since siddx gave me a wake up call of a post many moons ago. So if I can do it, then anyone can.
 
#23


Why not? Please discuss. Seriously. Why isn't it hard for you? This fascinates me.

Edit: I moved the discussion here on purpose because I didn't want to take that other thread off-topic any further than I already had. I actually didn't remember that and thought it was a funny coincidence. I didn't think it was a big deal until you guys made it a big deal.
 
#26
About one to two Dating-Age threads ago, I think a GAF member by the name of Anastacio posted in the thread from a bathroom in the middle of his date seriously asking for advice. Hilarity ensued as people proceeded to tell him to get the hell off GAF and go back to his date. It was one of the funniest things someone posted in a Dating-Age thread. To this day, I still bring that moment up in meet ups since it's always one of those things that's ridiculously hilarious about GAF.
Woah is there a link to it? How did it end? Did he just hide in the bathroom all the way through or what?
 
#27
Went out with a girl for 9 months. My second actual relationship, and lost my virginity to her etc. A lot of shit happened one day and I ended up yelling at her. She flipped out and broke up with me. I'd never yelled at her before.

A lot of what had caused me to yell is that she'd been torn between me and a guy she had developed a crush on (who she worked with). This went on for about three weeks, with her even choosing me DEFINITELY at one point but the other guy changed her mind.

The day after she broke up with she started going out with him. She was so hot for him because he's sooo nice while I on the other hand can be an asshole at times. But their relationship has not gone well. He lied to her about having to work when actually he visited a girl who he's friends with. She found out and randomly kissed some guy who she doesn't even like. Her excuse was that she was "bored" but I'm sure it had more to do with her boyfriend lying than it had to do with her being bored. He doesn't know about her kissing another guy afaik.

She also texted me one day totally out of the blue and asked where I was (implied want to fuck, get back together, etc). I sent it to the guy she's going out with because she had put up pictures a little bit after texting me of her and him saying how much she missed him and I was equally amused/pissed. And she fucking hates me now. He told me I need to get over myself.

Found out from one her friends that she wants to fuck me but date him. Gives me some sort of confidence there especially considering that her new guy is six and a half feet tall and I'm five ten.

She calls me emotionally abusive. Afraid that I am honestly. But I thought I treated her well. I really did love her.

Anyway, just wanted to get this off of my chest I guess.
 

Horseticuffs

Full werewolf off the buckle
#28
Went out with a girl for 9 months. My second actual relationship, and lost my virginity to her etc. A lot of shit happened one day and I ended up yelling at her. She flipped out and broke up with me. I'd never yelled at her before.

A lot of what had caused me to yell is that she'd been torn between me and a guy she had developed a crush on (who she worked with). This went on for about three weeks, with her even choosing me DEFINITELY at one point but the other guy changed her mind.

The day after she broke up with she started going out with him. She was so hot for him because he's sooo nice while I on the other hand can be an asshole at times. But their relationship has not gone well. He lied to her about having to work when actually he visited a girl who he's friends with. She found out and randomly kissed some guy who she doesn't even like. Her excuse was that she was "bored" but I'm sure it had more to do with her boyfriend lying than it had to do with her being bored. He doesn't know about her kissing another guy afaik.

She also texted me one day totally out of the blue and asked where I was (implied want to fuck, get back together, etc). I sent it to the guy she's going out with because she had put up pictures a little bit after texting me of her and him saying how much she missed him and I was equally amused/pissed. And she fucking hates me now. He told me I need to get over myself.

Found out from one her friends that she wants to fuck me but date him. Gives me some sort of confidence there especially considering that her new guy is six and a half feet tall and I'm five ten.

She calls me emotionally abusive. Afraid that I am honestly. But I thought I treated her well. I really did love her.

Anyway, just wanted to get this off of my chest I guess.
It just sounds like a very toxic situation. Like nobody in it is good for the others. I'm sure you felt very passionately about her. Might I ask how old you both are?

Forwarding her shit to her new guy kind of bothers me. It isn't that her behavior is respectable or appropriate but it just isn't healthy for you to react in such a way. Ultimately all you can do, should do, and hopefully will grow to do is just let go of people who obviously don't want you in their lives in a healthy way.

No matter how close you are to somebody when they start treating you like shit or taking you for granted, and then they want to either break up or carry on with you in a way that doesn't feel right to you so you back out of the relationship, consider that a bullet well dodged, my friend.
 

Granadier

Is currently on Stage 1: Denial regarding the service game future
#29
guy is six and a half feet tall and I'm five ten.
Going on a tangent.
What is this? The thing about height. I'm genuinely curious of the issue because I can't experience it from that perspective.

I'm 6'5 and have only met someone taller than me maybe once or twice. It was slightly shocking to have to look up at someone. Is that the factor, or is it something else?

Honestly it'd be nice to be able to walk into a store and buy clothes that actually fit, instead of everything being a shrunken baby outfit or a bed sheet. Average height guys have it easy.

------

On topic, it sounds like a bad relationship/situation that you're involved with. Best thing in my opinion would be to distance yourself from all of it and move on.
 
#30
It just sounds like a very toxic situation. Like nobody in it is good for the others. I'm sure you felt very passionately about her. Might I ask how old you both are?

Forwarding her shit to her new guy kind of bothers me. It isn't that her behavior is respectable or appropriate but it just isn't healthy for you to react in such a way. Ultimately all you can do, should do, and hopefully will grow to do is just let go of people who obviously don't want you in their lives in a healthy way.

No matter how close you are to somebody when they start treating you like shit or taking you for granted, and then they want to either break up or carry on with you in a way that doesn't feel right to you so you back out of the relationship, consider that a bullet well dodged, my friend.
Both of us are 17. I agree that I reacted in an unhealthy manner. I also see that the relationship was fairly toxic. Some people never seem to know what they want and I believe she is one of those people.

I've been playing soccer or running cross country a lot recently and I've found myself happier than I was when I was in a relationship. In fact, the moment I she ended it I was very relieved. Not specifically because the relationship was over, but because a verdict had been reached. Looking back, I should have ended it weeks prior to when we actually split--I will definitely keep this experience in mind with regard to future relationships.


Going on a tangent.
What is this? The thing about height. I'm genuinely curious of the issue because I can't experience it from that perspective.

I'm 6'5 and have only met someone taller than me maybe once or twice. It was slightly shocking to have to look up at someone. Is that the factor, or is it something else?

Honestly it'd be nice to be able to walk into a store and buy clothes that actually fit, instead of everything being a shrunken baby outfit or a bed sheet. Average height guys have it easy.

------

On topic, it sounds like a bad relationship/situation that you're involved with. Best thing in my opinion would be to distance yourself from all of it and move on.
I do try to distance myself from it at this point. As for the height thing, I was relating it to sex so the whole "big guy = big dick" was what I was referring to.
 
#31
I know you probably have gotten this in the past, but go live your life, seriously. You are 17, you've got a hell of a life to go. Work out your temper issues (working out definitely helps in that respect) and live a little. Then go and do the whole dating thing.

This is coming from someone who got into a relationship at 18 and only just broke off after five years. Getting into a relationship so early in your adult life can screw you over if you aren't careful. I loved my ex-girlfriend, but I was never able to mature myself outside of that relationship. There were of course some other issues but for the most part my decision was based off that.
 

The Technomancer

card-carrying scientician
#32
Cross posting from the online dating thread since, I dunno, I just want this out there or something. I went on a date with this girl from OKC back in the summer and we really hit it off over drinks and ended up making out that night. Next day she's super cold and basically after a few messages says she's too "busy" to do anything again. I'm a bit hurt, thought we got along, but whatever, not a big deal

Last night on a whim I message her again asking if she wants to go out again. Not even expecting a response, what I get back is an enthusiastic "sure!". On the one hand, I mean, based on that one date I do really like this girl. Not like, am attached to her, but just she's a really fun really smart person. On the other hand she did just kind of drop me last time with no explanation.

Well we'll see how screwed I am
 
#33
Both of us are 17. I agree that I reacted in an unhealthy manner. I also see that the relationship was fairly toxic. Some people never seem to know what they want and I believe she is one of those people.

I've been playing soccer or running cross country a lot recently and I've found myself happier than I was when I was in a relationship. In fact, the moment I she ended it I was very relieved. Not specifically because the relationship was over, but because a verdict had been reached. Looking back, I should have ended it weeks prior to when we actually split--I will definitely keep this experience in mind with regard to future relationships.



I do try to distance myself from it at this point. As for the height thing, I was relating it to sex so the whole "big guy = big dick" was what I was referring to.
Next time, don't forward texts. J just ignore them or delete them and move on. It's not your business anymore.

As for the height, no, not really. Penis size is not tied to just height lol.
 

Horseticuffs

Full werewolf off the buckle
#34
Both of us are 17. I agree that I reacted in an unhealthy manner. I also see that the relationship was fairly toxic. Some people never seem to know what they want and I believe she is one of those people.

I've been playing soccer or running cross country a lot recently and I've found myself happier than I was when I was in a relationship. In fact, the moment I she ended it I was very relieved. Not specifically because the relationship was over, but because a verdict had been reached. Looking back, I should have ended it weeks prior to when we actually split--I will definitely keep this experience in mind with regard to future relationships.



I do try to distance myself from it at this point. As for the height thing, I was relating it to sex so the whole "big guy = big dick" was what I was referring to.
Oh man, at 17 I can't even imagine all that drama. You've been through a lot. I think retreating into some self-examination and physical activities might be a great thing for you to do for a while. Don't even flex relationship shit at this point. You've got so many years before you even begin to fully know even yourself much less another person. Try to get to know yourself and just let shit happen on it's own time.

It's taken me 35 years but I'm just now beginning to see what a healthy, positive relationship can be. Just learn to be happy in yourself and hopefully you'll attract someone who, likewise, is happy as well.
 
#39
Cross posting from the online dating thread since, I dunno, I just want this out there or something. I went on a date with this girl from OKC back in the summer and we really hit it off over drinks and ended up making out that night. Next day she's super cold and basically after a few messages says she's too "busy" to do anything again. I'm a bit hurt, thought we got along, but whatever, not a big deal

Last night on a whim I message her again asking if she wants to go out again. Not even expecting a response, what I get back is an enthusiastic "sure!". On the one hand, I mean, based on that one date I do really like this girl. Not like, am attached to her, but just she's a really fun really smart person. On the other hand she did just kind of drop me last time with no explanation.

Well we'll see how screwed I am
Maybe she really was just very busy. There are many people who have tried to get into relationships with others who simply didn't believe that they had the time for the commitment a relationship takes. Give it the second shot, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
 

Gromph

This tag is currently undergoing scheduled maintenance...
#42
I was building a bed for a coworker when she started rubbing her hands with hand sanitizer. What do?
Option a): Run away! She is gonna steal your kidney.

Option b): Finish building the bed and enjoy the time there, if something happens, juts let it happen.


I choose option
B
all the time.
 
#44
I'm almost 30 and have not had any serious relationships and am still a virgin. I feel it's unhealthy and has kind of made me depressed so hopefully this thread can be a resource to help me.
 
#45
I'm not sure if I'm in the friendzone. There's this girl who I love talking with but I only see for about 10 minutes a day. I've known her casually for about a year and have only really started talking with her about a month and a half ago.

It's strange because I feel comfortable talking with her like I would with one of my guy friends. I don't suppose there's anything wrong with that? And it seems to me that the feeling is mutual. There's always a good energy and flow in our brief conversations.

I never considered myself 'boyfriend material' because I look pretty young and immature for my age so I'm not sure what to think.

I'm planning on asking her out tomorrow so I guess I'll know the answer by then. It would be helpful to know for future reference if any of this screams 'friendzone' to you guys.
 
#47
I went on a date last week. Went really well - nice meal, walk along the beach, kissing, etc. Talked loads the next day too, and then...she kinda stopped. I kept trying to start up a conversation again as we had planned to meet again on sunday, and at the last minute she sent me a text saying she really wants to meet me again, but has has a bad weekend and would rather not.

I sent a text back saying not to worry and to call me when she felt OK again. Haven't heard anything from her since then.

Its pretty much over before it started, I guess. Right? Its as if she suddenly changed her mind about me.
Sounds like something changed in her life, not necessarily about you. Sounds like she found something she needs to process. It's actually not you.

Subbed.

Okay RelationshipGAF, I've never had a girlfriend, ever. I've kissed girls, had sex, etc, but never a girlfriend. I think I'm a decent looking guy, but for some reason am never able to get the girl that I want. I have had a couple of women interested in me, but I wasn't into them. There was this woman however, where I work, that I really liked and we could've gone out, but she moved to Georgia. It's one of those cases where the one I want, I never get and those that I don't want, find something attractive about me.

In any case, is my case of solitude really just me being too picky? I certainly don't feel like I am.
I doesn't really sound to be something too recurring. Sometimes we just take some time to find someone we like. If you don't like someone, you can't say you're too picky.

Yeahh. I will probably just chill for a while. I should really just focus on my daughter anyway.

Considering me and my ex (her mother) still meet reguarly and now have progressed to being pretty much fuckbuddies, I guess I will be alright. Knowing us, we will probably end up together again. Not living together though, fuck that.
Seems like a good time to revise and revision what you are and be on the lookout of where you're heading. Try not to just keep bouncing back to each other if you both know it doesn't really work.

Ever been on a date, and anxiety kicks you in the rear? Then, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to sort out your thoughts with a friend or in this case, GAF.

I guess you can all hate me for writing the name. I didn't realize Septimius would actually choose it.
Yeah, I didn't choose it for a reference, I chose it because I find the picture of someone posting in this thread from the bathroom while on a date to be hilarious. The only other option was something like "Don't overthink it", but I really liked it. I'm the one who has to stand for it, I'm just grateful for the contribution! :)[/QUOTE]



Why not? Please discuss. Seriously. Why isn't it hard for you? This fascinates me.

Edit: I moved the discussion here on purpose because I didn't want to take that other thread off-topic any further than I already had. I actually didn't remember that and thought it was a funny coincidence. I didn't think it was a big deal until you guys made it a big deal.
Your only problem is that you're getting in the way of yourself, grap3. You're so sure you can't do it that you end up unable to do it.

Went out with a girl for 9 months. My second actual relationship, and lost my virginity to her etc. A lot of shit happened one day and I ended up yelling at her. She flipped out and broke up with me. I'd never yelled at her before.

A lot of what had caused me to yell is that she'd been torn between me and a guy she had developed a crush on (who she worked with). This went on for about three weeks, with her even choosing me DEFINITELY at one point but the other guy changed her mind.

The day after she broke up with she started going out with him. She was so hot for him because he's sooo nice while I on the other hand can be an asshole at times. But their relationship has not gone well. He lied to her about having to work when actually he visited a girl who he's friends with. She found out and randomly kissed some guy who she doesn't even like. Her excuse was that she was "bored" but I'm sure it had more to do with her boyfriend lying than it had to do with her being bored. He doesn't know about her kissing another guy afaik.

She also texted me one day totally out of the blue and asked where I was (implied want to fuck, get back together, etc). I sent it to the guy she's going out with because she had put up pictures a little bit after texting me of her and him saying how much she missed him and I was equally amused/pissed. And she fucking hates me now. He told me I need to get over myself.

Found out from one her friends that she wants to fuck me but date him. Gives me some sort of confidence there especially considering that her new guy is six and a half feet tall and I'm five ten.

She calls me emotionally abusive. Afraid that I am honestly. But I thought I treated her well. I really did love her.

Anyway, just wanted to get this off of my chest I guess.
I'm taking into account your age, here. This is how young love is. You live, you learn. She's treating you horribly. But don't ever treat someone badly back because they do. Stay out of the situation. Stay away from that negative energy. There's far better things going on in life.

Both of us are 17. I agree that I reacted in an unhealthy manner. I also see that the relationship was fairly toxic. Some people never seem to know what they want and I believe she is one of those people.

I've been playing soccer or running cross country a lot recently and I've found myself happier than I was when I was in a relationship. In fact, the moment I she ended it I was very relieved. Not specifically because the relationship was over, but because a verdict had been reached. Looking back, I should have ended it weeks prior to when we actually split--I will definitely keep this experience in mind with regard to future relationships.



I do try to distance myself from it at this point. As for the height thing, I was relating it to sex so the whole "big guy = big dick" was what I was referring to.
I'm guessing the difference between someone that's 5'0" and someone that's 6'5" is the skewing of the statistical average. I'm guessing it's something just shy of an inch. So yeah, the 6'5" population might have an average dick-size of 5.5 while the average of the 5'0" population might be 4.5. But there are still 5'0" guys with 10" dicks, and 6'5" people with 2". But who cares? A dick is fun. It's not a measurement of your ego.

To shed some light on this, let me tell you about my current relationship and the size of my dick. I'm very happy with it, and it was the biggest my ex and seen. I enjoyed hearing that. It's by no stretch of the imagination a huge dick, but it was a confidence boost hearing that. Then I got together with my current girl, and I asked her about it. She said she'd been with someone way bigger than me, but she's been saying how she finds mine to be the most awesome dick ever. At first that was a strange hit to the face. She then proceeded to tell me how it was someone with a 28cm/11" dick. That was a reality check for me. Why was I letting part of my ego ride on the size of my dick? She told me about how it was basically impossible to have sex with him, and while it was possible to do it, but it just wasn't enjoyable. We've both never had such amazing sex like we have now.

It was a fun reality check, because at the initial hit it felt like, I immediately realized the absurdity of having this idea of my dick being bigger than everyone else's. Get over the size of your dicks. Girls honestly don't really care. My girl has told me about well-sized penises but the sex just wasn't good, still. I'm sure her and I would still have the most amazing sex we've both ever had, even if my penis was smaller. It goes way beyond the size of our penises.

Cross posting from the online dating thread since, I dunno, I just want this out there or something. I went on a date with this girl from OKC back in the summer and we really hit it off over drinks and ended up making out that night. Next day she's super cold and basically after a few messages says she's too "busy" to do anything again. I'm a bit hurt, thought we got along, but whatever, not a big deal

Last night on a whim I message her again asking if she wants to go out again. Not even expecting a response, what I get back is an enthusiastic "sure!". On the one hand, I mean, based on that one date I do really like this girl. Not like, am attached to her, but just she's a really fun really smart person. On the other hand she did just kind of drop me last time with no explanation.

Well we'll see how screwed I am
If you like her, go for it. Even if the same thing happens, again, it can only make you understand things better. Maybe she had stuff going on in her life that she prioritized over dating. Maybe things are different now. Perhaps you came on too strong after the last date, but once it settled down, she also figured she enjoyed it? Maybe try remaining a bit more aloof after the date this time?

I'm almost 30 and have not had any serious relationships and am still a virgin. I feel it's unhealthy and has kind of made me depressed so hopefully this thread can be a resource to help me.
Just fire away if there's anything you're wondering about. Your situation might not be the norm, but there's definitely nothing wrong with it. I'm the kind of person that generally only bothers with sex in relationships. It's had me on long dry spells, but it's never bothered me, because I know I'm true to who I am. You should be the same! Why? Read the OP :D

Just keep putting yourself out there. Be available to meet people. Don't fret about it. It'll figure itself out.

I'm not sure if I'm in the friendzone. There's this girl who I love talking with but I only see for about 10 minutes a day. I've known her casually for about a year and have only really started talking with her about a month and a half ago.

It's strange because I feel comfortable talking with her like I would with one of my guy friends. I don't suppose there's anything wrong with that? And it seems to me that the feeling is mutual. There's always a good energy and flow in our brief conversations.

I never considered myself 'boyfriend material' because I look pretty young and immature for my age so I'm not sure what to think.

I'm planning on asking her out tomorrow so I guess I'll know the answer by then. It would be helpful to know for future reference if any of this screams 'friendzone' to you guys.
It doesn't. However, if you think of yourself the way you do, it'll be hard to be "boyfriend material", ironically. If you don't think you're good enough for her, you'll likely just get in your head about it. Be confident. That's what girls like. Don't fake it. Just be it. Relax. Read the OP :D
 
#49
Your only problem is that you're getting in the way of yourself, grap3. You're so sure you can't do it that you end up unable to do it.
I'm so sure because I have over a decade of failure under my belt at this point. What other conclusion should I have come to? I'd certainly like to! I just keep failing... I wish you could see me attempt to socialize so you could really understand.

Also, you quoted me but didn't really address the question. Can we discuss why it's allegedly "not hard" to meet people? I'd like to get some input on why people feel this way because I certainly don't agree. Rather than whine, I'd like to hear why other people succeed for a change.
 
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