Support NeoGAF

[Azuran]

So GAF, why is meeting a girl's friends so damn terrifying? I met this girl last month and we quickly clicked and now we're inseparable. Anyways, she invited me to go shopping with her friends next week and now I'm scared as hell. I mean, we're not even in a relationship or anything so why I am feeling like this? If it was a male friend that invited me, I wouldn't be making a big deal out of this.

I know this is dating age but I don't know where else to put this and I'm not creating a thread for this.

 

[bananafactory]

So GAF, why is meeting a girl's friends so damn terrifying? I met this girl last month and we quickly clicked and now we're inseparable. Anyways, she invited me to go shopping with her friends next week and now I'm scared as hell. I mean, we're not even in a relationship or anything so why I am feeling like this? If it was a male friend that invited me, I wouldn't be making a big deal out of this.

I know this is dating age but I don't know where else to put this and I'm not creating a thread for this.

Because a dude's friends wont' really care, but all her friends will be quietly judging you and talking about you with her after you leave.

Seriously though you probably shouldn't worry about it, just be yourself and have a good time.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

So I went out on a few dates with someone a few months ago and eventually decided I wasn't interested in being in a relationship right now. Whatever, no big. We're still friends.

But it's been a while since I dated, texting wasn't really a popular thing yet (I had only just got my first cell phone), so I was kind of blown away by how many/often I'd receive messages from her. I typically hate texting as a form of communication, I tend not to use it except to reply to messages that I've received or try to coordinate plans with people. But she seemed to want to have legit full blown conversations via text message, it drove me insane having to type that much but I felt like an asshole if I just gave 1 word responses to everything.

Is this weird or is this what people do now?

Yes the guy I'm currently seeing has the same problem as you and it's definitely getting in the way of things.

 

[Reavr]

So GAF, why is meeting a girl's friends so damn terrifying? I met this girl last month and we quickly clicked and now we're inseparable. Anyways, she invited me to go shopping with her friends next week and now I'm scared as hell. I mean, we're not even in a relationship or anything so why I am feeling like this? If it was a male friend that invited me, I wouldn't be making a big deal out of this.

I know this is dating age but I don't know where else to put this and I'm not creating a thread for this.

I guess if I were you, I'd be glad to get the whole "friend test" thing over with early. It gets worse if it takes a while for it to happen because it builds up pressure.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

So this is the story all about how I almost blew it with a beautiful girl I met on tinder. Figured it belongs here instead of online-dating age.

Connected with this girl back in late November/early December, she's younger (25), has a similar line of work (I'm a scientist, she's a pre-med research assistant). Took forever for her to respond to after our first conversation, so I thought she'd lost interest. We finally connect again around New Years. Says she doesn't really "date" - she was in a 7 year relationship all through HS & college, then went out with a guy she met on Tinder for about 9 months before he moved away. I use reverse psychology, and ask her if that means she won't go out for drinks with me if I ask. She eventually comes around to it, and I invite her out for cocktails. I offer to drive, but she says she can drive herself. Didn't think anything of it.

The day of, there's snow everywhere (we're close to Boston), and after chatting a while, we decide to meet up at a different spot closer to her, a hookah bar. She's a little late due to the shit weather, but eventually finds parking. We meet, and we have a really fun chat over a shared hookah and some drinks. She's a smokeshow (half Colombian), funny, we talk goofy science stuff, we're into the same kind of music, we both like to salsa, we both like Netflix marathons, you know, usual first date stuff. We got along so well, we decided go to a hotel lounge (that I recommended) downtown to go dancing. Because she's been drinking, and will continue to do so, we grab an Uber to go downtown, with the plan that she'll cab back at the end of the night and pick up her car in the morning.

We show up at the lounge around midnight, and she immediately challenges me to do a shot of tequila. Now, I'm really having fun. The music kicks in, we start dancing, and few drinks later, we start making out. We take off about 1:30, and I offer to pay for her Uber home, and then hop in one later for myself. She says she's called her friend to pick her up, so I don't have to bother. We alternate between sloppily making in the foyer and running outside to see if the uber I called arrived yet. Guy finally arrives, I ask her if she's sure she doesn't want a ride, she says naw, I kiss her goodbye and jump in the cab. I text her when I get home, telling her I had a great time, and she texts me back saying the same.

Everything's peachy right? I message her again this past Monday, and she's livid. Apparently she lost her jewelry in the hotel. I'm like, "That's weird, I never noticed you take it off." She says that, after I left her behind, her friend was really late showing up, and the hotel staff tried to kick her out, and while she was rushing to use the restroom, she left them in there. She was the last person there, she was afraid she was going to get mugged or raped, and the only reason they didn't throw her out after closing time is because it was lethally cold out.

At this point, I feel terrible. I apologize, but she insists that I wasn't being a jerk by not waiting for her ride to show up, and she's convinced that I'm not a gentleman, and she only dates gentlemen.

We don't talk again for the rest of the week, so I'm convinced that I somehow managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, the biggest L of my year long online dating career.

So I send her this message this afternoon as a bit of closure:



Her response? She thanked me, and said that she did enjoy herself, and that she thought I was a good person too. So I jumped out on a limb and asked her out again, this time to something more lowkey (dinner), with the promise that I'll drive this time, wherever we go.

She said yes. So we have date 2 coming up sometime in the next few weeks (I'm going to try and avoid the trappings of V-Day).

So, TLR, blew a great date with bad post-date etiquette, salvaged it by the skin of my teeth by getting down on hands and knees. I don't think I've ever done something so humble for a girl I barely know. I think she left quite an impression on me, I actually feel lucky to have this second chance. I'll keep you guys posted.



Yeah, it's the preferred method. Vanilla texting, FB Messenger, Snapchat, Whatsapp, gchat. A (different) girl called me this week from tinder and I was legit shook.

Eh, I would have dropped her. You really did nothing wrong, and if she's going to say shit like you're not a gentleman then do you really care? It's not your fault she lost jewelry or that her friend was late.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

Eh, I would have dropped her. You really did nothing wrong, and if she's going to say shit like you're not a gentleman then do you really care? It's not your fault she lost jewelry or that her friend was late.

Yeah, please excuse the labeling but she sounds like a bit of a "bitch" to me, with the whole "I only date gentlemen" thing as well as getting mad at you because you didn't wait around to make sure she'd left. I know that you clicked with her in terms of interests, Sho, but IMO what is more important than common interests is compatible personalities.

 

[vicissitudes]

Eh, I would have dropped her. You really did nothing wrong, and if she's going to say shit like you're not a gentleman then do you really care? It's not your fault she lost jewelry or that her friend was late.

Same, I don't really see what you did wrong. You got an Uber, she said she has a ride, you offer her a ride and she turns you down. What, were you going to dismiss the Uber that you called just to wait with her, when she refused your offer for a ride? And then how would you get home? Makes no sense.

Personally, I avoid girls who uses the word "gentleman." It's always a red flag that hints at expectations that guys should bend over backwards for them. I mean, she treats you like crap (gets mad at you for something that's her fault), then gets you to beg her for another date, gets you to agree to drive her around, and gets you thinking you're the lucky one? Just think of the drama down the road when something else upsets her that's beyond your control. (Oh, and she was late for your date. Of course. Just saying I've seen this song and dance plenty of times before.)

I mean, it's a personal decision. I'm sure I get fewer dates with this approach, but I just can't stand girls like that.

 

[Septimius]

So I went out on a few dates with someone a few months ago and eventually decided I wasn't interested in being in a relationship right now. Whatever, no big. We're still friends.

But it's been a while since I dated, texting wasn't really a popular thing yet (I had only just got my first cell phone), so I was kind of blown away by how many/often I'd receive messages from her. I typically hate texting as a form of communication, I tend not to use it except to reply to messages that I've received or try to coordinate plans with people. But she seemed to want to have legit full blown conversations via text message, it drove me insane having to type that much but I felt like an asshole if I just gave 1 word responses to everything.

Is this weird or is this what people do now?

Very normal.

We show up at the lounge around midnight, and she immediately challenges me to do a shot of tequila. Now, I'm really having fun. The music kicks in, we start dancing, and few drinks later, we start making out. We take off about 1:30, and I offer to pay for her Uber home, and then hop in one later for myself. She says she's called her friend to pick her up, so I don't have to bother. We alternate between sloppily making in the foyer and running outside to see if the uber I called arrived yet. Guy finally arrives, I ask her if she's sure she doesn't want a ride, she says naw, I kiss her goodbye and jump in the cab. I text her when I get home, telling her I had a great time, and she texts me back saying the same.

Everything's peachy right? I message her again this past Monday, and she's livid. Apparently she lost her jewelry in the hotel. I'm like, "That's weird, I never noticed you take it off." She says that, after I left her behind, her friend was really late showing up, and the hotel staff tried to kick her out, and while she was rushing to use the restroom, she left them in there. She was the last person there, she was afraid she was going to get mugged or raped, and the only reason they didn't throw her out after closing time is because it was lethally cold out.

At this point, I feel terrible. I apologize, but she insists that I wasn't being a jerk by not waiting for her ride to show up, and she's convinced that I'm not a gentleman, and she only dates gentlemen.

We don't talk again for the rest of the week, so I'm convinced that I somehow managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, the biggest L of my year long online dating career.

So, TLR, blew a great date with bad post-date etiquette, salvaged it by the skin of my teeth by getting down on hands and knees. I don't think I've ever done something so humble for a girl I barely know. I think she left quite an impression on me, I actually feel lucky to have this second chance. I'll keep you guys posted.

It's not cool that she has that reaction to it, especially given that you messaged her that same night, and she didn't say anything. I've decided against theorizing on who she actually called.

Watch out. Those two things are red flags. She's also throwing you mixed signals. You're not a gentleman, but you're a "good person"? It just seems like a "shit test". Stand your ground against unfair treatment. Seriously.

So GAF, why is meeting a girl's friends so damn terrifying? I met this girl last month and we quickly clicked and now we're inseparable. Anyways, she invited me to go shopping with her friends next week and now I'm scared as hell. I mean, we're not even in a relationship or anything so why I am feeling like this? If it was a male friend that invited me, I wouldn't be making a big deal out of this.

I know this is dating age but I don't know where else to put this and I'm not creating a thread for this.

I don't know, I thrive with that shit. I love meeting her friends. They always love me. Just relax and be yourself. That's who she likes. Hopefully her friends do the same.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Eh, I would have dropped her. You really did nothing wrong, and if she's going to say shit like you're not a gentleman then do you really care? It's not your fault she lost jewelry or that her friend was late.

Yeah, please excuse the labeling but she sounds like a bit of a "bitch" to me, with the whole "I only date gentlemen" thing as well as getting mad at you because you didn't wait around to make sure she'd left. I know that you clicked with her in terms of interests, Sho, but IMO what is more important than common interests is compatible personalities.

Same, I don't really see what you did wrong. You got an Uber, she said she has a ride, you offer her a ride and she turns you down. What, were you going to dismiss the Uber that you called just to wait with her, when she refused your offer for a ride? And then how would you get home? Makes no sense.

Personally, I avoid girls who uses the word "gentleman." It's always a red flag that hints at expectations that guys should bend over backwards for them. I mean, she treats you like crap (gets mad at you for something that's her fault), then gets you to beg her for another date, gets you to agree to drive her around, and gets you thinking you're the lucky one? Just think of the drama down the road when something else upsets her that's beyond your control. (Oh, and she was late for your date. Of course. Just saying I've seen this song and dance plenty of times before.)

I mean, it's a personal decision. I'm sure I get fewer dates with this approach, but I just can't stand girls like that.

It's not cool that she has that reaction to it, especially given that you messaged her that same night, and she didn't say anything. I've decided against theorizing on who she actually called.

Watch out. Those two things are red flags. She's also throwing you mixed signals. You're not a gentleman, but you're a "good person"? It just seems like a "shit test". Stand your ground against unfair treatment. Seriously.

.

To be fair, I had all of these same thoughts as well, and there is definitely something to be said for the fact that I a) initially offered to drive and b) offered to pay for her ride home. I was shocked and a little pissed when she told me the story of what happened, and I did point out to her my frame of mind (actual text below)

I originally volunteered to pay for your uber. I thought your friend was right outside when I left. Ugh, I hope you don't hate me for that

I honestly felt that she was just venting, after having an extremely shitty night, after I was sorta responsible for taking her to a second location and getting her drunk. She never even finished explaining why she felt I wasn't being a gentleman (hence the beginning of my comment that I posted above from my Friday text), I'm guessing she ran out of steam. I guess I felt that rubbing her face in it (See? I told you that you should have taken my cab!) would have been kinda dickish as I wasn't the one who spent an hour alone, scared, and near-freezing at a place I'd never been to in a neighborhood I didn't know.

She didn't think about the reality of her friend reaching her in time in such shit weather. I didn't think making sure she physically got in the vehicle was all that important. I was just about ready to give up on the situation. My message was really a shot in the dark to not leave a burned bridge. It was my choice to ask her out again, and I offered transportation (again) and a more low-key activity (dinner) just to assuage her fears that I'd plan on leaving her plastered and vulnerable every time we go out.

I think it's the kind of thing you look back and laugh about later on - it really was a minor misunderstanding that nearly torpedoed an otherwise perfect evening. In the event that we get along on our second date, I'll be sure to give her shit about it (in a joking way, of course).

RE: who she called. I'm not under the illusion that any of the chicks I meet on tinder are 100% loyal, especially at the start. I'd be kind of a hypocrite to point that out as deal-breaker, considering my Thursday/Friday/Saturday night plans this week (all scheduled dates with other people - last night's was cancelled last minute, which is why I was still on GAF lol). I'm not an idiot, I'm definitely keeping my options open. I just felt that I rarely connect with my dates this well at the start, I'd hate to throw away a potentially good match over a fucking cab.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

To be fair, I had all of these same thoughts as well, and there is definitely something to be said for the fact that I a) initially offered to drive and b) offered to pay for her ride home. I was shocked and a little pissed when she told me the story of what happened, and I did point out to her my frame of mind (actual text below)



I honestly felt that she was just venting, after having an extremely shitty night, after I was sorta responsible for taking her to a second location and getting her drunk. She never even finished explaining why she felt I wasn't being a gentleman (hence the beginning of my comment that I posted above from my Friday text), I'm guessing she ran out of steam. I guess I felt that rubbing her face in it (See? I told you that you should have taken my cab!) would have been kinda dickish as I wasn't the one who spent an hour alone, scared, and near-freezing at a place I'd never been to in a neighborhood I didn't know.

She didn't think about the reality of her friend reaching her in time in such shit weather. I didn't think making sure she physically got in the vehicle was all that important. I was just about ready to give up on the situation. My message was really a shot in the dark to not leave a burned bridge. It was my choice to ask her out again, and I offered transportation (again) and a more low-key activity (dinner) just to assuage her fears that I'd plan on leaving her plastered and vulnerable every time we go out.

I think it's the kind of thing you look back and laugh about later on - it really was a minor misunderstanding that nearly torpedoed an otherwise perfect evening. In the event that we get along on our second date, I'll be sure to give her shit about it (in a joking way, of course).

RE: who she called. I'm not under the illusion that any of the chicks I meet on tinder are 100% loyal, especially at the start. I'd be kind of a hypocrite to point that out as deal-breaker, considering my Thursday/Friday/Saturday night plans this week (all scheduled dates with other people - last night's was cancelled last minute, which is why I was still on GAF lol). I'm not an idiot, I'm definitely keeping my options open. I just felt that I rarely connect with my dates this well at the start, I'd hate to throw away a potentially good match over a fucking cab.

Why do you keep apologizing? That makes you come off as crap. You did nothing wrong and your first thing back to her is saying you hope she doesn't hate you? Come on dude. You can say it sucks and agree with her that far but you continually apologizing is lame. Have some respect for yourself.

 

[stn]

@Sho_Nuff82

You did nothing wrong, you came off as lacking self-respect by apologizing. Don't allow yourself to be trampled by people, there are some that will take advantage of it.

 

[Septimius]

To be fair, I had all of these same thoughts as well, and there is definitely something to be said for the fact that I a) initially offered to drive and b) offered to pay for her ride home. I was shocked and a little pissed when she told me the story of what happened, and I did point out to her my frame of mind (actual text below)

I honestly felt that she was just venting, after having an extremely shitty night, after I was sorta responsible for taking her to a second location and getting her drunk. She never even finished explaining why she felt I wasn't being a gentleman (hence the beginning of my comment that I posted above from my Friday text), I'm guessing she ran out of steam. I guess I felt that rubbing her face in it (See? I told you that you should have taken my cab!) would have been kinda dickish as I wasn't the one who spent an hour alone, scared, and near-freezing at a place I'd never been to in a neighborhood I didn't know.

She didn't think about the reality of her friend reaching her in time in such shit weather. I didn't think making sure she physically got in the vehicle was all that important. I was just about ready to give up on the situation. My message was really a shot in the dark to not leave a burned bridge. It was my choice to ask her out again, and I offered transportation (again) and a more low-key activity (dinner) just to assuage her fears that I'd plan on leaving her plastered and vulnerable every time we go out.

I think it's the kind of thing you look back and laugh about later on - it really was a minor misunderstanding that nearly torpedoed an otherwise perfect evening. In the event that we get along on our second date, I'll be sure to give her shit about it (in a joking way, of course).

RE: who she called. I'm not under the illusion that any of the chicks I meet on tinder are 100% loyal, especially at the start. I'd be kind of a hypocrite to point that out as deal-breaker, considering my Thursday/Friday/Saturday night plans this week (all scheduled dates with other people - last night's was cancelled last minute, which is why I was still on GAF lol). I'm not an idiot, I'm definitely keeping my options open. I just felt that I rarely connect with my dates this well at the start, I'd hate to throw away a potentially good match over a fucking cab.

There was no misunderstanding, though. It was unambiguous. Her friend was coming to pick her up. She didn't want a ride. That's not a misunderstanding. Understand that it's not you who's throwing away anything, if this gets in the way of further dating. That'd be a complete overreaction on her. It's not your fault. It was unequivocally her decision. As people have pointed out, don't apologize for things that aren't your fault.

I'm not suggesting it's unfair if she didn't call a friend, but it sounds to me like it could've been some guy she wanted to hook with. That guy might've taken his sweet-ass time. If she's at the short end of that stick, it would explain why she didn't yell at her friend, but instead put it on you. If it was actually a friend, it seems that anger would be directed there. If it was a guy she was hooking with, and he's got the upper hand in that situation, it would explain why she let it out on you. Don't get placated.

 

[Exploding8]

To be fair, I had all of these same thoughts as well, and there is definitely something to be said for the fact that I a) initially offered to drive and b) offered to pay for her ride home. I was shocked and a little pissed when she told me the story of what happened, and I did point out to her my frame of mind (actual text below)



I honestly felt that she was just venting, after having an extremely shitty night, after I was sorta responsible for taking her to a second location and getting her drunk. She never even finished explaining why she felt I wasn't being a gentleman (hence the beginning of my comment that I posted above from my Friday text), I'm guessing she ran out of steam. I guess I felt that rubbing her face in it (See? I told you that you should have taken my cab!) would have been kinda dickish as I wasn't the one who spent an hour alone, scared, and near-freezing at a place I'd never been to in a neighborhood I didn't know.

She didn't think about the reality of her friend reaching her in time in such shit weather. I didn't think making sure she physically got in the vehicle was all that important. I was just about ready to give up on the situation. My message was really a shot in the dark to not leave a burned bridge. It was my choice to ask her out again, and I offered transportation (again) and a more low-key activity (dinner) just to assuage her fears that I'd plan on leaving her plastered and vulnerable every time we go out.

I think it's the kind of thing you look back and laugh about later on - it really was a minor misunderstanding that nearly torpedoed an otherwise perfect evening. In the event that we get along on our second date, I'll be sure to give her shit about it (in a joking way, of course).

RE: who she called. I'm not under the illusion that any of the chicks I meet on tinder are 100% loyal, especially at the start. I'd be kind of a hypocrite to point that out as deal-breaker, considering my Thursday/Friday/Saturday night plans this week (all scheduled dates with other people - last night's was cancelled last minute, which is why I was still on GAF lol). I'm not an idiot, I'm definitely keeping my options open. I just felt that I rarely connect with my dates this well at the start, I'd hate to throw away a potentially good match over a fucking cab.

Meh, everyone's ragging on you but I'm on your side. Might as well see how it goes, if she keeps doing stuff like that then it'll be time to worry about it, but she was probably just freaked out and wasnt thinking clearly. Obviously what happened wasn't your fault and it's unfair for her to act like it is when you offered to take her home. But like I said she was probably just scared.

 

[Septimius]

Meh, everyone's ragging on you but I'm on your side. Might as well see how it goes, if she keeps doing stuff like that then it'll be time to worry about it, but she was probably just freaked out and wasnt thinking clearly. Obviously what happened wasn't your fault and it's unfair for her to act like it is when you offered to take her home. But like I said she was probably just scared.

I agree that one can see how it goes, but it won't go well if he continues to apologize for things that aren't his fault.

 

[HappyBivouac]

Incoming brag post.

I met this girl at a staff party for my company a week ago. I don't like to objectify like this, but she's easily a 9.5 on appearance, but we've gone on a couple dates and her personality isn't the most interesting in the world. She also likes to blatantly comment on how pretty she thinks she is, which would normally be a turn-off for me, but she certainly isn't wrong.

Anyway, turns out she does lingerie modeling and... uh, wow. I'm going against everything I thought I knew about myself. I've always been one to fall for tomboys and the like... Girls who care little about their appearance, with passions, hobbies, ideas of their own other than just getting by on beauty and fashion. Again, I don't like to objectify or stereotype, but this girl unabashedly and knowingly puts herself in the latter category, and yet here I am still pursuing her. I guess thinking with one's dick really is unavoidable in certain circumstances, and I can be just as shallow as anyone else. She's definitely interested as far as I can tell but still, I can't help but shrink back at the idea of any kind of commitment here. She's certainly outside my comfort zone, if anything. She also works at a different branch of my company, so there's not much potential for problems at work, although she does handle my visa, residence permit and such.. as an expat that kind of thing is a bit scary. But... wow. She's just so fucking hot. I feel dirty even just talking like that but at least I can say I'm being honest with myself

Not sure where I'm going with this or why I'm posting about it. Just have to get some thoughts out of my mind and off my chest. Hell, I feel like a scumbag just for saying some of the things I've said here, lumping girls into categories, using the number rating etc. I guess I'll see where this goes.

 

[Branson]

Just a thought here, now it's been like 5 years since our break up and we are both moved on, I'm single but I don't care about a relationship with her or anything, but I was wondering if it would be weird to re add my ex fiancée to Facebook? We spent almost 6 years together and I think it would be ok to just be at least Facebook friends again. I already know she has a kid and stuff so obviously I'm over that part of us. Any thoughts? Weird?

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Just a thought here, now it's been like 5 years since our break up and we are both moved on, I'm single but I don't care about a relationship with her or anything, but I was wondering if it would be weird to re add my ex fiancée to Facebook? We spent almost 6 years together and I think it would be ok to just be at least Facebook friends again. I already know she has a kid and stuff so obviously I'm over that part of us. Any thoughts? Weird?

Have you been talking to her at all during that time? If not, yes, I think it's weird to randomly add her. Why would you?

 

[HappyBivouac]

Just a thought here, now it's been like 5 years since our break up and we are both moved on, I'm single but I don't care about a relationship with her or anything, but I was wondering if it would be weird to re add my ex fiancée to Facebook? We spent almost 6 years together and I think it would be ok to just be at least Facebook friends again. I already know she has a kid and stuff so obviously I'm over that part of us. Any thoughts? Weird?

Be truly honest with yourself. Why do you want to reestablish communication? And how do you think you're going to feel once you start talking again? In my experience, that's impossible to predict. It's easy to say you're over her when you haven't even been talking. This is just me, but I've had experiences where I reconnected with an old ex thinking we could be good friends, but the feelings that followed were too heavy and complicated to deal with.

 

[Branson]

Have you been talking to her at all during that time? If not, yes, I think it's weird to randomly add her. Why would you?

We haven't been talking or anything. I feel any sooner and it would have been weird.

Be truly honest with yourself. Why do you want to reestablish communication? And how do you think you're going to feel once you start talking again? In my experience, that's impossible to predict. It's easy to say you're over her when you haven't even been talking. This is just me, but I've had experiences where I reconnected with an old ex thinking we could be good friends, but the feelings that followed were too heavy and complicated to deal with.

It's not really communication I want per say, I don't even really want anything. It might be a nice way to say, hey, I forgive you and I'm happy your happy. And I think it's ok to be at least just facebook friends. Also I can't message her and tell her that or anything because of her privacy settings. It just randomly popped in my head recently. In all honesty it sounds weird now that it's not in my head. Lol.

 

[Arken2121]

Could use a lot of advice/tips if available. Current situation is I've been single for over a decade with my last one only lasting a month. This was due to me ending it since I didn't feel like I could handle it at the time and didn't want to half-ass the effort. I've been out of the dating scene for a very long time and could use tips on approach, what behavior to look for, ect.

 

[beat]

Also I can't message her and tell her that or anything because of her privacy settings.

I dunno, but are there any mutual friends you could ask first?

 

[Septimius]

Could use a lot of advice/tips if available. Current situation is I've been single for over a decade with my last one only lasting a month. This was due to me ending it since I didn't feel like I could handle it at the time and didn't want to half-ass the effort. I've been out of the dating scene for a very long time and could use tips on approach, what behavior to look for, ect.

Check out the awesome OP.

 

[Arken2121]

Check out the awesome OP.

I was able to take a look and while I see a lot of excellent information, I've only really had 1 partner and it was so long ago that I can't remember if I even did any of the suggestions listed.

 

[Winterfang]

Man Valentine's Day coming out Saturday must had made me extra lonely. I invited out a girl for the first time in years. So nervous, I'm 98% sure she will say no, but the day is so perfect I just had to.

 

[Arken2121]

Man Valentine's Day coming out Saturday must had made me extra lonely. I invited out a girl for the first time in years. So nervous, I'm 98% sure she will say no, but the day is so perfect I just had to.

You got this bro, stay the course! I bet she says yes.

 

[Granadier]

Man Valentine's Day coming out Saturday must had made me extra lonely. I invited out a girl for the first time in years. So nervous, I'm 98% sure she will say no, but the day is so perfect I just had to.

Just don't bring your avatar with.

 

[bcl0328]

do you guys find being busy all the time attractive or a good quality?

i know it means they have their shit together and have goals or hobbies and it's a good sign. when is it too much though?

been talking to a girl for a bit and she is always super busy either with her work, her profession, or training horses. she at least makes the time to talk to me. i just can't help feeling that someone super busy all the time wouldn't be good to date. been hesitant to ask her out on a date because of this.

opinions?

update:

her profile mentions she would like a friendship before a relationship. so i asked her about it. she basically says she wants to start a friendship that can progress into anything and she doesn't want to jump into anything serious right now.

where the heck do i go from here? she's fun to talk to and we have a lot in common. very attractive. do we just start hanging out? keep my options open?

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Saturday's date was real good. Different girl than the one above; super smart, career driven economist, loves to travel, lives alone in my neighborhood, closer to my age, good taste in old school hip hop. She ended up grabbing me forcefully to kiss me after we left the bar. I drove her home, and she invited me up. We had a cute couch sleepover with pizza and Law & Order reruns. Didn't have sex. We're definitely going to go out again.

update:

her profile mentions she would like a friendship before a relationship. so i asked her about it. she basically says she wants to start a friendship that can progress into anything and she doesn't want to jump into anything serious right now.

where the heck do i go from here? she's fun to talk to and we have a lot in common. very attractive. do we just start hanging out? keep my options open?

Last summer/fall I was hooking up with this girl who was busy 5 nights a week with her dance practices, and was almost always working weekends and out with friends Friday and Saturday nights. Tuesday nights were the only time we could hang out, because she had Wednesdays off. Suffice to say, it was hard to build anything off of seeing her once every few weeks or once a month. She never really put in any effort to make time to see me more frequently. We sort of drifted apart. It's great to see people who have their shit together, but some people just aren't in a good place to be in a relationship.

 

[DivineRage002]

Ok seriously, is there even one decent girl on this planet that doesnt already have a boyfriend? Three girls i've been talking to this month alone, good conversations, really felt like we connected, and later i find out they have a boyfriend. Every. Single. Time.

Those three are this month alone, they add up a lot by now. This is fucking discouraging.

 

[bananafactory]

Ok seriously, is there even one decent girl on this planet that doesnt already have a boyfriend? Three girls i've been talking to this month alone, good conversations, really felt like we connected, and later i find out they have a boyfriend. Every. Single. Time.

Those three are this month alone, they add up a lot by now. This is fucking discouraging.

I feel you bruh.

Everytime I find a woman that makes me think "my god she's amazing", she's always in a relationship. It's only gotten worse as I've got older, now they don't just have boyfriends but they're engaged or married as well.

 

[meow]

email

 

[DivineRage002]

I feel you bruh.

Everytime I find a woman that makes me think "my god she's amazing", she's always in a relationship. It's only gotten worse as I've got older, now they don't just have boyfriends but they're engaged or married as well.

I think I'm getting to that point too, HOW do you guys meet single girls? Where the hell are they hiding?

 

[DivineRage002]

Ugh, I will keep it short: guy I've been seeing has made his distaste for Valentines day very clear, but says we can do something if I want to. Then very obviously indicated he does not want to do anything that day but instead wants to make plans for another day.

My suspicion is that he's trying to avoid very couple-y things to prevent a serious relationship from developing, which I guess I can live with. My friends think this is ultra shady and that I must be a secret girlfriend or something along those lines. For further reference, I posted a week ago in here because he pulled the same thing (don't quote spoiler please:

Spoiler

said I can sleep at his place while making it very obvious he doesn't want me to

). Am I just being a complete dunce??

Shady as fuck, even if he doesn't like velentines, it's still fucking saturday, no point in doing nothing on that particular day just because it's a special event. I think your friends are right.

Now, you're a single girl, where are the rest of you hiding?

 

[meow]

Shady as fuck, even if he doesn't like velentines, it's still fucking saturday, no point in doing nothing on that particular day just because it's a special event. I think your friends are right.

Now, you're a single girl, where are the rest of you hiding?[/QUOTE]

He's never liked doing things on weekends, he's gotten a little better after we talked about it but honestly I just don't think I'm a priority for weekend time (I'm not completely stupid, I can see the signs).

I'm not really thinking of myself as single but maybe I should be."]email

 

[stn]

HA. So a few days ago I wrote about a girl I stopped talking to because she had zero sense of humor and came off as lame. Yeah, she messaged me again today. What are the odds.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Ugh, I will keep it short: guy I've been seeing has made his distaste for Valentines day very clear, but says we can do something if I want to. Then very obviously indicated he does not want to do anything that day but instead wants to make plans for another day.

My suspicion is that he's trying to avoid very couple-y things to prevent a serious relationship from developing, which I guess I can live with. My friends think this is ultra shady and that I must be a secret girlfriend or something along those lines. For further reference, I posted a week ago in here because he pulled the same thing (don't quote spoiler please:

Spoiler

said I can sleep at his place while making it very obvious he doesn't want me to

). Am I just being a complete dunce??

As someone who's seen this scenario play out before just like this: you're very likely a side girl.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Ugh, I will keep it short: guy I've been seeing has made his distaste for Valentines day very clear, but says we can do something if I want to. Then very obviously indicated he does not want to do anything that day but instead wants to make plans for another day.

My suspicion is that he's trying to avoid very couple-y things to prevent a serious relationship from developing, which I guess I can live with. My friends think this is ultra shady and that I must be a secret girlfriend or something along those lines.

Someone who refuses to make plans on a big holiday either already has plans, or can't be seen publicly to have made plans on said holiday. Both mean the same thing; he's seeing other people.

If he flat out won't do "date stuff", he's not likely interested in a relationship.

 

[Exploding8]

So Valentine's Weekend is coming up. I had a first date planned for this past Saturday, but we had to postpone it (She had a family emergency which I won't get into because privacy). I'm not sure how long she'll be out of the area with her family, and I'm not sure she'll want to go out as soon as she gets back, but I'm gonna play it by ear. There's another girl I think I mentioned earlier though that I met while I was studying in the University commons; she asked me to call her cell for her because she couldn't find it in her backpack, and I noticed she had the same area code as mine so I mentioned it, turns out we were from the same area originally. She mentioned she sees me all the time and that we were in the same class last summer, and it turns out we live on the same street. So we talked about random crap for a bit before I had to leave for work, and I figured I'd ask her if she'd want to go out sometime since I figured I already had her number lol. I was going to try to go out with her this past weekend as well but we both decided we had too much to do studying for exams this week, so that'll likely be next weekend as well. So potentially two dates for Valentine's weekend, could be interesting 0.o. I think some friends of mine want to hang out and drink though which might be fun to do on Valentine's day since we're all single (and two of them are super cute and extremely intelligent girls that I wouldn't mind getting a chance to date ), so I might push for that and have the dates Friday and Sunday. Would probably be less awkward that way too, seems weird to have a first date on Valentine's day.

Its been a bit rough the last couple days though. I've been getting in touch a bit with a girl I hooked up with last year during a very complicated situation, which never worked out. Every time I so much as hear her name all my feelings for her come rushing back. I'm trying not to have any hope of ever having anything with her again, but its hard, especially with us starting to text and hang out a bit again. I'm hoping I can find someone else before I start falling for her again. I know she just wants to be friends, and I want to be able to be a true friend to her, but it'll never be possible unless I find someone else to move on to.

Last year she gave me a kiss on the cheek on Valentine's Day, saying "Everyone should get a kiss on Valentine's Day!" Now she's single (she wasn't single before, like I said it was a mess) and I can't help but fantasize about surprising her with a kiss this time. Must Resist! Its scary knowing that I'll probably drop anything I'm doing if she says she wants to hang out this Saturday. Another good reason not to schedule a date for Saturday :/

Anyway, just felt like giving my spiel while I take a break from homework, back to work I go >.<

 

[ant_]

How do I prevent myself from being jealous in the "dating" phase? I've never been the type to date multiple people and it makes me jealous in the phase where exclusivity is not discussed.

 

[bananafactory]

Ugh, I will keep it short: guy I've been seeing has made his distaste for Valentines day very clear, but says we can do something if I want to. Then very obviously indicated he does not want to do anything that day but instead wants to make plans for another day.

My suspicion is that he's trying to avoid very couple-y things to prevent a serious relationship from developing, which I guess I can live with. My friends think this is ultra shady and that I must be a secret girlfriend or something along those lines. For further reference, I posted a week ago in here because he pulled the same thing (don't quote spoiler please:

Spoiler

said I can sleep at his place while making it very obvious he doesn't want me to

). Am I just being a complete dunce??

The valentines day thing alone doesn't spell trouble to me. As someone who actively dislikes and boycotts that particular day, I also avoid making plans on the 14th.

However if there's other signs that lead you to believe something more shady is afoot, you should probably trust your instincts.

 

[Exploding8]

How do I prevent myself from being jealous in the "dating" phase? I've never been the type to date multiple people and it makes me jealous in the phase where exclusivity is not discussed.

By also dating multiple people and realizing that the person you're dating could suddenly decide they don't want to date you at the drop of a hat >.>

The last date I went on lasted four hours and ended with us kissing in front of her house. I figured that meant it went well; it certainly went better than the date we had had before. Literally the next day she decided she didn't want to date me lol

 

[ericexpo]

Went out with a girl tonight, I have to start screening these online girls before meeting up. She was funny in text but then in person was so boring it hurt. And we had zero in common. I just wanted out so I started talking about how I was moving back with my parents and about the flash tv series and where I thought it was going.
The only fun part about bad dates is seeing how far you can push before people are like thank god I'm not seeing that guy again.

 

[SirJackDaniels]

But what we're talking about here, right now, is squatting, and how utterly ridiculous and pathetic it is to end a relationship, based purely on the fact that she doesn't squat. I mean, he made a stupidly long post assuring us of his 'feelings' for her, which turns out to be complete BS, as highlighted by his pig ignorance. Makes me angry that shallow people like him can land secure relationships, whereas people like me are stuck in a never-ending cycle of dates. Urgh.

/tangent

Does not squat is an analogy for not exercising. It is a turn-off for me and dozen other men. You set your standards and somewhere you meet in the middle. I work out 4-5 times per week, so having a SO that values exercise is important.I told her to join me working out, she immediately shot the idea down of working out at all.

I don't blame you if you think it is shallow, but there is more to it than just the 'superficial' statement.

 

[War Peaceman]

Does not squat is an analogy for not exercising. It is a turn-off for me and dozen other men. You set your standards and somewhere you meet in the middle. I work out 4-5 times per week, so having a SO that values exercise is important.I told her to join me working out, she immediately shot the idea down of working out at all.

I don't blame you if you think it is shallow, but there is more to it than just the 'superficial' statement.

Although the way you originally stated it sounded bad, I definitely think you are completely justified here.

 

[meow]

email

 

[TronLight]

So I met a girl and I kinda like her. Well I didn't met her today, but we never spoke before. We follow the same courses at my college. Today we had the oral part of one of our exams, and we started talking. We reviewed some arguments of the subject and chatted about other things. Nothing much, but hey.

So basically, she looks cute, we have some things in common and she seems really smart.

I was thinking about adding her on facebook later or tomorrow to ask her about her exam (mine was 3 hours before hers but I had to go after I was done). And maybe try and sit near her once the courses begin again and speak to her?

What do you suggest gaf?

 

[n64coder]

Ok seriously, is there even one decent girl on this planet that doesnt already have a boyfriend? Three girls i've been talking to this month alone, good conversations, really felt like we connected, and later i find out they have a boyfriend. Every. Single. Time.

Those three are this month alone, they add up a lot by now. This is fucking discouraging.

Don't get discouraged, keep trying. There are plenty of single women out there. When I started dating my wife and got to meet her friends/family, there were at least 6 women that she knew that were wondering if they'll ever meet a nice guy. Prior to meeting my wife, I've had women friends who set me up with their friend/sister on a blind date so make sure the word is out in your network that you're single and available. Women love playing match-maker.

So I met a girl and I kinda like her. Well I didn't met her today, but we never spoke before. We follow the same courses at my college. Today we had the oral part of one of our exams, and we started talking. We reviewed some arguments of the subject and chatted about other things. Nothing much, but hey.

So basically, she looks cute, we have some things in common and she seems really smart.

I was thinking about adding her on facebook later or tomorrow to ask her about her exam (mine was 3 hours before hers but I had to go after I was done). And maybe try and sit near her once the courses begin again and speak to her?

What do you suggest gaf?

I would suggest trying to meet her a few more times and continuing to chat. Then you could suggest doing something together.

 

[stn]

update:

her profile mentions she would like a friendship before a relationship. so i asked her about it. she basically says she wants to start a friendship that can progress into anything and she doesn't want to jump into anything serious right now.

where the heck do i go from here? she's fun to talk to and we have a lot in common. very attractive. do we just start hanging out? keep my options open?

That's literally a code word for "I don't want to get into a relationship with someone I don't like, hence if there's awkwardness then I can fall back on my excuse." Both girls and guys will want nothing more than a relationship with someone if they think that person is the right fit. Dating casually to figure out if you're a sexual and emotional fit with someone is the same shit as being "friends", only more accelerated and to the point.

The problem with becoming friends first is that sometimes it will kill all allure of the relationship itself. Some potentials will literally place you in the "This guy is my platonic friend because he didn't have the guts to ask me out" pool. Are you okay with this? Then be her friend. My advice would be simply tell her that you're not looking for friends. You at least get to show that you're decisive and confident, that may win her over.

I don't blame you if you think it is shallow, but there is more to it than just the 'superficial' statement.

You've got a right to demand what you want. Everyone does it. But even you have to admit the way you wrote the sentence made it seem very superficial. I'm not judging, I'm just reasoning.

He's never liked doing things on weekends, he's gotten a little better after we talked about it but honestly I just don't think I'm a priority for weekend time (I'm not completely stupid, I can see the signs).

I'm not really thinking of myself as single but maybe I should be.

Bail, he's not into you 100%. There's a very good chance you're a side girl.

I just wanted out so I started talking about how I was moving back with my parents and about the flash tv series and where I thought it was going.

This made me laugh. Gotta remember it in case I have any bad dates soon.

 

[Irnbru]

Whelp. Guess I should post here. Went out a few times we a gal. Thought she would be someone good to date a bit longer, but man some things are killing me. First, she's totally non proactive, to everything. Second, I kinda see that in her life and it's a total turn off. Yeah, I like so much about her, but the lack of drive kills me, is that weird? I'm not sure if I should just compromise, but I feel I shouldn't.

 

[depths20XX]

Thanks for the feedback, y'all. Three times in the past month, I've nearly decided to break things off with him, only to get over the issue and lose the nerve to do anything or confront him about it. I know this is a problem, but even now, I'm not as upset as I was last night. Maybe I'm lacking in self-worth or something.

How long have you two been seeing each other? I can understand not wanting to do anything on V-Day if it hasn't been that long. The no weekends thing is kind of strange though.