my advice may not be the best depending on how you deal with rejection but always try to shoot your shot. sometimes you'll make it, sometimes you won't. if not, you just move on from it. un-match them and try again. not everybody is on there to find a relationship, some may only want something small and they found that so they're not responding, or they get tired of Tinder suddenly and stop responding. Or they just haven't had time to use it. you won't ever know until you try. what's the worse that could happen really? a girl you never met thinks you sent one too many messages and says no, oh well. there's always another match waiting out there for you.
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my advice may not be the best depending on how you deal with rejection but always try to shoot your shot. sometimes you'll make it, sometimes you won't. if not, you just move on from it. un-match them and try again. not everybody is on there to find a relationship, some may only want something small and they found that so they're not responding, or they get tired of Tinder suddenly and stop responding. Or they just haven't had time to use it. you won't ever know until you try. what's the worse that could happen really? a girl you never met thinks you sent one too many messages and says no, oh well. there's always another match waiting out there for you.
eyeball_kid
Member
That never works. If they stop responding, it's either because they decided they aren't interested enough to continue, or they became busy. If the latter, you still have a chance, but you just have to wait it out. If they're interested, they'll eventually write back. If the former, you're better off just moving on.
I was thinking that for a bit, but it says she's been active on Tinder multiple time since the last message I sent, so I'm not sure.
I mean... I'm sure I'll take the shot anyways because, well, like you said, I have nothing to lose. Just wanted to ask to see if there was something specific to say in these circumstances that could help the situation a bit, something that would catch her attention that people know form experience has worked for them in the past or whatever. I don't know.
I have been guilty of doing what you're experiencing, and it has always been either that I lose interest because the conversation is boring or she isn't responding to invites, or that I find someone more interesting to talk to. Mostly the latter. Not that I do it frequently, but it has happened.
Damn. I mean, she's completely within her own right do that and everything, obviously. But that same thing has been happening with such frequency recently that it's making me wonder what about me makes people lose interest in me so frequently. Not just in tinder, but in real relationships (ergo, my posts from some pages back about my breakup).
Yeah, sure, but depending on the girl you gotta remember that 10+ other guys are messaging her as well. Even if you're keeping the conversation going, you're not always gonna be the first message she sees.
Just drop them. If they don't want to talk, or pulled the fade on you, there's no point wasting more time sending them messages. You can't salvage a conversation that isn't happening.
Move on to the next one, stop dwelling on this one. This is how online dating often goes.
shanafan
Member
I used online dating websites before, like eHarmony a number of years ago, and had good success from that website. Although it was a bit pricey so I canceled my membership.
Fast forward to a few years ago, a co-worker of mine told me about Plenty of Fish (POF). It's a free dating website, and I similar good luck with that website as well. I never tried Tinder (no need to now, engaged), but might be something to consider if Tinder isn't working out. Check it out, Plenty of Fish. They have a website and an app.
Fast forward to a few years ago, a co-worker of mine told me about Plenty of Fish (POF). It's a free dating website, and I similar good luck with that website as well. I never tried Tinder (no need to now, engaged), but might be something to consider if Tinder isn't working out. Check it out, Plenty of Fish. They have a website and an app.
Question for those of you here using Tinder. Are any of you having trouble with the whole "ghosting" thing, to an extent, or your match just suddenly no longer talking to you?
I've had a few good matches (an d many that I'm not interested in) over the past few weeks. With some of them, I'll start talking to them, and things will go well and we're really getting along and both enjoying the conversation. In all of these cases, the match I'm speaking to is most definitely interested, and the conversation is fluid (if that makes sense to describe a conversation, haha).
However, each of these times, the other person would ask me a question or say something, I'd respond, or ask them a question in return, and they'd never respond. Just in the middle of conversation, just no longer respond to me when everything had up to that point been going swimmingly.
I'm not sure how to handle it, since I'm absolutely positive the conversation had been going well, and their responses were long, well thought out, full of smileys, and all that jazz, so there's no misreading them. But I'm getting real damn frustrated with the just stopping conversation. I hate getting my hopes up, getting really interested in a great, good looking person, only to have them dashed suddenly and without explanation.
Is there a reason for this? I usually end up sending one or 2 more messages just with various ways to continue the conversation (ex "Have you been following the whole New Horizons / Pluto thing?", etc) after no response for a day just to see if they missed the notification or something (Tinder can be kind of spotty with that), but then I worry I made myself look like a clingy fool, haha.
I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind it, or what to do about it. How do I keep the conversation going / keep them from abandoning it?
Tinder didn't used to be like this at all. Normally once the conversation was going, it'd keep going. Guess things have changed now haha.
Online dating and dating in general is so messed up. I just get around it by talking to at least 10 different girls at a time.
ZackieChan
Member
Yep. Do this.
I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind it, or what to do about it. How do I keep the conversation going / keep them from abandoning it?
Being entertaining and interesting enough for them the degree and nature of which varies between each individual. It's easy for women to get lost in the window shopping environment of dating sites.
I'm on good terms with one of my ex's. We dated about 3-4 years. Usually talk maybe once-twice per year. She's a veterinarian and I needed a prescription for my dog so I figured why not contact her about it since vet visits can be expensive.
Now as I'm not in facebook anymore and didn't have her phone number I had to find and contact her through instagram. I got her number and everything went really well, she helped me a great deal and I got the meds for my dog. This is the kind of relationship you should have with your ex - or at least I think but it's not just that.
I looked through her photos and I think she's in a relationship. It's been about 6 years since we broke up but I realised she's the base of my ideal girl type. I love the way she looks, she's stunning and so damn smart. Now I'm totally over her but damn I really messed up, she's the perfect girl in my eyes. It almost puts me in a sad mood when I think about it.
I don't usually visit this thread and never post anything but this is something I find hard to talk to about even to my friends so I just needed to open a bit.
Bye
Now as I'm not in facebook anymore and didn't have her phone number I had to find and contact her through instagram. I got her number and everything went really well, she helped me a great deal and I got the meds for my dog. This is the kind of relationship you should have with your ex - or at least I think but it's not just that.
I looked through her photos and I think she's in a relationship. It's been about 6 years since we broke up but I realised she's the base of my ideal girl type. I love the way she looks, she's stunning and so damn smart. Now I'm totally over her but damn I really messed up, she's the perfect girl in my eyes. It almost puts me in a sad mood when I think about it.
I don't usually visit this thread and never post anything but this is something I find hard to talk to about even to my friends so I just needed to open a bit.
Bye
PflargBlarg
Member
I'll echo what other people are saying, you're waiting too long to move the conversation off of Tinder.
You have to realize that attractive girls on Tinder are going to be getting slammed with messages. If 2 or 3 of those guys have already moved the conversation off Tinder, they've already 'beaten' you. She's going to focus her attention on the guys that are going forward and not just sticking to Tinder messages.
You could just make a fake account real quick?
Also I don't think you need an FB account for OKCupid.
Totally know how you feel, my ex and I went through almost 9 months of back and forth and looking back I wish I had done a clean cut
I dunno, making a profile takes what, five minutes? If you can't even put that effort in you're gonna have real troubles with online dating. It's tough.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
If this keeps happening then you may need to address the common denominator in all these instances: you. Yes, online dating and Tinder skew things a bit (more impersonal and non-committal) but maybe you should take a step back and look at yourself. Do you keep jumping from relationship to relationship, doing the same thing over and over again with the same results, with the hope that you'll find the one eventually? Yes the shotgun approach can work, but if the gun is pointed in the wrong direction it doesn't matter how many times you shoot, you're never going to hit your target.
Do something different. Take that vacation you've always wanted to. Join a sports team, start a new hobby, host a BBQ, tackle your video game backlog. Sometimes we find what we're looking for when we're not.
make a private Facebook account, upload 2-4 pictures and forget about it. the only thing it connects to Facebook for is profile pictures and mutual friends.
ZackieChan
Member
Do better.
Don't think about that. If she says no, try someone else. She is not special or the only dateable girl out there!
twinturbo2
butthurt Heat fan
'Kay folks, I think I found a meetup group for singles in my area. They don't have anything going on at the moment, but an event is being set up. Hopefully it's on the weekend, we shall see.
Went on a date with a girl I met on Tinder last night, she was cool as hell and intelligent, one of my favourite traits in a girl.
We talked about loads like music, politics and sports and had so much in common. Usually politics is a no go for me for the first few dates anyway but like whether it was our national politics, EU stuff with Greece or US politics we like were in agreement on our viewpoints.
Afterwards we went to a club and danced for a while. At the end of the night we made out and arranged another date on Sunday at a gig seeing a few bands we like. Things are looking good
We talked about loads like music, politics and sports and had so much in common. Usually politics is a no go for me for the first few dates anyway but like whether it was our national politics, EU stuff with Greece or US politics we like were in agreement on our viewpoints.
Afterwards we went to a club and danced for a while. At the end of the night we made out and arranged another date on Sunday at a gig seeing a few bands we like. Things are looking good
Vaudeville Villain
Member
Yay! I got the girls # and we're going out for coffee.
Any advice on proper etiquette? What should I do? What should I not do? First traditional date in a while, so a little rusty.
Any advice on proper etiquette? What should I do? What should I not do? First traditional date in a while, so a little rusty.
mullet2000
Member
Just let things flow and remember to show interest in what she's talking about by asking follow up questions to things she says, etc. Maybe have a topic or two ready in your backpocket in case there's a silence.
I was a little rusty going on my first first date in 3 1/2 years in January (was in a relationship from 2011 up to this past November) and I was worrying about what to do/say, but once you actually start talking the conversation just goes and its easy. Don't sweat it too much.
Vaudeville Villain
Member
Okay, thanks. Yeah, I have a few conversations ready to go. I stored them in preparation if I ever got the date. She's has a very upbeat personality so it should be an easy date, still nervous however
Should I pay for the coffee? Or does it not
Matter one way or the other?
It doesn't matter. Pay or don't pay. It's just a coffee. A girl for whom a guy not paying for her coffee is a dealbreaker would be a dealbreaker for me, so the problem would solve itself.
Hug-greet (or peck on the cheeks depending on which country you're from), don't handshake. Kiss at the end if you like it, but don't feel like you have to just because.
Gray Matter
Member
I hate when I click with a waitress or cashier. Been to this (awesome) burger place today and last Thursday, girl at the counter, really cute, super talkative, some flirting, but I never know if it's genuine or just a show since she's at work and has to be nice to customers.
I'm typically against asking for a number to someone in that position since it puts them in a lot of pressure.
Today I was there until closing, I'm was going to go back in to, I don't know, say some closing remarks before I left, but the door was shut and wasn't able to
I'm typically against asking for a number to someone in that position since it puts them in a lot of pressure.
Today I was there until closing, I'm was going to go back in to, I don't know, say some closing remarks before I left, but the door was shut and wasn't able to
Breaking up w my girlfriend of 7 months. Sucks.
I'm in a PhD program, she's in an MD program. In a couple years we're close to guaranteed to go in different directions. It's not like this was mysterious or hidden info, but we both overlooked it in the first few "honeymoon" months. Once the reality set in she started to be a little more distant.
From my end, I'm willing to just stay together and hope that we'll find a way to work things out, which is worthwhile if they relationship had stayed on it's original track. It's hard, but not impossible. She doesn't want to invest years in a close relationship if she can't be confident it will stick around without one of us being willing to sacrifice our career.
From her end, she's willing to keep dating in a reduced capacity and more or less ignore the impending problems, but also stay in touch less, not as emotionally connected, etc. I am not willing to do that because it just leads to me feeling shitty about the step backwards.
So more or less irreconcilable differences?
It's not officially over yet but we've talked about it and basically both seem to know it's the only real option. I've been pushing the issue a bit since otherwise she'd be happy to ignore it. Will probably be over for sure this weekend.
I'm in a PhD program, she's in an MD program. In a couple years we're close to guaranteed to go in different directions. It's not like this was mysterious or hidden info, but we both overlooked it in the first few "honeymoon" months. Once the reality set in she started to be a little more distant.
From my end, I'm willing to just stay together and hope that we'll find a way to work things out, which is worthwhile if they relationship had stayed on it's original track. It's hard, but not impossible. She doesn't want to invest years in a close relationship if she can't be confident it will stick around without one of us being willing to sacrifice our career.
From her end, she's willing to keep dating in a reduced capacity and more or less ignore the impending problems, but also stay in touch less, not as emotionally connected, etc. I am not willing to do that because it just leads to me feeling shitty about the step backwards.
So more or less irreconcilable differences?
It's not officially over yet but we've talked about it and basically both seem to know it's the only real option. I've been pushing the issue a bit since otherwise she'd be happy to ignore it. Will probably be over for sure this weekend.
PflargBlarg
Member
You're right about it putting pressure on them. The correct method for someone's place of work would be to ask them in a way where they definitely don't have to answer right away. So yeah, leave your number and a short message on your bill and leave it behind for her.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
It's only been 7 months, and med school is what, 7 years? You would possibly sacrifice all that work for a budding relationship. Taking a step back is just going to make it hurt more when it doesn't work out. Break it off, but who knows, maybe down the road your paths will intersect.
Gray Matter
Member
I don't think that's the way to go. Still puts of pressure on them because I go there somewhat often.
Yesterday, I noticed that she was really into it, so that sorta makes me feel better.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I think I dodged a bullet.
*insert the stock standard GAF advice here*FaintColt388301
Member
That's good that you tried. I always like ending things on a good note. I don't like a muddy end of a relationship to ruin those good memories. But sometimes there is just nothing you can do about it. Also you have to have good communication. That amount of time is more than enough to feel comfortable opening up to each other.
I forgot about the email quote thing. My last girlfriend new about this place and would actually check it. I had stopped posting on here for awhile because of it.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Thanks for the advice guys over the last couple of weeks. Next time I gotta make my intentions clearer and stuff.
But I gotta a question for gaiages or anyone: Have you been asked out by someone you know, and when you rejected him, was the few days or weeks after that become awkward? Like If you greeted each other with hugs, you don't do that anymore.
Was this too vague?
But I gotta a question for gaiages or anyone: Have you been asked out by someone you know, and when you rejected him, was the few days or weeks after that become awkward? Like If you greeted each other with hugs, you don't do that anymore.
Was this too vague?
Wasn't too vague.
When I asked out a friend and got rejected, yeah, it was a little awkward for a bit. It probably will be for a little bit, but you should bounce back after a while, if your friendship is that strong. May be less overall physical contact, though.
Sorry you got rejected, bro
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Wasn't too vague.
When I asked out a friend and got rejected, yeah, it was a little awkward for a bit. It probably will be for a little bit, but you should bounce back after a while, if your friendship is that strong. May be less overall physical contact, though.
Sorry you got rejected, bro
Yeah, that's pretty much the worst part for me though.
Unfortunately, you'll just have to deal with that. (I imagine) Most people don't like being too touchy-feely with those that aren't SOs or family, and even if she was that way before... she may very well think that her physical interaction with you gave you the wrong idea about her feelings. Not that I can blame her, it's not a far-fetched train of thought to go down at all.
Gray Matter
Member
Well, I manned up and asked for her number. I would normally be happy about it, but she hesitated. When I asked she said "my phone number?" With a surprised look on her face and proceeded to say "I don't usually give my number out".
I was going to say, fair enough, and be on my way but then she said, "I'll give it to you, just because you're nice to me".
Don't know how to react to that.
Sounds like a green light to me.
Gray Matter
Member
Really? The hesitation put me off a little, or am I just over thinking?
shanafan
Member
Over-thinking. Not worth the stress. Question now is, when are you texting her?
Over-thinking. She was probably just surprised you asked, nothing to really worry about, since she said yes.
Gray Matter
Member
Definitely not tonight, tmrw also seems too early.
shanafan
Member
My opinion, you need to do it soon. I know it's good not to look desperate or anything, but if you ask for her number, and she gives it to you, you would need to text her tomorrow at least.
She probably shares similar emotions. "I gave a guy my number, and he's not texting me." Texting her soon shows confidence. Girls love confidence. You don't need to ask her out or anything in the first text, but just send a nice short one and let it flow from there.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Maybe the "Friend-Zone" isn't so bad after all.
Haloid1177
Banned
So um I think I come with good news. Went back to the restaurant with the waitress who I thought was interested two weeks ago. Couldn't sit in her section so I thought it was a lost cause. Well when we're almost ready to leave she sits down at the booth and starts talking and tells me to be adamant about sitting in her section next time.
I'm taking that as a solid hint right? Maybe? Didn't have time to ask tonight as she was busy still.
I'm taking that as a solid hint right? Maybe? Didn't have time to ask tonight as she was busy still.
stn
Member
Doesn't matter if its a hint or not. If you don't make a move on her IMMEDIATELY its going to all be lost. The last thing you want is coming off as a wussy, dude. Ask her out. If she refuses its not the end of the world for either of you. Go go go!
So after posting about my break up last week, im still trying to make it through. While the break was mutual, I think I've come to regret it more that my ex. She just wants to be single for a while (which I support cos the relationship wasn't working well near the end) but I get really anxious about her moving on without me. We are now talking but I know I need to try and get used to being single but so many little things make me think of her.
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