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Dating Age |OT7| Tough Love

Krauser Kat said:
Had a date over on friday.

I made my amazing ravioli. I make all the pasta from scratch along with the red sauce and fill it with a tofu feta and basil (she is trying to be vegan).

Had some wine and the food was perfect. We hung out and talked and listened to some records. We start the activities of the evening. We get to the point of her being topless and then im like "lets move to room" then she pulls this shit.

"Sooooo i met a guy on tinder on sunday and we have been on three dates this week, and i think i am kind of seeing him and i have never done the 2 people at once thing. I dont know if he would be cool with me having sex. "

i just laugh. "If the dude wouldnt be happy with you having sex he probably wouldnt like you making out with someone else either. So we should stop."

and we stopped and then i gave her crash courses on tindering with multiple people and dating in general while drinking some beer and she left...

That was the last of people i wanted to go on dates with. Havent had any apps open in over a month and half.

Put way way way too much time into Diablo 3 this weekend and i loved it. I will be around but i think i am pretty happy not dating at the moment.

Even though i am really bored at my job its super easy and makes me enough money and is interesting to other people, i need a career change to be a little more creative and need the time to rebuild my portfolio.
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Congrats you failed the shit test. She made out with you and was top less.If she wanted to be him she wouldn't be in your place,top less. You say 'cool story' and continue. If she resists again then you back down of course but you ended things too quickly it seems to me.

And it's nice when a girl doesn't waste your time with chit chat but gets to the point. I sent a message to a girl on okc yesterday at 11pm , got her number after a dozen or so messages, and set up a date this morning for tomorrow.
 
I think I posted this on another thread 😂

I have a crush on a girl that Is working in a bar I already know I should ask her out already but I don't know how I should proceed.
 
EchoChamber said:
I think I posted this on another thread 😂

I have a crush on a girl that Is working in a bar I already know I should ask her out already but I don't know how I should proceed.
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Lots of different approaches.

Lets start with the most obvious question. Does she know who you are ?

If she knows you by name just say hi, wanna go out? Or something to that effect.

If you don't know her the best way is to come in when its quiet, do some eye contact flirting/non verbal Flirting and then when you go to leave, leave a note asking her out that contains your phone number.

If you get a call. Congrats. If you don't then maybe dont go back to that bar for a few weeks and when you do be cool about it.
 
always crazy bacon said:
This is the most spineless non-confrontational risk averse method ever. Fucking notes. What is this high school? It's great if you want to demonstrate that you're a coward, maybe come off as creepy and put the onus on her to make a call while in the mean time you're sitting around waiting for a call that in all probability won't happen because of the way you've gone about it.

She works in a bar, most other guys will just take their shot right then in person and ask her out, shrug when she declines and order another drink. Then there's this creepy guy making staring at her trying to make eye contact, saying nothing and just leaving a note.
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I do like giving girls my number instead of asking for theirs. I'll put that onus on them to contact me. If they want to talk to me it's up to them. Beats asking for theirs and have them feel obligated/forced to give it to you and then start texting them not knowing if they are actually interested. I feel like giving away your number is a far better strategy. Just don't give them a note.

I usually just ask "would it be alright if I gave you my number?" If they say no, cool. If they say sure then give it to them. Then if they contact you, you at least know they are interested.

I never ask for their number.
 
What's the etiquette for setting up a date/going out with a girl who lives 41 miles/an hour away? I met this girl while being an extra and we seemed to vibe but she lives a bit far. For the first date should I offer to drive to her town? Meeting halfway is still 20 miles, but would that be a better move off the bat? I was gonna ask her out tomorrow or Wednesday but I need to figure the distance protocol.
 
always crazy bacon said:
This is the most spineless non-confrontational risk averse method ever. Fucking notes. What is this high school? It's great if you want to demonstrate that you're a coward, maybe come off as creepy and put the onus on her to make a call while in the mean time you're sitting around waiting for a call that in all probability won't happen because of the way you've gone about it.

She works in a bar, most other guys will just take their shot right then in person and ask her out, shrug when she declines and order another drink. Then there's this creepy guy making staring at her trying to make eye contact, saying nothing and just leaving a note.
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So you think its appropriate to acost a woman at work who may not be interested in you with an akward and likely unwelcome advance?

Nothing wromg with a nice nonconfrontational note that leaves all the agency with her without disrupting her day.
 
jdstorm said:
So you think its appropriate to acost a woman at work who may not be interested in you with an akward and likely unwelcome advance?

Nothing wromg with a nice nonconfrontational note that leaves all the agency with her without disrupting her day.
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You would want to be pretty confident that she is into you at that point. If she works at a bar she probably get numbers on a regular basis. If there is no obvious signals that she is already interested then you probably want to make a better impression then just slipping her a note with a number on it. If that initial interest isn't there I wouldn't be surprised if they even remember who's number it is by the end of the night unless you stood out somehow.
 
Went on a date? I guess Monday afternoon. Went to the mall to buy some clothes and look around while both mentioning we would be there. Did not expect to meet up but she randomly popped in the store I was in and we spent the whole day together. Honestly expected it to last an hour or two at most if we did meet up but ended up in what I would say was a nice date.

Mall, walked around the main arcade of our town (open air shopping street kind not game kind) got coffee, shaved ice, walked to the bay and saw some dolphins getting trained randomly. Good chill date.
 
LookAtMeGo said:
You would want to be pretty confident that she is into you at that point. If she works at a bar she probably get numbers on a regular basis. If there is no obvious signals that she is already interested then you probably want to make a better impression then just slipping her a note with a number on it. If that initial interest isn't there I wouldn't be surprised if they even remember who's number it is by the end of the night unless you stood out somehow.
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Nothing wrong with being confident. Either way, the key part of the advice was to be at the bar when its quiet. If its a smaller bar, thats easy. If its a bigger bar, then stay till last call. Be one of the first who settle their tab, and leave your number while making a memorable exit.
 
jdstorm said:
Nothing wrong with being confident. Either way, the key part of the advice was to be at the bar when its quiet. If its a smaller bar, thats easy. If its a bigger bar, then stay till last call. Be one of the first who settle their tab, and leave your number while making a memorable exit.
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Heh. I actually missed your first comment and just jumped in after I read your response to Crazy Bacon.

Being at the bar when it's quiet it's good for sure. Gives you a chance to actually strike up some conversation without bothering them.

I was reading into this like someone was just walking up to a bartender with a note and number like a shy kid in highschool lol.

Picking up a pretty bartender is no easy feat. I've done well because of things like making small talk on slower nights or being a regular somewhere until I feel comfortable enough to start a convo.

It's something they deal with on a daily basis so it has to be handled with care.
 
LookAtMeGo said:
Heh. I actually missed your first comment and just jumped in after I read your response to Crazy Bacon.

Being at the bar when it's quiet it's good for sure. Gives you a chance to actually strike up some conversation without bothering them.

I was reading into this like someone was just walking up to a bartender with a note and number like a shy kid in highschool lol.

Picking up a pretty bartender is no easy feat. I've done well because of things like making small talk on slower nights or being a regular somewhere until I feel comfortable enough to start a convo.

It's something they deal with on a daily basis so it has to be handled with care.
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Thats hillarious. Also not what i meant. Anybody reading this... Don't Do That.

I was more thinking that you would leave a note with your dirty glass as you left. That way She gets it after you have left/are walking out the door and there is Zero akward interaction. (Unless your flirting is akward/creepy)
 
I would not hit on a customer service worker at her work. But I've matched with people who have serviced me on Tinder later, that's fair game then.
 
always crazy bacon said:
You're going to lose out to her holiday romance. Start exploring other avenues with different girls and if she's still interested when she returns then it's a win win.
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Yeah its looking that way, getting one line really quick generic responses hours after my text lol. On to the next one. :)
 
jdstorm said:
Thats hillarious. Also not what i meant. Anybody reading this... Don't Do That.

I was more thinking that you would leave a note with your dirty glass as you left. That way She gets it after you have left/are walking out the door and there is Zero akward interaction. (Unless your flirting is akward/creepy)
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Yeah I can say that I have done that exact thing and it has worked. Not on my first night at the place though. There is something to be said about not making it awkward for sure. If she's not interested she can easily throw your number out.

I'm just saying that unless you are Fabio, you should put in some legwork over some time before attempting that if you want a good chance. Like at least having spoke to her enough to know that she is single and have a general sense that she is interested. I usually get hints like a free shot or pint here and there.

I go to hand her money for a pint and she just smiles and says don't worry about it. I'm pretty sure that's code for "I think you're cool" at least.

artsi said:
I would not hit on a customer service worker at her work. But I've matched with people who have serviced me on Tinder later, that's fair game then.
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But almost every girl I've slept with over the last few months has been a service worker who I've met when serving me 😐
 
LookAtMeGo said:
But almost every girl I've slept with over the last few months has been a service worker who I've met when serving me 😐
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You're consistently the most entertaining, yet utterly perplexing outlier I’ve ever seen haha.

Girl I was going to the themepark with ended up swapping it to catching a movie, because it’s forecasted to rain this weekend. After that she swapped it to dinner because she doesn’t like any movies that are out lol. She does seem very keen to meet up, so I’ll let her decide on where to go.
 
How long would you date someone before wanting to be exclusive? We had a discussion about a month in and they liked how things were at the time etc which I agreed with, but now it's been two and a half months and I am tired of the casual dating and wondering who they're with etc. Am I just being crazy or is that enough time by now?
 
What's people's experience with Match? I wasn't particularly wanting to jump into any sort of serious relationship anytime soon, but a friend recommended I join and a couple of days on I started messaging someone on it.

She seems really sweet, and we seem to share a lot in common. Her bio kinda looks like it was written with me in mind lol. We have been messaging each other a lot, maybe every other day for almost a week. But as of a few days ago she has just started ghosting me and I'm not sure why. I'm pretty new to dating though, so I am also being a little conscious not to over do the messages when she isn't replying. Yesterday, I dropped her a message just to tell her about a movie I went to see, and she has read it, but not replied.
 
SweetDonuts said:
How long would you date someone before wanting to be exclusive? We had a discussion about a month in and they liked how things were at the time etc which I agreed with, but now it's been two and a half months and I am tired of the casual dating and wondering who they're with etc. Am I just being crazy or is that enough time by now?
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I think my GF and I had "the chat" at like the 5 week mark. So I think if you're 2.5 months deep, you're more than justified at this point.
 
SuperEpicMan said:
What's people's experience with Match? I wasn't particularly wanting to jump into any sort of serious relationship anytime soon, but a friend recommended I join and a couple of days on I started messaging someone on it.

She seems really sweet, and we seem to share a lot in common. Her bio kinda looks like it was written with me in mind lol. We have been messaging each other a lot, maybe every other day for almost a week. But as of a few days ago she has just started ghosting me and I'm not sure why. I'm pretty new to dating though, so I am also being a little conscious not to over do the messages when she isn't replying. Yesterday, I dropped her a message just to tell her about a movie I went to see, and she has read it, but not replied.
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She found someone "better". Sorry, but it happens, especially in online dating. Put yourself in her shoes, if you messaged a ton of women (women have exponentially more men messaging them on dating sites than men do), you'd also drop some you messaged earlier for ones you like better but met later.
 
Cappa said:
What was the reason for breaking up?
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Not a single particular event, more so a combination of factors.

Wasn't happy with myself, a bit down in the dumps perhaps and would choose to spend a lot of time alone instead of time with her. We would pick at each other for small things, then let those spats spoil greater lengths of time than necessary. Had been living together for 6 months, which isn't an easy adjustment.

Think after such a long time together we both began to wonder if the grass was perhaps greener. I don't feel like that anymore. She has made thinly veiled excuses to speak to/see me since (I have kept my distance, never text first - in the past I have always been the one running back) and we get on great when we bump into each other.

I've been quite worried of being 'firm' with her in the past in case of causing more drama but on the occasion that she discovered I'd been seeing somebody else and decided to text me sarcastically about it, I told her not to speak to me like that and received an apology (rare).

Feels like I've made a lot of self-improvement in the half-year since, have learned how to have fun and respect myself. The result of which is that I feel a lot more accepting of my own and her flaws and could be a better partner if given the chance.

I threw myself into dating and for a while felt that it was getting easier. But now we are speaking more and I'm unsure whether to keep it going as is (almost like a slow re-connection process, but also quite mentally exhausting) or to ask how she feels (but worried it comes across as some form of ultimatum).

TL:DR Feels like we split as we both neglected the needs of relationship. Don't think we ever stopped being best friends and whenever we see each other now, it feels like catching up with a best friend you haven't seen for a while (there is little awkwardness, could talk for hours).
 
SweetDonuts said:
How long would you date someone before wanting to be exclusive? We had a discussion about a month in and they liked how things were at the time etc which I agreed with, but now it's been two and a half months and I am tired of the casual dating and wondering who they're with etc. Am I just being crazy or is that enough time by now?
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In my current relationship, we were exclusive after 3 weeks. We were in a relationship after a month.
 
Random question for the guys - have any of yall ever felt the strings from an IUD?

Because they feel like razor blades. I mean...asking for a friend
 
always crazy bacon said:
yes, but you live in a town were the women are either sex starved or the male competition is low/non-existent. I bet even the GAF undateables could get laid there.
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I take offense to this. Anyone can get laid anywhere. This city is a rich city. Pretty much everyone here is rich except me. Lots of really tall, handsome rich guys that own houses and drive nice cars.

Could it be that I am just good at It? It's not like this is the only city I've ever lived in and I've never had a problem picking up.

I went for wings last Wednesday with a friend and one of his buddies I've never met. His friend took a Snapchat of us sitting there with our wings. A minute later he started laughing and shows us a message he got back saying "I fucked that guy sitting next to you"

He was like haha oh man that's hilarious. Both he and my friend were blown away that I had slept with this girl. She's not exactly sex starved. I'm just smooth as fuck, Bacon.
 
Hey Dating GAF. It's me again.

Background: Met a girl at a conference in NYC (I was a speaker and she was an attendee) and want to know when to ask her out. I've returned to Seattle, she's still in NYC for school but returns to Seattle in a month.

We've only been talking for a week and only hanged out for 2 nights when we were in NYC.

Dilemma: Do I ask her out now (over the phone) or when she comes back to Seattle in 4 weeks?
 
I forgot how easy and plentiful the market is when it comes to dating. Connected with a woman a few years older than me, but this is the first time in forever I actually feel happy. I don't feel like I'm forced to cater to everything she wants and she has stability in her life. Owns 2 cars, has her own house, stable job, and is completely on board doing things I like. For the first time in forever I can actually sit back and have someone else take care of planning the event and actually doing so, unlike doing everything step by step for my ex.

I know I've been told to wait since my divorce, but have been on my own for so long with the situation I dealt with with my ex that this is really refreshing.
 
SuperEpicMan said:
What's people's experience with Match? I wasn't particularly wanting to jump into any sort of serious relationship anytime soon, but a friend recommended I join and a couple of days on I started messaging someone on it.

She seems really sweet, and we seem to share a lot in common. Her bio kinda looks like it was written with me in mind lol. We have been messaging each other a lot, maybe every other day for almost a week. But as of a few days ago she has just started ghosting me and I'm not sure why. I'm pretty new to dating though, so I am also being a little conscious not to over do the messages when she isn't replying. Yesterday, I dropped her a message just to tell her about a movie I went to see, and she has read it, but not replied.
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You should try to have a date set up within a week of first contact, or at least have her number. Messaging at length is a fine way to get overinvested while also being a poor gauge of chemistry. You learn more on the first date.

What were you messaging about/how many messages total were exchanged? If you kept talking about movies you saw recently, that's hardly flirting.

Don't focus on why she stopped talking to you; you'll never know, and it might not even be your fault. Focus on what you can do better.
 
LookAtMeGo said:
I take offense to this. Anyone can get laid anywhere. This city is a rich city. Pretty much everyone here is rich except me. Lots of really tall, handsome rich guys that own houses and drive nice cars.

Could it be that I am just good at It? It's not like this is the only city I've ever lived in and I've never had a problem picking up.

I went for wings last Wednesday with a friend and one of his buddies I've never met. His friend took a Snapchat of us sitting there with our wings. A minute later he started laughing and shows us a message he got back saying "I fucked that guy sitting next to you"

He was like haha oh man that's hilarious. Both he and my friend were blown away that I had slept with this girl. She's not exactly sex starved. I'm just smooth as fuck, Bacon.
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Triggered!

Just kidding - I'm sure Bacon was just joshing as well.
 
desertsession said:
TL:DR Feels like we split as we both neglected the needs of relationship. Don't think we ever stopped being best friends and whenever we see each other now, it feels like catching up with a best friend you haven't seen for a while (there is little awkwardness, could talk for hours).
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I mean, if you both genuinely tried dating other people during these 6 months but feel like you guys care about each other no reason not to give it another shot. It doesnt sound like you guys broke up because you were physically abusive, cheating on each other etc.

6 months for such a long relationship is a very short time though, but if thats what you BOTH want then go for it.
 
always crazy bacon said:
I was, but he hilariously countered with a "small town" running into another person he's shagged story.
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I'll have you know that I thought my town was smaller than it was. It's like 300 000, not 100 000. It's not even like that matters anyway. It was the same in a small mountain town of 10 000, it was the same in Toronto. When you hang out at the same spots, you're bound to run into someone who knows someone you know.
 
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