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Dating Age |OT7| Tough Love
- Thread starter Advocatus Diaboli
- Start date
EchoChamber
Member
Thankfully the bar is rarely busy, but I discovered today that she likes bullfighting :/ and I don't know why someone would like to see a guy killing an animal just for entertainment
Beren the Empty-Handed
Member
That was a perfect second date. Third date for Friday is a go.
I like this girl a lot.
And she's definitely way into me.
I like this girl a lot.
And she's definitely way into me.
I'm happy to hear it's going well for you!
Beren the Empty-Handed
Member
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Does anyone else struggle to get second dates?
I feel like my success rate in that area is way below average.
Am I dating the wrong women? Or perhaps misrepresenting myself online/over the phone?
I feel like my success rate in that area is way below average.
Am I dating the wrong women? Or perhaps misrepresenting myself online/over the phone?
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
It makes zero sense to blame the women. I've been pretty confident there's something I'm "doing wrong" for a while now. Problem is I can't seem to isolate it. Even tried speaking with exes and, big surprise, each gave me different criticisms.
Like I said earlier, I've disabled my online dating profile for at least the rest of the year (mostly to catch a breather), and I've got a couple dates left to go on. But in the midst of this, I just got set up by a friend with her friend, and it already seems promising.
She's super smart (way smarter than me), she's a lawyer, very pretty, sweet, fun, down to earth, good family, etc. The only negative I can think of is that she lives an hour away...
I've done that before, and it was a pain, but mostly because the woman had kids. Distance + kids made things really difficult, especially for her. This girl doesn't have kids, and she actually lives in a cool town I wouldn't mind going to.
Anyhoo, I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice, but rather what to expect from this distance. There was one girl I dated who lived only 5 minutes away, and I think I liked that more than anything else actually about HER. LOL.
She's super smart (way smarter than me), she's a lawyer, very pretty, sweet, fun, down to earth, good family, etc. The only negative I can think of is that she lives an hour away...
I've done that before, and it was a pain, but mostly because the woman had kids. Distance + kids made things really difficult, especially for her. This girl doesn't have kids, and she actually lives in a cool town I wouldn't mind going to.
Anyhoo, I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice, but rather what to expect from this distance. There was one girl I dated who lived only 5 minutes away, and I think I liked that more than anything else actually about HER. LOL.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
True, and as such I really appreciate the effort!
Regarding the "wrong women", I guess I should have said incompatible instead because what I meant was wrong for me, in the same way I'm obviously wrong for them.
I'm probably insufficiently aware of what it is I'm doing wrong, because I believe I've eliminated most of the basic turn-offs.
But out of your suggestions if there's one thing I believe I still need to work on it's coming off too strong or too friendly.
You get to a point where I think desperation from not being able to move past a first date starts to show.
Are your pics up to date?
What's your tone like on the first date? I think more than anything it's about making them feel at ease and like they are having fun. Mix getting to know them with humor, but not in a "20 questions" fashion. Don't talk about work if you can avoid it, they are doing this to get away from work. Make low-importance topics into a focus: I once had a 20-minute debate on a first date about whether Reeses or Milky Way was a better chocolate to hit someone in the face with.
Alternatively, what are you like? Are you a generally humorous person and you find yourself with a lot of serious people, or are you too serious because you're afraid of screwing up? There might be a personality mismatch with what you find yourself attracted to vs. what those people are attracted to. Are you too intense? There's some statistical support for the idea that men find women most attractive when they appear very interested, but women find men most attractive when they appear uninterested. I'm not saying to fake disinterest but rather that finding a nice balance between having a laid-back "I could take this or leave this" attitude (which you should have anyway since its a first date with a stranger and therefore not a big deal) and being into what's going on.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
pics are up to date and I'm generally humorous and get a decent amount of laughs from others.
I'm going to try and tone down my friendliness and see if that has any effect.
First gotta figure out what's the right amount and how to behave instead.
Edit: I will say this: one thing that pictures do not show is how you move, how you talk etc. and I suspect my body language isn't very confident. I've had a lot of phone conversations with women from online dating sites where they say they wish people had videos of themselves on their profile.
I'm going to try and tone down my friendliness and see if that has any effect.
First gotta figure out what's the right amount and how to behave instead.
Edit: I will say this: one thing that pictures do not show is how you move, how you talk etc. and I suspect my body language isn't very confident. I've had a lot of phone conversations with women from online dating sites where they say they wish people had videos of themselves on their profile.
LucidMomentum
Member
If people could see the way I run events or ace 15-16 Footers on DDR Ace in videos, I'd get a lot more dates
probably, maybe not tbh
But I feel ya man. I can get first dates, but my second date percentage is abysmal.
I still think the biggest (pun intended) issue is my weight. I just need to keep losing it. Down 30 this year, have another 50 to go before I'd consider myself in the "healthy" dad bod state.
I can bench 220 and do Pull Ups, etc. but no one cares about that when you've got a fat gut.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Keep working out, it sounds like you're on the right path, and more importantly, you give the impression that the rest of your qualities are very attractive which means you won't need a killer body to stand out, just one that's not too below average it becomes a big deal.
I have the exact opposite problem with weight and am constantly watching myself so it doesn't drop so low that I have the body of a 10 year old! That's a HUGE turn-off!
Dating is kinda fucked up. In my case my success with second dates has come from (in the words of several girls) how comfortable and at ease and fun I seem on a first date. A lot of that comes from not really caring whether I see someone again (not in the sense of appearing bored, but rather just focusing in having fun in the moment), which came from jadedness at dates not working out.
So the result recently has been a lot of girls into me but me not being particularly into them because, again, jadedness.
Luckily the holidays are coming up and I can deactivate and hopefully get excited about people again come January.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
I hope you find the one for you soon after reactivating! Or even better meet someone in the real world instead!!
Thanks for the advice and sharing your experience. I know I kind of suck at finding the right middle ground between being too excited and not interested enough. Something I have to constantly be aware of.
I know one mistake I make when reading the opposite side on a date is after getting a positive vibe I start coasting, instead of remaining aware of them and changing things up if they're no longer giving the same vibe.
It's tiring but no there's no other way except putting in the work I guess.
Blam
Member
that's a wild ride.
LordKasual
Banned
Fuck me.
It was actually pretty great. A gay club isn't really a place I ever expected to randomly go.
All the guys are way hotter than you, no female bartenders either. Some random chick started dancing with me, then the girl i was with. Perhaps she thought we were a bisexual couple? The club itself was actually really nice.
I told her that I was actually slick looking forward to some guy hitting on me. It's an odd kind of self esteem booster lol.
We were both pretty exhausted, she basically smoked herself to sleep. This is actually the first time in my life where I think i was more tired than horny after a great night.
we got alot of our hornyness out trying to sober up in her car though. so the night wasn't entirely uneventful.
Sigh, tell me about it.
Through an odd series of events I ended up cancelling a date we had planned for earlier this week, she seemed as though it was a really bad day although she constantly said she didn't wanna cancel. The vibe was definitely off from previous dates, and it felt like she really wanted to cancel. She mentioned that she had just got home and was really tired, so I just mentioned that it seemed like a bad time and that we'll catch up later.
She hasn't texted me back since then. I have a few really good guesses why, none are particularly good.
And this all happened when the next day I had to surprise train this girl at my job (way more work than I wanted to deal with). And then i got an E-mail at the end of the day saying that I didn't get the job i've been waiting to quit this one (and refusing to smoke) for. That was bad.
Also haven't gotten the license plate for my new car yet, so i can technically be pulled over by the cops at any time and have to deal with that shit. And knowing my luck (and general mood as of late) i'm probably just gonna get immediately shot in the face when I do.
shitty fuckin' week dude. At least I can finally contribute to the thread though :V
It was actually pretty great. A gay club isn't really a place I ever expected to randomly go.
All the guys are way hotter than you, no female bartenders either. Some random chick started dancing with me, then the girl i was with. Perhaps she thought we were a bisexual couple? The club itself was actually really nice.
I told her that I was actually slick looking forward to some guy hitting on me. It's an odd kind of self esteem booster lol.
We were both pretty exhausted, she basically smoked herself to sleep. This is actually the first time in my life where I think i was more tired than horny after a great night.
we got alot of our hornyness out trying to sober up in her car though. so the night wasn't entirely uneventful.
Sigh, tell me about it.
Through an odd series of events I ended up cancelling a date we had planned for earlier this week, she seemed as though it was a really bad day although she constantly said she didn't wanna cancel. The vibe was definitely off from previous dates, and it felt like she really wanted to cancel. She mentioned that she had just got home and was really tired, so I just mentioned that it seemed like a bad time and that we'll catch up later.
She hasn't texted me back since then. I have a few really good guesses why, none are particularly good.
And this all happened when the next day I had to surprise train this girl at my job (way more work than I wanted to deal with). And then i got an E-mail at the end of the day saying that I didn't get the job i've been waiting to quit this one (and refusing to smoke) for. That was bad.
Also haven't gotten the license plate for my new car yet, so i can technically be pulled over by the cops at any time and have to deal with that shit. And knowing my luck (and general mood as of late) i'm probably just gonna get immediately shot in the face when I do.
shitty fuckin' week dude. At least I can finally contribute to the thread though :V
Just secured a second date with this girl I met through Tinder a few weeks ago. Do you have any general tips? We plan to meet at a local "tower" tourist place and walk a bit around/chatting + have some coffee
Not really. If you got a second date then whatever you were doing on the first date worked. Keep it up.
Did you guys kiss on the first date?
Thanks! No, we did not. Not sure we will do it this time - I just want it to come naturally.
We originally planed to meet last weekend, but she was too busy with study work, so she suggested to do it the following weekend. I take it as a good sign that she still wants to meet 14 days after our initial date
We originally planed to meet last weekend, but she was too busy with study work, so she suggested to do it the following weekend. I take it as a good sign that she still wants to meet 14 days after our initial date
PancakeBurglar
Member
Just kiss her, it makes all physical escalation from there easier. Also if you take to long to kiss she might see it as a sign you arent that into her.
The English Conquistador
Member
Okay Dating gaf, I need some stranger input.
So I had a superb date last night with this girl, she's got it going in all ways...but I need to know if this is red flaggish.
She called me earlier and we spoke briefly, but due to a persistence cough it was kinda hard to keep talking, and she was aware of it and basically said don't worry about it, I'll speak to you later etc.
I text her late saying I'd give her a call this weekend when she's abroad (she's going to Portugal) and I joked I'd be armed with all kinds of cough sweets and medicine to keep the coughing to a minimum. She replies "That's fine dont worry about it". So I say "Oh you don't want to? I did."
She replies "I feel like you felt bad and that's why you want to call me?"
I tell her that I don't feel bad because the cough can't be controlled, I just figured it would be a nice thing to do until we meet up next week and she prefers voice calls to texts so why not?
She lastly ends it with "That's fine honestly you can call me when I'm there" which I will, but I was just kinda baffled for a minute. Can anyone chime in or should I put my red flags away?
Thanks.
So I had a superb date last night with this girl, she's got it going in all ways...but I need to know if this is red flaggish.
She called me earlier and we spoke briefly, but due to a persistence cough it was kinda hard to keep talking, and she was aware of it and basically said don't worry about it, I'll speak to you later etc.
I text her late saying I'd give her a call this weekend when she's abroad (she's going to Portugal) and I joked I'd be armed with all kinds of cough sweets and medicine to keep the coughing to a minimum. She replies "That's fine dont worry about it". So I say "Oh you don't want to? I did.
" She replies "I feel like you felt bad and that's why you want to call me?"
I tell her that I don't feel bad because the cough can't be controlled, I just figured it would be a nice thing to do until we meet up next week and she prefers voice calls to texts so why not?
She lastly ends it with "That's fine honestly you can call me when I'm there" which I will, but I was just kinda baffled for a minute. Can anyone chime in or should I put my red flags away?
Thanks.
The English Conquistador
Member
Myself.
LordKasual
Banned
Okay Dating gaf, I need some stranger input.
So I had a superb date last night with this girl, she's got it going in all ways...but I need to know if this is red flaggish.
She called me earlier and we spoke briefly, but due to a persistence cough it was kinda hard to keep talking, and she was aware of it and basically said don't worry about it, I'll speak to you later etc.
I text her late saying I'd give her a call this weekend when she's abroad (she's going to Portugal) and I joked I'd be armed with all kinds of cough sweets and medicine to keep the coughing to a minimum. She replies "That's fine dont worry about it". So I say "Oh you don't want to? I did.
She replies "I feel like you felt bad and that's why you want to call me?"
I tell her that I don't feel bad because the cough can't be controlled, I just figured it would be a nice thing to do until we meet up next week and she prefers voice calls to texts so why not?
She lastly ends it with "That's fine honestly you can call me when I'm there" which I will, but I was just kinda baffled for a minute. Can anyone chime in or should I put my red flags away?
Thanks.
Both of those texts could mean two different things each
but i'm pretty sure she was saying "that's fine dont worry about it" in regards to your coughing
you might have jumped towards the negative interpretation unnecessarily ("That's fine, don't worry about calling me.") ....in which case, the red flag is on you lol
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Okay Dating gaf, I need some stranger input.
So I had a superb date last night with this girl, she's got it going in all ways...but I need to know if this is red flaggish.
She called me earlier and we spoke briefly, but due to a persistence cough it was kinda hard to keep talking, and she was aware of it and basically said don't worry about it, I'll speak to you later etc.
I text her late saying I'd give her a call this weekend when she's abroad (she's going to Portugal) and I joked I'd be armed with all kinds of cough sweets and medicine to keep the coughing to a minimum. She replies "That's fine dont worry about it". So I say "Oh you don't want to? I did.
She replies "I feel like you felt bad and that's why you want to call me?"
I tell her that I don't feel bad because the cough can't be controlled, I just figured it would be a nice thing to do until we meet up next week and she prefers voice calls to texts so why not?
She lastly ends it with "That's fine honestly you can call me when I'm there" which I will, but I was just kinda baffled for a minute. Can anyone chime in or should I put my red flags away?
Thanks.
I'm baffled by the sequence of events
Jzero
Member
This is always a problem for me since I don't like having awkward moments or making people feel uncomfortable so I always wait for them to make the move.
You kept bringing it up and you made it weird.
After her first "it's fine", you should've dropped it.
The only "red flag" here is one she is seeing from you.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I been there.
But yeah, 9 times out of 10, ya gotta go for the kiss. A lot of the time, ladies be expecting you to make the first move.
Hey GAF quick q. Was eating some food, and this rando girl comes up and strikes up a chat with me. Had a good 40min convo, asked for her number and she asked for my facebook too. She told me about this outdoor even she's hosting, and I said it sounds cool, but then I never messaged her for like 1 week lol (event is this sunday). I just got hella busy. Don't care too much about dating, but she actually seemed cool so I def wanna chill with this person. How do I message back w/o it being weird after so long?
PancakeBurglar
Member
See I used to stress out about first kisses, used to worry if it was too soon or not or the moment was right. If they are into you theyll respond well. I got into the habit of at the end of a good date when I hugged goodbye Id pull them in for a quick kiss before saying goodbye. For me the earlier I get that first kiss out of the way the easier it is to escalate any sort of physical contact.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Just do ot right now.dont think about, just do!
Is this thread still doing that thing where you all critique a profile on a dating site? If so, here's my profile, I guess: https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Tcab969
I feel like I need more to my profile but just don't know what to add.
I feel like I need more to my profile but just don't know what to add.
Jzero
Member
You need way better photos that's for sure. They're too zoomed in on your face.
I didn't take your advice and it worked lol
But thanks I generally agree with what your saying
"Looking for single women, within 100 miles" Within 100 miles? No you're not. Shorten that to 25 miles. You want a girlfriend, not a penpal.
Your pics need help. Hyper zoomed in, tell us nothing about your personality. Your pics are like the cover a book - they should give me a good idea of what you're about, so I know if I want to read more.
Here's the vibe I get from your profile - "I'm a geek, I like games, kind of an introvert" It's honest, you'll likely attract girls you get along with, but it also makes for very specific bait. Ask yourself how okay with that you are.
You're working on a minor in creative writing? use it! Rub some spice on those paragraphs! Make it feel more like a short story about you and not a historical essay.
Thanks, folks. You're both super right.
Guilty, your honor.
What's common is irrelevant, some girls just aren't big on texting.
You don't need that many messages to plan a meet. "Jess, would you like to get dinner next week? How's Thursday sound?"
Messofanego
Banned
Depends on work hours, they might not text much until after 5pm? Texting is easier in the evening or morning, and weekends. But if she can't even do that, she's probably not that interested in you. Find someone who's as into you as you are into them.
Kind of what I was thInking, it just seemed weird they would give their number out if they weren't interested.
Jzero
Member
The girl I have a date with in a couple of days just uploaded a Snap and described herself as a "Thankful Thot", what the fuck did I just get myself into 😂
It's not an online dating thing it's an individual thing. I dated someone that took 8 hours to return text messages, fucking bail right now
I didn't.
She seemed kinda cool, but it's simply not worth it.
The chances of matching with a girl who at least knows of the girl I was dating are quite high though, especially since I work near her uni.