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Dating someone who doesn't speak your language at your level. How bad an idea is it?

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MillionStabs

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At my college, there are a lot of international students here. Koreans, Swedes, Japanese, Germans, Chinese, Middle Eastern, and so on. A lot of them are learning English and have been for quite a while now (since high school for some).

At the beginning of the semester I met a group of Asian girls and I recently started to like one of the Chinese girls. She speaks English... pretty OK but some idioms or expressions are lost on her. I went to a Christmas festival last night with her and we had a good time.
I told her it was a date and she seemed OK with that. I'm thinking of asking her out again at a later date but before I get involved, I'm worried if a potential language barrier could hamper our relationship.

If anyone has any experience with this subject, please share.
 
I just feel there is a bit of a cultural disconnect. Like even if we understand each other fully we can still feel that our language choice isn't 1 to 1 between both of us. Thus when we express ourselves even the same words don't necessarily hit the same way for the other person. I really appreciated this bit a from a woman who used to live in Japan but was from the States when it comes to using a second language.

Link: https://youtu.be/c79a8Qlvv4c?t=6m15s

My experience is going to a university with a heavy Eastern European student body while the home country students were probably about a fourth of that.
 
Seen it end in marriage lots of times. Basically both parties become relatively fluent in each other's language through talking.
 
Wait you dropped the news on her that it's a date post factum? That's a bit weird.

But anyway. I've been on the other foot.
Few years back my French was reasonable. Like I understood most things but I was a little slow at speaking and reading.

But dating this French chick for 6 months really took my language to the next level.

That and she killed my groot doll never forget...
 
Lived in Germany for a long time. It's not an issue in my experience. I mean, you're in college man, have fun.
 
I knew a kid who was dating an international student. There was a language barrier but they were fine.
 
Its really difficult. I would advise against it. Its overwhelmingly physical and after you get tired of the constant body language there's no easy way to cut it off. However you could try friendship until the language chasm is abit easier to traverse.

Edit: this sounds really harsh. I will say it takes an extreme amount of patience if you're going to make it work.
 
My boyfriend is from Colombia and speaks English pretty well but has plenty of mistakes. Nonetheless, I always understand what he means so it isn't an issue at all. He works for two massive American companies so I guess they don't mind at all either. I do love learning his culture.
 
My wife and I speak each other's second languages. When alone in the house we end up code switching all the time without realizing it. It's fun!
 
I'm an America currently living in Korea. I've been dating a Korean for the past year and a half. Her English is good (definitely better than my atrocious Korean), we don't have too much trouble. We flirt in Korean and have normal conversations in English, sometimes we may need to reiterate things and there's occasionally misconceptions, but for the most part there isn't really any problem.
 
It really depends on the level.

Obviously you'd still want to communicate to your signifcant other via speech and text so as long as they can cover that you're good.
 
She should at least be able to tell you if she wants kids or if she still lives with her parents. Once you're past those two hurdles, show her how far video games have come since Mario.
 
Language isn't the issue, it's cultural differences (and even sub-cultural).

You'll eventually get to the point where you realise you have shared nostalgia or knowledge about things with everyone except your partner. It's important to focus on new experiences if you're with someone who has a very different background as you.
 
Not being able to express oneself fully can be really, really frustrating, so I personally would advise against it. That being said it can also be really interesting. So, for you it either works or it doesn't. Only one way to find out.
 
In a case where the two parties can barely verbally communicate I can't imagine it would work, but if her English is passable (and if you have any desire to pick up her language) it would probably be fine. I agree that cultural differences could be a bigger struggle than language in that case.
 
I know some married couples where they barely speak each other's language. Dunno how they do it. My wife and I are both fairly fluent and it still causes problems from time to time.
 
Crantius_Colto said:
Not being able to express oneself fully can be really, really frustrating, so I personally would advise against it. That being said it can also be really interesting. So, for you it either works or it doesn't. Only one way to find out.
Click to expand...

Are you speaking from experience?

Because people can have problems expressing themselves with words regardless of language difficulties. That aspect is a non-issue.

It's very, VERY important to be aware of cultural differences so you can be aware of things. Don't be a dick and assume everything is because "oh that, that's how they do things", it's not to pre-judge, but every relationship will have some level of conflict and usually the resolution is discussion. Language ability is far less of a problem than ones ability to relate to abstract ideas. Some of which may reference popular culture that the other knows nothing about.

--

OP, date the fuck out of that girl. ;)
 
My wife and I both are from USA. I speak English, she doesn't.

English is her native and only language but I don't think she has mastered it
 
Not a big issue if you're both reasonably fluent in a shared language, which it seems like you are.

Not to mention, it can be a pretty eye opening experience to date someone so different from you culturally. Can definitely widen your worldview and open you up to a lot of new experiences.

Go for it. Making friends with and dating people who are very different from me (ethnically, culturally, or otherwise) ended up being some of the best things I ever did in regards to my personal development.
 
Really depends exactly where that level is.

Definitely makes it a lot harder.

Probably advise against it unless you get along extremely well and you're willing to work past it.
 
webkatt said:
My wife and I both are from USA. I speak English, she doesn't.

English is her native and only language but I don't think she has mastered it
Click to expand...

I'm%2Btelling%2Bon%2Byou.jpg
 
I know a guy who literally communicated with his GF using napkin drawings since they didn't know their respective languages at all. I'm dead fucking serious
 
I am not a native English speaker, yet I'm the one teaching my dates the popular idioms and expressions. You just have to make her read memes
 
My wife and I don't have the same language background, and we're far from the only ones in our circle.

I grew up bilingual French and English, and she monolingual Japanese. We speak mostly Spanish to each other, with more and more Japanese mixed in (we currently live in Japan). She speaks English, although she's not there yet when it comes to idioms and what not, and is learning French (while I'm learning Japanese).

Speaking in a third language as the main language helps, since neither one has the "advantage" over the other. We know a Peruvian-Japanese couple where they both speak Spanish and Japanese, but speak in English to each other for the same reason.
 
I think it's cool. The bigger issues in relationships are ideological differences.

Languages present an issue, sure, but hardly difficult. Thing is, i enjoy languages and other cultures so that helps me.

A friend at work pointed out my last three girlfriends were Italian, German and half-Dutch/English. Had some language differences but nothing crippling, and the accents are an extra bonus!
 
For me it's resulting in marriage to the most beautiful girl I've ever met. So no complaints here. At this point her English is pretty great though. Communication issues were never major for us.

My uncle married a Chinese woman who spoke barely any English, but they're fantastic together. I've never seen my uncle happier. And it gets even better as she learns more and is able to communicate with him and the rest of the family.

You should make a real effort to learn their language as well, otherwise they'll likely feel frustrated that they're the only one struggling to communicate.
 
I know people mentioned it here, but you telling her it was a date after everything went down is pretty weird.
 
daffy said:
Its really difficult. I would advise against it. Its overwhelmingly physical and after you get tired of the constant body language there's no easy way to cut it off. However you could try friendship until the language chasm is abit easier to traverse.

Edit: this sounds really harsh. I will say it takes an extreme amount of patience if you're going to make it work.
Click to expand...

Nope to all of this. It isn't that difficult, and it gives you something to do (learn their language) and someone to help you practice
while having sex with them
.

Chaos2Frozen said:
*shrugged*

It'll just be one more thing for you two to be able to talk about.
Click to expand...
Yeah, the cultural differences are part of the fun, if you let them be. Comparing and contrasting, learning new things about each other, and figuring out ways to make them work together or simply experiencing each others' is great!

Count Dookkake said:
"I told her it was a date and she seemed ok with that."

This might become an awesome thread.
Click to expand...

She got "dated" like that dude in the other thread. Was that Dinokill?
 
I had a friend who really only spoke Spanish at the time, date a guy who didn't know Spanish at all. They lasted for almost 2 years.
 
Worked fine for me. Married 5 years now. My wife barely spoke any English when I met her. Now she is fully fluent.
 
Go for it. There's something for you to learn from the experience. Dating is about experiencing others and finding out what people you gravitate towards and away from.

There's.a Chinese girl in my photography class that doesn't speak English well, but we lock eyes and mutter what we can to each other. I catch her looking at me from time to time as well.

To me, there's a level of intimacy that is learning the language of someone that you're interested in. When the language barrier gets in the way, there's nothing physical expression and body language can't say.
 
I'm French, I live in the US, I've been in three relationships with girls who didn't speak French and knew relatively little English and I married the third one. She will get better by learning from you. It was difficult at first as I have a tendency to talk a lot and communication is extremely important for a healthy relationship, but yeah, her English got better and so did her French and my Japanese. It's great, don't get discouraged.

And I agree with what someone said above that cultural differences are a much bigger deal, because some differences will sneak up on you and could become real problems if one of the two parties doesn't understand that being with someone from a different culture means there will need to be compromises and a willingness to adapt.
 
It's not a bad idea.
I met my wife when I (France) didn't speak one word of her language (German),and she was far from fluent in mine.we spoke French and English for a while.
Now we're married and speak both languages.

Ultimately,the difficult lied in the cultural differencies, not in the language by itself.
 
I had that experience. She understood English very well and her writing skills were very good, so we communicated a lot by text when we weren't together. When we were, our conversations were not as elaborated as they were in text.

It was not a problem. We have a great time together.
 
I dated a Chinese woman for a few years, I knew some Chinese and she knew no English. Worked out fine as I was able to improve my Chinese so we could communicate better. A friend of mine has just married a Chinese girl, and she speaks no English, but his Chinese had gotten really good. The biggest issue is other people asking how you can understand each other. Like it's an impossibility. Got for it, don't let language get in the way.
 
My brother dated a Mexican woman who spoke no English. He learned enough Spanish in four months to hold a fairly deep conversation and decipher different accents.
 
When i met my wife i knew 0 words of Vietnamese. Bow I'm damn near indistinguishable from a native speaker.

It's fine, go for it
 
I prefer dating girls that don't speak fluent English. It helps me to learn their language for one thing, it's the main way how I've learned to speak Chinese (also I live there but still...).

Also it makes it so you don't ever nag each other, there is really no way to argue about inane and inconsequential bullshit like I used to do with my American ex gfs. If there is a disagreement usually we gotta figure out what it is through looking in dictionaries on the phone or something like that, and it helps to bring levity to any sort of disagreement. I'd say mainly because it makes you realize how stupid the argument is because it slows everything down and makes you actually think.

Sex with a gf that can't speak your language is good too, you guys can't sit around and talk so you are more likely to jump each others bones every chance you get. And afterwards you don't need to discuss feelings or what "Sarah said about Julie today at the office..."

Not sure if I can really articulate this last part but I'll try. To me the best thing about not speaking the same language is your demeanor and body language really takes a forefront instead of the words. So it's a whole lot easier to really know what kind of person you are dating, if they are truly happy and smiling and enjoying their life or if they are putting on a false front. I remember many times where my gfs in America would say they are "fine" or that there is "nothing wrong" but their body language said otherwise. If the only thing to go on is body language, I guess you could still lie and pretend, I just think it is harder. My current gf speaks almost no English and my Chinese is still shit, but we joke around and laugh and always make each other crack up just acting goofy or saying simple things to each other. There are no layers to hide behind really, words allow you to hide, without them we are more exposed.
 
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