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Dating someone who doesn't speak your language at your level. How bad an idea is it?

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I dated a Japanese girl for around 3 months, we used Japanese and English (and I'm French actually so lol) no real communication problems.
I guess the issues might mostly come from cultural differences.
 
The Illiterati said:
She should at least be able to tell you if she wants kids or if she still lives with her parents. Once you're past those two hurdles, show her how far video games have come since Mario.
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...I spend too much time here.

OP. I say no harm in trying. You'll learn through each other and if there's something there, it'd be a shame for a bit of a language barrier to get in the way.
 
I mean, you're in college, and it'd be your second date. Just have fun, there's no reason to take it too seriously. Just use the language barrier as a way to learn more about her and her culture.

If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out.

Count Dookkake said:
"I told her it was a date and she seemed ok with that."

This might become an awesome thread.
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"Well that was fun! By the way we just had our first date ok? No take backsies"

"Oh...Ok"
 
vern said:
I prefer dating girls that don't speak fluent English. It helps me to learn their language for one thing, it's the main way how I've learned to speak Chinese (also I live there but still...).

Also it makes it so you don't ever nag each other, there is really no way to argue about inane and inconsequential bullshit like I used to do with my American ex gfs. If there is a disagreement usually we gotta figure out what it is through looking in dictionaries on the phone or something like that, and it helps to bring levity to any sort of disagreement. I'd say mainly because it makes you realize how stupid the argument is because it slows everything down and makes you actually think.

Sex with a gf that can't speak your language is good too, you guys can't sit around and talk so you are more likely to jump each others bones every chance you get. And afterwards you don't need to discuss feelings or what "Sarah said about Julie today at the office..."

Not sure if I can really articulate this last part but I'll try. To me the best thing about not speaking the same language is your demeanor and body language really takes a forefront instead of the words. So it's a whole lot easier to really know what kind of person you are dating, if they are truly happy and smiling and enjoying their life or if they are putting on a false front. I remember many times where my gfs in America would say they are "fine" or that there is "nothing wrong" but their body language said otherwise. If the only thing to go on is body language, I guess you could still lie and pretend, I just think it is harder. My current gf speaks almost no English and my Chinese is still shit, but we joke around and laugh and always make each other crack up just acting goofy or saying simple things to each other. There are no layers to hide behind really, words allow you to hide, without them we are more exposed.
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This is perfectly put and accurate. Especially the not arguing over bullshit and overanalysing a choice of words.
 
Aquavelvaman said:
My wife and I speak each other's second languages. When alone in the house we end up code switching all the time without realizing it. It's fun!
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Haha, same here. Plus we both speak English. So when we speak some fucking weird Dutch-Indonesian-English hybrid comes out of our mouth.
 
There really is no one way these things play out. When I was in Japan teaching my Japanese became hugely reflective of the middle school kids I was teaching because that's what I was exposed to for 7 hours of the day 5 days a week.

For some women I dated that was funny as hell, for others it was a total dealbreaker, which is understandable.

As others have said though, it's not so much language as cultural and personality differences that tend to be the big sticking points.

I know two friends of mine who married Japanese men, one couple is basically fluent in English and Japanese and they argue all the time, the other still can only manage stilted, rudimentary conversations but are the most fiercely dedicated pair I think I've ever met.
 
My buddy is going to marry a girl like that. He's got a hint of weeaboo in him, but still a cool dude and very smart individual. I say go for it OP.
 
shintoki said:
You don't need words to fuck!
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30127858.jpg
 
Do it, OP.
Could be the love of your life. At worst, you'll lose some time you could have spent chasing some other girl who might break your heart as well.
 
Easily some of my best and most fun experiences. Just try it, what's the worst that can happen.
 
But seriously, why did you wait to tell her it was a date?

The kind part of me says that communication is gonna be tricky enough without you throwing in evasiveness and obfuscation.

The jaded part of me wonders if you are thinking of exploiting the language barrier and her cultural ignorance to get in her Chinese panties. How's your game with native English-speakers?


ZackieChan said:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1234733
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Thanks.
 
I've pretty much only dated ESL girls for the last decade. Japanese, Korean, etc.

It's fine. It's good for them to help improve their English level.

And it's good for you so you know how to communicate clearly without just mindlessly blabbing in your mother tongue. You learn to speak clearer, more deliberate English. And your mind learns to interpret what people are saying when they aren't speaking exactly as you would have put it.
 
The Illiterati said:
She should at least be able to tell you if she wants kids or if she still lives with her parents. Once you're past those two hurdles, show her how far video games have come since Mario.
Click to expand...
This hits way too close to home for many gaffers im sure lolol.
 
I was going to say it would be difficult. Expressing myself is hard enough when talking to native English speakers. I'd really be hate to second-guess myself all the time when talking to a non-native English speaker, wondering if they understood the subtle context and connotations to what I said. That level of emotional detail is really important in a relationship.

But there are a lot of posters here who have posted about their positive experiences. So maybe I'm wrong. I guess people can find ways to connect with each other even when language isn't perfect.
 
I if you invest time and interest in learning your SO's language, you'll be fine. I have many different couple-friends that are married and they are barely able to communicate in English.
 
Met my Japanese wife while traveling in Canada. Her English was quite rough back then, but my Japanese was non-existent.

We live in Japan now, and her English is near-native level. My Japanese is manageable at best, but that should hopefully change soon, as I'll be working in an environment where only Japanese is spoken. I used to teach English here, but it wasn't for me.

Sure. There are times when she doesn't understand certain idioms or cultural references, and we used to occasionally resort to emails when we'd have an argument as it would give her time to think about what I was saying and also think about how to respond to it, but other than that, we've never really had any difficulties.

She's my best friend and I wouldn't change her for the world.
 
Plenty of couples out there that started off in completely different countries, speaking different languages, I don't think it's a bad idea at all. I think both have to be willing to learn the other's native language though if they want it to be serious. I can't really imagine bringing someone into my family that doesn't speak french well enough to understand what we're saying.
 
Been through it (me Canadian, her Chinese). There's difficulties and frustrations when people can't express their feelings as they want to... but really it's just something you need to be aware of and you can make do so long as you're understanding. Gradually their language skills should improve, especially through dating a native speaker so yeah I wouldn't worry in the long run. My ex's English improved severely while we were dating and honestly the only reason she's an ex is because I was in love with somebody else. >_>
 
Sparrowhawk said:
Wow you must be a stud.
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A Fish Aficionado said:
How empathetic of you.


I think it's interesting to date someone with another worldview than mine.
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He's clearly a Korean American who is eye-rolling at ESL Korean girls because it reminds him of all the FOBs his uncles try to hook him up up with. Too close to home.

Meanwhile if you're not of that culture, ESL girls are kind of novel and interesting, if anything...
 
My girlfriend's English is pretty good, much better than my Albanian. Some thing arent 1:1, so it takes some time, but it's a great experience. I'd say go for it.
 
My wife spoke very little English when we met, after living with me she's pretty much become fluent. The way I use language has changed to accomodate for her, when my friends see me speaking with her, it's not the same as I'd normally speak. But even when she wasn't the best English speaker we could communicate easily and early
 
It's a great idea and very doable.

However OP, the bigger question is are you willing to make an effort to understand and be better understood by her? If you only expect her to learn English and your culture, you put yourself in a very precarious situation where language and cultural barriers easily form.

For example, when you told her you went on a date and she seemed ok with that. Are you sure she understood what you mean by "a date"? Here's a hint, although the word might exist in other languages, dating is not universal - there is a lot of cultural variance.

The trick is to find ways to steer around those possible communication potholes together. And the last word is the key, you have to do it together. Rather like dating.
 
Can you understand each other reasonably well? If so, there shouldn't be any problem. People learn a new language for their partner all the time, so if you like this person, the language barrier really isn't that big an issue. Her English should improve very quickly by spending time with native speakers such as yourself or the people in your social circle, and chances are you'll end up picking up some of her language, as well.

Edit: Not to mention the great opportunity for cultural exchange.
 
I see an opportunity here where if your partner tells you that you can't buy something, do it anyways. If they get mad tell them you didn't understand them.
 
Deeper ingrained cultural differences will be a bigger challenge than language, for a longer term relationship anyway. If you just wanna bang then the language of fucking is fairly universal.
 
Been here a lot before, always got frustrated from lack of conversation and being around each other got awkward and quiet. Not a nice feeling when you see a different person when she's around her friends and they speak their native tongue.

Depends on what you want out of this.
 
I'm from the UK and have never actually dated a native English speaker. They've all had varying abilities in English. Language was never the problem.
 
My friend married a Korean women, she never understands what he's saying and is always offended by whatever he is saying because she doesn't understand him and yells at him for it. Sounds like Apparently the only person with that sort of result from this thread.
 
I dated an Italian girl about 10yrs ago, her English was ok but I hear the OP when he says some expressions and sayings are lost. Her biggest difficulty was grasping the difference between past, present and future tense, it's not their (non English speakers) fault though. When you think about it we have a lot of different words for similar things and then there's words that sound the same but mean totally different things as well. From what multilingual people have told me, English is one of the most difficult languages to learn.
 
Gen X said:
I dated an Italian girl about 10yrs ago, her English was ok but I hear the OP when he says some expressions and sayings are lost. Her biggest difficulty was grasping the difference between past, present and future tense, it's not their (non English speakers) fault though. When you think about it we have a lot of different words for similar things and then there's words that sound the same but mean totally different things as well. From what multilingual people have told me, English is one of the most difficult languages to learn.
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That's not even remotely true, at least if you are Spanish speaking person. I mean, you have like four verb conjugations. In Spanish for example we have like 20 - no kiding. That alone makes it way more harder. And that's not even mentioning the fact that you dont have masculine/feminine/neutral nouns. It's true that the vocabulary is broad, but I would say English is an easy language to learn compared to others.
 
Gen X said:
From what multilingual people have told me, English is one of the most difficult languages to learn.
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Nah, English is like baby's first language. It's one of the easiest to learn, there's nothing particularly complex in it, just the frequent homonyms can get confusing. That's the same in many languages though.
Not to mention the ubiquity of English in music/film/pop culture. My girlfriend learned a lot of English by singing along to rock music as a kid.
 
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