Okay, this is kind of complicated and probably also dumb, but here goes.
I was born into a religious family. I guess you could say I was fairly religious. I believed in the rules established by my religion, and was really convinced that it was the 'right' one. I did have certain questions, that I'm sure most religious people had at least one point in their lives (like "Why is our religion the right one?"), but the answer to those questions were pretty much always: STFU.
But I went about my business and just accepted it. Around the time I was 18 or 19, I came across a debate about religion on one of the very first forums I used to frequent. One of the posters was an atheist (you could probably guess which side he was arguing), and he made a bunch of excellent points about the contradictions, hypocrisies, inconsistencies and paradoxes about organized religion that I couldn't help but feel enlightened. About a week after following the debate, I was of the opinion that all organized religion is baloney, and that you don't need religion to be a moral person. Interestingly enough, I didn't have a crisis of faith at the time like you would expect to happen once finding out that nearly everything you believed in was a lie. In fact, I was quite happy with my new found belief system.
However, I didn't consider myself an atheist. I still believed in a "God", or some sort of higher power. One that was as powerful as the gods of the major religions, but not bound by the arbitrary rules created with most religions (such as pre-marital sex being a no-no). However, throughout the past several months I've come to find myself drifting more and more to the side of atheism. The problem with this is that it seems to take away any meaning life had to offer. I mean, is life really just an accident? It's one thing when your parents call you that, but for it to actually be true on a cosmic scale? The more I think about it, the more questions come up. Why are you who you are, where you are, at what point in time you are? I mean, babies that are born, just to die from tay sacch's (sp?) or something? The hundreds of thousands of people that die every year, why aren't you one of them?
Needless to say, it's gotten pretty depressing. I've been feeling a hell of a lot more paranoid about being killed. I feel a bit better than I did a little while back when all of this hit me at once, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to that blissful sense of ignorance about such matters.
So now I need help to get my life back on track. If anyone has any advice, or books or whatever to help cope with this existential crisis I'd appreciate it. I'm 25 years old, I shouldn't be feeling this way, dammit!
I was born into a religious family. I guess you could say I was fairly religious. I believed in the rules established by my religion, and was really convinced that it was the 'right' one. I did have certain questions, that I'm sure most religious people had at least one point in their lives (like "Why is our religion the right one?"), but the answer to those questions were pretty much always: STFU.
But I went about my business and just accepted it. Around the time I was 18 or 19, I came across a debate about religion on one of the very first forums I used to frequent. One of the posters was an atheist (you could probably guess which side he was arguing), and he made a bunch of excellent points about the contradictions, hypocrisies, inconsistencies and paradoxes about organized religion that I couldn't help but feel enlightened. About a week after following the debate, I was of the opinion that all organized religion is baloney, and that you don't need religion to be a moral person. Interestingly enough, I didn't have a crisis of faith at the time like you would expect to happen once finding out that nearly everything you believed in was a lie. In fact, I was quite happy with my new found belief system.
However, I didn't consider myself an atheist. I still believed in a "God", or some sort of higher power. One that was as powerful as the gods of the major religions, but not bound by the arbitrary rules created with most religions (such as pre-marital sex being a no-no). However, throughout the past several months I've come to find myself drifting more and more to the side of atheism. The problem with this is that it seems to take away any meaning life had to offer. I mean, is life really just an accident? It's one thing when your parents call you that, but for it to actually be true on a cosmic scale? The more I think about it, the more questions come up. Why are you who you are, where you are, at what point in time you are? I mean, babies that are born, just to die from tay sacch's (sp?) or something? The hundreds of thousands of people that die every year, why aren't you one of them?
Needless to say, it's gotten pretty depressing. I've been feeling a hell of a lot more paranoid about being killed. I feel a bit better than I did a little while back when all of this hit me at once, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to that blissful sense of ignorance about such matters.
So now I need help to get my life back on track. If anyone has any advice, or books or whatever to help cope with this existential crisis I'd appreciate it. I'm 25 years old, I shouldn't be feeling this way, dammit!
