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Dealing with homicidal thoughts
- Thread starter Shawn
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taku said:
Your advice is friggin awful.
"I feel like I'm going to kill people"
"Snap out of it"
I was an awkward looking young man, and didn't have a girlfriend until later in my teens, but I never felt angry at people who did. That's not something that a little self-esteem will fix.
My god, the whole "just work out man". I just picture some muscle-bound meathead who can't understand how some people could actually have a mental illness.
I doubt that resorting to ultra violence will ever grant you passage to the hidden fortress. It will only end up in getting yourself gang raped on the amusingly sticky floor of a north american prison.Shawn said:
Those guys that you see getting girls and stuff all went thru the same phase that youre going thru right now, except maybe for the whole episodic psychotic aggresivity thing. Those guys worked on their self-esteem and got up to talk with those girls. Women can feel fear and lack of confidence. YOu just need to observe their moves, and , heck read online it you even have to, and you'll figure out your own style.
It's hard, but you can do it.
F
Folder
Unconfirmed Member
I get the impression that Google searches for Help me. Im fucked in the head and need some place to write about it! brings up Game Age Forum off-topic.
i'm not a violent person. i've never initiated physical harm on another person and i don't ever intend to. those thoughts that i speak of are more like fantasies that occur in the moment. that's all they are... fantasies. it's just that i've struggled for several years with this issue... i can't count how many times i've cried, alone, during this time.
my closest friend has had a lot of experience with women and i've watched him approach girls. it's funny, 'cause when we're hanging out and we both notice the same attractive girl, he'll look and tell me that he gets pleasure and enjoyment out of looking, and i have a hard time looking and i'll tell him that i feel an immense, twisting internal pain and longing.
i've accomplished more in the past three years than all the years of my life combined before that. and in the past six months alone, i've accomplished two MAJOR things (for me, at least) that i've feared since i was a little kid. it's just that this issue that i'm having feels especially difficult for me, and at times it's hard for me to put it in perspective.
my closest friend has had a lot of experience with women and i've watched him approach girls. it's funny, 'cause when we're hanging out and we both notice the same attractive girl, he'll look and tell me that he gets pleasure and enjoyment out of looking, and i have a hard time looking and i'll tell him that i feel an immense, twisting internal pain and longing.
i've accomplished more in the past three years than all the years of my life combined before that. and in the past six months alone, i've accomplished two MAJOR things (for me, at least) that i've feared since i was a little kid. it's just that this issue that i'm having feels especially difficult for me, and at times it's hard for me to put it in perspective.
F
Folder
Unconfirmed Member
One day, GAF will feature on 'Real Life Crimes - And How They Were Solved'. Simply a matter of time...Shawn said:
I smell a new series...
CSI: GAF Files!
Seriously, I hate to throw myself on the ground like this, but I agree with Taku, try to just get over it. It can and does work if you're able to.
That being said, if this is an ongoing problem then I would seek at least a counslor. Someone to talk to who is not part of your circle of friends, or even a friend in the real sense of the word, is very good for dealing with random thoughts/fantasies.
I know what you mean about the intense longing feeling, I used to get that too. My friend and I actually used to joke that we would stab happy couples in the eye with forks. Of course we never did and now that phase has passed us. I'm not sure what did it for him, but I simply "got over it". Note: I also was going for therapy at the time for other issues, but I'm sure I spoke about this in sessions and that probably helped with the "getting over it"
CSI: GAF Files!
Seriously, I hate to throw myself on the ground like this, but I agree with Taku, try to just get over it. It can and does work if you're able to.
That being said, if this is an ongoing problem then I would seek at least a counslor. Someone to talk to who is not part of your circle of friends, or even a friend in the real sense of the word, is very good for dealing with random thoughts/fantasies.
I know what you mean about the intense longing feeling, I used to get that too. My friend and I actually used to joke that we would stab happy couples in the eye with forks. Of course we never did and now that phase has passed us. I'm not sure what did it for him, but I simply "got over it". Note: I also was going for therapy at the time for other issues, but I'm sure I spoke about this in sessions and that probably helped with the "getting over it"
Xenon
Member
Envy is going to fuck you every time. I think your main problem is thinking that a woman is some kind of possession like a nice car. Stop thinking of women as something you need to have. If you see a girl you like try to get to know her and work from there. I think most women can read which guys want to be with them(to either talk, fuck or whatever vs have them.
btw, you dont happen to have your dead mother living with you?
btw, you dont happen to have your dead mother living with you?
Xenon, it's funny that you mention possessions. i don't feel jealous or envious of guys who have material possessions. it doesn't bother me at all if a guy is super wealthy, has several multi-million dollar homes, or has a large collection of exotic cars. good for him. doesn't bother me AT ALL.
on the other hand, the thought of a guy having no problems "getting girls", or a guy having no problems getting women to want to be with him on a consistant basis as if it's a normal or natural thing, or the guy who claims he can go out any night of the week and pick up a woman... man, that's what gets my fucking blood boiling. that i can't deal with. that's when i feel out of control... and that's when i fantasize about smashing his face in.
on the other hand, the thought of a guy having no problems "getting girls", or a guy having no problems getting women to want to be with him on a consistant basis as if it's a normal or natural thing, or the guy who claims he can go out any night of the week and pick up a woman... man, that's what gets my fucking blood boiling. that i can't deal with. that's when i feel out of control... and that's when i fantasize about smashing his face in.
I already know that a guy's physical appearance has very little to do with getting a woman attracted to him.
Bluecondor
Member
Shawn said:
I actually see what you are saying here - it can be maddening when you have to watch and/or listen to a dude who brags ignorantly about his sexual prowess, and then see women actually fall for that kind of dude.
I knew a guy who used to boast about how he could get women to do anything with him, and - then, he would talk trash on every girl he was with.
But - the interesting thing is that most of the women who got with him were pretty mediocre and/or had some issues themselves. Any time he tried to get with a real girl, who could actually put up with his bs, he would get run into the ground.
Like you (OK - minus the harm/maiming thing), I would get really mad at this dude, especially when he would try to get with women I was friends with. But - one thing you can take solace in is that dudes like this look really pathetic the older they get. It is one thing to be sleeping around and boasting about it when you are in your early twenties. But - that same dude at thirty is sad; and that dude at 35 is just straight-up pathetic.
Do you remember Wooderson in Dazed and Confused ("I love them high school girls. I get older, but they stay the same age.")? That's basically what I'm talking about. There's no need for maiming and murdering these dudes, they will eventually implode on themselves - and it will be much more painful than if you lit them on fire with a blowtorch.
The Take Out Bandit
Member
But Shawn won't have the satisfaction of lighting them on fire with a blow torch, smelling the skin cook, and hearing the fluids burn.
For some folks, the best revenge is living well; for others it's heaping as much pain and suffering on your enemies as humanly possible, or until you're caught.
If you're feeling acutely homicidal and afraid for your mental well being, I suggest joining the armed forces. You'll have plenty of opportunities to indulge yourself in the right position without the risk of a lifetime of surprise buttsecks!
I used to think about murder fairly often, these fantasies were far more involved than say - setting up a sexual fantasy. What keeps me going (read: free of a murder spree) is the belief that my life is worth more than a few moments indulgence, and a lifetime of SURPRISE - BUTTSECKS! in prison.
There are also other outlets. Sure I could always go the Punisher route and start shooting local drug dealers, instead - I make time in my schedule to bend the ear of the local councilman. If that fails. Then the shooting, lynching, and atrocities begin.
VIVA LA KURTZ! :lol
Xenon said:
I think this is the best advice in the thread so far, although I definitely think you should seek professional help, Shawn. It's good that you've admitted on a (relatively) public forum that you have these thoughts and you don't like them, but you need to do something about it. I used to be similarly jealous of people who would get girls while I couldn't (though minus the desire to kill them bit), and though I still don't get that many girls, I don't worry about it anymore. As cliched as it sounds, what's really important is that you find a girl who's compatible with you, who can look past (at least some of) your faults. That's not something you're going to be able to judge from just looking at a girl. Also, you can take solace in the fact that many of the guys who have "sexual prowess" never seem to find this person, which likely makes them feel just as miserable as you do now.
-jinx- said:
we've had some thread's come pretty close to that.
"look, i was trying to do a handstand, and i fell on the entertainment center, look at my bloody leg, what should i do?"
"see, well, i pushed over this magazine rack"
"OMG A CREEPY NEIGHBOR HERE IS HIS PICTURE"
"OTHER NEIGHBOR HAVING AFFAIR! MORE PICTURES! UPDATES AT 5 AND 6PM"
"I THINK SHE MIGHT BE PREGNANT"
and so on and so forth
I've never had an emotionally close relationship with a female. I've never had that type of relationship of a romantic or sexual nature. I've basically never gone out socially with a female. I've never kissed a female. I've always wanted to experience that (physical) intimacy -- I want it more than anything... but it's never happened. I'll be 32 this summer.
***
Okay, it's been a long time since I've started this thread or posted anything related to this matter, and I'm feeling the need to talk.
It seems like the females who I've been attracted to recently... it seems like it doesn't phase them that i'm attracted to them. come to think of it, looking back at all of my past, it seems like NONE of the females who i've been attracted to didn't seem to phase them one bit. in fact, it seems like all of those times that i've been attracted to a female, it seems like they don't feel that same level of attraction for me that I've feel for them. I'm definitely not imagining this.
You know what's it's like? If I'm attracted to a woman, it's like she doesn't give a sh*t if I'm attracted to her. I'm telling you -- it totally seems like it doesn't phase her or affect her in any way. And to tell you the truth, that kind of f*cks me up in a way. I mean, seriously... what the f*ck? I exist. I'm a human being, I've never physically hurt anyone, I've never done anything that caused someone to lose a value of theirs. Hey, I am who I am. Like I said, I highly doubt I'm imagining this.
And there you go. That's why I feel what I feel. That rage...
And I've always wanted it. I've always had a very deep desire for it.
If I'm attracted to a female, it seems like she would be unwilling to make it easier for me to make whatever needs to happen happen, so that mutually reciprocated (physical) intimacy could occur between her and I.
And every single one of those very females who I've been attracted to (I'm talking about, like, tens of thousands)... every single one of them (or, like, 99% of them)... they let SOMEONE ELSE of my gender "get together" with them. They'll invite SOMEONE ELSE into their world.
That f*cks me up.
It's come down to the point that whenever I see a "hot" female, my reaction is that I, literally, clench my fist really tight, to the point that if my nails are long enough I make visible marks in the palm of my hand.
Man, I'd like to go on and on and on, but people can only listen or tolerate so much...
And I think of all those females who I've been attracted to... And I think of all of those individuals of my gender who have been with these females, and are "getting together" with these females, and WILL "get together" with these females... And I think: What the f*ck does that mean...? That I'm somehow LESS THAN SOMETHING?? And boy oh boy -- that f*cks me up, to say the least.
LIke I said, I wish I could just type and type and type, but I have to go. I'll be back tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna leave this unedited. I apologize if it was a pain to read.
***
Okay, it's been a long time since I've started this thread or posted anything related to this matter, and I'm feeling the need to talk.
It seems like the females who I've been attracted to recently... it seems like it doesn't phase them that i'm attracted to them. come to think of it, looking back at all of my past, it seems like NONE of the females who i've been attracted to didn't seem to phase them one bit. in fact, it seems like all of those times that i've been attracted to a female, it seems like they don't feel that same level of attraction for me that I've feel for them. I'm definitely not imagining this.
You know what's it's like? If I'm attracted to a woman, it's like she doesn't give a sh*t if I'm attracted to her. I'm telling you -- it totally seems like it doesn't phase her or affect her in any way. And to tell you the truth, that kind of f*cks me up in a way. I mean, seriously... what the f*ck? I exist. I'm a human being, I've never physically hurt anyone, I've never done anything that caused someone to lose a value of theirs. Hey, I am who I am. Like I said, I highly doubt I'm imagining this.
And there you go. That's why I feel what I feel. That rage...
And I've always wanted it. I've always had a very deep desire for it.
If I'm attracted to a female, it seems like she would be unwilling to make it easier for me to make whatever needs to happen happen, so that mutually reciprocated (physical) intimacy could occur between her and I.
And every single one of those very females who I've been attracted to (I'm talking about, like, tens of thousands)... every single one of them (or, like, 99% of them)... they let SOMEONE ELSE of my gender "get together" with them. They'll invite SOMEONE ELSE into their world.
That f*cks me up.
It's come down to the point that whenever I see a "hot" female, my reaction is that I, literally, clench my fist really tight, to the point that if my nails are long enough I make visible marks in the palm of my hand.
Man, I'd like to go on and on and on, but people can only listen or tolerate so much...
And I think of all those females who I've been attracted to... And I think of all of those individuals of my gender who have been with these females, and are "getting together" with these females, and WILL "get together" with these females... And I think: What the f*ck does that mean...? That I'm somehow LESS THAN SOMETHING?? And boy oh boy -- that f*cks me up, to say the least.
LIke I said, I wish I could just type and type and type, but I have to go. I'll be back tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna leave this unedited. I apologize if it was a pain to read.
Lost Fragment
Obsessed with 4chan
Counseling. You need it. Go get it.
Instigator
Banned
Ever serve time in the last 3 years?
OpinionatedCyborg
Member
dude... IF U FLIP 32 AROUND YOU GETShawn said:
THE NUMBER 23
Bauer Action Hour
Member
Lost Fragment said:
.
ManDudeChild
Member
Lost Fragment said:
listen to this man
Lost Fragment
Obsessed with 4chan
Also, it seems like you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy, here. Romantic relationships are especially sensitive to this. If you think you won't land a girl, you won't, but if you think you will, you will.
But yeah, go get counseling, man. You've spent the last decade or two building a fortress of negative thinking, and you're gonna need help tearing all that down, which will be the first step towards getting a girl.
But yeah, go get counseling, man. You've spent the last decade or two building a fortress of negative thinking, and you're gonna need help tearing all that down, which will be the first step towards getting a girl.
starchild excalibur
Member
OpinionatedCyborg said:
:lol
ok, i seriously laughed out loud at that one
WrathOfOtaibah
Banned
Oh my God.
You do need help. Don't put this off. Get this shit sorted out as soon as possible.
You do need help. Don't put this off. Get this shit sorted out as soon as possible.
chaostrophy
Member
When I saw the thread title I thought you might be talking about homicidal thoughts towards someone who had hurt you or someone you care about. Or screwed you over badly, or something. I could sort of relate to that.
But feeling homicidal toward people who haven't directly done anything to you? Sorry, that I can't relate to at all. If I were you I'd talk to a therapist.
But feeling homicidal toward people who haven't directly done anything to you? Sorry, that I can't relate to at all. If I were you I'd talk to a therapist.
ManDudeChild
Member
On the bright side, GAF will get media attention someday as a result of the OP.
... what?:lol
... what?:lol
This topic is hilarious, you seriously whine too much for a 31 year old. First, of all, lower our expectations, attractive women won't go out with you unless you are extremely attractive yourself or if you have another intangible such as a killer personality or a lot of money.
Also it seems like you expect women to fall into your lap, sorry to say but it doesn't work like that. You actually have to make an effort.
Also it seems like you expect women to fall into your lap, sorry to say but it doesn't work like that. You actually have to make an effort.
On the discussion about "get over it" vs. "Seek professional help" - it's always a tough call.
Some people are inherently (and sometimes unknowngly) attention seekers. These people like to garner reactions, and want people to think about them, be it in a negative light or whatever. They will likely try and be eccentric, individual, different to the point of predictability. They might come up with ridiculous scenarios in attempt to shock people. They don't actually have any REAL psychological problems apart from lack of self esteem or something like that (and I say 'like that' meaning something simply in their head, a mental block - they might well have high self esteem).
In these cases a "Get over it" suffices. Or ignoring them, as attention fuels them.
But on the other hand, some people will have true sociopathic behaviour. A true psychological disorder. Which is why I really hate people who are consistently 'attention sekrs', becuase they take away attention or belittle the problems from those that really need the help. Truly disturbed people don't often realise that what they're experiencing is abnormal - or maybe htey do, but need to satisfy their urges some other way.
You can argue on a case-by-case basis which one any particular 'crazy' person might be - you could tread the safe course and just get everyone to seek pro help, or you might be risky and say 'get over it', when that person truly needs help. Hindsight can be cruel.
In Shawn's case, who knows?
I'd probably tend to be on taku's side - sure I accept that self-esteem is not the centre of all problems, but often it is. Do you err on the side of caution? I dunno. But in the end, unless Shawn obsesses over these fantasies when he HAS a hot girlfriend, or is currently killing small animals to satiate his urges, I'd probably just say it's one of those fantasies that people go through in their own mind to deal with other inadequacies. Risky? Perhaps, but if we gave attnetion to every emo kid (not saying that Shawn is - just referring to the stereo type), well...I'm not sure - I just hate giving attnetion to thsoe that don;t deserve it.
Some people are inherently (and sometimes unknowngly) attention seekers. These people like to garner reactions, and want people to think about them, be it in a negative light or whatever. They will likely try and be eccentric, individual, different to the point of predictability. They might come up with ridiculous scenarios in attempt to shock people. They don't actually have any REAL psychological problems apart from lack of self esteem or something like that (and I say 'like that' meaning something simply in their head, a mental block - they might well have high self esteem).
In these cases a "Get over it" suffices. Or ignoring them, as attention fuels them.
But on the other hand, some people will have true sociopathic behaviour. A true psychological disorder. Which is why I really hate people who are consistently 'attention sekrs', becuase they take away attention or belittle the problems from those that really need the help. Truly disturbed people don't often realise that what they're experiencing is abnormal - or maybe htey do, but need to satisfy their urges some other way.
You can argue on a case-by-case basis which one any particular 'crazy' person might be - you could tread the safe course and just get everyone to seek pro help, or you might be risky and say 'get over it', when that person truly needs help. Hindsight can be cruel.
In Shawn's case, who knows?
I'd probably tend to be on taku's side - sure I accept that self-esteem is not the centre of all problems, but often it is. Do you err on the side of caution? I dunno. But in the end, unless Shawn obsesses over these fantasies when he HAS a hot girlfriend, or is currently killing small animals to satiate his urges, I'd probably just say it's one of those fantasies that people go through in their own mind to deal with other inadequacies. Risky? Perhaps, but if we gave attnetion to every emo kid (not saying that Shawn is - just referring to the stereo type), well...I'm not sure - I just hate giving attnetion to thsoe that don;t deserve it.
PartlyCloudlike said:
See, in this case, you were probably right - you had symptoms, despite other things to the contrary. But in some cases, everyhting just fits with people being jealous or something like that. Again, some people will need the professional help, and I'm glad you found it worked for you - but some other people really do need a good kick up the pants to sort them out. Sometimes, I can get depressed, but I always know the root cause - in my case it's a get over it deal. Different people, different cases. But I have to say that too many people that don't really need the pro help will take away from those that really do.
Date of Lies
Banned
Shawn man, when people here say you should get some counseling, I wouldn't take it in a bad way. I've seen people with much less anxiety and problems seek professional help because they haven't had a girl in their lives for a couple of months or something. Any problem can be overcome, by seeking help and talking about this as truthfully as you're talking about it now, you're facing the problem directly and that's the first step to solving it. This is self-improvement, you'll become a better man.
itsinmyveins
Gets to pilot the crappy patrol labors
My first thought was OCD, but I dunno. I'm not an expert.
But I'd say counseling is a good idea. Hell, anybody who're severly depressed should get it, the only problem might be money.
But I'd say counseling is a good idea. Hell, anybody who're severly depressed should get it, the only problem might be money.
PhlegmMaster
Banned
-jinx- said:
Fixed!
Xenon
Member
"Attracted to"...."get together"..."Attracted to"..."get together"... "Attracted to".... "get together"
wtf
Dude in your entire post you mention nothing more about these girls than you want them. Its like your collecting Pokemon, well at least trying. I don't even know you but I can imagine the way you look at and talk to these girls. They are probably creeped out.
1. Know yourseslf. You are trying to play the nice guy with this whole "get together" schtick. Own up to yourself and say "I want to **** some womens!" Nothing in what I read says your looking for a deep relationship.
2. Until you get some expirence, lower that bar! I had a buddy who had the same problem. Once he came back to planet earth he started dating like a madman, even hit quite a few hotties.
3. Get some help with your anger control issues. This is just a trigger not the root of the problem.
wtf
Dude in your entire post you mention nothing more about these girls than you want them. Its like your collecting Pokemon, well at least trying. I don't even know you but I can imagine the way you look at and talk to these girls. They are probably creeped out.
1. Know yourseslf. You are trying to play the nice guy with this whole "get together" schtick. Own up to yourself and say "I want to **** some womens!" Nothing in what I read says your looking for a deep relationship.
2. Until you get some expirence, lower that bar! I had a buddy who had the same problem. Once he came back to planet earth he started dating like a madman, even hit quite a few hotties.
3. Get some help with your anger control issues. This is just a trigger not the root of the problem.
DaCocoBrova
Finally bought a new PSP, but then pushed the demon onto someone else. Jesus.
I've had homicidal thoughts every day since August 16, 2006.
It has since become a way of (my) life.
Shawn... What do you look like? Post a pic. Let GAF help you.
Females are simple creatures. They attract to certain things like flies to shit. Once you're aware of what those certain things are... It's a wrap.
At the end of the day, you shouldn't let anyone, female or otherwise validate/invalidate your self-worth... If that makes sense.
Gotta love yourself before anyone else can.
It has since become a way of (my) life.
Shawn... What do you look like? Post a pic. Let GAF help you.
Females are simple creatures. They attract to certain things like flies to shit. Once you're aware of what those certain things are... It's a wrap.
At the end of the day, you shouldn't let anyone, female or otherwise validate/invalidate your self-worth... If that makes sense.
Gotta love yourself before anyone else can.
I hated once too, still do from time to time, it has nothing to do with other people, it is all self-hatred. You want to be superior to other men, but you are not and that pisses you off, it makes you want to swing a bat to their faces.
You have to get over that mental block, that makes you think other men are holding you back. You need to grow a new attitude, you need not to care about other men, f*** them, you do shit your own way. Start concentrating on your own business, do not look for bitches that are taken, look for bitches that are not taken, do not look at other men smooth talking women, go out and smooth talk your own women.
We are not all build like supermen, some men have 12-inch dicks, others have six-packs, some have huge biceps, some can play ball, some can talk the panties of women, some have money, some can kick everybody else ass, some are never scared and the list goes on. You are who you are, and you have to live with it, you might not be a superman, but I doubt you are so empty of qualities that a woman never would touch you. So cheer the f*** up and believe a little in your self.
When I say men, I mean rivals, and when I say f*** them, I do not mean have sex with them, just to make things clear.
You have to get over that mental block, that makes you think other men are holding you back. You need to grow a new attitude, you need not to care about other men, f*** them, you do shit your own way. Start concentrating on your own business, do not look for bitches that are taken, look for bitches that are not taken, do not look at other men smooth talking women, go out and smooth talk your own women.
We are not all build like supermen, some men have 12-inch dicks, others have six-packs, some have huge biceps, some can play ball, some can talk the panties of women, some have money, some can kick everybody else ass, some are never scared and the list goes on. You are who you are, and you have to live with it, you might not be a superman, but I doubt you are so empty of qualities that a woman never would touch you. So cheer the f*** up and believe a little in your self.
When I say men, I mean rivals, and when I say f*** them, I do not mean have sex with them, just to make things clear.
Escape Goat
Member
ROBERTSAN LOOK OUT!!!
dark_chris
Member
Shawn said:
I actually think like this currently now.
My friend is going out with some guy, and he looks like a total player to me.
>.<
I just wanna hurt him, not like kill him.
But then again, my friend is blinded by "love". -_-;
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