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[heidern]

I'm try to figure out what makes me depressesd. I think part of it is no motivation to do anything besides working. With that my Dad says I should see a therapist. Thoughts?

Your Dad's awesome and that's an awesome idea, therapists have training and experience in helping people. Even if you were happy it would be good to see a therapist because they would be able to offer guidance that can help you be even happier. Seeing one when you might be depressed is a no-brainer.

My parents and friend (emphasis on the singular) all ask what I want to do with my life, but the only honest answer I can give is go back to being 17 and relive my youth, or rather, actually experience youth for once. There is nothing else I want. I have zero motivation for any of the options I actually have. I'm not going to lie and say "what I'd really love to do with my life, now that I'm 31 and have never been on a date or had a social life or been to a party, is work toward some boring as shit certifications and find a slightly better paying way to rot in a cubicle until I die." Falling asleep in my parents garage with the cars on sounds more appealing than that. I don't know what to do with myself, and I can't even afford therapy. Being as miserable as I am all the time just feels sick.

Here's an exercise that you can do to find out about yourself and your values. You make a table with 3 columns. In the first column you write things that you do or want to do. In the middle column you write what does that thing give you. And in the third column you write why that is important. Then when you've done that you can get the items in the 3rd column and put them into the 1st column and repeat the exercise for that Here's an example:

What you do/feel	What does that give you 	Why is that important
Play Football		Fun				It feels good
			Euphoria when I/We score	It feels good, Some pride
			Breathlessness			I feel like I made the most of things
			Interaction with friends	Human bond, It feels good, Belonging
			Chance to run			It feels good, Feeling of freedom

Read NeoGAF		Intellectual stimulation	Satisfaction. It feels good
			Etc				Etc

Human Bond		It feels good, Reinforcing that Happiness, I can relax 
			I'm worth something

Write whatever those things mean to you, just repeat that for everything(or as much as you can), then repeat for the things in the 3rd column and repeat. You'll learn a lot about yourself. When you start putting the things from the 3rd column into the first column you'll really start to find your core values, and that will help you find things you want to do.

What happened to make you do that if i can ask?
But yes, it does make me happy you didn't succeed. I would be so pissed if you died on my birthday as well! You're one of the most helpful posters on here.

Before I answer that, that feeling of being pissed if I got hurt, dwell on it for 2 seconds. Done? Good, then that feeling of happiness when I didn't succeed, dwell on that for 2 seconds. Done that? Good, those feelings are real. Next, dwell for a few seconds on the fact that the reverse is true, just like how you feel happy when things go well for me, I feel happy when things go well for you. Done that dwelling? I'm serious, done that dwelling? Good. In fact I know a lot more about you than you do me(since you've been a lot more open about yourself) and so know you more, so my feelings are actually magnified compared to yours. Then remember a lot of the posters here will feel a lot stronger towards you than I do. You don't need to feel worthless, just like how other people are worth something to you, you are worth something to others. Even if you don't want it, it's real, just as real as your own feelings. Accept it with happiness, just like how you accept birthday wishes with happiness.

Anyways, I wasn't really going to cut myself. That's why I used a coin, because I knew it would do zero damage. I got the idea, because when you mentioned slashing yourself, I remembered a girl I used to work with. She told me she used to cut herself, and when I asked why? She said that the physical pain would distract from the emotional pain. I thought that was sad, but at least she was happy again.

 

[coldvein]

so JTwo really is alive.

i'd given you up for dead bro.

 

[Collete]

Before I answer that, that feeling of being pissed if I got hurt, dwell on it for 2 seconds. Done? Good, then that feeling of happiness when I didn't succeed, dwell on that for 2 seconds. Done that? Good, those feelings are real. Next, dwell for a few seconds on the fact that the reverse is true, just like how you feel happy when things go well for me, I feel happy when things go well for you. Done that dwelling? I'm serious, done that dwelling? Good. In fact I know a lot more about you than you do me(since you've been a lot more open about yourself) and so know you more, so my feelings are actually magnified compared to yours. Then remember a lot of the posters here will feel a lot stronger towards you than I do. You don't need to feel worthless, just like how other people are worth something to you, you are worth something to others. Even if you don't want it, it's real, just as real as your own feelings. Accept it with happiness, just like how you accept birthday wishes with happiness.

Anyways, I wasn't really going to cut myself. That's why I used a coin, because I knew it would do zero damage. I got the idea, because when you mentioned slashing yourself, I remembered a girl I used to work with. She told me she used to cut herself, and when I asked why? She said that the physical pain would distract from the emotional pain. I thought that was sad, but at least she was happy again.

I just feel I did absolutely nothing to deserve any of this...
None of this caring or anything like it...Because I really did nothing. Like I'm being praised for past efforts back when I was actually at least somewhat stable to help...
Now these days I'm so bad I can barely give anyone feed back...I'm lucky to do it often in one week...It's overwhelming and makes me feel really did something not right to get this...Like I cheated somehow to get this affection and this happiness...

I won't lie, slashing physically can numb the mind a bit...Sports or exercise just can't release and it goes to emotions that you at least tried to rid yourself of yourself.

 

[heidern]

I just feel I did absolutely nothing to deserve any of this...

You don't need to do anything, it's not about what you do, it's about what you are. None of us choose to be born, so all of us deserve to be happy. You might have to work for it, that's fine, if you work for it you work for it, if it's free it's free, either way it's yours.

If you want good things to happen to other people you deserve good things to happen to you. You want things to go well for me, that's more than enough for me, that's all I could want from you. You could do nothing for me or do lots of things for me or even give me a billion dollars, makes no difference. None of those material things matter. The intention is everything, the raw bond of humanity is the thing that has real value.

 

[OG Loc]

I recently posted this on my WordPress but I figured it would be just as good of an introduction.


I often find myself experiencing this indescribable feeling in my chest.

It’s like there’s this incredible pressure in my chest making it hard for me to think about anything other than negative thoughts. It feels like a mix of anxiety, depression, and rage suffocating me. Each labored breath makes me sink deeper and deeper into this dark hole that’s fueled by years of suppressed emotions.

Sometimes when I get like this I don’t want for it to stop, I don’t want to climb out of this pit. I secretly love being ripped arapart by this monster of my own creation. I think maybe I deserve to be crushed by these abysmal depths of my own psyche. The punishment for over a decade of neglecting my mental health.

That said, I know for a fact that I’m not a fan of the feeling despite the fact that I occasionally like to wallow in it’s filth. That might be contradictory but the aforementioned feeling is still a destructive, intrusive force and only helps me hurt and not heal. It’s been a little over a week since I’ve had this feeling flare up and I truly hope that I continue to not fall victim to it.

I know it sounds weird.

 

[nimbus]

I spent the past 36 hours in bed, haven't showered in two days, and I'm finally getting up. It feels awful, but I also kinda like it. Weekends just melt away.

 

[Charles Foster Kane]

Happy belated bitrhday Oomikami. I wish many more to come.

 

[RionaaM]

I've been trying to stay optimistic and with a positive mindset since last December, but for reasons I don't quite understand, I've been feeling really low and kinda depressed this past month. So yeah, trying to kick out negativity does jack shit, at least to me. Guess I'm still a cynical asshole who can't seem to make good things happen to him, nor does he deserve them, so I see not reason to keep faking that I'm fine and I feel good and life's nice and beautiful.

On another note, is today Oomikami's birthday? Happy birthday then, lady! I'm sure you have no idea who I am (as I stopped posting in this thread 2 months ago or so), but I still remember many of you guys and gals, including you

 

[Bagels]

I just feel I did absolutely nothing to deserve any of this...
None of this caring or anything like it...Because I really did nothing. Like I'm being praised for past efforts back when I was actually at least somewhat stable to help...
Now these days I'm so bad I can barely give anyone feed back...I'm lucky to do it often in one week...It's overwhelming and makes me feel really did something not right to get this...Like I cheated somehow to get this affection and this happiness...

I won't lie, slashing physically can numb the mind a bit...Sports or exercise just can't release and it goes to emotions that you at least tried to rid yourself of yourself.

I dunno - at some point, you have to accept that not everyone can possibly be lying to you. What does anyone gain from that? I have a hard time believing I've done shit for anyone here, but it feels silly to deny it at some point. You don't have to post here, respond to people, share your struggle - why wouldn't that be worth something to people?

(giving back gifts is insulting in, like, every culture! So get something nice! )

Unrelated #1: we need more Planetside-2-ers! Our outfit, prozacwarriors, is always looking for more people to bumble around with! Please do not make fun of my voice, like Windam did. I know it's annoying, dammit.

It's F2P, and also F2Lose, which helps. Join Waterson, US East. Runs like crap no matter what, so don't worry. Lag was about the same when i accidentally joined that European server. :/

Unrelated #2: Dearly-departed-from-GAF UChip asked when we were having a chat. It's always up, but we do unannounced formal-informal chats, too. Like right now, say.

Instructions in here:


http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=47786497&postcount=7648

 

[Smiley90]

I dunno - at some point, you have to accept that not everyone can possibly be lying to you. What does anyone gain from that? I have a hard time believing I've done shit for anyone here, but it feels silly to deny it at some point. You don't have to post here, respond to people, share your struggle - why wouldn't that be worth something to people?

(giving back gifts is insulting in, like, every culture! So get something nice! )

Unrelated #1: we need more Planetside-2-ers! Our outfit, prozacwarriors, is always looking for more people to bumble around with! Please do not make fun of my voice, like Windam did. I know it's annoying, dammit.

It's F2P, and also F2Lose, which helps. Join Waterson, US East. Runs like crap no matter what, so don't worry. Lag was about the same when i accidentally joined that European server. :/

Unrelated #2: Dearly-departed-from-GAF UChip asked when we were having a chat. It's always up, but we do unannounced formal-informal chats, too. Like right now, say.

You're crazy. The only thing I noticed about your voice is that you don't sound like the 40 years old guy you are.

Spoiler

I know you're not 40, but you DO sound young, kinda like Windam himself

 

[Bagels]

You're crazy. The only thing I noticed about your voice is that you don't sound like the 40 years old guy you are.

Spoiler

I know you're not 40, but you DO sound young, kinda like Windam himself

What did I just say, Smiley? Dammit, I have feelings, too.

 

[Windam]

You're crazy. The only thing I noticed about your voice is that you don't sound like the 40 years old guy you are.

Spoiler

I know you're not 40, but you DO sound young, kinda like Windam himself

It's sad, isn't? Dude's like 14 years older than me and he sounds as old as I do.

On an unrelated note: I haven't been following the thread for the last few days and missed the birthdays of Oomi and Fiction. I'm a terrible person. Happy belated birthday, guys!

 

[Bagels]

It's sad, isn't? Dude's like 14 years older than me and he sounds as old as I do.

What the hell? I sound like Batman!

 

[lunch]

It's sad, isn't? Dude's like 14 years older than me and he sounds as old as I do.

We can be honest. Bagels is, like, eight years old.

 

[Smiley90]

What did I just say, Smiley? Dammit, I have feelings, too.

I didn't make fun of you... I only said you sound younger than you are! That's totally a compliment! You're free to make fun of my accent, too.

 

[Bagels]

We can be honest. Bagels is, like, eight years old.

Not called for! I hate all of you, and I'm quitting in a huff. Again.

 

[Bagels]

I'm feeling ambitious, so I want to revive a few ideas I had forever ago. Basically, I want to revive the interviews, but make them shorter and more readable. So I want to try out a new format I thought about. They'll be based on themes now, and I'll talk to as many of you as I can. So I can post little bursts of mini-interviews, yeah?

So one really easy idea, one kinda hard.

First: music! People share a ton of music on skype and in chat, on steam, whatever. So, pick ONE song, and only one song. It can be for whatever reason you want - it's "about" depression, or cheers you up, or is associated with some significant event. We'll listen to that, you and me (so please don't pick some 80s shit*, Windam), and then I'll ask you a few questions. PM me if you want in (if people just post a bunch of music, it'll get nuts pretty quick, but I can't stop you or anything)! I'll ask a few of you to tell me about specific songs - Charles Foster Kane has to talk about "Getting Better," Windam HAS to pick a Radiohead song (because he made fun of them and he needs to pay), and Agent Cooper needs to talk about "Hate, Rain On Me" - unless you really don't wanna. But if I make you talk about some song, I'll give you a bonus round, because no one wants to pass up the chance to share a song of his or her choice, right? So we'll do that on skype, IRC, Steam, PM if that's the only choice. I'll post a few at a time, assuming it's an okay idea.

Second: relationships! I get more questions about relationships than anything, which is hilarious. What the shit do I know about relationships? Obviously, not a goddam thing. I've kept my going for almost 15 years (this April! Go me!**) but only through intense prayer to a wide variety of Gods, Goddesses, and other fictional characters.***

So my trusty co-host and I (once I break the news to her that she's co-hosting this) will do one roundtable of men and one of women, spanning the relationship spectrum, from celibate to complete whores (I honestly thought that was too funny to NOT type. Apologies). We'll try to prepare most questions, and then go from there. I have no idea how to coordinate this around the globe, so we'll probably use the magic of nonlinear editing. Still, it'll be best if we can get most of you in the same chat(s). Lemme know if you're willing to be a participant. We'll schedule from there.


*I had Vanilla Ice's album on cassette as a young man. I'm not proud of that. Well, OK, a little proud.
**I'm old, but not old enough that that's not embarrassing, on some level.
***Scooby-Doo, help me!

 

[RionaaM]

I'm feeling ambitious, so I want to revive a few ideas I had forever ago. Basically, I want to revive the interviews, but make them shorter and more readable. So I want to try out a new format I thought about. They'll be based on themes now, and I'll talk to as many of you as I can. So I can post little bursts of mini-interviews, yeah?

So one really easy idea, one kinda hard.

First: music! People share a ton of music on skype and in chat, on steam, whatever. So, pick ONE song, and only one song. It can be for whatever reason you want - it's "about" depression, or cheers you up, or is associated with some significant event. We'll listen to that, you and me (so please don't pick some 80s shit*, Windam), and then I'll ask you a few questions. PM me if you want in (if people just post a bunch of music, it'll get nuts pretty quick, but I can't stop you or anything)! I'll ask a few of you to tell me about specific songs - Charles Foster Kane has to talk about "Getting Better," Windam HAS to pick a Radiohead song (because he made fun of them and he needs to pay), and Agent Cooper needs to talk about "Hate, Rain On Me" - unless you really don't wanna. But if I make you talk about some song, I'll give you a bonus round, because no one wants to pass up the chance to share a song of his or her choice, right? So we'll do that on skype, IRC, Steam, PM if that's the only choice. I'll post a few at a time, assuming it's an okay idea.

Now this is truly interesting to me. I'd like to participate, though I find it hard to pick a single song.

 

[demon]

heidern- thanks, I'll try that later.


Something else that's been bothering me. Lately I've been going to my parents' house on the weekends, a lot. It's the house I grew up in and it's the only place that feels like home. I'm not even going there for any particular reason lately, just because I'd rather hang out around there than around my one-room apartment all weekend by myself. It's gotten to the point where I think I'm going there to escape, to hide from my life. I know there's nothing inherently wrong with doing this, and they do enjoy having me there, but it's beginning to feel unhealthy for some reason. Like I've become, I dunno, emotionally dependent on it. I'm not doing anything with myself and my life and become extremely stagnant as I mentioned, and escaping there every weekend doesn't help, but I don't know what I'd do without it. And they'll probably be out of the house in 6-12 months, which is incredibly depressing to me.

Ugh. Fuck my life is a mess.

 

[jufonuk]

I am finding this helpful to me:

http://www.relationshipsincorporate...nshipsinc/files/Content/2324859/COGNITIVE.pdf

 

[Kwixotik]

I'm an anxious mess today. One of my professors used me as an example today of someone who is stoic and always under control. He's got no idea lol.

 

[DodgyGeezerFella]

So im being a bit more open with my family about the way I feel and what I think causes me to be depressed, and my brother who i've grown up with says to me "I don't think you've ever been happy".

 

[Collete]

You don't need to do anything, it's not about what you do, it's about what you are. None of us choose to be born, so all of us deserve to be happy. You might have to work for it, that's fine, if you work for it you work for it, if it's free it's free, either way it's yours.

If you want good things to happen to other people you deserve good things to happen to you. You want things to go well for me, that's more than enough for me, that's all I could want from you. You could do nothing for me or do lots of things for me or even give me a billion dollars, makes no difference. None of those material things matter. The intention is everything, the raw bond of humanity is the thing that has real value.

I see...So if I have intention to do good will, it counts?

I recently posted this on my WordPress but I figured it would be just as good of an introduction.


I often find myself experiencing this indescribable feeling in my chest.

It’s like there’s this incredible pressure in my chest making it hard for me to think about anything other than negative thoughts. It feels like a mix of anxiety, depression, and rage suffocating me. Each labored breath makes me sink deeper and deeper into this dark hole that’s fueled by years of suppressed emotions.

Sometimes when I get like this I don’t want for it to stop, I don’t want to climb out of this pit. I secretly love being ripped arapart by this monster of my own creation. I think maybe I deserve to be crushed by these abysmal depths of my own psyche. The punishment for over a decade of neglecting my mental health.

That said, I know for a fact that I’m not a fan of the feeling despite the fact that I occasionally like to wallow in it’s filth. That might be contradictory but the aforementioned feeling is still a destructive, intrusive force and only helps me hurt and not heal. It’s been a little over a week since I’ve had this feeling flare up and I truly hope that I continue to not fall victim to it.

I know it sounds weird.

It's not weird at all.
This is what commonly people with depression feel, myself included.
Although it varies slightly, for instance for me it is the sensation that I'm drowning and literally can't breathe.
My head feels like it's about to pop due to lack of oxygen, however when I do breathe, it still does nothing and I continue to drown.
Part of the reason why I haven't seek out therapy, because I'm too used to feeling like this. Feeling normal feels almost "scary" I guess you can say.
Have you confined with anyone specifically over this?

Happy belated bitrhday Oomikami. I wish many more to come.

Thanks Charles. I wish that for you as well.

I've been trying to stay optimistic and with a positive mindset since last December, but for reasons I don't quite understand, I've been feeling really low and kinda depressed this past month. So yeah, trying to kick out negativity does jack shit, at least to me. Guess I'm still a cynical asshole who can't seem to make good things happen to him, nor does he deserve them, so I see not reason to keep faking that I'm fine and I feel good and life's nice and beautiful.

On another note, is today Oomikami's birthday? Happy birthday then, lady! I'm sure you have no idea who I am (as I stopped posting in this thread 2 months ago or so), but I still remember many of you guys and gals, including you

Of course you deserve good things to happen, much like people think good things should happen to me (when Bagels and Fiction clearly deserves that, not me haha). Still, as a friend of mine keeps telling me, you have to keep trying. It's funny. Depression requires a ton of effort to beat through, when the victims itself are utterly exhausted. We're still here for you, riona.

Of course I remember you. How could I not? (You even got banned temporarily and I was trying to figure out how that even happened.)
You replied to one of my posts ages back. I don't remember what you said, but you made me feel better that day and I got to keep my head held high. Even for just a day.
And thank you for the wishes, I appreciate it.
(It was on March 1st, not today. But people continue to wish me happy birthday anyways lol.)

I dunno - at some point, you have to accept that not everyone can possibly be lying to you. What does anyone gain from that? I have a hard time believing I've done shit for anyone here, but it feels silly to deny it at some point. You don't have to post here, respond to people, share your struggle - why wouldn't that be worth something to people?

(giving back gifts is insulting in, like, every culture! So get something nice! )

What do people gain?
Probably satisfaction of deceiving me and then laugh at my fall.
Usually how it is with a lot of people on the internet. Heck, even in real life.

Actually, it's not exactly insulting in our family/culture to give back gifts. Since you're kind of obligated to on the next holiday. I receive present A, so I have to give it back at some point. So I never really can cherish things I get, knowing I'll eventually give it back.

Something else that's been bothering me. Lately I've been going to my parents' house on the weekends, a lot. It's the house I grew up in and it's the only place that feels like home. I'm not even going there for any particular reason lately, just because I'd rather hang out around there than around my one-room apartment all weekend by myself. It's gotten to the point where I think I'm going there to escape, to hide from my life. I know there's nothing inherently wrong with doing this, and they do enjoy having me there, but it's beginning to feel unhealthy for some reason. Like I've become, I dunno, emotionally dependent on it. I'm not doing anything with myself and my life and become extremely stagnant as I mentioned, and escaping there every weekend doesn't help, but I don't know what I'd do without it. And they'll probably be out of the house in 6-12 months, which is incredibly depressing to me.

Ugh. Fuck my life is a mess.

Whether it's escaping or not, I think you're doing yourself a favor by allowing yourself to do something good, in this case going to your parents house.
I read various of your posts on this thread in the past, and it made me worry at times that you don't do yourself any favors.
You're doing yourself a favor by being with your family.
Props to you.
It's a step in the right direction I think that can lead to better things.

Are they moving out of that house?

I'm an anxious mess today. One of my professors used me as an example today of someone who is stoic and always under control. He's got no idea lol.

Hey, at least you appear that. People look at me as if I'm insane individual that's going to snap if you get to near. I wish I can look under control lol.


About the spending thing, I pushed myself really early this morning to press the check out button.
How did this happen?
It was actually Amazon's fault.
I was ordering product X that was on sale 13 hours ago, but had no specific end date.
I checked it again at 1 am, the price went back to normal, so it encouraged me to order it.
When I went back to product X's page again, the price went back on sale.
It raged me so much, I had to cancel the product, and reorder it....Again.
So yeah. Say thanks to Amazon lol.

 

[heidern]

I see...So if I have intention to do good will, it counts?

Yes, it counts. In fact it is the only thing that counts.

If you gave me a billion dollars I can buy many things, I can start businesses, I can even hire servants to do everything for me. You would not just have given me a lot but everything I could possibly need. However, despite giving me everything, you've also taken away the ability for me to make my own money and build my own life. Living the high life or taking pride in your own success; both have advantages, neither is a better path.

If my brain and values work badly maybe I'll take the money you give me for granted, maybe I'll waste it and end up killing myself. Or if I don't have money I'll be lazy and stay poor. If my brain and values work well, I'll spend the money you give me on good things and I'll appreciate what you gave me. Or if I have no money I'll work towards building something for myself and I can then take pride in anything I achieve. Even if I fail I can take pride in the fact that at least I tried. When it comes to you helping me, ultimately it's about me.

So even giving me everything and taking care of all my worldly problems is ultimately worthless. The things that you have to give me have no value. The thing that has true value is the integrity behind it, the intention behind it. Material things I can deal with myself, the bond of humanity I can only get that from others.

You, and the average person may think Bagels and Fiction are wonderful and deserve more happiness because of all the help they give people, that they deserve happiness more than you. But that is incorrect. The help doesn't matter, the intention behind the help is what matters, because without the good intention there would be no help. The fact that Bagel is posting away on every page in this thread doesn't change anything. It's not like with each post his good will is increasing. It's not, the good will is already there and each post is just an expression of his existing good will. You have good will just like Bagels, you may express it less, but that is because there are more obstacles in the way, however your actual good will is the same as his. So your value is the same as his. You deserve happiness just as much as him. Nothing you do or don't do will change that because it is all about your intention.

 

[heidern]

Oh, it's 1am so that means it's Tuesday here in the UK. Happy birthday to Bagels.

 

[Windam]

We'll listen to that, you and me (so please don't pick some 80s shit*, Windam)... Windam HAS to pick a Radiohead song (because he made fun of them and he needs to pay)

Hey! You leave The Smiths alone, you jerk! And pft, I didn't make fun of them. I like them; I just spoke the truth. Not my fault if you can't handle it! (Totally gonna do Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head or some Smiths song now.)

 

[Bagels]

Oh, it's 1am so that means it's Tuesday here in the UK. Happy birthday to Bagels.

Aww, thanks, man. Feeling that international love!

I'm disappointed to learn that I'm not building up deservedness points with every post. Why can't I be just the tiniest bit more deserving of happiness than Oomi? 5%, say?

Kidding, Oomi! Heidern really said it well. Your intentions are unimpeachable, whereas I'm just here for the groupies. :/ it's not working great, honestly...

 

[Colin.]

Hey! You leave The Smiths alone, you jerk! And pft, I didn't make fun of them. I like them; I just spoke the truth. Not my fault if you can't handle it! (Totally gonna do Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head or some Smiths song now.)

I'll back you up on that one, I love The Smiths!

Since I'm also ahead of time in the UK, I'll say happy birthday to Bagels. Not been around here long, but it seems like you try and help people however you can and posting ideas to get people here interacting with each other, and I think that's great. Depression is one thing, but feeling alone with little interaction can make things even worse. Hope tomorrow is a good day for you.

 

[RionaaM]

Of course you deserve good things to happen, much like people think good things should happen to me (when Bagels and Fiction clearly deserves that, not me haha). Still, as a friend of mine keeps telling me, you have to keep trying. It's funny. Depression requires a ton of effort to beat through, when the victims itself are utterly exhausted. We're still here for you, riona.

Of course I remember you. How could I not? (You even got banned temporarily and I was trying to figure out how that even happened.)
You replied to one of my posts ages back. I don't remember what you said, but you made me feel better that day and I got to keep my head held high. Even for just a day.
And thank you for the wishes, I appreciate it.
(It was on March 1st, not today. But people continue to wish me happy birthday anyways lol.)

Thanks for the kind words, they really mean a lot. I'm glad to see someone remembers me xD
And I'm glad too for having make you feel good, if only for a little bit. I like to feel like I'm not completely useless after all, though I still can't stop thinking that I am.

See? I can't even be on time for your birthday! But that's fine, we could pretend I wished you a happy birthday 3 days ago, and we'll all be happy and eat cake (which I hope isn't a lie )

I got banned for being stupid, and saying something which I though would be funny, but it wasn't in the slightest. I don't think it'd be appropriate to go into details, but let me say that it was completely deserved, and I felt sorry and learned from it. At least it taught me that the myth about disappearing avatars meaning the bans are permanent is fake, so that's two lessons learned!

And yes, it's a lot of effort to try and stay optimistic. In my case it did nothing, but I've heard of people with stronger will than me who made breakthroughs, so probably I'm just weak. And lately I've found it more and more difficult to gather the strength to go to the gym (I started on December, stopped on the middle of January and returned 3 weeks ago due to it being closed for repairs), I'd rather stay at home and sit on the PC doing nothing. The sad thing is that I want to go, it's good for me, but I don't feel like doing it.


EDIT: 23:07 here. So no Bags-greetings until 53 minutes have passed.
Woops, 23:08 now! Only 52 minutes more.

 

[Collete]

Aww, thanks, man. Feeling that international love!

I'm disappointed to learn that I'm not building up deservedness points with every post. Why can't I be just the tiniest bit more deserving of happiness than Oomi? 5%, say?

Kidding, Oomi! Heidern really said it well. Your intentions are unimpeachable, whereas I'm just here for the groupies. :/ it's not working great, honestly...

I'M SORRY D:

Happy early birthday bagels!
May carpel tunnel not get you!
I'll make sure to congratulate you tomorrow as well!

 

[Bagels]

Thanks, guys and gals! <3 you all!

 

[Agent Cooper]

I had one big manic day. I can feel myself being dragged back down.

Man, I hate this.

 

[Windam]

Roses are red, violets are blue, Bagels is old. Happy birthday, man!

 

[coldvein]

hAPPY BIRTHDAY BAGELS!!

 

[User 100115]

Not that time yet, but Happy Birthday Bagels!

 

[Bagels]

[You guys! With the birthday wishes!]

-----
NOT Our very own RionaaM - actually Transhuman Plus
I suck.
Song: St. Vincent with Andrew Bird - Black Rainbow

Why did you choose it/Why do you like it?

String instruments always make me feel reflective.
Especially when coupled with beautiful vocals

She is a raven throated genius.

When did you first hear it?

Only a few months ago. A friend linked me to the video, and it was the first song of her i'd heard. I don't pursue music at all. I wait for people to expose me to it. Never watched a live performance, bought an album...

My music cred is non-existent.

So if I like this, what&#8217;s next (song, album, artist)?

Transhuman Plus:That depends, have you ever watched Bob's Burgers?
Bagels: No, but it has Jon Benjamin (who voiced my avatar), yeah?
Transhuman Plus: They're doing a cross-promotion thing where musicians perform songs from the show.
Bagels: OMG! awesome. that st vincent is...not as good as the real thing
Transhuman Plus: Yeah, all the Bob's Burger's characters are so ugly. It's either intentional, or they have the worst animators of any show.
(lots of cartoon talk and general love for Jon Benjamin and Frisky Dingo)


-----
The lovely and talented Pau
Song:Queen &#8211; &#8216;39

Why did you choose it/Why do you like it?

well, 1) it's my favorite
2, it's a short story in song form, and i'm obsessed with stories
3) it's one of the few songs that can make me cry almost any time i hear it

When did you first hear it?

Hmmm&#8230;maybe middle school?

Bagel Blather &#8482;

Bagels: Big Queen fan? Don't Stop Me Now is clearly their best
Pau: queen is my favorite band!
and uh no, this song is clearly their best
Bagels:
Pau: although don't stop me now is a really fun song

So if I like this, what&#8217;s next (song, album, artist)?

hmmm...it's a pretty unique song i think, so there aren't many i associate with it. my first thought is hijo de la luna, but that's in spanish. it's also a short story in song form


-----
Not as lovely, but still talented: Windam
Song: Radiohead &#8211; Street Spirit

Why did you choose it?

Not sure really. The song is dark, grim. I feel it reflects the struggle we have to go through every day with dealing with depression.

Why do you like it?

Bagels butts in with this lame joke: love the guitar part&#8230;back when Radiohead played guitar&#8230;I'm old enough to remember!

Windam: When he says "Be a world child Form a circle Before we all go under" it reminds me that we have to deal with our demons and then we have to also put on a brave face for others and we have to force ourselves to be strong for them.
When we're by ourselves we also kind of "fade out". Give into thoughts sometimes and just shut everything else out. Whether or not the thoughts are good or bad obviously depend on the mood, but when he says "Immerse your soul in love", it's sort of a reminder there is hope. Even if it's miniscule, it's there.

When did you first hear it?

Ah jeez... Heh must have been like... 2004? (Give me a break, I was born the year the album came out.)

So if I like this, what&#8217;s next (song, album, artist)?

Windamh fuck me
i thought a song would come automatically
aergjfgdjka
Bagels: is that...icelandish?
Windam:...yes.
The Smiths (80s shit ftw, fuck you) &#8211; Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me


-----
Better Than Windam In Every Way: Fiction
Song: Coheed and Cambria &#8211; The Crowing

Why did you choose it?

Okay okay I got it. This song has helped me a ton, because while not about depression, you could see it that way. It's actually about the hero of a sci-fi story coming to terms with his scary abilities and finally using them for good lol

Well, it's about changing, evolving, and fighting for what is right? I guess? It is something that reminds me that I am strong, in my own way. Cradle of Humankind is more for when I am super down, this one is for when I need some motivation lol

The Crowing is also about mistakes, and how we wish we'd be able to take them back, but we can't, so we have to fight on

Bagel Blather &#8482;

Bagels: ever seen them live?
Fiction: Yep! They were amazing! Oddly enough much better live than on the album. His voice is like...god tier

If I like this, what's next?

Sentry The Defiant (recorded in the kitchen version)

(then Fiction names, like, 50, of her favorite Coheed and Cambria songs...)




More?

 

[User 100115]

I might get scary if you start asking me for music recommendations. As you found out. But I would love to continue to rec good depression music.

 

[Collete]

Just like everyone has done for me in the past, let Bagels know how much he means to us.
Today is his birthday and a lot of has sent him well wishes/gifts/etc to an email I have just gave him, along with the password as well to respect his privacy.
Continue to send these to him if you're interested at: bagelsbirthday@yahoo.com
It's now his account, so please do not fret that I'll look at any messages (I didn't in the first place even when I did have it, don't worry.)
Happy birthday, you big donut.

 

[Bel Marduk]

Bagels, You are a wonderful guy and I wish you have a very happy birthday.

 

[MikeDip]

Happy birthday Bagels! Keep up the great work in here, you're awesome!

 

[Bagels]

:')

Oh man, you guys. Manly tears.

*hugs*


Hey! Most of these are making fun of me! "Happy Birthday you sumbitch"? Dammit, Windam!

I got called "a donut," "Bags," "Banels (Bane + Bagels)"...

 

[Narolf]

Enjoy lurking your walls and draws. Happy birthday ~

 

[lunch]

Happy birthday Bagels. Having looked at this thread from the outside and also now as a sporadic participant, I've really appreciated the work you do in and out of this thread, from the information and links to the groups that you organize off GAF. The fact that you've spoken to me over the phone alone has been monumental to a degree that I can't express, especially since I can ramble and repeat and be exhausting, and the fact that you've listened and spoke with me when I've been so completely out of control has been so incredibly kind and life-affirming. I hope your birthday's great, and thank you so much for everything you've done. You're an awesome guy.

 

[RionaaM]

Happy birthday Mr. Bags! You are a big boy now. You can buy us alcohol and porn. And cake, lots of cake.

I'll check the songs you already posted once I'm on my PC. I was supposed to be the first, damn my timezone

 

[EdmondD]

Better Than Windam In Every Way: Fiction
Song: Coheed and Cambria – The Crowing

Why did you choose it?

Okay okay I got it. This song has helped me a ton, because while not about depression, you could see it that way. It's actually about the hero of a sci-fi story coming to terms with his scary abilities and finally using them for good lol

Well, it's about changing, evolving, and fighting for what is right? I guess? It is something that reminds me that I am strong, in my own way. Cradle of Humankind is more for when I am super down, this one is for when I need some motivation lol

The Crowing is also about mistakes, and how we wish we'd be able to take them back, but we can't, so we have to fight on

Good choice Fiction. This is one of my favorite songs. It actually has a lot of meaning to me as well. I would listen to this song a lot when going through some hard times including my grandmother dying of cancer which was a very hard time for my entire family as my grandmother was a very strong woman and a lot of people depended on her. It's a bittersweet song for me. Another song I love by Coheed is Delirium Trigger


Happy Birthday to Bagels. Have a good one my friend.

 

[Detox]

Happy birthday bagels. I've been prescribed citalopram 20mg and going through this thread it seems people have nothing but bad things to say about it. I'm not excited to try it out

 

[Bagels]

Happy birthday bagels. I've been prescribed citalopram 20mg and going through this thread it seems people have nothing but bad things to say about it. I'm not excited to try it out

Thanks!

Citalopram is a good drug. It's a fine place to start. It's the same drug (sorta? Hard to explain...) as Lexapro, which is super popular. Give it a try and see what you think. The experiences of people who aren't directly related to you don't help a ton with ADs.

 

[EdmondD]

Happy birthday bagels. I've been prescribed citalopram 20mg and going through this thread it seems people have nothing but bad things to say about it. I'm not excited to try it out

Who knows it might work for you. Worth a try. You might have to try out a variety of ADs before you find the one that is right for you.

 

[Empty]

happy birthday bagels. hope you have a brilliant day.

 

[kaztar]

Thanks!

Citalopram is a good drug. It's a fine place to start. It's the same drug (sorta? Hard to explain...) as Lexapro, which is super popular. Give it a try and see what you think. The experiences of people who aren't directly related to you don't help a ton with ADs.

The thing with Citalopram is that it doesn't always do a whole lot in the long run until you amp the dosage up to 30/40mg. All the doctors and therapists I've seen agreed that on average it's the most effective with the least side effects of ADs though. In a way it's kind of like buying baby clothes before you know what gender they're going to be...people tend to get yellow instead of pink or blue 'cause it may not be the perfect fit, but it would still suit the baby fine nonetheless. Weird analogy I know but it helps me understand it better.

Also, happy birthday Bagels Hope it's as sunny where you are as it is here!