Omegasquash
Member
When it's taken out of context and magnified, yes, yes you are going to be taken to task for it. That's all.
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Disgusted (Not so good parent)
- Thread starter leehom
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When it's taken out of context and magnified, yes, yes you are going to be taken to task for it. That's all.
Bolded is often reason enough to call social services. I would, personally, after talking to the father. She obviously needs a wake up call, and the idea that she could lose her children just might do that.
Zoe
Member
I had two crowns and my four front teeth pulled by the time I was 5. My parents let me drink Coke all the time :\
Do tell me why It is the worst thing he could do
PseudoKirby
Banned
Yes it is, because they wont really jump on anything.
I cant stress this enough people, CPS will not do anything unless its a life threatening environment
I am agreeing and It is way more than just social skills. A child needs as balance of activities, especially at the age of 3. A little gaming at a young age is probably beneficial to development ( and I mean a little amount), but if it is a 10 hour per day thing only interrupted by naps and eating it would stunt development.
One way gaming stunts development is that it only involves 2 senses. Whereas other types of play often incorporate 4 or more senses. It also only engages the hands typically, instead of developing coordination in all parts of the body. Gaming has simple cause and effect relationships, whereas the child needs to learn to deal with the frustration of complex cause and effect relationships. You could make a pretty long list of things that a 2 or 3 year old needs to figure out that gaming doesn't address. If the brain doesn't figure them out then it may never figure it out adequately.
Zoe
Member
I think the idea is more to scare her.
People saying to call CPS, its not really that easy and theyll still take the moms side over this probably. If she cam claim they have a house, food, and that the kids are happy, she will be able to keep them.
Having dealt with cps before, and trying to adopt two kids from a mother who was a known meth user and living in a known condemned meth house for two years with a 4 year old and a 6 year old, they still sided with the mother on most things.
Having dealt with cps before, and trying to adopt two kids from a mother who was a known meth user and living in a known condemned meth house for two years with a 4 year old and a 6 year old, they still sided with the mother on most things.
lol
Yep. A 3 year old and 6 year old should have their gaming time SEVERELY limited. Social interaction with their peers is so important at that age. You're literally setting them up to fail and limiting their options in life by sitting them behind any kind of electronic babysitter at that age.
Ever wonder how losers are made? That's how losers are made. Poor parenting.
Risible
Member
Terrisus, on the off chance that you're serious and not just a troll, you have to understand that too much time spent in front of a screen of any kind is bad for kids. They need to learn to be doers, not consumers. They need active, not passive pastimes.
I love the shit out of videogames but I make sure my kids are involved in sports, theater, music, and other pastimes that ensure they don't turn into mushrooms inside.
Playing videogames all day is what leads to 6 year olds with a mouth full of crowns (I'm an adult and I don't have any FFS.)
edit: what the FUCK is that above my post?!
I love the shit out of videogames but I make sure my kids are involved in sports, theater, music, and other pastimes that ensure they don't turn into mushrooms inside.
Playing videogames all day is what leads to 6 year olds with a mouth full of crowns (I'm an adult and I don't have any FFS.)
edit: what the FUCK is that above my post?!
PseudoKirby
Banned
WTF^ that stuff dont happen on GAF
anarckitty
Member
Those poor kids. Having crowns at age 6??? I'm 30 and I have 2 crowns(which I've gotten within the past 3 years)
I can't imagine being a child and not having a bath/shower once a day.
I agree with others who are saying you should try to set aside at least a day or two to spend some time with them. Either by taking them out to play, or even coming over to your parent's house for dinner, then give them a bath, and read them a bedtime story. I know not all kids are the same, but my daughter lives for her bedtime stories. Maybe your sister will get the hint that she's sucking at being a mom.
I can't imagine being a child and not having a bath/shower once a day.
I agree with others who are saying you should try to set aside at least a day or two to spend some time with them. Either by taking them out to play, or even coming over to your parent's house for dinner, then give them a bath, and read them a bedtime story. I know not all kids are the same, but my daughter lives for her bedtime stories. Maybe your sister will get the hint that she's sucking at being a mom.
echoshifting
Banned
Borderline case for CPS. They will do a welfare check and interviews and that's it. Might be the wake-up call your sister needs, might not. I don't think I'd do that to your mom, at least not without talking to her about it. It's her house they'd be snooping around.
Prepubescent children don't require a daily bath unless they're getting really dirty or need sunscreen washed off or something. Of course a week is way too long.
Prepubescent children don't require a daily bath unless they're getting really dirty or need sunscreen washed off or something. Of course a week is way too long.
PseudoKirby
Banned
Then what's the point in calling them if they won't do anything? I would think that talking with your sister (and maybe even threatening calling CPS) would do more than having CPS come to your door. I can't imagine it would actually make you change your behavior but instead would instill anger and a feeling of betrayal by your loved ones.
That May or
May not be true. However there could be other things going on that the OP doesn't know. This is why a social worker needs to be doing a home visit
Omegasquash
Member
Ruh-roh.
anarckitty
Member
Takes me back to the early days of chatrooms....
Zoe
Member
I think it depends on where you are. Some cities may be more helpful than others depending on their load.
Ingueferroque
Banned
Spam on GAF? That's a first..
echoshifting
Banned
Remember how bad the internet was a decade ago, you guys
That spam takes me back
That spam takes me back
PseudoKirby
Banned
Seriously. Makes you appreciate Facebook and it's primary function of holding all dat spam.
EDIT: well that was quick
Be the good uncle. Call child services, get them out of that situation. If they are dirty and smell whenever you stop over, imagine what they are like when you are not there. The kids may be well adjusted for now, but later on will suffer for how they are being raised.
suikodan
Member
OP, one thing you'll learn when you'll be a parent is that you cannot expect other people to raise their kids like you would.
My sister-in-law has a 13yo son with the father gone. She works small jobs and she got on welfare recently. Call it a lack of responsability and bad life choices.
The kid is a spoiled brat, he gets what he wants (remember: small budget here with extra expenses) and he is turning like his mother (who is quite a specimen).
My wife has two brothers but forget them about being a masculine presence for the kid. One doesn't care (and has 3 kids) and for the other, life is either black or white.
So I tried being a good uncle, going out with him, try to encourage him in school, etc... but I cannot go over the mother's influence and in the meantime, I got kids of my own.
Why I "gave" up? Simple:
1- the mother is still an asshole
2- the kid is becoming one
3- both think my house as an expension of their place that they don't even maintain right
4- mother kept my kids once but she doesn't clean after herself
5- kid hit my boy once (13yo vs 4yo, yay...)
6- kid is being a dick with my wife inside my house when I'm not but play nice when I'm there so he can play Xbox
Try to be a good uncle but don't go over your limits. And please, be a better dad
My sister-in-law has a 13yo son with the father gone. She works small jobs and she got on welfare recently. Call it a lack of responsability and bad life choices.
The kid is a spoiled brat, he gets what he wants (remember: small budget here with extra expenses) and he is turning like his mother (who is quite a specimen).
My wife has two brothers but forget them about being a masculine presence for the kid. One doesn't care (and has 3 kids) and for the other, life is either black or white.
So I tried being a good uncle, going out with him, try to encourage him in school, etc... but I cannot go over the mother's influence and in the meantime, I got kids of my own.
Why I "gave" up? Simple:
1- the mother is still an asshole
2- the kid is becoming one
3- both think my house as an expension of their place that they don't even maintain right
4- mother kept my kids once but she doesn't clean after herself
5- kid hit my boy once (13yo vs 4yo, yay...)
6- kid is being a dick with my wife inside my house when I'm not but play nice when I'm there so he can play Xbox
Try to be a good uncle but don't go over your limits. And please, be a better dad
poppabk
Cheeks Spread for Digital Only Future
Once a week may be a little on the lenient side but twice a week at that age is perfectly acceptable and in some cases more than that can do more harm than good. They should be washing their hands and faces regularly though.
anarckitty
Member
I'm not sure if boys are different than girls, but my 2 year old daughter gets a bath every night. My husband and I work fulltime, and she goes to an inhome daycare during the day. She gets sweaty everyday. Plus, it's good to get kids into a routine. I mean, I guess it's different in this situation since those poor kids don't actually do anything beside play games.
I agree they should be washing their hands and faces regularly, but they also go to the bathroom. Their poor bottoms are probably filthy.
Washing her everyday is good, but a bath every day is bad.
anarckitty
Member
Bad????
I don't understand why it would be bad. Her baths are literally 5 minutes (that's with a minute or so with playing) or less. We use special wash (for sensitive skin) and shampoo. I guess I just don't understand how you could wash someone without getting in a bath to do so.
Edit: I guess it depends on the age of the child and if they have skin problems, but I've never heard it was bad to give a perfectly healthy 2 year old child a bath everyday.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
Lol @ terrisus getting so defensive. Dude just jumped the shark. Anyway OP, thats a difficult position to be in. I wish I knew the right decision was because lazy parenting will effect who they become later in life. I too question the way my aunt raises my cousin; lots of poor food choices, most of his free time is on Xbox Live playing GTAV or COD. He isn't even in middle school yet. I can see him becoming more withdrawn and less sociable when I come back to visit too. I don't think playing video games is bad obviously but balance is important. Learning to socializing is important. Exercise is important. I just wish his life was more balanced.
As for a way more severe case... I have another aunt who is an alcoholic and her kids, now both out of highschool, are a mess. They were taken away by the state in the past and even came to live with us for a time years ago but they had zero direction or support growing up. Both are into drugs now. It was like a slowmoving car crash; every time my aunt was dragged to rehab or had a mental breakout, you could see it take a toll on her kids. It wasn't a surprise when they started having problems in school around adolescent and eventually problems with the law. Short of my parents raising them (the legality of which I'm not sure), I'm not really sure what we could have done. Despite being a terrible parent and horrible influence, my aunt would fight like hell to get her kids every time she got out of rehab. They were in foster care a few times but always ended up back with her in the end.
Talk it over with your parents. The line between helping and enabling is blurry and often difficult to define when you care about someone.
As for a way more severe case... I have another aunt who is an alcoholic and her kids, now both out of highschool, are a mess. They were taken away by the state in the past and even came to live with us for a time years ago but they had zero direction or support growing up. Both are into drugs now. It was like a slowmoving car crash; every time my aunt was dragged to rehab or had a mental breakout, you could see it take a toll on her kids. It wasn't a surprise when they started having problems in school around adolescent and eventually problems with the law. Short of my parents raising them (the legality of which I'm not sure), I'm not really sure what we could have done. Despite being a terrible parent and horrible influence, my aunt would fight like hell to get her kids every time she got out of rehab. They were in foster care a few times but always ended up back with her in the end.
Talk it over with your parents. The line between helping and enabling is blurry and often difficult to define when you care about someone.
impetuous_silly
Member
Unless you intend on adopting them yourself, separate yourself from her. You cannot rehabilitate your sister, OP, you need to understand that.
He had no business being in this thread concerning children's welfare. None.
impetuous_silly
Member
It's better than nothing. But yah, a lot of times unless the child is visibly injured, or the house is a meth lab, they won't do much. It may, however, knock some sense into the mother and scare her into at least trying.
I put it in a nice way that I thought she might be depressed and turning to MMO's to cope. Told her I'll watch her kids on Sundays so she can have her "me" time. She said I'm wrong and no thanks.
I know that she's upset with me and it might eventually pass (she's the type to hold grudges over silly things). Until then, I'll back off and leave her alone.
I've asked her multiple times to bathe her kids at least once every two days, but she tells me they don't like to bathe. I got tired of hearing, "her kids don't like this or that" that I told her a week ago that there are some things her kids don't have a choice in. She told me, "She doesn't want to force her kids to do anything". She got mad, told me all she hears from me is blah blah blah and refused to listen to anything I had to say afterwards.
For the immediate future, looks like I won't be able to do much. I hope that she will reflect over why I'm being the way I am and improve as a parent. She probably doesn't understand that being a good mother doesn't equate to being a good parent. Over time, I hope I can influence her kids in a positive way by doing some of the things you guys suggested. Again, thank you all for your comments/advice and I will take it to improve myself as an Uncle.
I know that she's upset with me and it might eventually pass (she's the type to hold grudges over silly things). Until then, I'll back off and leave her alone.
I've asked her multiple times to bathe her kids at least once every two days, but she tells me they don't like to bathe. I got tired of hearing, "her kids don't like this or that" that I told her a week ago that there are some things her kids don't have a choice in. She told me, "She doesn't want to force her kids to do anything". She got mad, told me all she hears from me is blah blah blah and refused to listen to anything I had to say afterwards.
For the immediate future, looks like I won't be able to do much. I hope that she will reflect over why I'm being the way I am and improve as a parent. She probably doesn't understand that being a good mother doesn't equate to being a good parent. Over time, I hope I can influence her kids in a positive way by doing some of the things you guys suggested. Again, thank you all for your comments/advice and I will take it to improve myself as an Uncle.
impetuous_silly
Member
impetuous_silly
Member
I know how rotten that sounds but I really mean it that if OP really, truly cares about his nieces and nephews, then he should seriously consider gaining custody of them. Otherwise his sincerity comes off as being superficial; as being bothered and disgusted to be associated with them.
I'd stop using the special soap and shampoo that often. Your skin and your hair are perfectly capable of doing its own maintenance and keeping an healthy bacterial culture. Using too much soap/shampoo means disprupting that natural balance. She is a perfectly healthy 2 year old, so why would you need artificial products to keep her healthy?
For instance, the bad look your hair gets after a couple of days is the oil it produces to keep the hair healthy. I'd limit washing her hair and yours for that matter to two times a week, maybe three times if there are any genetical skin conditions. And for washing, I just use a wet washing cloth to wash myself every day with only water. Half the men do it like that according to Unilever studies. (Which is why they'll up their marketing) You just need to get the dirt and the sweat off, so water does the trick.
Of course, for washing hands still use soap and wash every time.
GarnetDust
Junior Member
I grew up just fine and I got my first cavity at 23. I never got crowns from sitting behind a screen playing video games since the age of 4. I also have two children, that both play video games and neither one have a mouth full of crowns. They are limited on school days because of their homework, and have their own free will of whether or not they go outside to play, but they have their limits on what they do and eat. Acquiring an abundance of independence, and having limitations.
Why would you even say such a thing like this? It's not the kids fault, you shouldn't be calling them losers, as they are only learning from example. The poor parenting, that's another story. Gaming doesn't make you a loser. Structure is such an important thing in a child's life, and in what I have observed in today's society, it's pretty rare, but it has nothing to do with video games.
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