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Do you like dirty jokes?

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I never understood why anybody would be entertained by dead baby jokes.

Shit is just bad taste.

DukeBobby said:
I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"

He answered, "I don't know."

I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning."
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THIS on the other hand. :lol
 
I like to think of my belly button as a remnant of my favorite memory. It was the only time I had ever been inside of a woman.
 
Uncle0wnage said:
FTFY
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baby-hula-hoop-fail3xzqd.gif
 
People say delivery is what, 60-70%, of telling a good joke? Well, with dirty jokes I think the percentage jumps to about 90%. The wrong person telling a dirty joke can have the entire room thinking you're a pervert extraordinarily easily. There have been a few good ones ITT so far though, lol.

the chris said:
Three Vampires walk into a bar and sit down.

The bartender comes over and ask them what they want to drink
1st Vampire: Give me a shot of blood
2nd Vampire: I want a double shot
3rd Vampire: All I want is a cup of hot water

So the bartender goes and gets the drinks and comes back. He hands them the drinks, but looks kind of confused.

The bartender asked the 3rd vampire why didn't you order any blood the vampire pulls out a tampon and replies "I'm making tea".
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Sorry bro, but this is terrible.
 
NinjaBoiX said:
Little Johnny is using pins in class and pricks his finger. "Oww, miss, I need a cup of cider." "Why do you need cider Johnny?" she replies. "well my sister says whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she always puts it in cider."
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wouldnt the sister say: "when I get a prick in my hand, I always put it incide me"?
 
So I was eating out my grandma this morning, and suddenly I tasted horse semen. Then it came to me. "So that's how you died, grandma!"
 
A lady elephant walking down a jungle trail suddenly found one of her feet caught in a trapper's rope snare. As luck would have it, a little gentleman mouse came down the trail, and the elephant begged him, "Please Mr. Mouse, if you can chew through this snare and free me, I'll do anything you ask." The mouse said, "Would you let me have my way with you?" The elephant thought it over for a moment, then said, "Okay."

The mouse easily chewed through the rope and freed her, and then set about to getting his reward. He clambered up the elephants back leg, flipped aside her tail, and began to have at it.

As this was happening, a monkey was high above in a palm tree picking coconuts. Looking down on the spectacle below him, he began laughing so hard he dropped one of his coconuts. The coconut hit the elephant square in the head and she said, "Uhhhhh...." The mouse said, "Yeah...take it all, bitch!"
 
Laocoon said:
LIMERIXXX

There once was a man from Nantucket,
who's cock was so long he could suck it.

He smiled with a wink, wiping cum from his cheek:
if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it.
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That doesn't even rhyme...


There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who's dick was so long he could suck it.

He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,

If my ear was a cunt, I'd fuck it.
 
Lucky Forward said:
A lady elephant walking down a jungle trail suddenly found one of her feet caught in a trapper's rope snare. As luck would have it, a little gentleman mouse came down the trail, and the elephant begged him, "Please Mr. Mouse, if you can chew through this snare and free me, I'll do anything you ask." The mouse said, "Would you let me have my way with you?" The elephant thought it over for a moment, then said, "Okay."

The mouse easily chewed through the rope and freed her, and then set about to getting his reward. He clambered up the elephants back leg, flipped aside her tail, and began to have at it.

As this was happening, a monkey was high above in a palm tree picking coconuts. Looking down on the spectacle below him, he began laughing so hard he dropped one of his coconuts. The coconut hit the elephant square in the head and she said, "Uhhhhh...." The mouse said, "Yeah...take it all, bitch!"
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tumblr_m7bavriF3N1rp12j1.gif
 
If people want sick rather than dirty jokes, google 'sickipedia' NSFW Its mostly an English sick joke site. They don't shy away from any topic. Looking at Hottest this Month/Week is your best bet.

A safe one I found:
New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15

Tub of Vaseline: £3

XL Box of Tissues: £2

The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless
 
I have no jokes of my own, I can never remember, there are some funny ones here,but why not make a thread for all jokes? be a bit more active
 
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
 
ThoseDeafMutes said:
In China, too young is just a name.
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ThaneKrios said:
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday.
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Monkeylord said:
A family takes a trip to the zoo one day. When they got to the elephant house the father declared that he needed to use the toilet, and left his son and wife alone looking at the elephants.

"Mum, what's that?" asked the son, pointing towards the nearest elephant.

"That's an elephant, son" said the mother.

"No... what's THAT?" asked the son again, and this time the mother noticed he was pointing between the elephants rear legs.

"Um... oh, that's nothing" said the mother, clearly flustered.

The father then returned and the mother, still a bit ruffled decided to go and get some popcorn.

"Dad, what's that?" asked the son again, pointing at the elephant.

"That's an elephant, son" said the father.

"No... what's THAT!?" asked the boy again, once again pointing between the elephants legs.

"That's the elephants cock, son" says the father.

"Oh... mum said it was nothing" says the son.



The father smiles gently to himself.



"... I spoil that woman"
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These got me good.
 
This old couple is driving down the highway. The old man is speeding and a cop pulls them over.

Cop: License and registration please.

Old Woman: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Old Man: HE SAID HE WANTS MY LICENSE!

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Old Woman: WHAT DID HE SAY?

Old Man: HE ASKED IF WE KNOW WHY WE WERE PULLED OVER!

Cop: Oh, I see you're from Miami. Went there once for a hookup, worst piece of ass I ever had in my life.

Old Woman: WHAT DID HE SAY?

Old Man: HE SAID HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!

This one you need to have a drink with.

This couple is celebrating their 30th anniversary. They're laying in bed together.

Wife: Wow, 30 years, hard to believe. Tell me, is there anything that I haven't done that you want?

Husband: Well, yeah, there is one thing.

Wife: Well, what is it?

Husband: You know, in 30 years, you've never given me head.

Wife: Well, there's a first time for everything!

*she proceeds to give him head*After:

Husband: Oh, wow! That was incredible! What do you want honey, anything, what is it?

*now you take a drink of your beverage, but don't swallow

Wife: How 'bout a kiss? *let the drink roll down your chin*
 
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