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[lachesis]

It's been about 4 months since my divorce has been finalized. She had an emotional affair w/ one of her ex boyfriend during our marriage, and blamed me for finding out her private affair... for whatever that is.

Even though I had every intention & tried to keep the marriage alive, things went pretty sour quickly and never recovered for 4 agonizing years. Was married for 15 years, have 1 child of 10 yr old.

During our cool down period during that 4 year - she insisted to live in SC for a high paying job. (I'm in NJ) She took my child with her and threatened me if I didn't let her go to her new job, she would file divorce immediately. I reluctantly agreed and lived alone for about a year. Then her company in SC lost the biggest client, so she was fired less than 10 month mark. She had no other job prospect in SC, so came back to NJ for interviews in NYC.

During that time, she has promised my child that she'd get a dog. She did ask me whether it's okay to get a puppy - and I said okay, knowing it would be good as a "family", even though I knew it would mean that I'll be the one to take care of the dog, as well as my child - that she works at least 60-70 hrs per wk. I have always been the one to take care of my child before and after school - cooking, cleaning etc, as my ex left house early and came home near midnight almost daily basis. Frequent business trips including weekends as well. Even to this day - she leaves daily care to her live-in sister of hers, who also have divorced her husband and lived almost 7 years under my house.

Fast forward few years, things became even worse, that ex filed for divorce behind my back, unlike our agreement to file in when everything is agreed upon in due time and all. Had to sell the house that we built from ground up & divided everything in even half (although I'm paying more for college support even though we are pretty much on equal terms of earning) - at least no alimony nor designated child support $$$ as we are sharing 50/50 of legal and physical custody... so I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

Divorce was finalized in end of Aug, so it's been about 4 months. I had to buy a place quickly to pickup my life for myself and my child. What happened is happened - and I have detached myself away from her. Person that I knew & loved, isn't just there - and I also have changed over the 4 years of emotional distress and hopelessness - but slowing gaining back my normal self these days. (crossing fingers)

So our custody of child is week on, week off. She tries to bend the rules of our Marital Settlement Agreement though - She takes frequent business (?) trips, so she likes to modify the dates quite often. I'm fine with most of it - as it's her who's losing her time with our child, not me. However, she also wants to leave the dog with me whenever it's my turn to take care of my child.

Technically, I have no issue of taking care of the dog if I really tried. I don't hate dogs like her live-in sister does - actually I quite like dogs in general - but the dog, even though ex insists it's my child's dog - is legally hers, and it was between her and my child who decided to get a dog. I just merely agreed and followed, and took care of it most of the time because I was only one who was up for it. Even though I do like dogs, I don't want to keep one in the house because I feel bad for the dog, which gets left alone in the house for the most of the time, and I do work pretty late sometimes.

But what bothers me the most, is that I do have this sense of being "used" by my ex. A U.S. citizenship, her grad degree (both financially & academically, as I practically did more than half of her works), her glowing career which I sought out even when she was about to give up, or using my address for her nomad sister and niece to get their green card - as soon as their green cards were issued, it's almost comical that she filed in for divorce. I just cannot help thinking she's still trying to use me wherever she can on whim.

Since she's mother of my child, I cannot get rid of her in my life, and I get that. However, her betrayal left me such a scar, that I don't really consider her a friend either. Yes, I resent her quite a bit. I do not yell or get angry - but I don't initiate anything with her anymore, unless it's about our child's immediate need. (So far, I had none, she has made many..)

Yet she guilt trips me when it comes down to the dog. I have refused a few times so far, by just saying no - but when she had to go out of town to visit her ill father in overseas - I took my child along with the dog for a couple weeks in sympathy - but she's doing it again this time to take in the dog, w/o giving me any reasonable reasons. I previously suggested doggie hotels and whatnot, yet her answers are all on guilt tripping me on how my child loves the dog, and she hates to return the dog to the agency, and her live-in (psycho) sister won't take care of the dog.

Sorry for the long post & thanks for reading - and I'd love to know anyones input.

 

[SlipperyMoose]

I think that the Sega CD really could have been a big thing if Sega supported it properly. Ultimately Nintendo teamed up with Pakistan in an attempt to assassinate the people of the Congo. You should probably pick up the new Eminem album as well.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Since this is about her and the still fresh pain she has caused, make her take care of her own dog. You should be giving her nothing. Obviously she is conveniently using you with this situation.


The best outcome is for you to keep the dog forever, or have her take care of her own dog. Sounds like both of you are too busy for it due to work, especially her who travels a lot.

So I'd decide to keep it forever, or tell her to kick rocks. All in or all out should be more peaceful.

 

[Dude Abides]

The fucking dog has fucking papers.

You’re not buying it a beer.

Spoiler

Don’t take care of the dog. Tell her to go fuck herself. She can board it or deal with her bitch sister.

 

[half a moon]

Boarding the dog for a week or two every month would be sad for the kid and dog. take care of it.

 

[andythinkpad]

The fucking dog has fucking papers.

You’re not buying it a beer.

Spoiler

Don’t take care of the dog. Tell her to go fuck herself. She can board it or deal with her bitch sister.

Shut the duck up donny!

 

[oxrock]

Not your dog, not your problem. Not your wife, not your problem. You're her doormat.

 

[Mohonky]

Eh, I dunno, its a dog, its really not the dogs fault.

If it enjoys going to one of those dog carers for the period you have your child I say go that route and tell her its her problem.

But dogs typically get pretty upset when seperated from their owners. How would your son feel about the dog not being around?

Ultimately not sure why the sister cant look after the dog, you housed her for years.....

 

[lachesis]

Eh, I dunno, its a dog, its really not the dogs fault.

If it enjoys going to one of those dog carers for the period you have your child I say go that route and tell her its her problem.

But dogs typically get pretty upset when seperated from their owners. How would your son feel about the dog not being around?

Ultimately not sure why the sister cant look after the dog, you housed her for years.....

The dog is adopted from a rescue center. I believe it was somewhat abused (tattered ears and some visible scar on its nose) by other dogs or whatnot - it's especially timid. (Well, it's a Chihuahua+mini pincher mix, but definitely more Chihuahua - 50% hate, 50% shake LOL) Also having some weird hair loss issue - I suspect that the dog was spayed when she's too old - so some sort of hormone issue, I think. I took the dog to the vets few times already, but they have no idea even after extensive & expensive testings...

My child, says the dog is the best friend. However, my child doesn't really take care of the dog, often neglects its need and all. It's my child duty to take the dog out under available adult in the house after school and feed the dog, but often that's not the case till I come back home. I tell my child that it's a sort of abuse to leave the dog like that, and not to do so - but my child is often forgetful about that.

The ex sister-in-law, detests this dog. She finds the dog is ignoring her (I usually find dogs like the people who like them) so the dog doesn't follow her because it knows she yells and scolds her when she does. Either way, I don't understand either why the sister can't take the dog out twice per day and fill up the dog food twice a day.

I see varied point here - just like my own thoughts. I am definitely the most suitable person to take care of the dog, even though I myself don't feel like owning one because I have to be away from home at least 10-12 hours per day due to work. By taking in the dog, it's more humanitarian for the dog, and maybe even better for my child. Yet by doing so, I become a doormat to my ex like I have been for my past 15 years of marriage, which I do not want to be at any cost.

 

[Soleil rouge]

She took advantage of you for years and is still trying even after divorce. Don't let her walk all over you anymore. You're a good man. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself. She sounds like a despicable, selfish piece of shit.

 

[lachesis]

She took advantage of you for years and is still trying even after divorce. Don't let her walk all over you anymore. You're a good man. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself. She sounds like a despicable, selfish piece of shit.

Thank you - but I do share the same sort of blame, I'm sure... that my own shortcoming, of being a pushover probably did its own share of why she lost her respect in me in the relationship.

Willing to sacrifice for her, was my way of showing my love, but that probably wasn't what she wanted - and that was repeatedly mentioned during our arguments. Then again, she vehemently detested anything authoritarian to begin with, so it did feel like catch 22, in retrospect.. LOL.

But yes, I'm trying to grow more backbone. Arrogance isn't my strong suit, but a touch of self confidence did wonders in my work for many years along with strong work ethic. Just need to practice the same thing in personal relationship I may have in the future. (But right now, I'm enjoying the solitude of non drama, after 4 years of sheer distress.)

 

[Mohonky]

She took advantage of you for years and is still trying even after divorce. Don't let her walk all over you anymore. You're a good man. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself. She sounds like a despicable, selfish piece of shit.

Yeh but the dog shouldnt get punished for it.

 

[finowns]

Hmm. It's a tricky situation. Taking care of a dog takes effort, taking care of someone else's dog even more effort.

I think if you're considering this as a favor for your ex don't do it. Your only consideration should be the child.

Also, maybe do a pro/con list, it can be helpful.

 

[joey_bone_bomb]

Take the dog, tell your ex wife she will never see the dog again and can go fuck herself, and teach your kid how to properly take care of a pet.
When your kid is not with you you can enjoy the company of your loving and grateful canine friend.

“(...) in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his Master’s own,
Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone (...)”

 

[Sosokrates]

Maybe make a video of yourself when your angry about this, and the next time she trys to giult trip you watch the video to remind you of your true wishes and feelings.

 

[iPaul93]

Where is she originally from?

 

[Nipo]

This sounds like the ideal situation for "I'm sorry that won't be possible" whenever asked to watch the dog. When asked why "because things are going on that make it not possible"

 

[highrider]

I can relate to this post. I wouldn’t say I’ve had as bad of an experience, but there are similarities in terms of the behavior of my son’s mom. I also was faced with being the caretaker of the family cat, but I didn’t really figure her in to the equation, I knew I would give the cat a better life. That’s really what it comes down to, remember that even though it wasn’t necessarily your decision I’m sure your kid loves the dog.

Also, you sound like a good guy and when I was going through the worst of it, it helped me a lot to really laser in on what I would and would not tolerate. It’s complicated as fuck with a kid, and there’s no easy answer.

 

[lachesis]

Where is she originally from?

The dog is originally from somewhere in Bronx, NY I believe... Previous owner had to move out of state, and couldn't take the dog with her - at least that's the story I heard from the adoption/rescue center.

I did really think about wellbeing of my child on what would it be like if I didn't take in the dog as well. As my child is entering near puberty age - how my child would relate to this incident and its consequent effect it might cause. Do I want my child to see me as a dependable, go-to-daddy - or am I setting a wrong example of easily manipulatable guy down the long run?

With all things considered, initially it would be good for my child that I'd take in the dog -- showing how parents are working together even after the divorce - but it's indeed like walking on eggshells that would give my child a faux sense of what true co-operation is, or relationship being two way street, not one sided like it has been for many years - As much as I'd like to forgive myself and my ex as a human being - incidents like this constantly rubs fresh salt into my scar.

Everything that I do, I try to have only good intentions - and if I don't have a good intention, I just don't act upon it. It has been like that for my life. Having a good intention in action, doesn't guarantee the outcome, that much I know. Those good intentions and deeds, some people just never appreciate and sometimes even take advantage of them. If it was a stranger who did that - I would just take the high road and forget about it, but when it came from someone whom I loved very much - it just literally broke me as a person in a way, sad to say.

 

[Zoe]

Your child is old enough to take care of the dog. Where's the discipline?

 

[Grieves]

That sounds like a familiar story.

My Ex bought a dog against my wishes but it became my dog when I left.

Yeah, your Ex is taking the piss. You have every right to refuse however don't let the dog become a victim.

For the sake of the dog and your kid I hope you take the dog on...I love my dog to bits, they can be a bind but they are wonderful companions.

 

[lachesis]

Your child is old enough to take care of the dog. Where's the discipline?

Back when I was still living w ex and her sister in the basement - I cooked breakfast for my child, prepped the school lunchbox, while feeding the dog in the morning & took the dog out for walk after I drop off my child to school, clean up the dishes and kitchen, before getting ready to go to work. Staying home ex sister-in-law picked up my child after school and prepared dinner for my child, but refused to go out with the dog because she detests the dog. And I was uncomfortable for my child to walk alone (then my child was about 8+ yr old). Maybe in a couple of years I will let my child walk alone with the dog - but not before till Jr high ages.

I get home normally around 8pm - 8:30pm and sometimes the dog hasn't even walked outside almost 12 hours, whimpering and glad to see me back... maybe 50% of the time - and sometimes not even fed. I take the dog out myself, or take my child with me. I would lecture about responsibility of taking care of life in firm manner and child would regret, but often doesn't last a few more days.

Since I do not yell nor hit the child for punishment (unlike my ex's sister who verbally abused her daughter at maximum decibel for several hours sometimes, even living in my basement) - my child mostly is quite reasonable and follows my request without giving me too hard time - but some things like taking the dog out or coming out to greet someone when someone visits/comes home, etc - doesn't often last longer than a week. (sigh.) Perhaps I should be more forthcoming regarding those things - but I have to be honest, that because of this whole divorce process and impact on my child, has been one heck of confusing times and I dropped ball in some sense.

Now that I'm not living with my Ex and her (psycho) sister anymore - so I am not allowed nor willing to say anything that's going on with their daily routine - but I highly doubt anything has changed. Ex says that my child takes the dog out every day and feed the dog - whenever she wants me to take care of the dog... but since I have not seen it, just can't be sure. Last time when the dog was in my house - it was my elderly mother who were temporarily visiting my new place to take the dog out of pity.

Most likely I will take the dog in this time but tell her my stance. It's not the dog that I detest but it's the notion of her pissing on my boundary.

Last time I had a semi-argument via text with my ex was about a month ago - when she planned my child's playdate without telling me over during MY days to have the child, used my visiting mother as their babysitter/caretaker and caused a lot of uncomfortable awkwardness between myself and the parents of my child's friend. Her excuse was that everything she does, is for the good of the child, nothing more nothing less - but I find it very hard to believe. Same goes to the dog - that it's all about the child, says she ever so proudly....

Will see how it goes. She always says she appreciates it whenever I do something humanly nice thing for her - but frankly I don't think she has slightest knowledge of being truly grateful of other people's deed - and I just can't imagine why taking in the dog would be any different this time around either.

 

[FloatingIslands]

I would make her take care of the dog, no exceptions. Also, be less flexible with the days. I don't like her

 

[nush]

Don't take the dog and don't be emotionally manipulated that it's "your childs" dog. I can smell the bullshit from here.

 

[Ubername]

I don't think you should be giving her anything at all

 

[PtM]

Your child may be using you like your ex is still doing. The kid has to take care of the dog as much as possible as a precondition.

 

[lachesis]

Your child may be using you like your ex is still doing. The kid has to take care of the dog as much as possible as a precondition.

Perhaps. I realize that I should be more stern in certain things.

So here's actual copy-paste of the email:

Ex: (On Wed afternoon)
Sub: ----- (dogs name here)
Hi,
Can u take ---- this Friday with **** (child's name)?
I am sorry, but I need your help


Me: (On Wed evening)
Can't your sister take care of her in the pinch?


Her: (Today afternoon)
**** (child's name) wants it too.
please?


-----------

Now it actually blew my head up. She's guilt tripping me again using my child. She called me once "Brain dead" because I'm so dumb in front of my child, where I was just merely helping out my child's homework assignment - saying, "leave that brain dead work to your dad and work on something else" She later apologized me for that, to be fair, but what kind of mother would say such things to the child's father?

Again again, she later accused me of being stupid whenever we had disagreement during the process, that how I should be thankful of not having to pay alimony to her, and we are dividing the house evenly in half, at 50/50 custody - that I am practically getting divorced upper handed. (and I should be grateful for that.)

So I just sent her (I was going to take the dog in because I do feel sorry for the dog who gets literally no attention there from adults - I was shocked how much weight it had lost when I last saw the dog couple of weeks ago) - basicallly saying:

1. Legally it's your dog.
2. I'm not your husband nor a friend - ask for help from your friends or whatnot.
3. As much as it pains me for sake of the dog & my child's well being - I do not wish to be "used" by you no longer, especially when you don't even give me reasonable reason.

Man, I feel horrible - but thx for many of you for your support. Appreciate it.

 

[.hacked]

I think that the Sega CD really could have been a big thing if Sega supported it properly. Ultimately Nintendo teamed up with Pakistan in an attempt to assassinate the people of the Congo. You should probably pick up the new Eminem album as well.

ha got me lol

 

[lachesis]

ha got me lol

And made me too! As long time Sega fanboy, yes Nintendo's alliance with Pakistan was really devastating...

 

[PtM]

She called me once "Brain dead" because I'm so dumb in front of my child, where I was just merely helping out my child's homework assignment - saying, "leave that brain dead work to your dad and work on something else" She later apologized me for that, to be fair, but what kind of mother would say such things to the child's father?

She probably talks about you like that all the time behind your back. Even if not, at least her behaviours and manners surely are making an impression on your kid.
Most you can do is explain your worldview to the child and hope something sticks.

Though just for the record, she called the work brain dead, not you.

PS: There never will be "reasonable reason" to use you.

 

[lachesis]

She probably talks about you like that all the time behind your back. Even if not, at least her behaviours and manners surely are making an impression on your kid.
Most you can do is explain your worldview to the child and hope something sticks.

Though just for the record, she called the work brain dead, not you.

PS: There never will be "reasonable reason" to use you.

Probably so. Thx for your advice.

And yes, I know she meant the work being brain-dead (painting a large area on a little too overly ambitious map-drawing). I just chuckled, actually, when I heard her saying it - because it reminded me of her calling me stupid/retarded for just not agreeing, or not willing to accept unreasonable child support demand.

"reasonable reason" sounds somewhat off. Not sure (english is my 2nd language, so... )

 

[Krappadizzle]

Don't take the dog. She has to learn to live with the consequences of her actions and be an adult.

 

[koji kabuto]

No, Don't get involved if you are not legally have to.
If you have extra money/time/energy save it for yourself because you are going to need it.

 

[Daxter32jak]

Don’t take the dog, that woman is playing serious games with you. Stand up for yourself and tell that POS you’re not taking the dog. Register yourself to be a part of a local volunteer animal rescue team with your daughter, she’ll appreciate that trust me.

A very similar situation happened to me: gf lived with me, had a baby, we get a dog (her idea I was too weak to tell her no), meets a new guy at a job I helped her get, gf then leaves with said guy, I become sole parent, and dog care taker, ex gf never returns for our kid, I file custody, ex gf loses, I’m granted custody full time, ex gf now pays child support and lives with her mom. Oh and that guy that she left for? They’re not together anymore

It still burns years later but you MUST treat yourself as a first class and first rate human being, not a woman’s doormat.

 

[darkinstinct]

Don't take the dog.

 

[michaelius]

Hmm since your kids like the dog maybe try to use this as chance to learn them how to take care of it ?

 

[xStoyax]

Women who see men fight to keep them will use those men to their advantage. You wanting to work on the marriage is honorable, and this woman is clearly not.

Don't have any communication with her unless its about your child. Give short answers about the dog - - - - -No.

The more you give, the more she'll take. Shes clearly taking advantage of you being a nice guy.

I feel for the dog, but honestly it sounds like the dog needs a better home than both of you can give it. I would only say, i'll take the dog this weekend if you give me complete ownership of it - your sister & you clearly can't take care of it - so give it to me.

If she disagrees - then you sure aren't taking the dog. If she agrees - take the dog, and love it & care for it. Get a dog walker if you need to - - - or if you can't - - -then please find it a good home.

A dog actually sounds like a great investment for you. Was one of the best things I had during my divorce. Either way. Fuck her

 

[Zaventem]

A dog is a second child. She already walked all over you, don't do it.

 

[lachesis]

Thanks all for your heartfelt advices.

Yesterday was the day I was supposed to pick up my child - and was fully prepared any barrage of hateful scorns, another guilt trip or whatnot, at least in email form regarding the dog. Nope, nothing came. At one point, I regretted that I shouldn't have sent such email and just be the dummy and take the dog - for the good of the dog and my child. Perhaps I was over reacting or whatnot, I wondered.

Child seems to be super happy to see me (as I am), and we went on and played some Zelda BOTW DLC together till late night on my child's Switch and my Wii U at the same time.

While tucking my child later last night, I talked about the dog, and told my child that it's got nothing to do with the dog nor you - just between your mom and I. My child, tends to avoid any sort of talking about divorce - so I left it at that.

I did ask my child though, why my ex wanted me to take the dog - whether she's going to business trip - my child says the dog is just doing fine, and ex isn't going on any business trips or whatnot. Perhaps ex didn't tell my child her schedule, or maybe ex is just using me flat out. Or child wants to avoid uncomfortable talk. Either way, now I am glad that I made my point clear - that I won't be used nor put up with her sh*t any longer. Hopefully she won't try that in the future - but something tells me that this won't be the last.

Back in her country where she came from - her ex bf (that she had emotional affair behind my back) used to love dogs - and she got a puppy of her own to please him. However the dog didn't get any love from my ex very much after it became an adult dog. - she just left her in her mother's care mostly. It was a mutt, and being a mutt, it didn't get any attention nor love, sadly. When her mother's house got robbed by burglars - her mom exiled (literally) the dog for not standing up to the burglars nor making any noise to alert people - she opened the door and let the dog just wander out... that was the end of that dog. In retrospect, I just find that rather ironic, sad, and shows what kind of people they are.

I am like a mutt. I was born in U.S. but grew up in foreign country till high school age. Came back to U.S. - and worked my butt off - full ride to my college education at local university to avoid getting in debt nor be a burden to my parents, and now I'm have pretty solid career at one of the industry giants. My ex, came from a prestigious family, with much higher education (2 bachelor degrees + 1 grad degree, which I helped very much completing) at the top universities. Used to make fun of my education in front of her college friends. I just laughed it off, but it did hurt my feelings a bit at that time - but I was already independent when her and her friends were playing around with their parents money. At least I was making more $$$ than all of them at that point.

Well, time to get ready to take my child to see the first screening of "The Last Jedi" shortly. Time to move on, and keep my guard up.

 

[AlteredForms]

It's been about 4 months since my divorce has been finalized. She had an emotional affair w/ one of her ex boyfriend during our marriage, and blamed me for finding out her private affair... for whatever that is.

She’s agitated that you found out about her affair and used your circumstances to personally profit? The absolute balls on this bitch. I would take full custody of the child and cut out this cancer before it infects you further.

 

[Zaventem]

Good work bro, took you a while to realize but atleast you did. I understand where you were coming from sometimes when you love someone so much, even if it's n o longer in a sexual way, if still feel the need to help them out. Unfortunately she completely walked all over you even after you did so much. When your child gets older they'll understand who was around and cared for them the most. You're doing the right thing in the long run.

 

[lachesis]

She's agitated that you found out about her affair and used your circumstances to personally profit? The absolute balls on this bitch. I would take full custody of the child and cut out this cancer before it infects you further.

Thank you. To her defense, I do believe she was sincerely in love with me in the beginning of our relationship - and using me or my circumstances wasn't all of it. Partially, she probably wanted to get away from all the pressures that she faced back her home country - specifically due to her gender, and her rather oppressive, authoritarian father, as well as her ex bf not being so well accepted to her family. I was, in a way a convenient exit for freedom - but I don't think it was all of it.

As I encouraged her independence, as well as her career and dream - less dependent she became. She was quite dedicated to our relationship, when she was mostly dependent on me on many fronts - language, school work, and beginning stages of her career before and after the child's birth - But since she got her career going on, and her (psycho) sister moved into my own house - things changed gradually. Spent more and more time out of home, while leaving most domestic things to me and her sister to take care of. Got friends with co-workers who were having affair of their own, both cheating on their respective spouses - talking s*** behind my back. And after spending so much time and effort, she's now thriving as a director in her firm - talented person she is - but my usefulness has come to an end (in most part) when she realized that she doesn't need me to be independent any longer. In a way, I guess I dug my own grave - but honestly, I took in the oath of marriage quite seriously.

It's until the day of divorce - I was still trying. But when the judge gave us the decree - magically my mind was cleared, that I feel much better. Perhaps this 4 yr of ordeal, was a big mourning period for me - perhaps thats why I am so at peace at this point. (Other than her trying manipulate me & use me further for her convenience using my child as an excuse.) I guess, some things are never meant to work out.

As someone says to Luke in last Jedi - a failure is the biggest teacher. True to that... I hope.

 

[AlteredForms]

And after spending so much time and effort, she's now thriving as a director in her firm - talented person she is - but my usefulness has come to an end (in most part) when she realized that she doesn't need me to be independent any longer. In a way, I guess I dug my own grave - but honestly, I took in the oath of marriage quite seriously.

It's until the day of divorce - I was still trying. But when the judge gave us the decree - magically my mind was cleared, that I feel much better. Perhaps this 4 yr of ordeal, was a big mourning period for me - perhaps thats why I am so at peace at this point. (Other than her trying manipulate me & use me further for her convenience using my child as an excuse.) I guess, some things are never meant to work out.

As someone says to Luke in last Jedi - a failure is the biggest teacher. True to that... I hope.

Highlighted statement is the primary evidence for you to move on and no longer have any feelings for this women.

You might not have won in the end OP (considering she's now financially independent because of you), but you sure didn't lose. And in my opinion, that's the better of the two options.