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[Gloggins]

Blackadder: Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil if we can't replace this dictionary.

 

[into.it.over.it]

Sir Walter: You’d never dare. Why, ’round the Cape, the rain
beats down so hard it makes your head bleed!

Edmund: So, some sort of hat is probably in order.

This all day. Blackadder is a masterclass in sarcasm

Also this

Melchett: The charge before us is that the flanderous pigeon murderer did deliberately, callously and with beastliness of forethought murder a lovely, innocent pigeon... and disobeyed some orders as well. Is this true?

George: Perfectly true sir. I was there

 

[Plasma]

Prince George: You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any.

 

[Noaloha]

(General Melchett)
If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.

 

[kyser73]

Bishop of Bath & Wells: You see, Blackadder, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is to low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral I'll do anything to anything.'

Blackadder: Yes, it's good to hear the church speaking out on social issues.'

Money is probably my favourite episode of BA. 3 & 4 have more sophisticated comedy, but S2 stands above. The characters of the Court, especially the wickedly capricious Queen Elizabeth, not to mention the guest appearances from greats like Tom Baker...

'We get a great big killer bull, and stick feathers on it, and put it in the cock fights. But it'll look so strange no-one will back it, and we'll get amazing odds. But only we will know it's a killer bull!'

'Only we will know.'

 

[mrklaw]

My absolute favourite is a Baldrick line:

"This is my magnificent octopus"

From the dictionary episode

 

[Commander Jameson]

From Series 4...

(in Melchett's private quarters. The general puts on an impressive bemedaled red jacket. Darling is with him.)

Melchett: (after a few sounds of self-satisfaction) How do I look, Darling?

Darling: Girl-bait, sir. Pure bloody girl-bait.

Melchett: Moustache? Bushy enough?

Darling: Like a private hedge, sir.

Melchett: Good, because I want to catch a particularly beautiful creature in this bush tonight.

Darling: You'll have her coming out of your moustache for a week, sir.

Melchett: God, it's a spankingly beautiful world and tonight's my night. I know what I'll say to her. 'Darling...'

Darling: (mistaken that the general's addressing him) Yes sir?

Melchett: What?

Darling: Um, I don't know, sir.

Melchett: Well don't butt in! (exhales) 'I want to make you happy, darling'.

Darling: Well, that's very kind of you sir.

Melchett: Will you kindly stop interrupting? If you don't listen, how can you tell me what you think? (continues) 'I want to make you happy, darling. I want to build a nest for your ten tiny toes. I want to cover every inch of your gorgeous body in pepper and sneeze all over you.'

Darling: I really think I must protest!

Melchett: What is the matter with you, Darling?

Darling: Well, it's all so sudden, I mean the nest bit's fine, but the pepper business is definitely out!

Melchett: How dare you tell me how I may or may not treat my beloved Georgina?

Darling: Georgina?

Melchett: Yes, I'm working on what to say to her this evening.

Darling: Oh yes. Of course. Thank God.

Melchett: Alright?

Darling: Yes, I'm listening, sir.

Melchett: Honestly Darling, you really are the most graceless, dim-witted bumpkin I ever met.

Darling: I don't think you should say that to her.

(Melchett groans)

 

[JonnyDBrit]

Private Baldrick: Permission to ask a question, sir...

Captain Blackadder: Permission granted, Baldrick, as long as isn't the one about where babies come from.

Private Baldrick: No, the thing is: The way I see it, these days there's a war on, right? And, ages ago, there wasn't a war on, right? So, there must have been a moment when there not being a war on went away, right? And there being a war on came along. So, what I want to know is: How did we get from the one case of affairs to the other case of affairs?

Captain Blackadder: Do you mean, "how did the war start?"

[Baldrick thinks for a moment]
Private Baldrick: Yeah!

Blackadder - How did the World War begin?

It's the answer that still gets to me.

Captain Blackadder: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war in Europe, two superblocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side, and the
Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea was to have two vast opposing armies, each acting as the other's deterrent. That way there could never be a war.

Baldrick: But this is a sort of a war, isn't it, sir?

Captain Blackadder: Yes, that's right. You see, there was a tiny flaw in the plan.

George: What was that, sir?

Captain Blackadder: It was bollocks.

 

[Venture]

Prince George: You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any.

Oh! reminded me of one of my other favorite George quotes:

" Now I've got my lovely fire I'm happy as a Frenchman who's invented a pair of self-removing trousers."

 

[lastplayed]

"The pathway of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd!"

I love the way he delivers that line.

 

[lastplayed]

Money is probably my favourite episode of BA. 3 & 4 have more sophisticated comedy, but S2 stands above. The characters of the Court, especially the wickedly capricious Queen Elizabeth, not to mention the guest appearances from greats like Tom Baker...

Yeah 2 & 3 are my favourites by far.

"We live in an age where illness and deformity are commonplace, and yet, Ploppy, you are, without a doubt, the most repulsive individual I have ever met. I would shake your hand, but I fear it would come off."

 

[hobozero]

Wibble

 

[DBT85]

Wibble

This and so many of his other lines are so iconic in part due to how he speaks, and he speaks like that because he used to have a stutter and his training to remove it left him talking like he does.

Lieutenant George: Great Scott sir, you mean, you mean the moment's finally arrived for us to give Harry Hun a darned good British style thrashing, six of the best, trousers down?

Captain Blackadder: If you mean, "Are we all going to get killed?" Yes. Clearly, Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.

 

[FunkyMonk]

I've always loved this exchange:

Crone: Ah, the Wisewoman.. the Wisewoman.
Edmund: Yes, the Wisewoman.
Crone: Two things, my lord, must thee know of the Wisewoman. First, she is ... a woman! ...and second, she is ...
Edmund: Wise?
Crone: You do know her then?
Edmund: No, just a wild stab in the dark which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful. Do you know where she lives?

Came to post that, it's the one that always jumps to mind.

Money is probably my favourite episode of BA. 3 & 4 have more sophisticated comedy, but S2 stands above. The characters of the Court, especially the wickedly capricious Queen Elizabeth, not to mention the guest appearances from greats like Tom Baker...

aye I think I prefer series 2, Queenie is fantastic and the court interplay is entertaining to watch beyond the pure comedy. I'll always remember the look of pure loathing and hatred Melchett gives the Queen when she jokes about having him executed in Moneyt, it seemed to hammer home how taxing it'd be to be courtier to such a powerful yet capricious person.

 

[levious]

We didn't recieve any messages, and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot this delicious plump-breasted bird.

 

[phaze]

"I have a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel!"

Always gets me.

 

[Henchmen21]

PR: Honestly Blackadder, I don’t know why I’m bothering to get dressed.
As soon as I get to the Naughty Hellfire Club I’ll be debagged and
radished for non-payment of debts.

E: Radished, sir?

PR: Yes, they pull your breeches down and push a large radish right up
your-

E: Yes, yes, yes, all right. There’s no need to hammer it home.

PR: Well as a matter of fact they do often have to-

E: No, no! No!