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Fuck Ebert

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Troy god damn rocks. How the hell he rated it as the Worst Movie of the Year (tied with Alexander) is fucking beyond me. I just watched it for the second time (first time in theatres), and it features some smart acting by Eric Bana, Sean Bean, and even Peter O'Toole. There were enough theatrics and dramatic sequences to keep it entertaining, but not too many or any overdone to make it seem like a farce. It features some high quality fight scenes, a fluid story, and characters that you develop feeling for, be it admiration, hate, envy, or pity.

I can understand how many would dislike it, some for altering history and events, some for having teen hearthrobs Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom delivering adequate performances while headlining the feature, but to even consider it as being the worst movie of the year? Give me a fucking break. When I saw it in theatres, I took it as part epic, part history lesson (and before any of you get your panties in a bunch, I researched what really happened and noted the discrepencies), but after watching it for a second time, the bonds between the families (moreso Hector and his relatives than Achillies and his) and the subject of death really hit home a lot more to me this time. I don't know why, but it did.

So fuck Ebert and hooray for Wolfgang and Bana.
 

AlphaSnake

...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack
It was indeed a fantastic movie. The amount of hate Troy gets is beyond me. My cousin and I loved it and we rarely agree on epics.
 

Socreges

Banned
Hell yes, Troy rocked. The drama was by no means stellar, but it was enough to keep me interested between the awesome battle scenes.
 
Fixed2BeBroken said:
I enjoyed the movie, I just wish theyd have shown Much less Male Ass and more Female Rack.

peace
They actually didn't show any male ass at all in the movie. As far as I remember, you see some girl's tits near the beginning when Achillies is asleep with two women in some tent, and you see Helen of Troy's ass for a brief moment near the beginning of the movie too. You see a ton of "sides" of naked people, men and women, and there are many shots where the dude's are naked but the camera cuts off just below their stomach. But as far as I remember, no man ass.
 
Matt_09 said:
Troy = pile of shit. Its only saving grace was Eric Bana, apart from him it was just painful to watch.
You're entitled to your opinion of course, but out of curiosity, would you rate it worse than all of these films:

Alexander
New York Minute (Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie)
White Chicks
Resident Evil Apocolypse
Christmas with the Cranks
The Whole Ten Yards
 
Mike Works said:
They actually didn't show any male ass at all in the movie. As far as I remember, you see some girl's tits near the beginning when Achillies is asleep with two women in some tent, and you see Helen of Troy's ass for a brief moment near the beginning of the movie too. You see a ton of "sides" of naked people, men and women, and there are many shots where the dude's are naked but the camera cuts off just below their stomach. But as far as I remember, no man ass.

from what i remember they kept showing brad pitts ass and it was annoying.

peace
 
Well I just watched the movie again, and I'm fairly certain you never see his, nor any other dude's ass. You see him naked from the side a lot, like when he's on top of Hector's cousin, so maybe that's what you're remembering.
 

duckroll

Member
I agree that Troy was highly entertaining. I'm not sure what others were expecting but it did what it was doing extremely well. Action packed, rather good acting, awesome one-on-one battles and no happy Hollywood ending. It had awesome action violence, sexy women, great sets, epic battles, Eric Bana vs Brad Pitt... what MORE could you ask for in an action movie? :D
 

gofreak

GAF's Bob Woodward
I thought the movie was OK, enjoyable to watch in its own right.

But when I subsequently read up on the history and realised the massive dodge they made re. Achille's relationship with Patroclus, I can't help but think the people who made it were anything but weak. I thoroughly enjoyed the subtle ribbing Alexander directed toward Troy for that.
 

hobart

Member
Mike Works said:
You're entitled to your opinion of course, but out of curiosity, would you rate it worse than all of these films:

Alexander
New York Minute (Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie)
White Chicks
Resident Evil Apocolypse
Christmas with the Cranks
The Whole Ten Yards

And this is why you are correct.

Plus... I think I can watch Brian Cox in anything. I thought he shined above all in Troy.
 

Mr Gump

Banned
Mike Works said:
Troy god damn rocks. How the hell he rated it as the Worst Movie of the Year (tied with Alexander) is fucking beyond me. I just watched it for the second time (first time in theatres), and it features some smart acting by Eric Bana, Sean Bean, and even Peter O'Toole. There were enough theatrics and dramatic sequences to keep it entertaining, but not too many or any overdone to make it seem like a farce. It features some high quality fight scenes, a fluid story, and characters that you develop feeling for, be it admiration, hate, envy, or pity.

I can understand how many would dislike it, some for altering history and events, some for having teen hearthrobs Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom delivering adequate performances while headlining the feature, but to even consider it as being the worst movie of the year? Give me a fucking break. When I saw it in theatres, I took it as part epic, part history lesson (and before any of you get your panties in a bunch, I researched what really happened and noted the discrepencies), but after watching it for a second time, the bonds between the families (moreso Hector and his relatives than Achillies and his) and the subject of death really hit home a lot more to me this time. I don't know why, but it did.

So fuck Ebert and hooray for Wolfgang and Bana.
Troy does indeed rock the fucking body that rocks the party. I made a thread on it on the old gaf i think. I loved it. Fuck ign too, but i guess thats a given.
 

duckroll

Member
gofreak said:
But when I subsequently read up on the history and realised the massive dodge they made re. Achille's relationship with Patroclus, I can't help but think the people who made it were anything but weak. I thoroughly enjoyed the subtle ribbing Alexander directed toward Troy for that.

The "history" is a fictional story in its own right written by Homer. They didn't make a massive dodge, instead the entire movie is merely inspired by the poem, not an adaptation of it, which is why it's called Troy and not The Illiad and also why there are no gods and goddesses influencing the war. Since they removed all the mythology involved to make the more flow more like an actual war action movie than an adaptation of the Illiad, why keep Achilles gay when making him Brad Pitt would make it more entertaining for the entire audience? Seriously, it's not an artistic film by any stretch of the imagination so why try to be one half-heartedly. I applaud them for going all the way and stripping all the stuff that bog the Illiad down as an overmelodramatic mythological borefest and turning it into a really entertaining action war movie. :p
 

hobart

Member
duckroll said:
I applaud them for going all the way and stripping all the stuff that bog the Illiad down as an overmelodramatic mythological borefest and turning it into a really entertaining action war movie.

Please stop... :)
 

Seth C

Member
It's not the best movie in the world, but it was definitely good and I liked it quite a bit. Ebert is a tool.
 

Memles

Member
The Hector/Achilles battle made the film worth it. The problem with the film is that the rest of it just didn't really come together for me. It was not terrible, and Ebert was wrong in his assessment, but at the same time I can't say I really, really enjoyed watching the DVD.
 

gofreak

GAF's Bob Woodward
duckroll said:
The "history" is a fictional story in its own right written by Homer. They didn't make a massive dodge, instead the entire movie is merely inspired by the poem, not an adaptation of it, which is why it's called Troy and not The Illiad and also why there are no gods and goddesses influencing the war. Since they removed all the mythology involved to make the more flow more like an actual war action movie than an adaptation of the Illiad, why keep Achilles gay when making him Brad Pitt would make it more entertaining for the entire audience? Seriously, it's not an artistic film by any stretch of the imagination so why try to be one half-heartedly. I applaud them for going all the way and stripping all the stuff that bog the Illiad down as an overmelodramatic mythological borefest and turning it into a really entertaining action war movie. :p

I just think eliminating the nature of the relationship between patroclus and Achilles altogether was completely unnecessary. I don't expect them to wallow on the relationship or anything, but they could have just as easily represented in a fashion that was true to the source. No need to dwell on it, but no need to dodge it either.
 
Troy was below average. It wasnt utter crap like van helsing and Alexander but it was still fairly crappy.


The Bana vs Pitt Fight scene was truly awesome tho.
 

Lyte Edge

All I got for the Vernal Equinox was this stupid tag
Mike Works said:
You're entitled to your opinion of course, but out of curiosity, would you rate it worse than all of these films:

Alexander
New York Minute (Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie)
White Chicks
Resident Evil Apocolypse
Christmas with the Cranks
The Whole Ten Yards

I never saw Troy or any of the movies listed above except for RE Apocalypse (also garbage), but out of what I saw this year, I find it hard to believe that ANYTHING could be crappier than VAN HELSING was.
 
RE Apocalypse was better than Troy... neither were good movies.. decent at best... but neither were in the top 10 worst movies this year though... and how the hell did AVP escape that list?
 

Prospero

Member
Ebert knows a lot about movies (listen to any of his commentary tracks), and his reviews are well-written more often than not, but his rankings are nearly worthless. One of the worst moviegoing decisions I made last year was paying attention to his four-star review of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Decent movie, if you're seeing it at a matinee, or for free? Sure. Four stars? No.
 

Amir0x

Banned
Troy is crap, but Mike has a point about just how crappy it is.

Catwoman, Alien vs. Predator, New York Minute, Alexander... all are way, WAY worse than Troy.
 

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
I HATED Troy. Nothing like taking a mythical story and trying to turn it into a 'realistic' story. It was not however the worst movie of the year.. it was well made, the acting was good some of the action scenes were pretty well done.
 

Odnetnin

Banned
Mike Works said:
Troy god damn rocks. How the hell he rated it as the Worst Movie of the Year (tied with Alexander) is fucking beyond me. I just watched it for the second time (first time in theatres), and it features some smart acting by Eric Bana, Sean Bean, and even Peter O'Toole. There were enough theatrics and dramatic sequences to keep it entertaining, but not too many or any overdone to make it seem like a farce. It features some high quality fight scenes, a fluid story, and characters that you develop feeling for, be it admiration, hate, envy, or pity.

I can understand how many would dislike it, some for altering history and events, some for having teen hearthrobs Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom delivering adequate performances while headlining the feature, but to even consider it as being the worst movie of the year? Give me a fucking break. When I saw it in theatres, I took it as part epic, part history lesson (and before any of you get your panties in a bunch, I researched what really happened and noted the discrepencies), but after watching it for a second time, the bonds between the families (moreso Hector and his relatives than Achillies and his) and the subject of death really hit home a lot more to me this time. I don't know why, but it did.

So fuck Ebert and hooray for Wolfgang and Bana.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? all this over a steaming dungpile of crap movie. Troy was about as good as Catwoman. Probably worst actually considering Catwoman had stars in the form of Halle Berry and Sharon Stone and a smaller budget

ps. Bana ruined the Hulk. He can die.
 
I DESPISED Troy, but not because of it's inaccuracies to the Iliad or history and whatnot, but because of terrible acting (except Bana and a couple others), terrible writing, and boring battles. Remember this?: Thousands of armies lined up, march towards each other, begin fighting, huge epic battle, 3 minutes in, Hector kills Patroclus, THE WHOLE BATTLE STOPS, he goes "oh noes! I killed someone I didn't mean to! how can I know this?" HE CAN'T! Everyone retreats! How stupid is that! The battles were so fast and small scale compared to reality (which in this case would've been much more entertaining), the camera kept jumping around, hardly paying attention to any one confrontation, and how many times did Pitt do that stupid jumping attack? Oh, I don't know-IN EVERY FUCKING SCENE! There was pointless male nudity: Brad Pitt walks into his tent, takes off his skirt, he's nekkid, puts on another skirt, FOR NO REASON! Plus, I almost fell asleep during this; I struggled to keep awake. And I stayed awake in Lost in Translation. It was a war film! A war film! [/rant]

elephant.jpg
<--- TROY


...still, worst movie of the year? No.
 
Mike Works said:
Well I just watched the movie again, and I'm fairly certain you never see his, nor any other dude's ass. You see him naked from the side a lot, like when he's on top of Hector's cousin, so maybe that's what you're remembering.

I dont have the dvd but from what i remember....(which was a long time ago)
the shots werent ass shots, just his ass in the shot.

when you first saw achilles he was layingdown on his chest or something and his ass was on the shot...and the female friends in the group all swooned and all the guys and myself were just like "awe man i dont wanna see that"

then again later, when he was naked in his tent with that one girl From the other side of the family who didnt want achilles to fight.

peace
 

Manics

Banned
Troy is so-so. It's not the worst movie of the year by a long shot. Alexander sucks bad though, I agree with that.
 

Boogie9IGN

Member
I liked Troy alot, albeit some parts were a bit boring but nevertheless I liked it

Achilles' jump stab was the coolest shit ever, along with the Achilles vs. Hector duel
 

karasu

Member
Ebert rocks,and Troy sucks. And for every piece of good acting by Bana, there's annoying acting by Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom.
 

MASB

Member
Ebert was pretty spot on with most of his picks, but not with Troy. It was a pretty good movie, nice fight scene with Hector/Achilles and som,e good acting, especially from Bana, O'Toole and Bean. It has Sean Bean in it for crying out loud. That automatically means it's not the worst movie of the year. :p
 
When that "Worst movies of 2004" popped up and more than few people listed Troy, I was genuinely surprised. To me, Troy wasn't going to win any awards for best picture but it was an entertaining flick and I'm glad I saw it. It's not something I'm going to remember years down the road but it's still a worthwhile movie all the same.
 
lol, i can't see how you could complain becuase you might of had to see bradd pitts arse for a few scenes, are you so homephobic that a male arse makes you scared and question your own sexuality;)
i can't complain about the scene where you see hectors cousin with not much on, it doesn't really add or take away nething from the movie.
I didn't mind king arthur, i think it got heaps of hate because it wasn't the king arthur story that everyone is accustom to.
 

Burger

Member
"Uhh right, we have a big battle to do, how do you think we should shoot it ?"

"Well people liked LOTR, so lets just do what they did, you know, CG people, sweeping cameras that kind of thing"

"GOLD!"

Fuck Troy. Fuck Alexander. Fuck The Crusaders or whatever that Ridley Scott piece of shit is called.

Make the fucking battles INTERESTING like A) LOTR B) Gladiator C) Braveheart.

I'm so sick of big battles in modern film = CG cameras flying over CG people.
 
Taken as a historical epic, Troy sucks ass: it's a bare bones recreation of a classic story. But taken as a motion picture with no back history, it's entertaining and moderately well acted. I think Brad Pitt was miscast as Achilles, but that's beside the point. Troy's an OK movie packed with a lot of average action scenes (way too many quick cuts and stupid hero battles where entire armies stop to admire two dudes going at it) and not much else.
 
Some peeps are just too full of themselves as movie critics. Troy is FAR from the worst movie of the year. I don't even think Alexander is anything close to the worst movie of the year just because it looks a helluva lot better than most movies and its got Val Kilmer. Now total shit like Napoleon Dynamite which I couldn't even sit thru 10 min, put that on the list. Garfield, Anacondas, NY Minute, FUCKING YOU GOT SERVED! All of this shit was last year. But, this is all opinion so I can't say he's an idiot. My guess is that it's just the movie which he is most disappointed in.
 

Dan

No longer boycotting the Wolfenstein franchise
Burger said:
Make the fucking battles INTERESTING like A) LOTR B) Gladiator C) Braveheart.

I'm so sick of big battles in modern film = CG cameras flying over CG people.
Umm...

LOTR's battles were exactly that, along with many lame moments where Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn would act like superheroes and slay dozens and dozens of enemies without the faintest hint of trouble. Let's not forget the horrendously inappropriate humor that often interrupted these sequences with Legolas and Gimli's competition or stupid jokes about Gimli's size and height. Or shit like Legolas riding that board and firing arrows. Or when he slid and climbed all over that elephant thing.

Oh, and don't forget the awful suspense-ruining editing that threw in slow dialogue between Treebeard, Merry and Pippen during the Battle of Helm's Deep.

I'm really not sure how one can complain about current epic battles in cinema and then turn around and cite LOTR as a shining example of how to do it right. I mean, "CG cameras flying over CG people" amounted to a very significant portion of ALL the shots in LOTR, let alone the big battle sequences.
 

jett

D-Member
LOTR battles are a piece of shit. Edward Zwick had the right idea with The Last Samurai. No fucking CG doubles.
 
i love the Last samurai's fight scenes, they don't have hollywood feel that some others do, u regularily see characters you know getting slaughtered. unlike lotr where aragorn will manage to fight 20 orcs at once without being scratched. but i did enjoy lotr too.
 
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