Support NeoGAF

[Kai Dracon]

The cliches game reviewers use, both positive and negative.


Re: This Game is Awesome

--

Weak single-player saved by great multi-player.

Weak multi-player saved by great single-player.

The graphics are the best yet.

The music is so awesome, it's like real music in movies and... stuff! Not like corny Nintendo game music.

It has online play, which means infinite replayabiity!

By only using a handful of buttons for the most complex of tasks, it is a model of innovative efficiency in game design.

It's the most realistic simulation ever! ZOMG, I'm in the Matrix dudes!

<POPULAR MOTION PICTURE / TELEVISION / COMIC BOOK / ANIME ANALOGY>

It's not like anything else, so it must be better.

It's so awesome, the bad camera/physics/AI/collision detection/crash bugs/lack of fucking online setup in the online setup are barely worth mentioning, if at all!

Easily bests <GAMES X, Y, Z> even if they're on totally different platforms or aren't directly comparable (or even comparable at all).

Reminds me of my childhood *sniff* <FADE IN TO FIVE PARAGRAPHS OF STORIES FROM THE OLD SMOKEY ARCADE>

Is Japanese, proving once again they make the best games.

Incredible cut-scenes, even closer to true motion picture quality than anything to come before!

Is the most awesome game of its kind I've ever played <FOLLOW WITH REMARKS THAT INDICATE HAS NEVER PLAYED GENRE BEFORE>

Is Western, proving once again that they make the best games.

Man, ha ha, memories, do you remember way back in part 2 of this 12 part hit series? <FOLLOW WITH REMARKS THAT INDICATE HAS IN FACT, NEVER PLAYED PREVIOUS INSTALLMENT IN SERIES>


Re: This game SUCKS!

--

Weak single-player ruins despite great multi-player.

Weak multi-player ruins despite great single-player.

What? This game has like, these MOVES. With directions. And stuff. They make games like this? Fuck this shit. I can't figure it out. Nobody could! Game sucks.

What? This game doesn't have enough moves. It sucks.

In spite of the interesting design of the visuals and appealing artwork, the graphics lack 12 pass tri-texture hyper shading, like <INSERT GOTY THAT ONLY RUNS ON $1200 VIDEO CARD>. Such feeble efforts are unsuitable for the high-tech reality of the modern gaming world.

Hey, my pad has six shoulder buttons. This game only uses two face buttons - bah, it's a kiddy game, and should have been on Gamecube.

With so many lengthy cut-scenes, you feel as if you're merely watching a movie instead of playing a game.

Is Japanese and will probably make you gay. <CAN'T SLEEP, BISHONEN WILL *CENSOR* ME!>

Is Western and isn't quirky, whimsical, or cool. It has no Bishie ;_;

Holy shit! I have to move the camera by myself?! BRAIN SHUTTING DOWN! Can't use both thumbsticks at once!

With no unlockables, there's no reason to play.

With unlockables that are so hard to get, there's no reason to play.

With no online play, you'll never play it again, ever. EVER!

It's too much like other games in the genre, which is handy and means I don't really have to review it on its own merits.





More?

 

[Kabuki Waq]

C-

 

[Jeff-DSA]

I really wish people would stop saying that a game is "digital crack." The term got old the first time it was used...

"Slick" and "sleek" are words that get WAY overrused too.

 

[Shard]

Lazyist gaming cliche ever, "Fans of franchise X will have a blast with this game, everyone else should be wary of buying this exercise in mediocrity."

 

[Mikey 2x4]

:mental note: Reference this thread more to learn how NOT to write a review.

 

[GitarooMan]

Weak multi-player ruins despite great single-player.

Along these lines, "The single player is lengthy and great, but the lack of multiplayer ruins the lasting value/replayabillity"

What annoys me about this is that many reviewers mention the lack of multiplayer as a negative on nearly every single game, even games that were clearly conceived as entirely single player games. I guess I just never understood why no multiplayer has become an automatic detriment to many reviewers.

EDIT: Noticed that this one above also covers my sentiment

With no online play, you'll never play it again, ever. EVER!

 

[R0nn]

I appreciate your effort, but I think it would be a lot funnier if you used exact quotations instead of vague remarks which in some way resemble what reviewers usually say in their reviews.

Something like...ehhrmm, can't think of anything right now.

 

[Great Rumbler]

-Game is too hard.

-Game is too easy.

Those seem to pop up quite bit.

 

[pj]

Use of the word "milquetoast"

 

[fly high ~ayunite~]

Reviewer who has ran out of things to say..

"If you love the series then you'll love this, if you don't then you probably won't"

 

[Mikey 2x4]

Along these lines, "The single player is lengthy and great, but the lack of multiplayer ruins the lasting value/replayabillity"

What annoys me about this is that many reviewers mention the lack of multiplayer as a negative on nearly every single game, even games that were clearly conceived as entirely single player games. I guess I just never understood why no multiplayer has become an automatic detriment to many reviewers.

Personally if a game has multiplayer it's more of a cool bonus. If it's there, great. If not, I'm not going to cry over it. If the game is fun on its own merits then enjoy it for that. Just because it doesn't have some uber great multiplayer mode, that isn't going to take away from it. Hell, look at Zelda and the Resident Evil series.

 

[Aruarian Reflection]

"It doesn't scream [next-gen, BUY ME, other nonsense]"

 

[Red Blaster]

Most reviewers are horrible writers anyway. I mean, have you read some of the stuff Ivan Sulic tries to pass off as reviews? Jayzus!

 

[Stinkles]

"Fans of the genre will love it, others, try before you buy."

 

[jayhawker]

Pacing.

Whenever a reviewer dislikes a game and he can't justify why, he just writes something vague about the game's pacing.

 

[Red Blaster]

Ooh, got another one! Reviewers who are too dumb to know the difference between it's and its. I am sometimes infuriated that people who are freaking PAID TO WRITE still make these kind of mistakes.

 

[Christopher]

ugh the term mixed bag it's in almost every review please come up with a different term.

 

[belgurdo]

Reviewers who go out of their way to punish sequels

 

[drumlord]

That looks more like a list of forum descriptions than review cliches. I understand it is paraphrasing, but a lot of those are quite valid things to say in a review anyway (phrased better of course).

Doesn't really matter though, as Scores-Age could care less what the review actually says

 

[acidviper]

bland textures
if you like x, you will like y, everyone one else its a rental
atrocious camera
i don't normally play genre x but I'm reviewing game y in genre x

 

[Open Source]

Use of the terms: revolutionary, innovative, underwhelming, brilliant, fortunately ("fortunately, there is an option to..."--the feature is not there because of luck), mixed bag.

 

[SuperPac]

Starting anything with: "[XXXXXXX] fans, rejoice!"

 

[jetjevons]

ugh the term mixed bag it's in almost every review please come up with a different term.

Yeah I could do without mixed bag of nuts references.

 

[Open Source]

Ooh, got another one! Reviewers who are too dumb to know the difference between it's and its. I am sometimes infuriated that people who are freaking PAID TO WRITE still make these kind of mistakes.

Yes, it's funny to see something that the IGN editor, of all people, wrote with these kinds of mistakes.

 

[D2M15]

Use of the terms: revolutionary, innovative, brilliant

Don't fret, petal - the industry's current output pretty much negates the use of those terms anyway.

 

[Open Source]

Don't fret, petal - the industry's current output pretty much negates the use of those terms anyway.

You would think...but remember how often the meters EA slapped onto various game mechanics in MVP baseball were labeled as "innovative"?

The bar has been lowered.

 

[Atari2600]

How cliche is it to whine about game reviewers. Don't like reviews? Don't read them, or even better do your own.

Of course that won't happen, cause we wouldn't have anything to talk about at GAF. Just do the GAF thing and bitch about it.

 

[jarosh]

"deeply flawed"

 

[SatelliteOfLove]

"While this year hasn't seen a Final Fantasy grace the ***, the latest installment of the ******** series is a great title for fans of RPGs..."

 

[Grug]

Vegan burritos.

 

[Gazunta]

Previews that end with "hopefully this (control system, jump height, camera, whatever) problem will be rectified by the time the game is released"

No it won't.

It just fucking won't.

 

[djtiesto]

Use of the phrase "Land of the Rising Sun" and talk about how the Japanese always make such wacky, zany, nutty games...

"While this game doesn't break any new ground..."

"Fans of genre X are likely to enjoy it. Everyone else, stay away."

"Is strictly rental-only"

"Simply an average (genre), with a bit of a twist"

"awkward dialogue"

"a lot of time went into this game"

"OMG, a racing game! 9.0!!!!!" - any John Davison review for 1up

"While this year hasn't seen a Final Fantasy grace the ***, the latest installment of the ******** series is a great title for fans of RPGs..."

How true this is!

 

[D2M15]

Previews that end with "hopefully this (control system, jump height, camera, whatever) problem will be rectified by the time the game is released"

No it won't.

It just fucking won't.

There's still time! Six months left of development, and you brought the problem up with them and the look they pass each other says UH-OH but their mouths say obviously yes that's something we're working on and there's still time!

And you have to believe, because if you don't it's dead already.

 

[godofcookery]

"Simply put, blah blah blah...."

 

[ghibli99]

The one that immediately came to mind...

"Every once in a while a game comes along that..."

When I see reviews start like that, my eyes roll involuntarily, and the skimming commences.

 

[Kai Dracon]

How cliche is it to whine about game reviewers. Don't like reviews? Don't read them, or even better do your own.

Of course that won't happen, cause we wouldn't have anything to talk about at GAF. Just do the GAF thing and bitch about it.

How cliche is it to whine about GAFers whining about things?

How cliche is it to come into a topic just to say that the topic sucks?

 

[Nintendon't]

"Reviewers are crappy for this new reason today, mainly becuase I feel I'd do a better job myself."

Seriously, if you feel so strongly about the standard of game reviews, write some yourself. Get a job doing it and make a difference.

Remember that writing reviews is the very botom of the editorial pile. It's staff writer work - the worst job you can have on a magazine. Why? Becuase it's fucking boring.

Working at Future hacking away at whatever title you've been forced to review by your editor, who has in turn been forced to include it by his marketing team, much be soul crushing.

Then remember that the average reviewer, in a year, reviews hundreds of games that are almost the same. It's no wonder that the reviews all sound a bit the same.

 

[Kolgar]

"Lather, rinse, repeat."

Go fuck yourself!

 

[Anyanka]

A couple years ago, I think it started with POP, IGN would call EVERY game "intuitive". Maybe they still do. It was like the standard thing to say if they had nothing else to talk about.


Depth is the big fighting game buzz word now. Ever since VF4 every fighting game review now goes on about depth usually comparing it to VF or SC. They never actually go into specifics.

 

[Kai Dracon]

That looks more like a list of forum descriptions than review cliches. I understand it is paraphrasing, but a lot of those are quite valid things to say in a review anyway (phrased better of course).

Doesn't really matter though, as Scores-Age could care less what the review actually says

Just because something is a cliche, doesn't automatically make it invalid. A cliche is something that gets overused or used out of laziness.

For example, sometimes a game may have a camera system that really does stink. But I don't know how many reviews I've read where the writer falls back on making a big deal out of the unavoidable problems a 3D camera system will have no matter how good it is. You get the impression he's just looking for something to pick on and "bad camera" is a standard line by this point.

In other worse a lot of writers use cliches not where they are appropriate or truly meaningful, but just to have something to write.

 

[Gazunta]

There's still time! Six months left of development, and you brought the problem up with them and the look they pass each other says UH-OH but their mouths say obviously yes that's something we're working on and there's still time!

And you have to believe, because if you don't it's dead already.

Six months of development or six months until the game is on the shelf? Big difference.
(And if development, why are previews being shown that early anyway?)

 

[teruterubozu]

4/5 or 8.5/10

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

I'm all for getting rid of cliches, but fuck, what are reviews supposed to say if everything in the first post is out of bounds? There's a certain list of facts you need to inform your readers of in as fresh and interesting a way as possible. If the single player's weak but the multiplayer's strong, that needs to be said, and IMO, that isn't a cliche unless its stated with an overused phrase.

Previews that end with "hopefully this (control system, jump height, camera, whatever) problem will be rectified by the time the game is released"

No it won't.

It just fucking won't.

hahah

Back in the 32/64 bit days, the terms "Mario Clone," and "Killer App," were thrown around alot and so was the phrase "If I was rating this game based on graphics alone, it would receive a 10. Unfortunately..."

edit: sorry, kaijima, I missed your last post.

 

[elostyle]

"endearing"

 

[Senretsu]

"this game is flawed, the graphics are mediocre, controls and sound suck.

Final Score 9.0"

 

[Sullichin]

I really want to cringe whenever they mention drool. Or a dropping jaw.

Get your drool guards ready, this game looks great!

Pick your jaw off the floor!

if you can stop drooling over the graphics, blah blah..


Hell, I've probably used it once or twice myself. But it's just so lame, and i swear there's at least one reference in any given magazine i have ever read!

 

[timmy]

graphically speaking,

 

[SickBoy]

Games seem to have an alarming propensity for oozing. I think it's a neat figure of speech, but I see it far too often, and I've found it annoying for a while:

Gamespy starts it off slow "oozing" 17 times, not including oozes that happen outside of the basic "game oozes" search

1up oozes 23 times

Gamespot is serious about gaming, oozing 55 times

But the granddaddy of oozing, IGN oozes 66 times

Searching just for the term oozes brings up 138 on 1up, and I presume it brings up more instances at all the others as well.

 

[Open Source]

exaggeration

 

[Open Source]

Games seem to have an alarming propensity for oozing. I think it's a neat figure of speech, but I see it far too often, and I've found it annoying for a while:

Gamespy starts it off slow "oozing" 17 times, not including oozes that happen outside of the basic "game oozes" search

1up oozes 23 times

Gamespot is serious about gaming, oozing 55 times

But the granddaddy of oozing, IGN oozes 66 times

Searching just for the term oozes brings up 138 on 1up, and I presume it brings up more instances at all the others as well.

IGN mixed bag - 12,100. Good god.