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[gdt]

I'm going hiking in about a week, and I'm doing it at Terrace Pond Loop, in NJ. Basically, I clicked around and saw someone mention a bear, so wtf do I do if I see one? I really really really really don't want to see one.

Please tell me I wont see one. It will just be me and my date.

 

[Aquavelvaman]

Stop, drop and roll

 

[XxCGSxX]

Feed him pizza

 

[SuperSonic1305]

Give it a picnic basket.

 

[Curtisaur]

Beat it the fuck up.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

Wrestle it.

 

[GK86]

Ask him for tips.

 

[MasterShotgun]

Outrun your date.

Spoiler

You should be fine.

 

[Eight Diagram Bat Fighter]

Shoot your date in the kneecap and run.

 

[ZeroRay]

The answer depends on how high your power level is.

 

[Arment]

Assume the fetal position.

 

[ezrarh]

Your date will be the bear!

 

[Ein Bear]

Stone Cold Stunner.

 

[ghostmind]

Pray to whatever diety you may or may not believe in that you are not between the bear and its cubs.

 

[Hilbert]

walk away slowly.

You aren't going to see a bear.

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

If you're really concerned about it...

Though what kind of bears does NJ have? You could probably take on a black bear solo.

 

[ReturnOfTheRAT]

"The Edge" will prepare you for bear encounters.

Pro-tip, antagonizing them doesn't help.

 

[gdt]

fucking gaf always trying to be funny

i'm talking about a bear you sick fucks! a real goddamn bear!

 

[alr1ght]

blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere

 

[lybertyboy]

I'm going hiking in about a week, and I'm doing it at Terrace Pond Loop, in NJ. Basically, I clicked around and saw someone mention a bear, so wtf do I do if I see one? I really really really really don't want to see one.

Please tell me I wont see one. It will just be me and my date.

Rip your shirt off and challenge it to Feats of Strength. Duh.

 

[shindoku21]

Paws for a minute because it will be bear-y interesting.

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

fucking gaf always trying to be funny

i'm talking about a bear you sick fucks! a real goddamn bear!

Yeah, I checked. All NJ has is black bears. Just like... punch it or some shit. They're not imposing at all. I know some wildlife expert will be like, don't underestimate them, they're stronger than they look, but I call bullshit. I could totally kick a black bear's ass. And they look adorable too.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

If you see a bear and it wants you,you're pretty much dead.

 

[FrostuTheNinja]

Give it a hug...

Then scream as it tears off your lips.

 

[EphemeralDream]

Serious answer:

Don't do anything to provoke, but at the same time use a normal voice level so it knows you're around.
If it does confront you, make yourself big (like a cat) and make a lot of noise

If it attacks, don't play dead and instead fight back.

I only know this from having to research it to teach children wilderness skills. I have not fought a bear. Saying this from memory too.

 

[UFRA]

fucking gaf always trying to be funny

i'm talking about a bear you sick fucks! a real goddamn bear!

Make silly thread > Get silly responses.

 

[Curtisaur]

fucking gaf always trying to be funny

i'm talking about a bear you sick fucks! a real goddamn bear!

Okay here's a real answer that you will either laugh at, ignore, or can't actually do anything with because of stupid fucking anti-gun laws in your stupid fucking state:

Ruger Super Redhawk Alaskan in .454 Casull

 

[A.E Suggs]

fucking gaf always trying to be funny

i'm talking about a bear you sick fucks! a real goddamn bear!

Well I'm sure there has to be better camping instruction sites to go to for real answers than to come here for them. Wiki could probably set you up better than people here could.

 

[The_Dude]

If it's fighting E-40? Help the bear.

 

[Windu]

put out the forest fire

 

[bjork]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idg9LxJ5ToE

 

[BrokenFiction]

We die.

 

[Devolution]

Don't be fucking rude and wave.

 

[Cousteau]

If your advertising yourself as a cub..well..you have options.Be careful though...I hear craigslist--err-- hiking...can be dangerous.

 

[Eight Diagram Bat Fighter]

fucking gaf always trying to be funny

i'm talking about a bear you sick fucks! a real goddamn bear!

Funny threads get funny comments. Not that big of an issue. You want real answers, use Google, not GAF. Just stay on the trail.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

 

[Arthrus]

When hiking in Banff, I keep bear spray in my backpack.

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_black_bear#Attacks_on_humans

Look at this shit. Black bears are like teddy bears that have come to life. And yet the government tells me I don't have the right to keep one as a pet. Ridiculous.

 

[Rebel Leader]

fucking gaf always trying to be funny

i'm talking about a bear you sick fucks! a real goddamn bear!

I would classify this as normal hazard when in the wild.

 

[white dynamite]

Bears are nice if you don't bother them. Don't let it bruin your date.

 

[Fuzzery]

Fool, don't help him, help the bear!

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

Remember when we thought that one guy got eaten by a bear? :lol

 

[Plywood]

Just bear with it and you'll be fine.

 

[LuffyZoro]

Walk up to it and give it a handjob. This is considered a normal bear greeting.

 

[Willectro]

Doesn't everyone in the US have a gun?

 

[esai]

 

[Salmonax]

Disguise yourself as a forest fire, and it will instinctively begin lecturing other campers.

 

[SugarDaddy]

I wouldn't worry about it OP, but if you do see one, just walk away slowly.
And then...

Spoiler

proceed to notify GAF about it.

Doesn't everyone in the US have a gun?

:lol

 

[Alligatorjandro]

A real savage would have sex with it

 

[Socreges]

If you're really concerned about it...

Though what kind of bears does NJ have? You could probably take on a black bear solo.

That's what my brother carries with him, but I'm talking about Northern British Columbia and grizzlies. Like you said, black bears are nothin'.