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[Lionel Mandrake]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/06/08/national/a120610D36.DTL&tsp=1

(06-08) 12:25 PDT Hoquiam, Wash. (AP) --

Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend's apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.

KXRO reports he left the carcass behind.

Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.

He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don't know why he carried it with him.

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/06/08/national/a120610D36.DTL#ixzz1OkXGnECb

UPDATE: 12-7-11

Well, I never thought there'd be an update to this story, but...

Acquittal in Hoquiam dead weasel assault

MONTESANO, Grays Harbor County — A jury acquitted a Hoquiam man who was accused of breaking into a home and throwing a dead mink at another man during a confrontation that made weasel headlines across the country.

Defense lawyer Chris Crew said Monday the Grays Harbor County jury found 33-year-old Jobie J. Watkins of Hoquiam not guilty of burglary.

Crew said witnesses provided inconsistent accounts and the "prosecution failed to prove a link to the mink."

Watkins was accused of attacking his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend on June 6 in Hoquiam.

The victim said that a man burst into his apartment. When the victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" police said the attacker said, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

Neither man was right. Authorities say the carcass was a mink.

The Daily World of Aberdeen reports court records say Watkins admitted finding the dead mink along the road, but never explained why he carried the carcass.

 

[The Technomancer]

The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

I genuinely laughed out loud.

 

[Blablurn]

what a classy response haha omg.

just imagine the situation.

"It's a marten" and ... BOOOM

 

[rainking187]

I don't even know what to say to this one. So bizarre.

 

[OmegaRed]

omg.

That entire situation had to be planned.

 

[xbhaskarx]

Did they threaten to cut off his johnson?

 

[Neki]

Who punches someone in the face and then leaves a carcass behind? What a weasel.

 

[speculawyer]

nm

 

[Jintor]

That's incredible.

 

[evil solrac v3.0]

That's incredible.

IT'S A MARTEN!!!

 

[Lunchbox]

whats a marten?

 

[bodyboarder]

If someone broke into my house I'd punch them first and then ask what they were carrying.

 

[Scrow]

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

whats a marten?

Apparently it's a weasel.

 

[Kapura]

The bit at the end you bolded: "A marten is a member of the weasel family" is the bit that made me laugh. I dunno why, but I find that funny.

 

[narcosis219]

whats a marten?

Read the OP.

 

[thetrin]

That man was just doing his part to forcibly teach animal biology to unsuspecting citizens. He's doing his part for education. Why aren't you?

 

[CrunchyFrog]

You got this off of fark huh?

 

[Fusebox]

I read the title as, "Gun carrying dead weasel breaks into apartment, attacks man" and was wondering how a dead weasel could carry a gun.

 

[GrapeApes]

When I saw marten, I assumed he was saying martian. This thread is very informative. Never heard of martens before.

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

You got this off of fark huh?

I would never stoop to that level..... I got it off reddit.

 

[CrunchyFrog]

I would never stoop to that level..... I got it off reddit.

Thank god, there's still time.

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

By the way, this is a marten.

 

[spindashing]

That was a marten.

This, is a weasel.

 

[R2D4]

 

[Koomaster]

Reminds me of a weird al song.

 

[bengraven]

I can't stop laughing.

Real life troll.

 

[jon bones]

this is seriously the funniest shit i've read in a long time

 

[Wiseblade]

That was a marten.

This, is a weasel.

Forget about the stupid Weasel, I R Baboon!

 

[Angry Grimace]

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

Best part. Or possibly bestest.

 

[disappeared]

You can't make this shit up.

 

[Raist]

Is this some kind off bizarro spin on the "fuck you I'm an anteater" meme?

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

Well, I never thought there'd be an update to this story, but...

Acquittal in Hoquiam dead weasel assault

MONTESANO, Grays Harbor County — A jury acquitted a Hoquiam man who was accused of breaking into a home and throwing a dead mink at another man during a confrontation that made weasel headlines across the country.

Defense lawyer Chris Crew said Monday the Grays Harbor County jury found 33-year-old Jobie J. Watkins of Hoquiam not guilty of burglary.

Crew said witnesses provided inconsistent accounts and the "prosecution failed to prove a link to the mink."

Watkins was accused of attacking his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend on June 6 in Hoquiam.

The victim said that a man burst into his apartment. When the victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" police said the attacker said, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

Neither man was right. Authorities say the carcass was a mink.

The Daily World of Aberdeen reports court records say Watkins admitted finding the dead mink along the road, but never explained why he carried the carcass.

 

[Krev]

Inspiring story. Update makes it even more so.

 

[parrotbeak]

Both of them mustelidae.

 

[Cat Party]

Does this mean the real mink-thrower is still at large?

 

[speculawyer]

Saved from the clink by no link to the mink . . . so have a drink.

 

[Pinko Marx]

The mink beater needs to be a comic book hero/villain or something.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

He should have slapped him with it.

 

[Kaladin]

Why does this whole thing sounds like one of those "guy walks into a bar" jokes?

So a guy walks into a bar with a dead weasel....

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

Why does this whole thing sounds like one of those "guy walks into a bar" jokes?

So a guy walks into a bar with a dead weasel....

Even the punchline kind of works.


So a guy walks into a bar with a dead weasel. The bartender asks "Why do you have a weasel?" The man punches him and says "It's not a weasel, it's a marten."

 

[sky]

a confrontation that made weasel headlines across the country.

WeoGAF is out there.... somewhere....

 

[Kaladin]

Even the punchline kind of works.


So a guy walks into a bar with a dead weasel. The bartender asks "Why do you have a weasel?" The man punches him and says "It's not a weasel, it's a marten."

If you're a good bullshitter, you can even extend it to include the court case and acquittal.

 

[H.Protagonist]

Just reading the thread title made this night worthwhile. Thanks, gaf.

 

[parrotbeak]

Both of them mustelidae.

No one acknowledged my pun. Musta lied? Weasels, martens, and minks are all in the mustelidae family? And both guys' stories were wrong? Ah forget it.

 

[soultron]

The fucking perp's response before punching the vic made me laugh so hard. Holy shit. That's great.

 

[jufonuk]

This had me cracking up, I love the fact he burtst in , the guy in the appartment was jsut like "whaaaaaa?," he corrects the guy, punches him in the nose then runs off.....Humans I fucking love yah!!