This made me laugh because it's so appropriate.
Hey, I was thinking
And I stopped reading here.
Hey, I was thinking
That shit tight, dawg.Mean.
In 2557, Jizzy 117 returns ta Ghetto n' is placed on administratizzle leave while a investigation is conducted tha fuck into tha events surroundin his 4 year absence from humanity, his breach of Captain Del Rios command upon rediscovery, tha significizzle of tha Didact n' tha Promethean threat, n' tha destruction of tha Ivanoff Research Station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. By dis time, tha Chiefs status as a legendary all up playa has been solidified among most of tha UNSC yo, but here n' there is detractors like fuckin Captian Del Rio, whoz ass wish ta place blame on tha Masta Chief fo' his swashbuckling, reckless behavior. These muthafuckas argue dat Jizzy 117s time away from humanitizzle n' his crazy-ass muthafuckin increasingly abnormal attachment ta tha rampant AI Cortana has rendered his ass incapable of struttin his fuckin lil' duties. His refusal ta obey ordaz has been cited as evidence of dis claim. With nearly all of his thugged-out lil' past associates dead (includin Admiral Hood), Jizzy 117 is publicly hailed as a all up playa but is privately discharged (honorably) n' encouraged ta retreat from military affairs.
Meanwhile, Dr. Catherine Halsey is hittin dat shizzle hard on freshly smoked up data uncovered by tha Ivanoff Research Station crew. Their last transmission before bein "composed" by tha Didact was a encrypted data set detailin holy artifacts most likely located on High Charity, tha movin capital of tha now fragmented Covenant civilization. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Peepin tha eventz of Halo 3, High Charitizzle was transported away from tha Sol System n' designated a quarantine unit cuz of ongoin Flood Infestation (from tha eventz of Halo 2). Da holy artifacts is believed by tha researchers ta be markers/keys dat will help unlock certain barred areaz of Installation 03, includin tha Library. Da UNSC hopes ta learn mo' deetz bout tha Didact n' tha Prometheans from data stored on tha Halo.
A crew of twelve Spartan IVs is deployed ta High Charitizzle ta locate tha artifacts n' retrieve them. Despite Dr yo. Halseys repeated requests, Jizzy 117 aint involved up in tha program, not even up in a advisory capacity. Da Spartan IVs is under tha command of Captain Del Rio of tha Infinity. Durin tha course of tha journey tha fuck into tha dark, infested cornerz of tha abandoned hood, tha Spartan IVs lose contact wit tha shizzle n' is slowly separated from one another by pocketz of infestation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. One Spartan manages ta make it tha fuck into tha Throne Room, where tha Prophets resided durin council. In tha darkness, he findz a indented palm print up in tha wall, indicatin dat some kind of compartment can be activated n' opened by a Prophets hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Suddenly, from tha dark corner of tha room, a voice breaks tha silence of space. Movin tha fuck into tha light, tha figure reveals itself ta be tha Prophet of Mercy (who supposedly took a dirt nap all up in tha end of tha Halo 2). But hes not intact. Da Prophets corpse has been infected by a Flood spore. Dude has become conduit of tha Gravemind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da scene ends, wit tha playa assumin dat tha final Spartan (the playable character) is ghon be capped.
Captain Del Rio n' tha Infinitizzle fail ta reestablish contact wit tha Spartans on High Charity, n' it be assumed dat they is MIA. Da mission is disavowed from tha recordz n' Captian Del Rio is demoted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Meanwhile, Dr yo. Halsey pleadz wit tha UNSC ta allow her a crew wit Jizzy 117. Biatch is desperate ta know tha detailz of Cortanas rampancy. Biatch also believes dat Jizzy 117 is tha key ta findin tha artifact. Da UNSC finally bendz ta her will, afraid dat further inaction on they part could result up in a Promethean invasion.
Meanwhile, Jizzy 117 lives a thuglife of seclusion on tha outskirtz of Germany (or some place, it dont straight-up matter). His war scars have left his ass virtually handicapped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Without his MJOLNIR armor, he is decrepit. But his bodily damage is not a god damn thang compared ta his crazy-ass menstrual state. Dude had been connected ta Cortana so long dat his dome is sufferin from severe withdrawal symptoms: migraines, auditory n' visual hallucinations, delirious thoughts, etc. Jizzy aint up in any capacitizzle ta reenter service. Dr yo. Halsey arrives ta coax his ass tha fuck into helpin tha UNSC wit a vital mission ta retrieve tha artifacts from High Charity. Biatch was under ordaz not ta divulge any details regardin tha previous failed mission. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But her ass drops some lyrics ta Jizzy anyway. Jizzy begins ta recite Graveminds poetic statements. Halseys similaritizzle ta Cortana triggers a episode. Dude descendz tha fuck into a cold-ass lil conversation he had wit Cortana nuff muthafuckin years before, while they traversed tha narrow hallz of High Charity. Halsey notices this, n' fears fo' Johns sanitizzle yo, but her ass dont say anythang cuz her ass knows dat Johns involvement up in tha mission be a imperative.
There is only one other thug kickin it whose involvement up in tha Covenant Wars can help tha UNSC complete they mission: tha Arbiter. After tha Covenant Battle ended, tha Elites returned ta they home ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Diplomatic affairs wit tha Elites remained a shaky proposition, n' tha apparent losz of tha Chief dissolved any possibilitizzle of a longstandin thang between tha humans n' tha Elites. Da Elites whoz ass participated up in tha war against tha Brutes n' tha Flood considered Jizzy 117 ta be da most thugged-out formidable warrior of tha human race, n' tha only one worthy of they respect. When tha Arbiter returned ta his home ghetto, he was appointed they first leader up in a long-ass time (since tha Prophets had reigned fo' nuff centuries up until dat point).
Da Chief is taxed wit recruitin tha Arbiter n' returnin ta High Charitizzle ta retrieve tha artifacts believed ta be hidden there. Dr yo. Halsey has also axed Jizzy ta look tha fuck into tha disappearizzle of tha twelve Spartan IVs whoz ass went missing. Biatch surreptitiously injects Jizzy wit neuroleptics ta keep his ass stable fo' as long as possible. Dude is refitted wit his oldschool MJOLNIR armor wit some freshly smoked up additions ta his thugged-out arsenal. At dis time, Dr yo. Halsey has decided not ta pair his ass wit a freshly smoked up AI fo' fear of tha side effects. When tha Masta Chief arrives all up in tha Sangheili home ghetto, known as Sangheilios, his thugged-out lil' presence is kicked it wit wit aggression n' confusion yo, but when tha Elite leader (the Arbiter) is informed of his thugged-out lil' presence, tha warriors stand down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Durin dis portion of tha game, tha Chief n' by extension tha playa, is exposed ta tha Elite culture. Da Arbiter drops some lyrics ta tha Chief dat his comin was somewhat well-timed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A few months ago, ancient Forerunner shrines built on Sangheilios fuckin started ta quake, n' tha animal thuglife of tha hood fuckin started ta behave erratically. Massive disturbizzlez caused cave openings ta break open near tha shrines. Da Chief n' tha Arbiter n' a squadron of Sangheili warriors head up ta tha caves ta discern tha nature of tha disturbizzle.
Within tha caves, tha crew encountas violent creatures somewhat similar ta tha monstas from tha film "Pitch Black." Da creatures have signz of Flood infection; however, there is no spore forms. Within tha depthz of tha caverns, they discover a lake of liquid methane, n' up in tha center of tha lake, a lil' small-ass Forerunner structure. Disturbin tha lake awakens mo' creatures, dis time amphibious flood forms dat rise outta tha methane. Da Forerunner structure gotz nuff a ancient logic puzzle meant ta test tha one whoz ass activates dat shit. A seriez of thangs is axed n' tha user must answer erectly ta unlock a cold-ass lil code. Incorrect lyrics is kicked it wit wit mo' wavez of creatures n' earthquakes dat threaten ta collapse tha cave ceiling. Da compartment gotz nuff a ancient artifact (which will later be used ta open up freshly smoked up areaz of installation 3. At dis time, tha Chief is unaware of tha artifacts purpose. His only goal is ta appease tha Arbiter so dat they can go ta High Charitizzle n' investigate tha disappearizzle of tha other Spartans, as well as find whatever tha researchers is lookin for.
Upon returnin from tha cave wit tha newly found artifact, tha Masta Chief n' tha Arbiter discover dat they hood has been invaded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A battalion of Jiralhanae ships dot tha sky n' mazillionz of Brutes rizla down on smalla cruisers toward tha surface. Shocked by what tha fuck he is seeing, tha Arbiter goes berserk n' tears forward wit his warrior guard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! At dis point tha playa skits as tha Arbiter. Da Chief skits a assistizzle role. Da playa must navigate his way toward his thugged-out lil' palace all up in tha top of a ancient tree (think Kashyyyk architecture). Da Arbiter wishes ta save his wild lil' gang from tha Brutes. Most blinginly, his son, tha heir, must survive. But when he gets ta tha palace, what tha fuck do he see, biatch? Tartarus. Tartarus is kickin it, though somewhat chizzled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude appears ta be infected by tha Flood but his thugged-out lil' personalitizzle is mo' and less sound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da Arbiters ho n' daughtas lay dead on tha floor of tha throne room. His lil hustla is on his knees. Tartarus, tha Arbiter, n' Jizzy exchange a gangbangin' few lyrics. Then Tartarus personally decapitates tha Arbiters son. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Da Arbiter roars wit rage n' grief. Dude lunges forward ta avenge his wild lil' gang but is beaten down by half a thugged-out dozen Brutes. Da Masta Chief be also incapacitated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When they come to, tha Arbiter n' tha Chief is on a shizzle headin toward some unknown location. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They is up in chains (or future equivalent). All hope seems lost when Dr yo. Halsey establishes communication wit tha Chief n' informs his ass dat tha UNSC Infinitizzle has been overrun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Chief drops some lyrics ta her dat he is imprisoned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It be at dis moment dat Halsey decides her ass must do somethang drastic. What tha playa didnt know was dat Halsey had implanted a newly pimped AI tha fuck into tha Masta Chiefs cortical input. Biatch had decided not ta activate tha AI unless tha situation straight-up demanded dat shit. Biatch do so now, nahmeean, biatch? AI Apollo (makin moves name) introduces his dirty ass ta tha Chief n' straight-up revamps his HUD system.
Apollo be a highly experimenstrual AI up in dat it can rework tha Chiefs operationizzle memory ta give his ass reflexes n' game hes never honed before. There is limits ta dis dat I havent thought of yet. Needless ta say, Apollo helps tha Chief hack n' disengage tha locks. Jizzy frees tha Arbiter n' they dispatch of tha ships crew. But fuck dat shizzle yo, tha word on tha street is dat by tha time they make it ta tha cockpit of tha ship, a gangbangin' familiar voice echoes all up in tha shizzle n' sendz it careenin tha fuck into space. It be Gravemind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude is kickin it n' growin up in power. Da game takes on a thugged-out darker tone at dis point. Gravemind has resurrected oldschool foes ta haunt tha Chief n' Arbiter. Dude sendz tha shizzle toward Installation 03 n' breaks it up up in atmosphere. Mimickin tha end of Halo 3, tha Arbiter n' tha Jizzy is separated by two halves. Installation 03 has propertizzles similar ta tha hood Venus, so it aint filled wit lush chronicwildlife as nuff other halos were. Instead, there is dust storms n' tall mountains dat stretch they shadows across tha desolate orange/red landscape. When tha Chief comes to, he sees Cortana standin before him, not up in her usual transparent blue hue yo, but as a real, solid biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dude has a lengthy conversation wit her bout tha weather n' then bout gangstas n' they treachery n' insignificizzle. Cortana begins ta shimmer n' strutts away beneath a thugged-out dune. Apollo jolts tha Chief back tha fuck into coherence n' attempts ta establish a cold-ass lil communication channel wit Halsey. It be unable ta do so. Halsey is holed up up in a air vent somewhere on tha Infinity. Brutes is scourin tha shizzle up in search of humans. Back up in tha desert, Apollo predicts dat a oncomin sandstorm will tear everythang on tha surface apart n' dat tha Chief must find shelter somewhere underground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da local animal thuglife consistz of giant carnivorous scarab beetles. Apollo detects a highly concentrated heat signature from off up in tha distizzle, n' tha Chief headz off up in hopez of findin a place of hide. When he gets, there, he sees dat tha heat signature is comin from a straight-up deep pit (think tha pit up in 300). With tha razor sharp storm howlin at they backs, tha Chief takes a leap of faith tha fuck into tha darkness.
Da game shifts ta tha Arbiter. Although he is on tha same stupid-ass Installation as tha Chief, tha scenery around his ass is much different. Dude has crash-landed up in a valley deep within tha tallest mountain on dis Halo. Da peaks surroundin his ass is capped wit snow n' vines trail from tall trees all around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da sky above is blocked up up in places by canopiez of leaves. Strange wildlife inhabits tha area, includin mosquitoes tha size of birdz n' big-ass elephant-like creatures wit nuff grills. Da Arbiter can hear Graveminds disembodied voice recitin iambic poemz of events dat is eons past. Dude vocally vows ta destroy Gravemind n' a rasp of laughter booms all up in tha air up in response. Without any AI ta accompany him, tha Arbiter be alone ta travel around tha area up in search of some way out; he has tha artifact from his home hood wit his muthafuckin ass. Dude findz moss-covered structures dat may be Forerunner structures yo, but is straight-up different than what tha fuck weve peeped up in previous Halos. After cappin' a shitload of tha aggressive wildlife, tha Arbiter bigs up a river, expectin ta find a openin yo, but instead, tha river has led his ass ta tha grill of a mountain, n' it disappears within a cold-ass lil closed-off opening. A terminal near tha bank of tha river interests his muthafuckin ass. Dude bangs tha artifact tha fuck into a slot, n' tha terminal begins ta drop a rhyme aloud ta his ass yo, but it is up in a language he cannot understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude curses up loud n' tha terminal registas his fuckin language n' begins ta ask his ass logic thangs. Upon answerin these thangs erectly, tha grill of tha mountain will slide open, revealin a thugged-out dark cave. Da Arbiter enters.
Da game shifts back ta tha Chief. Dude has landed nuff hundredz of feet below tha surface of tha hood, n' is kicked it wit wit tha sight of a interconnected seriez of passageways dat is lit by Forerunner tech. Da walls contain nuff pictures dat tell tha rap of tha universe n' tha Forerunner civilization. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da Chief encountas what tha fuck step tha fuck up ta be livin quarters, left perfectly preserved fo' whoz ass knows how tha fuck nuff eons. Dude goes on further n' begins fuckin wit mo' hallucinations. Apollos voice distorts n' soundz like Cortanas. Nonexistent enemies run toward tha Chief, promptin his ass ta fire bullets n' waste ammo. Apollo tries ta stabilize tha Chief by administerin logic thangs. At dis point, tha playa can activate lil minigame dat can help aid tha Chief up in regainin sanity. This helps ta make tha game less tedious. With tha Chiefs ammo wasted, he is forced ta menstrually train up in martial arts combat rockin Apollos applications. Although Jizzy is well-versed up in martial arts, his thugged-out age n' body deterioration have forced Apollo t make adjustments so he can conserve juice. This, too, can give playas somethang ta do beyond tha typical shooter fare.
At some point up in his wild lil' fuckin exploration of tha tunnels, tha Chief comes across royal tombz of tha early Forerunner kings. Glyphic stories on tha walls depict tha kings as godz yo, but above em be a thugged-out depiction straight-up similar ta dat of Gravemind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A shriek soundz off from somewhere deep within tha caves. Phat, slitherin black creatures (think Aliens from Aliens) mount tha walls n' claw they way toward Chief. Dude must bust hand ta hand combat ta bust a cap up in them. When he gets ta a cold-ass lil closed-off door, tha Chief is kicked it wit wit mo' logic puzzlez n' a hand scanner fo' unlockin a big-ass door. Dude doublez back ta tha tombs n' breaks off tha hand of a mummified ruler. Dude solves tha puzzle n' activates tha hand scanner. Da door opens. Behind dat door, tha Chief cannot peep all up in tha impenetrable chronicfog dat cloudz tha ghetto beyond. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A single Flood spore skittas toward his wild lil' foot n' he crushes it wit his boot. An inhuman growl echoes from beyond n' both tha Chief n' Apollo realize dat theyve done cooked up a funky-ass big-ass mistake up in unsealin tha door. Graveminds disembodied laugh rings all up in tha tunnel.
Da game shifts back ta tha Arbiter. Da Arbiter has entered tha cave openin n' sees dat he has found tha antechamber ta tha Library. Da interior of tha mountain opens up around his ass ta become a vast, expansive cavern (think Minez of Moria). A long narrow struttway done cooked up of stone rather than light (as up in previous Halos) suggests dat these structures is far olda than em of tha other installations. Tall statues redolent of Egyptian art stand up in rows on either side of tha struttway. Their arms hold up tha cavern ceilings n' they legs descend down tha fuck into darkness. Gravemind begins ta drop a rhyme again, up in iambic verse, spittin some lyrics ta a rap of how tha fuck thangs fuckin started n' his thugged-out lil' posizzle within tha universe. Da Arbiter argues wit his ass but findz his dirty ass unsure of what tha fuck ta believe. Gravemind fronts dat he is tha daddy of all thangs, includin tha Forerunners.
When tha Chief comes to, he sees Cortana standin before him, not up in her usual transparent blue hue yo, but as a real, solid biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Gravemind fronts dat he is tha daddy of all thangs, includin tha Forerunners.
Meanwhile, Jizzy 117 lives a thuglife of seclusion on tha outskirtz of Germany (or some place, it dont straight-up matter).
Halo 5 » by Bombadil
Hey, I was thinking about Halo 5's plot yesterday and decided to write up a brief treatment of something that I'd like to see. Any inaccuracies within the plot concerning canon material are likely due to my ignorance of all the material of the Halo universe. It's a bit long but I plead with you guys to read it and tell me what you think.
Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,974 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1-22-13 - Published: 1-22-13
LMAO
Too good.Jizzy 117
Did someone run that story through Gizoogle?
I read the entire thing (the first post at least which is required for posting). Did you?I'm just glad no one got banned for thread whining.
Anyone read that? Honest question.
Sorta off topic, but did they ever give a reason why the Covenant were the bad guys again in Halo 4?
the daddy longs legs is the fiercest killer in the insect kingdom
Halo 5 |OT| Or Some Place, It Doesn't Really Matter
rivulets of war is the name of my new prog-rock band
Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!
Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!
Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!
Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darling!
Light goes the weather-wind and the feathered starling.
Down along under Hill, shining in the sunlight,
Waiting on the doorstep for the cold starlight,
There my pretty lady is, River-woman's daughter,
Slender as the willow-wand, clearer than the water.
Arbiter fights a giant daddy longlegs with a human head.
Comes hopping home again. Can you hear him singing?
Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! and merry-o,
Goldberry, Goldberry, merry yellow berry-o!
Poor old Willow-man, you tuck your roots away!
Tom's in a hurry now. Evening will follow day.
Tom's going home home again water-lilies bringing.
John-117 is placed on administrative leave.
Because otherwise there would only be 3 enemy types in the entire game.Sorta off topic, but did they ever give a reason why the Covenant were the bad guys again in Halo 4?
Sorta off topic, but did they ever give a reason why the Covenant were the bad guys again in Halo 4?
Can I get some more feedback to this? I appreciate the humorous remarks and all, but I feel like there was a lot of nitpicking at my use of language or descriptions.
I just wanted the reader to have a somewhat clearer idea of the setting. I know I didn't do a good job of that, but I was aware of the word count and was afraid to push it further.
Can I get some more feedback to this? I appreciate the humorous remarks and all, but I feel like there was a lot of nitpicking at my use of language or descriptions.
I just wanted the reader to have a somewhat clearer idea of the setting. I know I didn't do a good job of that, but I was aware of the word count and was afraid to push it further.
Can I get some more feedback to this? I appreciate the humorous remarks and all, but I feel like there was a lot of nitpicking at my use of language or descriptions.
I just wanted the reader to have a somewhat clearer idea of the setting. I know I didn't do a good job of that, but I was aware of the word count and was afraid to push it further.
Honestly? It's too complicated. Not just from a story perspective, but from gameplay too. You want to throw in minigames and special missions for everything, it just doesn't sound very fun. I think people that want to regulate their character's sanity would rather play Amnesia than Halo.
Cmon Bombadil,become like that fifty shades of grey girl and change the characters names into something original then bam you got yourself a 3 book deal and movie.
I think you may have put more work into this than 343 did for Halo 4 (and I say that as someone who actually likes the overall storyline of the Halo universe).
I wrote it in 4 hours.
He did it, he won this thread.
In 2557, Jizzy 117 returns ta Ghetto n' is placed on administratizzle leave while
...
Did someone run that story through Gizoogle?
Will give blowjobs for this.I dearly hope there will be a dramatic reading of the OP.
Übermatik;46766687 said:Fucking hell.
The game ends like this, on a cliffhanger.