Support NeoGAF

[Kagey K]

I’m super concerned now, my kids are both hitting puberty. I’ve tried to explain to them, that porn is an act for the camera, and real sex is not like this.


I’m hoping they both get the message, and figure it out before it’s too late.

 

[Rentahamster]

No, I still think it's fun.

 

[Dthomp]

It probably has honestly. I remember a time where you would be excited to get your hands on a nudie mag or an old school regular sex porno. These days almost all porn is way to hardcore. Best of luck. I’d try to explain that a lot of porn is overacted, and way more intense?

 

[AngularSaxophone]

Would you let your 12 year old watch porn for say “experimental” purposes?

 

[Kagey K]

Would you let your 12 year old watch porn for say “experimental” purposes?

I really wouldnt, but they will find a way to watch it anyway.

So how do you explain that what they see in porn isn’t real?

 

[EviLore]

I really wouldnt, but they will find a way to watch it anyway.

So how do you explain that what they see in porn isn’t real?

There's an ep of Freaks and Geeks that covers this. Screening it with parental guidance might help.

 

[Kagey K]

There's an ep of Freaks and Geeks that covers this. Screening it with parental guidance might help.

I know how awkward I felt watching porn with my friends, I couldn’t imagine watching with my parents.

 

[nush]

It probably has honestly. I remember a time where you would be excited to get your hands on a nudie mag or an old school regular sex porno. These days almost all porn is way to hardcore. Best of luck. I’d try to explain that a lot of porn is overacted, and way more intense?

You had to work for your porn back in the day and it was censored and less extreme. If what the kids are seeing now is what they are trying to emulate then that's going to change their perception of what sex is like.

 

[llien]

I’m super concerned now, my kids are both hitting puberty. I’ve tried to explain to them, that porn is an act for the camera, and real sex is not like this.


I’m hoping they both get the message, and figure it out before it’s too late.

Logically, shouldn't people also be concerned about romantic movies?

 

[EviLore]

I know how awkward I felt watching porn with my friends, I couldn’t imagine watching with my parents.

Screening the Freaks and Geeks episode about the subject, I mean, not screening porn. ;b

 

[Papa]

I know how awkward I felt watching porn with my friends, I couldn’t imagine watching with my parents.

To be honest, it would probably ruin porn for them

 

[E-Cat]

I'm curious, what aspects of porn do you guys find so exaggerated vs real life? (Aside from the obvious 'overacting', but that's why amateur > professional.)

I honestly can't think of too many things I haven't done w/ my gf that I see in regular hc porn, except maybe ass-to-mouth. But that's just nasty.

 

[Cunth]

Let em enjoy their secret porn

 

[SKM1]

Logically, shouldn't people also be concerned about romantic movies?

I think romantic movies are more damaging than porn.

.

 

[Redneckerz]

I’m super concerned now, my kids are both hitting puberty. I’ve tried to explain to them, that porn is an act for the camera, and real sex is not like this.


I’m hoping they both get the message, and figure it out before it’s too late.

I mean, if you just let them read an Angular post, your kids will definitely forfeit sex for a while. 100%, it just works.

In more seriousness, the talk has no perfect recipe. What would be a good thing to point out is that proper sex involves a lot of feelings and love for one another, and porn is more like a working act to get the juices flowing (Terrible pun but you get my point).

And that they should only do it with people they love and they can trust. You want that moment and not just screw around like the Shore Boyz and Galz.

Would you let your 12 year old watch porn for say “experimental” purposes?

Do you let your kids proof-read your posts before hitting post reply for experimental purposes?

 

[DonF]

So how do you explain that what they see in porn isn’t real?

... what exactly isnt real?

 

[appaws]

I firmly believe porn is bad for young people, and it warps their perceptions of sex and relationships. It hurts relationships...and though I am far from a feminist.....it hurts women.

I remember finding that first fragmentary issue of Playboy in the alley with my friends. It was a titillating treasure to us, of course we were curious and fascinated, and that was basically just boobs and butts. To the kids of today, that was barely even pornographic.

... what exactly isnt real?

Do you really think that the average person's sex life is going include those 40 minute pounding anal sessions with no visible lubrication and the finish on the girls face? Look, I get that it is a male fantasy thing....but I think young and inexperienced males have a jaded view of real sexual encounters and the spirit of give and take that is involved. Can both males and females think that what they see in porn is a standard of performance they are supposed to live up to...? "Am I a bad girlfriend if I don't want anal sex, or threesomes, or to bring in a midget and a donkey?"

Also, just to be able to see loveless, animalistic sex all the time on demand has got to have an effect. I'm not a psychologist, but there is no way something so powerful could not change the way people relate to each other.

 

[DonF]

"Am I a bad girlfriend if I don't want anal sex, or threesomes, or to bring in a midget and a donkey?"

We are watching very different porn then...

 

[petran79]

I remember first time I watched a hardcore porn movie was when I was sixteen. It was far easier to read porn magazines. Now even a 6 year old can watch hardcore porn.

 

[LegendOfKage]

Do you really think that the average person's sex life is going include those 40 minute pounding anal sessions with no visible lubrication and the finish on the girls face? Look, I get that it is a male fantasy thing....but I think young and inexperienced males have a jaded view of real sexual encounters and the spirit of give and take that is involved. Can both males and females think that what they see in porn is a standard of performance they are supposed to live up to...? "Am I a bad girlfriend if I don't want anal sex, or threesomes, or to bring in a midget and a donkey?"

Also, just to be able to see loveless, animalistic sex all the time on demand has got to have an effect. I'm not a psychologist, but there is no way something so powerful could not change the way people relate to each other.

I think if you're a guy and you can't look at the male role in porn in relation to yourself (body size, penis size, sexual stamina, physical dominance) and not conclude that what you're watching is completely fabricated, heavily edited, and either unrealistic or not remotely typical in every way, then you're probably not too bright.

I remember being 12 years old, and watching toy commercials, now having over a decade of life experience that told me "that toy probably isn't going to work like that." "Those kids look much older than kids who would actually enjoy that toy." "Sure, it talks, but it probably has a very limited set of pre-recorded options."

But there's a difference between cynicism and just learning to base your expectations around reality. I think if you're raising kids with that in mind, and encouraging their critical thinking skills, they're going to be able to extrapolate that understanding to more situations than just children's toys.

 

[appaws]

I think if you're a guy and you can't look at the male role in porn in relation to yourself (body size, penis size, sexual stamina, physical dominance) and not conclude that what you're watching is completely fabricated, heavily edited, and either unrealistic or not remotely typical in every way, then you're probably not too bright.

Yep, and most people are not too bright. Also, we are talking about young people, partially developed brains and all that.

Look, I'm only 44. Gen X. We are still at the beginning of generations coming to adulthood with this unfettered access to hardcore porn. Humanity has never seen anything like this. Of course there were debauched elites (Rome, etc.) throughout history....but a subsistence lifestyle forced the vast majority of people to live "conservatively" in marriages, etc. We have removed a lot of those survival pressures, but of course any problem you can solve will have some other unplanned outcomes.

My guess would be (again, just as a lay person) that when we have Millenials/Gen Z types reaching 44 there are going be a lot of unhappy marriages, weird incels, and depressed spinster cat ladies. If you are young and smart, become a therapist, there is going to be a lot of demand for your services.

 

[G-Bus]

I think if you're a guy and you can't look at the male role in porn in relation to yourself (body size, penis size, sexual stamina, physical dominance) and not conclude that what you're watching is completely fabricated, heavily edited, and either unrealistic or not remotely typical in every way, then you're probably not too bright.

I remember being 12 years old, and watching toy commercials, now having over a decade of life experience that told me "that toy probably isn't going to work like that." "Those kids look much older than kids who would actually enjoy that toy." "Sure, it talks, but it probably has a very limited set of pre-recorded options."

But there's a difference between cynicism and just learning to base your expectations around reality. I think if you're raising kids with that in mind, and encouraging their critical thinking skills, they're going to be able to extrapolate that understanding to more situations than just children's toys.

To be fair your asking a kid who has never had sex to deduce that what he is seeing for the first time isn't representative of what sex is usually like . Think your giving a large majority of kids too much credit.

You've played with toys for those 12 years of your life, I'd hope you'd know a thing or two about them

Anyway, I think with the amount of free porn out there it's starting to make it a reality. Guys want to emulate what they see and women want to be able to do that crazy shit the guys fantasize about.

What do you mean becky doesn't go ass to mouth? Everyone goes ass to mouth! What a prude.

 

[#Phonepunk#]

i remember seeing my first porn, i stayed over at a friend's house, they had a tape, it was kind of old, from the 80s, and tbh it was too brutal for me lol. i do love having infinite options to look up whatever if your personal fantasy. growing up before the internet was tough (well, we had BBSes)

i think it has helped the Sex Positive movement. lots of things that were secret kinks are now publiclly acknowledged as pretty normal behavior. in this way it's done alot of good. probably a lot of harm as well, i feel like people are more pressured than ever to be sexy in a certain way, to flaunt that publicly, etc., regardless of their personal feelings. the loudest people in the room.

as far as confusing porn with reality, or comparison myself to porn, i never had that problem with any media. "how do you explain that porn isn't real?" you should be able to distinguish between fiction and reality way before you hit puberty and the years where you are into porn. it's like any media. fwiw i don't compare myself to Gandalf when i watch Lord of the Rings or Tony Stark when i watch Avengers. it's entertainment, it serves a purpose.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

There's an ep of Freaks and Geeks that covers this. Screening it with parental guidance might help.

Good episode, with Biff as the sex-ed teacher, as a bonus.

 

[AngularSaxophone]

Porn is fantasy. Would you use The Avengers or Harry Potter to help your child understand the world?

 

[nkarafo]

Nope. It's still as elusive and hard to earn as ever for me.

 

[Airola]

We are watching very different porn then...

I think the point was that all of that - excluding the donkey - is freely available to absolutely anyone and at any time.
There is literally so much free porn out there that one couldn't even go through them all in one lifetime.

And today the rougher stuff is right there along with all the other porn. One video might be softer stuff but the next might have brutal anal sex and throatfucking. Hell, deepthroating with out-of-breath teary eyed garglegargle is something that is part of many of the "normal" porn films today. Back in the day if you wanted to see something like that you had to look for special videos that were aimed for the viewers into more extreme stuff.

Also back in the day when we were able to check out stuff on the internet it was mostly pictures we were able to watch. If you wanted a video, you had to be prepared to wait for tens of minutes to take a look at one short clip. It's very much different to see things in pictures than in videos, and today people can look at videos even faster than we were able to load the pictures. You click on a video and it starts to stream instantly. It's all there, ready for you, on a computer, on a tablet, on a phone and even on video game consoles...

 

[AngularSaxophone]

A group of dudes standing around a woman and blasting all over her should teach your child a lot about the world.

 

[PSlayer]

There are some studies that show too much porn can raise people standards to the point the real deal isn't that interesting anymore. Thing is,everything becomes a problem when the dose is too high. Plus,your kids will need to release some steam and porn can help with that. Just make sure they don't spent too much of their free time on porn and actually get some friends to hang out with. It is the best you can do.

 

[AngularSaxophone]

Plus,your kids will need to release some steam and porn can help with that

Nah. Don’t go outside or hang out with friends to blow off steam. Watch porn! Worst advice you could possibly give.

 

[AngularSaxophone]

New Off Topic Message Board... I just joined and Inviting U all!

https://BastardFactory.net

How appropriate

 

[Sharona on Fire]

I , like some need options.

 

[badblue]

Pron has not changed my opinion about sex. Sex feels good, and we kinda need to engage in it to keep the human race going. Holding a puritanical view of sex and nudity doesn't help anyone and harms more people then watching porn does since it precludes open and honest conversation.

That said, if the only source of information about sex available for teenagers is porn, it can (and probably does) effect how they view it. Pornography probably should be discussed with young teens with respects to that these people are just actors and what they are portraying on screen is not a true reflection of what sex is as part of the "Sex Talk" parents should be having with their children.

Would you let your 12 year old watch porn for say “experimental” purposes?

Watching porn with your children while possibly a crime, is also a good way of turning them off ever watching porn again and the start of some deep seated psychological issues that will follow them for life.*

A group of dudes standing around a woman and blasting all over her should teach your child a lot about the world.

"Around the World in 80 Hoe's" is a very good study of geography, other cultures, and tolerance. Would recommend for the 10 and over crowd. Just a shame that it bombed in the overseas box offices, so we will probably never get the sequel - "Around the World in 80 Hoe's 2: The search for Spaceballs 2: The search for more money".*

*neither statement reflects the believes I hold on this subject, and are used for comedic purposes.

 

[olimariOA]

I grew up in a world where porn was difficult to obtain.
I rarely had it and my relationships and sex life have been great.

My best friend lived in a very different house and had a computer in his room with a T1 connection.
He watched a good amount of porn in Jr High and a ton in high school and college.

To hear him tell you about his sexual dysfunctions now would be a cautionary tale to anybody thinking about giving their kids easy access to the internet.

- He can't cum from sex unless he strains his whole body and thinks about porn
- He grew up watching Jenna Jameson and has made every one of his 6 girlfriends dye blonde and get a boob job
- He won't date any girl who won't give him sloppy blowjobs in public (photo booths, under the table, driving, etc...)

 

[Wings 嫩翼翻せ]

My opinions about sex are directed to the public eye most of the time, meaning that I view the West as sex obsessed (largely blamed on porn) (sorry). I am almost always turned off from the idea of being sexually intimate with anyone unless I have known them for years and like them as a person, and having both qualifications is very rare these days. I think people (both men and women) have high expectations, and especially amongst my race where sexual prowess is on the higher end and expectations are even higher than average, it's even more de-motivating.

That last part can sound really prudish... but I am not sure people are really aware of how Caribbean/Black sex lives are.

 

[caffeware]

What "real sex" is keeps changing as society evolves.

 

[Shai-Tan]

There are some tropes in porn that give a warped impression of what sex should be like and a lot of disrespect of women that is shitty if it's being mirrored but it's also possible to fall into a trap of moral panic assuming harms that don't have good empirical support (also tradeoffs: it's possible looking at statistics that widespread porn is actually responsible for a reduction in sexual abuse and violence if people are opting to watch porn instead of seeking sex out in the real world) Part of the problem with porn is not so much porn but the lack of education that would educate children in the same way you educate about other media literacy. There was an interesting book a few years ago that made some of these points:

https://newbooksnetwork.com/nancy-bauer-how-to-do-things-with-pornography-harvard-up-2015/

Maybe a bit too cerebral for a general audience (it's immersed in academic feminist debates)

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

How could it not?

I'm not making a moral judgment either way. But how could it not? Sexuality is deeply personal, where even the most inane snippets might be highly erotic to someone going through puberty. Anything a person learns about sex during their formative years will have an impact on their sex-life and sexuality for the duration of their lifespan.

Desensitization toward the visual/audio elements of the sex act is a natural byproduct of watching porn. Again, I'm not making a moral judgment either way. It's simply the case.

 

[Redneckerz]

Porn is fantasy. Would you use The Avengers or Harry Potter to help your child understand the world?

Linking a Hulk Smash or a Flipendo to porn could be an interesting way of education.

...... Oh nowwwww i get why Hulk said ''Hulk sad'' in one of the movies.

 

[ROMhack]

I know how awkward I felt watching porn with my friends, I couldn’t imagine watching with my parents.

Yeah I wouldn't want to watch a porn video featuring my parents either.

 

[Shai-Tan]

How could it not?

I'm not making a moral judgment either way. But how could it not? Sexuality is deeply personal, where even the most inane snippets might be highly erotic to someone going through puberty. Anything a person learns about sex during their formative years will have an impact on their sex-life and sexuality for the duration of their lifespan.

Desensitization toward the visual/audio elements of the sex act is a natural byproduct of watching porn. Again, I'm not making a moral judgment either way. It's simply the case.

The question is if it leads to dysfunction. Similar claims have been made about desensitization towards violence through media and the evidence for desensitization and it translating into unhelpful behavior is weak. However it's possible porn is different as sex is a private activity with taboos and uncomfortable feelings against discussion in contrast to open norms against violence. I don't really know that literature (but neither do the people repeating conservative, feminist or "nofap" talking points about harms of porn)

 

[AngularSaxophone]

The question is if it leads to dysfunction. Similar claims have been made about desensitization towards violence through media and the evidence for desensitization and it translating into unhelpful behavior is weak. However it's possible porn is different as sex is a private activity with taboos and uncomfortable feelings against discussion in contrast to open norms against violence. I don't really know that literature (but neither do the people repeating conservative, feminist or "nofap" talking points about harms of porn)

There’s nothing healthy about jerking off every day or watching porn. I speak from experience. It’s bullshit. I remember back in high school they preached that garbage that masturbation helps prevent testicular cancer. Total nonsense. Porn also gives you the whole “she’s hot so I must smash if possible” mentality. Sexual compatibility or attraction should be the absolute last box you’re checking off when looking for a potential mate. We’re being programmed to make it the first and then wonder why relationships don’t work and kids are left with single parents.

Think of it this way and it doesn’t matter what your belief system is BUT if semen has the power to create another life, how would it make any sense to keep flushing that down the toilet?

 

[ROMhack]

There’s nothing healthy about jerking off every day or watching porn. I speak from experience. It’s bullshit. I remember back in high school they preached that garbage that masturbation helps prevent testicular cancer. Total nonsense. Porn also gives you the whole “she’s hot so I must smash if possible” mentality. Sexual compatibility or attraction should be the absolute last box you’re checking off when looking for a potential mate. We’re being programmed to make it the first and then wonder why relationships don’t work and kids are left with single parents.

Not like I don't do this but I agree that it feels unhealthy. I generally decrease porn consumption when in relationships as I've noticed it builds up tolerance to sexual stimuli.

I think it's the desensitisation aspect. Don't jerk off for two weeks and you can fap over the thought of a woman. Fap twice a day and you'll need something far more stimulating.

 

[hecatomb]

I think its more unhealthy that women have been shown over the years with this sjw movement they can be overweight and stay home all day and do nothing, while men have to work 5 days a week, and work out at the gym 2 hours everyday. Then try to make seem like everything is the white mans fault. Then make it seem like all they have to do is look pretty, and be picky and looks and money. Seems to me that its sjw movement fault that more men look at porn then ever.

 

[AngularSaxophone]

At a young age when you get that first dose it’s all ok it seems but when you get older it literally feels draining. I’m pretty sure you’re taking something from your body that it needs and just needlessly wasting it.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

The question is if it leads to dysfunction. Similar claims have been made about desensitization towards violence through media and the evidence for desensitization and it translating into unhelpful behavior is weak. However it's possible porn is different as sex is a private activity with taboos and uncomfortable feelings against discussion in contrast to open norms against violence. I don't really know that literature (but neither do the people repeating conservative, feminist or "nofap" talking points about harms of porn)

Desensitization is the natural psychological response to any high-impact stimulation.

Again, I'm not making any moral judgment either way as to the "harmfulness". Porn will definitely have a profound effect on a person's opinions about sex, especially younger people who lack the context and mental development to fully comprehend the act they are learning about.

 

[Shai-Tan]

There was a leap there to "jerking off every day" which is a different issue possibly related to addiction, anxiety, fixed mindset about failures, disorders in social interaction etc. As to messages received by watching porn there's a question of direction of causality. Adolescents have a high drive towards sex, lower impulse control, incomplete development regardless of social norms and media reinforcing good or bad behavior and it's possible older people who think they have learned about some societal harm are conflating it with being transformed by physical maturity and differences in hormone levels. A lot of the hand wringing about "kids today" tends to forget development exists or take what has been labelled a "neoliberal" stance finding blame in the personal realm to avoid a reckoning for more systematic problems e.g. blaming video games or porn for "extended adolescence" like there aren't serious structural problems with the economy underwriting life trajectory

 

[Cybrwzrd]

Linking a Hulk Smash or a Flipendo to porn could be an interesting way of education.

...... Oh nowwwww i get why Hulk said ''Hulk sad'' in one of the movies.

 

[cryptoadam]

I think the point was that all of that - excluding the donkey - is freely available to absolutely anyone and at any time.
There is literally so much free porn out there that one couldn't even go through them all in one lifetime.

And today the rougher stuff is right there along with all the other porn. One video might be softer stuff but the next might have brutal anal sex and throatfucking. Hell, deepthroating with out-of-breath teary eyed garglegargle is something that is part of many of the "normal" porn films today. Back in the day if you wanted to see something like that you had to look for special videos that were aimed for the viewers into more extreme stuff.

Also back in the day when we were able to check out stuff on the internet it was mostly pictures we were able to watch. If you wanted a video, you had to be prepared to wait for tens of minutes to take a look at one short clip. It's very much different to see things in pictures than in videos, and today people can look at videos even faster than we were able to load the pictures. You click on a video and it starts to stream instantly. It's all there, ready for you, on a computer, on a tablet, on a phone and even on video game consoles...

Today you can just type in something in google and it will spit back image/video/gif results at you.

Also back in the day most porn you still had to pay for, it was chock full of pay sites. These tube sites weren't around. So if you wanted porn you needed a CC.

Now you have dozens of tube sites scrapping the net for hours of porn. And if you aren't savvy enough to find a tube site like I said above just enter "donkey anal sex cumshot brazilan fart porn" and click images/video and bam you got all the porn you need.

 

[Shai-Tan]

Desensitization is the natural psychological response to any high-impact stimulation.

I wouldn't take that as a given. With media there is a question of equivalence. For example violence in media is not the same as violence in reality and children seem to be capable of telling the difference between them. Some studies suggest measures of physiological and psychological affect to exposure to video of real violence isn't significantly affected by exposure to media violence, to some extent because real violence is separated into a different moral realm as well as visceral difference between simulacra and the reality.

For porn there's also the possibility of running together different phenomena. For example, short term satisfaction of sex drive (presumably affecting motivation) and and long term desensitization to stimuli (Jordan Peterson and other conservativs often go on about porn as "super stimuli" which would suggest it's crowding out the real) But as I said porn isn't an research area I've read much about. Alarm bells about folk theories were just ringing in my head due to the parallels in the claims about other media effects.