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[Zoe]

Has she looked into depo or an IUD?

Inserting the IUD can be really painful. I don't think it's recommended for people their age.

 

[JavaMava]

Wait, what? He doesn't want to try "pulling out" and wants to help her find a better birth control pill and that's selfish? He's considering a vasectomy and that's selfish? Eh?

Man, if I was having this problem and my husband came in with suggestions and research, I'd... be really pleased. Birth control IS a joint decision in a committed relationship... or at least, it is in mine. It sounds to me like they're both trying to find some options. I say more power.

OP:
Try researching the pill that she was on and just start cross checking side effects. Talk to her about this stuff, too, as you research. If she's on other meds, too, it can be a drug interaction. You never know. Her doctor may be talking to her about stopping one pill without considering other options. I have to remind my doctor (who is otherwise great) about my scripts and why I have them. There may be factors that aren't being considered.

She takes a pill for depression and a pill for anxiety. She's mentioned to me that her doctor is very dismissive about her opinion on how medication is effecting her, and she's to shy to assert herself.

 

[Zoe]

She takes a pill for depression and a pill for anxiety. She's mentioned to me that her doctor is very dismissive about her opinion on how medication is effecting her, and she's to shy to assert herself.

She's already taking other mood-altering drugs?

Good luck with that.

 

[xS1TH L0RDx]

She told me one day that her doctor suggests she go off birth control, due to migraines and mood swings made worse by her depression. I told her she should get a new doctor.

:lol :lol :lol :lol
What a sensitive boyfriend.

 

[besada]

OP, that sounds like you're willing to put your girlfriend's health at risk so you don't have to wrap up mini-JavaMava. Damn, you sound like such a douchebag.

I find all this talk to be either overwrought, or coming from people who have never been with women. Any woman on birth control is risking her life. Oral contraceptives increase the risk of breast cancer. Period.

They're also one of the most common forms of contraceptive, and a majority of women rely on them, not only for contraception, but to manage PMS/cramps and mood swings.

In addition, condoms are a less reliable form of birth control, in real-world usage, than regular use of the pill or shot.

Frankly, I'm a little astonished that the doctor didn't suggest birth control alternatives, including trying one of the several pills, since it's common for women to have problems with one set and none or minimal problems with others.

 

[yankeeforever2]

She takes a pill for depression and a pill for anxiety. She's mentioned to me that her doctor is very dismissive about her opinion on how medication is effecting her, and she's to shy to assert herself.

Get a second opinion or just go talk to the doctor yourself, its no big deal really.

 

[JavaMava]

I find all this talk to be either overwrought, or coming from people who have never been with women. Any woman on birth control is risking her life. Oral contraceptives increase the risk of breast cancer. Period.

They're also one of the most common forms of contraceptive, and a majority of women rely on them, not only for contraception, but to manage PMS/cramps and mood swings.

In addition, condoms are a less reliable form of birth control, in real-world usage, than regular use of the pill or shot.

Frankly, I'm a little astonished that the doctor didn't suggest birth control alternatives, including trying one of the several pills, since it's common for women to have problems with one set and none or minimal problems with others.

Thanks. Nothing wrong with getting another opinion if your current doctor is meeting your expectations.

Also something else that is odd, this whole time I'm talking to my girlfriend over msn, and sending her links to what I'm finding and trying to talk about the benefits and disadvantages of what I'm finding as well. She's been really quiet and just told me it's stressing her out and she doesn't want to talk about it. I can't get anything else out of her about it, just she doesn't want to talk about it.

 

[jacket320]

...it's common for women to have problems with one set and none or minimal problems with others.

Here's some good info. You guys should go back or see another doctor that will recommend alternatives. My girl has some (mildish) side effects from her pills to about every other month or so. I think if it continues for too much longer then we're going to get her on a different brand/type of pill.

Don't get a vasectomy. You're 21.

 

[KibblesBits]

Thanks. Nothing wrong with getting another opinion if your current doctor is meeting your expectations.

Also something else that is odd, this whole time I'm talking to my girlfriend over msn, and sending her links to what I'm finding and trying to talk about the benefits and disadvantages of what I'm finding as well. She's been really quiet and just told me it's stressing her out and she doesn't want to talk about it. I can't get anything else out of her about it, just she doesn't want to talk about it.

Leave her alone for a minute?
Jeebus.

 

[Son of Godzilla]

I find all this talk to be either overwrought, or coming from people who have never been with women. Any woman on birth control is risking her life. Oral contraceptives increase the risk of breast cancer. Period.

They're also one of the most common forms of contraceptive, and a majority of women rely on them, not only for contraception, but to manage PMS/cramps and mood swings.

In addition, condoms are a less reliable form of birth control, in real-world usage, than regular use of the pill or shot.

Frankly, I'm a little astonished that the doctor didn't suggest birth control alternatives, including trying one of the several pills, since it's common for women to have problems with one set and none or minimal problems with others.

That's a pretty disgusting attitude considering how utterly messed up pills can make someone, but still 1000x this. For whatever damn reason girls assume that they are all the same and the shitty side effects are just something to cope with.

 

[JavaMava]

Don't get a vasectomy. You're 21.

We live in the 21'st century. Vasectomy doesn't mean no children. Just means no children from sex. I can store some sperm for the future. Not leaning in that direction, but if it's condoms with this girl, or any other subsequent long term relation ship for life, or getting a snip and using the frozen sperm when I'm actually ready well...

Also my balls don't stop producing sperm with a vasectomy, they just can't get out.

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

I find all this talk to be either overwrought, or coming from people who have never been with women. Any woman on birth control is risking her life. Oral contraceptives increase the risk of breast cancer. Period.

They're also one of the most common forms of contraceptive, and a majority of women rely on them, not only for contraception, but to manage PMS/cramps and mood swings.

In addition, condoms are a less reliable form of birth control, in real-world usage, than regular use of the pill or shot.

Frankly, I'm a little astonished that the doctor didn't suggest birth control alternatives, including trying one of the several pills, since it's common for women to have problems with one set and none or minimal problems with others.

Overwrought? The increased risk of breast cancer that comes with taking the pill is a managed risk, like eating overcooked meat or driving a car - all activities that can kill you. Not only that, but the use of the pill reduces the risk of other kinds of cancer, including ovarian cancer. The risk towards her health of using hormone-altering substances while she's on antidepressants is much, much higher.

He told her to ignore the doctor's advice and "doctor shop" until one gave them the "correct" answer - such an action would be irresponsible, especially if the new doctor doesn't know the full picture.

 

[JavaMava]

Leave her alone for a minute?
Jeebus.

I told her I'll stop for tonight but it's a conversation we need to have at some point. Then she logged off.

 

[Zeke]

smells like a backfire brewing

Thanks. Nothing wrong with getting another opinion if your current doctor is meeting your expectations.

Also something else that is odd, this whole time I'm talking to my girlfriend over msn, and sending her links to what I'm finding and trying to talk about the benefits and disadvantages of what I'm finding as well. She's been really quiet and just told me it's stressing her out and she doesn't want to talk about it. I can't get anything else out of her about it, just she doesn't want to talk about it.

theres one way to not have sex with your GF bug her so much he doesn't want to have sex

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

I told her I'll stop for tonight but it's a conversation we need to have at some point. Then she logged off.

The issue is that this contraception is something that will affect her body, not yours. It can seem a daunting prospect and you're not helping her by insisting that she go down this route.

Would you like to be pressured into taking drugs to "help you perform" if it meant that there were 100 choices out there and 99 of them would shrink your dangly bits, make you lose interest in sex and have you crying like a little girl every time you saw a kitten? Just let up for a minute, OK.

 

[besada]

That's a pretty disgusting attitude considering how utterly messed up pills can make someone, but still 1000x this. For whatever damn reason girls assume that they are all the same and the shitty side effects are just something to cope with.

Pills can also help women who are naturally messed up. Plenty of women who have no actual need of the pill take them to regulate otherwise crazy menstrual cycles. The problem is in treating all pills/contraceptives and all women as if they're the same.

 

[obijkenobi]

The issue is that this contraception is something that will affect her body, not yours. It can seem a daunting prospect and you're not helping her by insisting that she go down this route.

I see your point, and understand his as well. If he has too literally hurt her (by ramming much harder and longer than her body can take) to get off during sex, its going to ruin the relationship anyway.

OP a few questions. How often are you getting off during sex? Have you tried thin condoms or having her do a lot of foreplay with you before sex? Its a sensitive subject to bring up, but if you're not getting off during sex and she is.....well that's a problem. I don't recommend bringing up lightly (lol?) but I don't think you're relationship is going to work if you're not getting off during sex.

 

[JavaMava]

The issue is that this contraception is something that will affect her body, not yours. It can seem a daunting prospect and you're not helping her by insisting that she go down this route.

No, I'm not insisting she goes down this route. I'm offering information about a possible alternative. I've already mentioned she's not happy with condoms. She was fully willing to use the pull out method over them. She mopes every time I put a condom on. The issue with her past birth control was migraines and worsening depression. I'm doing the leg work to try and find something that does not have these side effects, or have them to a limited amount that SHE is okay with.

All I've done is send her links that show how her combination pill was negatively effecting her and it was a good decision to go off of them, in addition to alternative pills that may not have these effects and may be worth looking into. I'm not telling her if she doesn't use birth control that negatively effects her I'll break up with her.

 

[shintoki]

She takes a pill for depression and a pill for anxiety. She's mentioned to me that her doctor is very dismissive about her opinion on how medication is effecting her, and she's to shy to assert herself.

Honestly, if what you said in this thread was true, specifically the above. I'd dump her(But that's just me :lol ). Seems to be her complete lack of confidence which is affecting sex. And also, Seems like your too fixated on the condom than to actually enjoy the sex. :lol

Also, have you actually tried something new with sex? Watch a porno? New positions/style? Outdoor? Something with a bit more excitement to it. I mean....maybe the reason why you were able to get off bareback was the fact it was something new.

Of course, if your classifying her as "Too shy to assert herself", I don't really think anything is going solve the problems in the long run then.

 

[JavaMava]

I see your point, and understand his as well. If he has too literally hurt her (by ramming much harder and longer than her body can take) to get off during sex, its going to ruin the relationship anyway.

OP a few questions. How often are you getting off during sex? Have you tried thin condoms or having her do a lot of foreplay with you before sex? Its a sensitive subject to bring up, but if you're not getting off during sex and she is.....well that's a problem. I don't recommend bringing up lightly (lol?) but I don't think you're relationship is going to work if you're not getting off during sex.

I get off about %50 of the time. I've bought skinless skin crown condoms from online because they were supposed to be the best. google them. Again about 50% success rate. I've bought those back at the store with 6 different types to try. Again about 50%.

We almost always have oral before penetration. If we don't I'm definitely not getting off. I use a tongue/finger combo and almost always get her off. When we were on the pill I'd often be able to get her to climax from penetration, if it was our second or third time that day/night (I'd last longer).

It's a combination of the feeling of the condom when I'm going full at it and the heat it generates that hurts her. As soon as I sense she's uncomfortable I stop. I'm not into sex if she's not enjoying it, but the case of blue balls after wards is the most frustrating thing ever.

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

I see your point, and understand his as well. If he has too literally hurt her (by ramming much harder and longer than her body can take) to get off during sex, its going to ruin the relationship anyway.

He's going to push her away by pressuring her into doing something she doesn't want to do. If she's shy and not very assertive, she might've misrepresented how keen she was on the prospect of another pill with unknown side effects.

No, I'm not insisting she goes down this route. I'm offering information about a possible alternative. I've already mentioned she's not happy with condoms. She was fully willing to use the pull out method over them. She mopes every time I put a condom on. The issue with her past birth control was migraines and worsening depression. I'm doing the leg work to try and find something that does not have these side effects, or have them to a limited amount that SHE is okay with.

All I've done is send her links that show how her combination pill was negatively effecting her and it was a good decision to go off of them, in addition to alternative pills that may not have these effects and may be worth looking into. I'm not telling her if she doesn't use birth control that negatively effects her I'll break up with her.

Sending her links etc. looks probably looks a lot like pressure from her end, dude.

 

[besada]

He told her to ignore the doctor's advice and "doctor shop" until one gave them the "correct" answer - such an action would be irresponsible, especially if the new doctor doesn't know the full picture.

Yes, overwrought. He told her to doctor shop, which is perfectly fine. Most doctors suck when it comes to handling birth control issues. He said nothing about withholding information from future doctors -- that's a function of your overwrought imagination.

He even pointed out that she's not happy with the way her doctor treats her opinions regarding her antidepressant, so it's not as if he's recommending seeking a new doctor when she absolutely adores the existing one. He also pointed out that she doesn't like condoms. Using the rhythm method because someone isn't willing to challenge their doctor is the height of irresponsibility.

Most importantly, he's discussing it with her, not forcing her to do anything. There's absolutely nothing wrong with discussing options with your significant other over an issue as important as sex.

As for your contention that there's some sort of consensus that using birth control and anti-depressants at the same time is taboo, you're just wrong. The WHO and most other organizations have studies showing that low dose oral contraceptives have minimal effect on already depressed individuals, while noting that women respond differently depending on their baseline hormonal levels.

Like I said, you appear to not know what you're talking about, and simply taking an opportunity to call someone a douche for communicating on an important issue with his significant other.

I hope you'll note that I also recommended vasectomy, which allows him to take responsibility for the issue himself.

 

[JavaMava]

Honestly, if what you said in this thread was true, specifically the above. I'd dump her(But that's just me :lol ). Seems to be her complete lack of confidence which is affecting sex. And also, Seems like your too fixated on the condom than to actually enjoy the sex. :lol

Also, have you actually tried something new with sex? Watch a porno? New positions/style? Outdoor? Something with a bit more excitement to it. I mean....maybe the reason why you were able to get off bareback was the fact it was something new.

Of course, if your classifying her as "Too shy to assert herself", I don't really think anything is going solve the problems in the long run then.

We've watched porn while doing it. Try different positions. We've done it in a changing room in a store. We've even done anal a handful of times, her suggestion at the time but I was totally into it, however if she often quits that half way, which I'm fine with as I'm not about hurting her to get my jollies.

I'm completely fulfilled with her in bed in every aspect except the condom. I must have reduced sensitivity, because I can't even jack off with them.

 

[Silent Death]

I got something for you, its called Abstinence and it has no known side effects.

 

[JavaMava]

besada is one of the few posters here reading what I've posted and suggesting reasonable alternatives.

As for abstinence, it's not what I want and it's not what she wants. It's not for us.

 

[madara]

Sorry op but alot of your post seems selfish to me. I see alot of me me me in there.

 

[BladeWorker]

Leave her alone for a minute?
Jeebus.

This.

Shy or not, if she really wants to resolve her issues with the pill and take BC seriously, she'll find a way. Of course the patch is an option, of course injections are an option, of course single-hormone-only pills are an option. But if she's already on mood-altering medications, any additional hormones are going to mess with her moods, her body, and her head, and stress about what you want her to do (however gently intentioned) is going to wig her out.

 

[obijkenobi]

OP, I forgot to mention, I also have problems getting off with condoms (although its at a higher rate than you) The best ones i've found for me (I've tried the crowns, felt uncomforable and ripped on me a few times) are lifestyles skyn condoms. They are expensive as fuck though. But I have gotten off each time I've used them unless its a second or third time in one night

 

[KibblesBits]

Yes, overwrought. He told her to doctor shop, which is perfectly fine. Most doctors suck when it comes to handling birth control issues. He said nothing about withholding information from future doctors -- that's a function of your overwrought imagination.

He even pointed out that she's not happy with the way her doctor treats her opinions regarding her antidepressant, so it's not as if he's recommending seeking a new doctor when she absolutely adores the existing one. He also pointed out that she doesn't like condoms. Using the rhythm method because someone isn't willing to challenge their doctor is the height of irresponsibility.

Most importantly, he's discussing it with her, not forcing her to do anything. There's absolutely nothing wrong with discussing options with your significant other over an issue as important as sex.

As for your contention that there's some sort of consensus that using birth control and anti-depressants at the same time is taboo, you're just wrong. The WHO and most other organizations have studies showing that low dose oral contraceptives have minimal effect on already depressed individuals, while noting that women respond differently depending on their baseline hormonal levels.

Like I said, you appear to not know what you're talking about, and simply taking an opportunity to call someone a douche for communicating on an important issue with his significant other.

I hope you'll note that I also recommended vasectomy, which allows him to take responsibility for the issue himself.

The tone of the posts, the possessive nature of the words used relayed a totally different message to people who have read the thread. Did anyone notice this? Did you?

Words and syntax and how they are understood by the reader are key. Maybe there's nothing to be seen there... but there's some lines between the text that others here are picking up on that make people edgy and reactive.

 

[Verano]

I don't understand the last bold sentence. Explain?

3-way dude so their relationship is pretty open for anyone who wants to shag.

 

[besada]

The tone of the posts, the possessive nature of the words used relayed a totally different message to people who have read the thread. Did anyone notice this?

Words and syntax and how they are understood by the reader are key.

Experience has something to do with it, too. I imagine quite a few of the guys posting here have none when it comes to dealing with their spouse or significant other's reproductive issues.

Frankly, I'm astonished how many people seem to have missed that the OP's girlfriend doesn't like condoms and is trying to get him to use withdrawal, which has an abysmal success rate.

If you think a little discussion regarding birth control is going to upset her, what do you think an unexpected pregnancy is going to do?

 

[JavaMava]

OP, I forgot to mention, I also have problems getting off with condoms (although its at a higher rate than you) The best ones i've found for me (I've tried the crowns, felt uncomforable and ripped on me a few times) are lifestyles skyn condoms. They are expensive as fuck though. But I have gotten off each time I've used them unless its a second or third time in one night

ya the skin ones tore on me before as well. I'll give em a go.

I'm seriously considering a vasectomy. What are my options for having children in the future with one? I'd assume there are clinics that can store sperm? Will they last 20 years? Is it expensive to store them? Could the not jab my balls with a needle and get the sperm? Sure it's painful, but I can think of something a hell of a lot more painful that'd come 9 months later.

As for people calling me selfish. SHE HATES CONDOMS MORE THAN I DO! and has often suggested the pull out method. She has a problem. I have a problem. I'm simply trying to find a solution to this problem we are BOTH happy with.

 

[agrajag]

When I first met my girlfriend we used condoms. Then I got her on the pill and we had 4 glorious months of bare back sex. She told me one day that her doctor suggests she go off birth control, due to migraines and mood swings made worse by her depression. I told her she should get a new doctor.

:lol What a dick move

 

[Armitage]

i agree with that guy who said to get snipped, seems wise

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

Yes, overwrought. He told her to doctor shop, which is perfectly fine. Most doctors suck when it comes to handling birth control issues. He said nothing about withholding information from future doctors -- that's a function of your overwrought imagination.

He even pointed out that she's not happy with the way her doctor treats her opinions regarding her antidepressant, so it's not as if he's recommending seeking a new doctor when she absolutely adores the existing one. He also pointed out that she doesn't like condoms. Using the rhythm method because someone isn't willing to challenge their doctor is the height of irresponsibility.

Most importantly, he's discussing it with her, not forcing her to do anything. There's absolutely nothing wrong with discussing options with your significant other over an issue as important as sex.

As for your contention that there's some sort of consensus that using birth control and anti-depressants at the same time is taboo, you're just wrong. The WHO and most other organizations have studies showing that low dose oral contraceptives have minimal effect on already depressed individuals, while noting that women respond differently depending on their baseline hormonal levels.

Like I said, you appear to not know what you're talking about, and simply taking an opportunity to call someone a douche for communicating on an important issue with his significant other.

I hope you'll note that I also recommended vasectomy, which allows him to take responsibility for the issue himself.

The thing I'm having an issue with is not that he's talking to her about it, but rather that he appears to be applying undue pressure on this woman to take a specific course of action. Her reaction to his sending her a barrage of links over MSN speaks to the same effect. He might not see it this way, but she is apparently shy and slow to stand up for herself.

I also never suggested any consensus on the use of the pill and antidepressants at the same time. You're putting words into my mouth. Remember that the doctor himself suggested she come off the pill she was on because the mood swings (aggravated by depression) and migraines were getting too much.

We don't know why the doctor didn't suggest other pills. Maybe she was on what he deemed to be the most benign medication already. Maybe the mood swings or existing depression were just that bad. Whatever the reason, the doctor has the medical training and her medical history behind him and we don't. To self-diagnose and play doctor without medical training is irresponsible, even if the alternative (withdrawal method) is responsible too.

 

[JavaMava]

The thing I'm having an issue with is not that he's talking to her about it, but rather that he appears to be applying undue pressure on this woman to take a specific course of action. Her reaction to his sending her a barrage of links over MSN speaks to the same effect. He might not see it this way, but she is apparently shy and slow to stand up for herself.

I also never suggested any consensus on the use of the pill and antidepressants at the same time. You're putting words into my mouth. Remember that the doctor himself suggested she come off the pill she was on because the mood swings (aggravated by depression) and migraines were getting too much.

We don't know why the doctor didn't suggest other pills. Maybe she was on what he deemed to be the most benign medication already. Maybe the mood swings or existing depression were just that bad. Whatever the reason, the doctor has the medical training and her medical history behind him and we don't. To self-diagnose and play doctor without medical training is irresponsible, even if the alternative (withdrawal method) is responsible too.

She has told me the doctor told her there were two pills. One you can take only if you've had a child, and the one he tried her on. I don't know if you've ever been to a doctor, but they're not all great. A doctor is like a lawyer, if you don't feel he/she is doing their best for you, you can get another one. She has told me several times she does not like her doctor and he is not receptive to her needs with her current medication. She's been off the birth control for 2 months and she still has headaches that are just as bad. She says she can't remember if her depression was worse or not while on the pill.

Neither of us are happy with condoms. I don't see an issue with talking about alternatives with her. Instead of just talking out of my ass I send her a link to what I'm reading so she can see where I'm getting all my information. Providing references.

As for pressuring her for a specific course of action. She doesn't like condoms. She refuses to try IUD's, diaphragms, contraceptive sponge, spermicide, or anything that will be inside of her for a period of time. She can't take the same pill she was before due to negative side effects. The only other solution is to look into these mini pills. I'm not forcing her down this path, or pressuring her. I'm simply presenting our last viably option.

You must keep in mind, she is not currently happy with condoms.

 

[obijkenobi]

The thing I'm having an issue with is not that he's talking to her about it, but rather that he appears to be applying undue pressure on this woman to take a specific course of action. Her reaction to his sending her a barrage of links over MSN speaks to the same effect. He might not see it this way, but she is apparently shy and slow to stand up for herself.

I also never suggested any consensus on the use of the pill and antidepressants at the same time. You're putting words into my mouth. Remember that the doctor himself suggested she come off the pill she was on because the mood swings (aggravated by depression) and migraines were getting too much.

We don't know why the doctor didn't suggest other pills. Maybe she was on what he deemed to be the most benign medication already. Maybe the mood swings or existing depression were just that bad. Whatever the reason, the doctor has the medical training and her medical history behind him and we don't. To self-diagnose and play doctor without medical training is irresponsible, even if the alternative (withdrawal method) is responsible too.

The problem is she's telling him to use the pull out method. Eventually the dude is going to have a moment of weakness and fall for it. Like another poster said, "badgering" her about medical BC will be less taxing than talking about abortion or pregnancy or her "late" period.

 

[Zoe]

She's been off the birth control for 2 months and she still has headaches that are just as bad. She says she can't remember if her depression was worse or not while on the pill.

It sounds like she needs to take care of her other health issues before adding a completely optional treatment into the mix.

 

[ZROCOOL]

Doesn't Trojan make a condom that feels like nothing?

 

[JavaMava]

It sounds like she needs to take care of her other health issues before adding a completely optional treatment into the mix.

Brought this up before as well. She says it runs in the family. Her mum and grandmother have it as well. I know, that's not reason not to look into it, but that's what it is for her and she doesn't want to look into it any further.

Doesn't Trojan make a condom that feels like nothing?

ya Trojan very sensitive lubricated. They suck. for me at least.

 

[lethial]

I had a gf that went on the shot, Deprovera or something. She didn't react to them like the pill but still had a slight edginess. I don't think there's anyway around it.

 

[besada]

We don't know why the doctor didn't suggest other pills. Maybe she was on what he deemed to be the most benign medication already. Maybe the mood swings or existing depression were just that bad. Whatever the reason, the doctor has the medical training and her medical history behind him and we don't. To self-diagnose and play doctor without medical training is irresponsible, even if the alternative (withdrawal method) is responsible too.

You're right, we don't know. But you made an assumption as to his character based on minimal information. How is that not overwrought? "To self-diagnose"? He did no such thing. Again, you're making some unusual assumptions about the character of the OP.

Since he's also included information about other reasons she's unhappy with her doctor, it hardly seems outrageous to suggest seeking another doctor.

As for the "most benign" there is no such thing. Again, different women respond differently. Finding the right oral contraceptive is much like finding the right antidepressant, it frequently requires trying multiple different kinds in an attempt to find one that meshes with your particular body chemistry.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking another medical opinion, particularly if the advice given by your doctor has led you to a place where you're willing to risk having an unwanted child.

Frankly, your attitude towards this smacks of a guy whose never had to deal with it. It's very much a concern of his if he were to get her pregnant. It's also very much his concern if, because of the sexual difficulties they're having, the relationship ends. He's got a stake in this, and there's nothing wrong with talking about it, even if she may have difficulties talking about it. Plenty of women have difficulty talking about birth control, but that doesn't mean it's something you can just let slide.

Talking about difficult subjects is one of those painful but necessary tasks that all couples go through. Frankly, his biggest mistake seems to have been posting on GAF, where he was likely to encounter the opinions of guys who've never had a girlfriend, much less had to deal with the sticky and difficult issues of birth control.

 

[JavaMava]

You're right, we don't know. But you made an assumption as to his character based on minimal information. How is that not overwrought? "To self-diagnose"? He did no such thing. Again, you're making some unusual assumptions about the character of the OP.

Since he's also included information about other reasons she's unhappy with her doctor, it hardly seems outrageous to suggest seeking another doctor.

As for the "most benign" there is no such thing. Again, different women respond differently. Finding the right oral contraceptive is much like finding the right antidepressant, it frequently requires trying multiple different kinds in an attempt to find one that meshes with your particular body chemistry.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking another medical opinion, particularly if the advice given by your doctor has led you to a place where you're willing to risk having an unwanted child.

Frankly, your attitude towards this smacks of a guy whose never had to deal with it. It's very much a concern of his if he were to get her pregnant. It's also very much his concern if, because of the sexual difficulties they're having, the relationship ends. He's got a stake in this, and there's nothing wrong with talking about it, even if she may have difficulties talking about it. Plenty of women have difficulty talking about birth control, but that doesn't mean it's something you can just let slide.

Talking about difficult subjects is one of those painful but necessary tasks that all couples go through. Frankly, his biggest mistake seems to have been posting on GAF, where he was likely to encounter the opinions of guys who've never had a girlfriend, much less had to deal with the sticky and difficult issues of birth control.

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

OP, a doctor is not like a lawyer in that you should switch if you don't like what you hear. A doctor's familiarity with your medical history is very important. Also, oftentimes the painful, unpleasant or otherwise annoying option is the best one.

Getting a second opinion is always advisable for big decisions, certainly, but you shouldn't outright dismiss medical opinion simply because it's not convenient for you.

All contraception involves some sort of hassle and you and your girlfriend are just going to have to accept that.

EDIT: Don't just listen to opinions that validate the decisions you've already made.

 

[JavaMava]

OP, a doctor is not like a lawyer in that you should switch if you don't like what you hear. A doctor's familiarity with your medical history is very important. Also, oftentimes the painful, unpleasant or otherwise annoying option is the best one.

Getting a second opinion is always advisable for big decisions, certainly, but you shouldn't outright dismiss medical opinion simply because it's not convenient for you.

All contraception involves some sort of hassle and you and your girlfriend are just going to have to accept that.

EDIT: Don't just listen to opinions that validate the decisions you've already made.

The issue with every one of your posts is you ignore or misrepresent what I've said. Did I say I don't like what the doctor has said, that it's not convenient for me? Cause I specifically remember posting "A doctor is like a lawyer, if you don't feel he/she is doing their best for you, you can get another one."

EDIT for your edit. Get the fuck out of here with opinions that validate the decisions I've already made. I've already been extremely supporting of her getting off of the pill that gave her migraines and depression. I'm not suggesting she take another pill that does that. I'm offering information to her so she can find a pill that might not have these side effects, or if they do, to a degree SHE is comfortable with.

 

[yuna55]

If she's having migraines from it, she definitely needs to lay off the pill. A friend of mine had migraines and her doctors kept switching her around to different brands/types, and one migraine was so bad she had a stroke at 22 years old. Luckily she's regained all function of her limbs, but she almost died several times in the hospital and had to go through months of therapy.

Maybe once she gets her other medical issues under control, your gf can try the pill again, but I'd be very wary. If she's having migraines, she could already be experiencing small blood clots.

 

[ZROCOOL]

Brought this up before as well. She says it runs in the family. Her mum and grandmother have it as well. I know, that's not reason not to look into it, but that's what it is for her and she doesn't want to look into it any further.

ya Trojan very sensitive lubricated. They suck. for me at least.

Maybe you should try that new one they came out with called "Ecstasy", I heard its way better.

 

[obijkenobi]

OP, how is your girl reacting when you don't get off during sex?

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

The issue with every one of your posts is you ignore or misrepresent what I've said. Did I say I don't like what the doctor has said, that it's not convenient for me? Cause I specifically remember posting "A doctor is like a lawyer, if you don't feel he/she is doing their best for you, you can get another one."

You implied as much in your OP with this:

When I first met my girlfriend we used condoms. Then I got her on the pill and we had 4 glorious months of bare back sex. She told me one day that her doctor suggests she go off birth control, due to migraines and mood swings made worse by her depression. I told her she should get a new doctor.

Anyways she went off them and we went back to condoms. It's been hell. I've tried to convince her to use any other type of birth control that lets us not have a film of rubber between us, but she doesn't like the idea of something being inside her (IUD's, diaphragm, contraceptive sponge, ect) and refuses to try them. She seems to hate condoms as well though and I literally cannot ejaculate 50% of the time we use them. I probably have a sensitivity issue, but I need to go really hard and for quite a while when using a condom, and this ends up hurting her and we have to stop. We've tried varying amounts/types of lube.

Looks a lot like pressure to me. Perhaps you misrepresented yourself, but what I'm responding to is right there in your posts.

I stand by my original advice: if no alternative pill can be found and the alternatives are distateful to her, you're just going to have to make sure you're always wearing a condom or find alternative ways of getting off for both of you. Not only that, but you're going to have to make sure she understands that the use of contraception is non-negotiable.

Go ahead and get a second opinion (advisable for major decisions), but do be aware that any new doctor is going to be going in cold, as it were, without full knowledge of her medical history. A second opinion will be just that.

 

[Ashhong]

a lot of people in here like to post without reading the thread. multiple posts about the OPs character based on the one "get a new doctor" line, even after he explained it was a joke. how annoying.