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[Ravidrath]

This isn't an actual request for help, but a summary translation of a year-old (hopefully fake?) thread on 2ch.

http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails​

It's quite long, but rather enjoyable, and even has a...

...TWIST ENDING.

 

[Deleted member 81567]

Just tell us what happens.

 

[Rentahamster]

This isn't an actual request for help

Hahaha, that's a relief

I was scared for a moment there.

 

[Jibbed]

...TWIST ENDING.

I fucking lost it before reading anything else.

At first, we just talked about how strange it was we only started emailing in college despite being in the same year of high school.
What I’m sending… well, I’m worried about her lack of reply, so I’ve sent her around 600 emails.
They’re mostly reports on my current mental state, I guess…? (´･ω･`)

Jesus Christ.

 

[Ravidrath]

Just tell us what happens.

Dude creeps on a girl he calls "Denko," starting out with 600 e-mails in 3 days because he's "worried" about her, and keeps asking 2ch for advice.

2ch tries telling him she doesn't like him, while also trolling him mercilessly. He doesn't believe them / takes the trolls as actual advice, with stunning results.

It's like the horrible internet flipside of Densha Otoko.

Hahaha, that's a relief

I was scared for a moment there.

(´･ω･`)

 

[Devolution]

I'm not reading all of that garbage spoil the gist of it or something.

 

[NomarTyme]

I can't believe I read the first page.

 

[Dartastic]

Just tell us what happens.

nonoonnononoonno. You have to read this. o.o

I can't believe I read the first page.

Same.

 

[Jibbed]

Summary: (I just skimmed it)

OP thinks this girl likes him, emails her over 9000 times (not even joking) and calls several times. Eventually goes to her house, but she isn't in. Talks to her Mom for several hours.

Goes home when girl doesn't turn up, emails her some more. Goes back to her house and breaks in hoping to catch her in the bath (again, no joke), gets chased out of the house and threatened.

Finally sends her this:

Subject: This Is How I Feel

Contents:
I’m sorry for making you worry.
I would never consider killing or raping you, Denko, so don’t worry. Is that what you thought I would do?
Now, I want you to take what I’m saying seriously.
I really, truly love you, Denko.
I think I would be willing to die for you, Denko.
I’ve always been trying to ensure your happiness first.
And I don’t think my feelings for you will ever change.
It’s very unfortunate things got like this right after we started dating, but we can start over.
That would be great, wouldn’t it?
Remember what I said when I confessed to you?
I still feel the way I did back then…

Well, I sent this. (´･ω･`)

Twist ending? As far as I can tell, this: (´･ω･`)

 

[Devolution]

nonoonnononoonno. You have to read this. o.o

Same.

I read the first page, saw 600 emails over the course of 3 days and said "fuck it."

 

[Sadsic]

this is why people make fun of japan

 

[Ravidrath]

Twist ending? As far as I can tell, this: (´･ω･`)

Did you read all, like... 6 posts of it? They're all linked from the end of one another.

 

[Atramental]

(゜д&#12444

Oh my...

 

[Aguirre]

send that bitch a smiley face.

bitches love smiley faces.

but yeah, pretty obsessive and trying too hard. only in japan, baby

 

[Buddha Beam]

this is why people make fun of japan

I think this is pretty much universal amongst creepy nerds and the like.

 

[Jibbed]

Did you read all, like... 6 posts of it? They're all linked from the end of one another.

Pretty sure I covered most of it.. why, have I missed something?

 

[notworksafe]

but yeah, pretty obsessive and trying too hard. only in japan, baby

Hardly.

 

[Sadsic]

tbh i wish someone sent me 600 emails a day of love gibberish... id feel sooooo validated

 

[Atramental]

Haha.

 

[CorkyFromLifeGoesOn]

Summary: (I just skimmed it)

OP thinks this girl likes him, emails her over 9000 times (not even joking) and calls several times. Eventually goes to her house, but she isn't in. Talks to her Mom for several hours.

Goes home when girl doesn't turn up, emails her some more. Goes back to her house and breaks in, gets chased out of the house and threatened.

Finally sends her this:



Twist ending? As far as I can tell, this: (´･ω･`)

Lolol will read fully when I have the time. That bear thingy is cute as fuck. I think I'll use it from now on lol (´･ω･`)

 

[Ravidrath]

Pretty sure I covered most of it.. why, have I missed something?

Spoiler

Once I had that thought, I started to see A-ko’s kindness, and I realized my feelings were starting to shift toward A-ko a little… (´･ω･`)

Spoiler

She said she’d do it if I bought her 500,000 yen in clothes, but that’s a lot of money, so I negotiated it down to 350,000… (´･ω･`)
It was a really great experience, better than I could’ve imagined… (´･ω･`)

 

[Vermillion]

Oh God, so depressing.

And by depressing, I mean LMAO.

What was the twist, though? I saw no twist.

 

[Jibbed]

Oh God, so depressing.

And by depressing, I mean LMAO.

What was the twist, though? I saw no twist.

(´･ω･`)

 

[Ignis Fatuus]

So the Japanese post ramen instead of cats on their chan?

I can get on board with this.

 

[Avinexus]

(´･ω･`)

If that smiley is the twist someone is gonna need to explain to me what that means, unless him putting that smiley in every reply was an indication of it just being a huge troll adventure. I only read the first page, I'm not going to read five more pages of that.

 

[eosos]

Is 2ch like 4chan?

 

[fireside]

If my incredibly brief skimming is correct, creepy stalker stalks girl A, girl’s friend (girl B) helps him stalk girl A, gets rejected by girl A once they actually talk for real, and then falls for girl B. Girl B only seems to have helped him because she was getting paid. Creepy stalker guy and Girl B start “dating”, at least in the guy’s mind; girl b agrees to have sex with guy if he pays her, they have sex, apparently it was unprotected. Girl B stops responding to guy. Then the story ends.

 

[rvy]

"Did I do something bad? PS. The stars were pretty last night.”

Oh, good Lord...

 

[Ignis Fatuus]

Is 2ch like 4chan?

Other way around, sir.

 

[SmithnCo]

Is 2ch like 4chan?

4chan is based on 2ch. 2ch has an area dedicated solely to posting cat pictures though, so it is infinitely better.

 

[Dega]

Aww thought it was you Ravi...

 

[Sadsic]

im reading this nice and slowly... this is seriously gotta be the most oblivious man possible

 

[Ken Masters]

What the hell is that symbol that keeps getting posted?

 

[wenis]

how sad.

 

[Zomba13]

(´･ω･`)

I think I'm going to use that at the end of every post now (´･ω･`)

 

[eosos]

4chan is based on 2ch. 2ch has an area dedicated solely to posting cat pictures though, so it is infinitely better.

Ah, thanks! (´･ω･`)
Also, I cannot believe that a teriyaki burger exists.

 

[Ravidrath]

What the hell is that symbol that keeps getting posted?

(´･ω･`)

It's like... a little piggy face or something? Or a cat?

I don't really know, but it's a pretty common Japanese emoticon.

Also, I cannot believe that a teriyaki burger exists.

Why not? McDonald's always does local stuff, even in the U.S.

If Maine has a McLobster Roll (that is actually quite good), then a Teriyaki Burger is much less of a stretch since it's just sauce.

 

[Degen]

Me: “Do girls do the thing where you turn socks inside-out to use them for a week?”
Denko: “No, that’s too dirty. I usually wash them after a day.”
Me: “Well, Denko’s socks can’t possibly be dirty! Unlike mine… (´･ω･`)”
Denko: “Do you really wear the same socks for a week?”
Me: “No, uh, I heard about it from a friend.”

Like that.

Lmaooo this guy has to be trolling

definitely gonna keep reading

 

[Stet]

That was the worst ending of all time. Fuck you for wasting my time.

 

[Ignis Fatuus]

Oh Jesus Christ I started reading I need to take breaks to facepalm every five seconds.

(´･ω･`)

 

[Sadsic]

If I got another girlfriend, what would I tell Denko?
What would be the point of that?

The logic in this is baffling to me

 

[Vermillion]

Wait, I read the whole thing now. The fuck?

Apparently, the girl's friend started dating him, but gave him rules like:

First, don’t tell anyone we’re dating.
Second, I’m the one in charge here, and if you deny it, then this is all void.
Third, as a general rule, you’re forbidden from contacting me if I don’t contact you first.
Can you uphold those three for me? ♥

And then they had sex.

Overall he's given the chick 700000 yen.

Fucking lol

LolJapan

 

[Tristam]

lol, the OP (surprisingly) exhibits flashes of brilliant introspection and self-awareness:

I really have no clue how to handle three-dimensional women.

 

[also]

This is quite entertaining, but I refuse to believe this is real. Some of the replies are great, but this one made seriously laugh:
''You’re still only banned from phone calls and emails. Do you have a carrier pigeon?''

 

[Nonoriri]

(´･ω･`)

It's like... a little piggy face or something? Or a cat?

( ´(00)`)

 

[BlackGhost]

Havent even clicked on the link yet, by the replies in this thread are hilarious I'm about to die here. Classsssic

 

[eosos]

(´･ω･`)

It's like... a little piggy face or something? Or a cat?

I don't really know, but it's a pretty common Japanese emoticon.




Why not? McDonald's always does local stuff, even in the U.S.

If Maine has a McLobster Roll (that is actually quite good), then a Teriyaki Burger is much less of a stretch since it's just sauce.

I mean, I believe it and now I want it.

edit: (´･ω･`)

 

[Hex]

No hate, but if I wanted to read shitty 2ch or 4ch threads I would go there.

 

[Ravidrath]

Overall he's given the chick 700000 yen.

I love that Denko is changing her e-mail and phone number, and her friend is selling him the new info every time.

I mean, I believe it and now I want it.

I don't know if this is a new one or not, but I had one a long time ago and it was... just OK? It was basically a McDonald's burger drenched in teriyaki sauce, with too much mayo.

McDonald's is better pretty much everywhere that isn't the U.S., but if you're going to get a burger in Japan, Mos Burger is the way to go.

 

[KirbYuuYuu]

#OP
I’m not that self-absorbed… (´･ω･`)
I’m really worried… Maybe it’s since Denko carved out my heart that I’m being fooled into thinking I love A-ko?

Of course, it’s also possible I could love two people…
As long as they respond to my emails, I mean.
But how should I ask her? (´･ω･`)

#OP
Well, I sent “Do you like anal?”… (´･ω･`)
I’ve had some bad experiences thanks to some of you guys’ replies, though…
If this makes her not like me, I’m gonna be really stuck…

Sooo many emotions right now.