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How did you learn to love yourself? *Depression Rant*

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I got a depression after I went to Japan. Spending 3+ months in a new country and met a bunch of new friends (some of whom I still keep in contact with) then coming back to your old life was sad. It didn't help I didn't like my job and myself.

I went for another trip there but on my own it wasn't as much fun. So that changed the rosy-tinted POV about Japan a bit. Then while I was there I saw this....old guy running this moveable stand all by himself late at night. He probably do it to feed his family or himself but seeing himself fighting so hard to survive made me realise what a whiner I was. I was better off than him and I could change my life if I wanted to. So that helped as well.

Then I started going to gym and losing lots of weight, which increased my confidence. Then I got retrenched from my old job, which turns out to be not too bad, since I get to do this new job, which is a lot more interesting. I do have to admit that it was lucky that the time of retrenchment came at a point where my mental health was at all time high.
 
Its a painful process and will not ever be perfect at all.

But by understanding im (and you are) just a human being,you work with what you have,little by little,savoring those meaningful experiences that make life worth living.

And why would you describe yourself as a boring worthless person !? Who made you like that? Before even considering dating you need to push yourself to do more for you,because thats all matters,you.
 
I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where I can love myself. My body gets in the way. I'm a below-average looking Colombian woman. And my intellect and personality don't make up for what I lack in looks. (On my worse days I wonder if that's even possible for women in this society.)

Medication, keeping myself busy with school and learning, my boyfriend, friends, and Batman (pathetically) have kept me from hating myself enough to completely isolate myself from the world. (I'm too terrified of death to seriously consider suicide.)

I definitely recommend seeing a therapist. And if you don't feel comfortable with the first one you find, try to keep looking if you can.
 
Pau said:
I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where I can love myself. My body gets in the way. I'm a below-average looking Colombian woman. And my intellect and personality don't make up for what I lack in looks. (On my worse days I wonder if that's even possible for women in this society.)

Medication, keeping myself busy with school and learning, my boyfriend, friends, and Batman (pathetically) have kept me from hating myself enough to completely isolate myself from the world. (I'm too terrified of death to seriously consider suicide.)

I definitely recommend seeing a therapist. And if you don't feel comfortable with the first one you find, try to keep looking if you can.
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its not easy but you like school, have friends,boyfriend,and batman that doesn't sound bad at all does it? :)
 
Therapy helps alot. Talking to someone other than myself was a godsend and shifted my problems towards a more manageable perspective. It won't work immediately, and there's the chance you might not have the right chemistry with your therapist, but just going to the appointments helped me feel like I wasn't stuck in my depression.
 
If you've never tried mindfulness/meditation I highly suggest giving it some effort. I feel it has helped me a lot. It allows you to let go of negative feelings that you have, and sometimes even fill it with positive emotions. You basically do this by being a witness to your emotions(I feel like The Witness kind of had themes about this). Instead of you engaging in negative feelings, you just see your emotions without judgmement. You don't attempt to shut out these thoughts you have, but notice them and let them float away. Your thoughts are just thoughts, you don't have to believe in them.

http://marc.ucla.edu/mindful-meditations

I really like these one's by Diane Winston. Especially the "Complete" meditation and the "Loving-Kindness" meditation. Meditation is all about bringing you to the present moment. A lot of research is bearing out that being stuck in the past or future makes us unhappy and we are most happy when we are fully engaged with what is right in front of us. It takes a bit of practice to get a feel for it and sometimes it's hard to do. But I've had some very wonderful experiences with it, changed my perspective and emotional states, and the best part is that it's something that's inside you right now that you can do. You're capable of feeling positive emotions right now. Try to make it a regular practice. There is also a meditation thread that might be helpful:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=721226
 
Some days I do, other days I don't. It helps to have supportive friends.

When you realize there's always someone that has it worse than you, maybe you can support them first, if that's easier.
 
sbolr4q.jpg


But really, I've found a lot of comfort in conversing with people in similar situations, and knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings.

There's a part of me that wants to keep on living and be happy, and I think there's value in that struggle. That's enough to feel like my existence is justified, at least to some degree.

I still hate myself, but that hatred stays in its corner most of the time.
 
Omega Kirby said:
I have tried hard to improve my social skills, I go out with my few friends at times, I have hobbies; Like scuba diving, snorkeling and attending local football matches, going to gym I always think that I'm doing what I can to be a happy person, to not rely on other people to be happy.

So why is it that every time I arrive home I'm still hating myself? I don't feel any different then back then when I was completely anti social, gamed 24/7. I still feel like a complete bore of a human being and a waste of resources on my parents. I thought I was past that point, I was a different person I naively said to myself, hah hah

I have this pathetic urge to try and date every pretty girl I talk to. Which is a big zero when you're not even happy with yourself yet I'm always expecting a different outcome only to once again be dissapointed and get even more depressed at myself. I want to stop focusing so much on women and more on myself

I really do try to keep the negative stuff out, I fucking hate this downward spiral, but when I look into my mind and try to take out the positives I always feel like i'm just saying what I want to hear and not being honest, even if I am or I think i am.

So I'm just at a crossroad, I want to wake up look in the mirror and just be happy to see myself. I'm tired of spending every night crying for a bit before stuffing it back in. I feel like I'm not doing enough.

How did you learn to love yourself gaf, I could really use some advice.
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Everyone goes through a period of self doubt and low self esteem. I am going through a similar thing. I sometimes feel like I am not date-able, or that I am not not good enough for anyone I go out with. It doesn't help that I have been rejected several times. I don't love the way my body looks like in the mirror. But I know that I am not a perfect person. I try to look at the flaws and work them out one by one. Some of the flaws are not fixable, but so are flaws in other people. If your idea of self love is to be perfect or be able to date every girl you meet, you will never love yourself. Even the most beautiful and successful people in the world have things that they are not proud of it love about themselves.

I strongly recommend that you go to a counselor.
 
Omega Kirby said:
How did you learn to love yourself gaf, I could really use some advice.
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First off, good for you for at least trying. That's a huge step. It's extremely hard to come out of a pit like depression, much less try to climb out.

My best advice is this, the changes you have to make are internal, not external. For me, and I think anyone else, it becomes an obsession with things and people. If I had X, i'd be happier. If I was with that person, I'd be happier. It's not true. Nothing external will make you happy. It seems easy because movies and TV always make it seem like once you have money and can buy and have whatever you want, you're happier, but it's just not like that.

The internal changes are basically identifying automatic negative thoughts. Basically, you have to train yourself to be way more introspective of yourself. Being depressed, you ruminate and overthink. It's easy to do, because it's become automatic. That girl snubbed me because I'm a loser. She doesn't want to talk to me, because I'm boring.

The point is, you really have to identify these thoughts when they actually happen and put them in a much more realistic perspective. If that girl snubbed you, do you know for certain it's because you're a loser? Maybe she snubbed you because she had a jealous boyfriend. Maybe she snubbed you because she got shit sleep the night before. Maybe she snubbed you because she's depressed herself. Maybe she didn't even snub you at all, but it just looks like that from a depressive filter.

It is HARD work. And it takes a lot of time. A lot of time. Just try your best to be more aware of that internal thought process, and re-apply it to someone else. If this happened to my friend, would I think he was a loser? What would I tell him if he thought he was a loser? Why are you, internally, telling yourself different things? Why are you being so harsh when you wouldn't on others.

Once you become more aware of the thought processes, the rest kind of comes more naturally. You start to be less harsh on yourself.

Good luck OP. You've already done a lot just trying to improve. That's huge. Give yourself some credit for that, and keep working on it.

Edit:

And honestly, there really is no shame in going to a therapist or counselor. Just keep in mind that if you go to one, and after a few sessions you don't "click", you're not obligated to stay. When I was depressed, I went to maybe 4-5 and of all of them, I only really clicked with one, and by click I mean I could really take what she was saying to heart and really try out the things she was telling me. The others felt like they were reading from a script. Your mileage may vary, but just keep that in mind. Don't give up if the first one you go to stinks.
 
I recommend getting a therapist, mine literally saved my life. I was in a huge depression, even got to the point of thinking about suicide and all those bad thoughts. It does get better man! keep on striving!
 
Gruco said:
My advice is to find a therapist and tell them how you're feeling. Please. It really does help.

That and maybe to consider looking into mindfulness meditation.
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First post nails it. Definitely look into a counselor / therapist / whatever. Even then, it may take going through a few to find the right one for you. You'll know.
 
Encountering resistance through things like depression or failure can be useful for developing a sense of meaning. Choices made in full view of our limitations tend to be the most significant. My continued encounters with depression through my life have caused a shift in my centre where I don't base the worthiness of my existence on things like my status, or even my accomplishments. I'm a lot more self-forgiving and I've developed a sense of trust that my lived experience is valid and significant. I think both the measure of life and the thing at stake in life are exactly the same: satisfaction, or feeling like my life was worthwhile, in whatever partial or seemingly imperfect way that might be.

It's a paradox, though, because the actual depth of depression seems essentially worthless, it actually annihilates the kind of self-awareness you'd need to learn anything from it. It's more in the boundaries or turning points, the momentum of one step forward and one step back, getting somewhere but not really going anywhere, that can really temper your expectations of life in a way that could be considered good or wholesome for anyone. When I found something that worked enough to give me some relief, and I stopped idealizing some kind of full recovery, I found I could start living an authentic or honest life that I was willing to take ownership of.
 
I never really had issues with this, though most of my life I was heavily medicated(booze/drugs). When I got in some uh..trouble, I decided to stop everything, including even cigarettes and good lord did I have some crazy depression. I think it was a chemical reaction to my body not being on all this stuff combined with the mess I got into, either way it has been pretty crazy 5 years. The hits keep coming too man, lost jobs lost family to drugs and alcohol and even lost a pet, pushed away all my friends and relations. I lost interest in almost everything, music was just noise, art was colorless people were all annoying nothing was funny, I got rid of my T.V and stopped playing games. It was a weird solitary few years, I remember last year when I started breaking out of it because I felt like this consciousness that manifested was gone and what was really strange was I kind of missed it. I don't know, I just chalk it all up to my brain suddenly being without all this crap and just going ham.

I don't normally like to share this kind of stuff but I figure there is a lot of people who have gone(are going) through stuff like this. I can't really give too much advice as I don't really even know what works and what doesn't, I know what helped me was reading. As far as thinking about women, that is a tough one. Personally I have moved on from the prospect of it, it's desirable but not compatible with my life and I just have to come to terms with that. I think you need to analyze how much it means to you, and if it is important then work on making your life one worth sharing. Anyway I'm always around if someone needs to talk, just PM me :p
 
In my experience, first try to find any medical issues that you have that may be causing your depression.

In my case it was hypogonadism, so no production of sex hormones, no testosterone. It caused numerous issues, depression was one of them. Together it wrecked havoc on my life.

Once I started hormone replacement things started to improve but it wasn't just a switch. I had lost nearly all my friends, abandoned interests, generally became a quiet toxic person to myself.

I had an idea of whom I wanted to be, so I took actions as to what that type of person would do. It was horribly foreign & caused a fair amount of anxiety, but I didn't want to be that type of person.

I volunteered at a hospital, helped those when I could, I wouldn't judge others. Exercises frequently, literally any type of exercise. Donated a bit of spare money. What ever I thought I wanted to be, I did. Talk to people on a train, tell someone their piercing look good, help out someone struggling, buy homeless people coffee in the winter.

They were all relative small thing, but overtime by forcing myself to do these things, that whom I became.

Sure there was rejection & failure along the way, but those are all parts of life. I never made it through a Souls game completely without dying, failure is just the same. I wouldn't let the odd person who called me a creep or judged me get me back down.

I sat bathroom preparing to kill myself and the only thing that stopped me was who would take care of my 22 y/o blind dog.

Along the way I've met a lot of people, most whose situation was worse then mine. If I could make just one minute of their a little more insufferable, maybe I can give them hope.

Just remember, you are who you are, be yourself, strive to be what you want to be, your goals may not be the same as mine but don't let how you were raised, friends, work, disease stop you from being yourself.
 
It's not easy.

I try to get good at things, but the depression makes it a living hell to stay focused and concentrate, even on something you used to love doing.
 
I don't even feel like I'm "living", but rather I'm simply "existing", so I don't think I'll get to the point where I can be comfortable with myself much less love myself.
 
I can share my (super summed up) story with you OP.

I suffered from depression and anxiety (especially social anxiety) for most of my life, starting when I was about 8 years old. For my whole adolescence I hated myself and thought about suicide almost every waking moment.

After graduating high school I ended up becoming interested in fashion. Eventually I had learned enough, and gotten deep enough, that I instinctively knew how to dress well and stylishly. While it is extremely vain, people's frequent compliments and attention helped boost my confidence in ways it hadn't been before. I also began working retail after I graduated, so I was forced to deal with my social anxiety head on. It wasn't an instant fix, but years later I realize the benefit that job had for me.

I also don't know how old you are OP, but I also found that getting older naturally helped me with a lot of my concerns and thoughts of self hate. I also did a bunch of counselling as a teenager, though my breakthrough wasn't until I was probably around 20 - 22 years-old. I did a group CBT program that gave me a bunch of skills to help manage my thought processes. Funnily enough, the thought of our insignificance in the universe used to fuel my depression, but after looking at it in a slightly different way, I realized by the same token, it is truly amazing that we exist and that helped me a lot in appreciating my life.

Basically, I recommend counselling (definitely) and to find something you can do that gives you confidence, or addresses the things you feel self-conscious of. Get out there and try new things and expand your world view. I would even suggest exploring spirituality (not necessarily religion).

I still suffer from bouts of depression and some anxiety, but 15-year old Zekes would've never have thought he would be living a happy life at the age of 27.
 
Can't say i have yet. I really don't like anything about myself, physically speaking. As far as my personality and character go, it could be worse i guess. Im not as introverted as i used to be, so im making progress with that.
 
it honestly just came to me after a while... i still wish i was more confident, but i'm happy about how am i now and i enjoy my passion, i live in the present and i don't care what will happen in the future!

my biggest concern was in fact thinking too much about the future and that i would never find a real relationship... After thinking about it, it's not that important, i made peace about it, i have my two best friends, and if i happen to find love, then that's just a bonus to my life!

If you can't resolve it by yourself, then find professional help! Not necessarily a therapist! My brother and sister tried hypnotism and it worked really well for them
 
For me it took being put in a hard place and having to work my way out of it. I didn't have time to sit and think about how stupid I was or what I was doing wrong, and by the time I was back in a good place, I realized that I did and could do some pretty great things and I felt proud of myself.
 
Maybe lower your standards from trying to date every pretty girl to any girl you think you vibe with.

Oh and therapy.
 
Just giving you my opinion here from what I can see from what you have written, with some assumptions thrown in.

You mention doing stuff outside your home but nothing about being happy in your home. You mention living with parents, guessing that is an major stress factor. You don't mention work, so that is another in that case.(Or are you an student?)

Obviously not so easy but working on getting work and an place to call your own should be much more beneficial towards your feelings of self worth compared to meeting someone. That can come later.

IMO before "loving" yourself you need to feel like an part of society. Work(study) and an place to call your own. People are not worthless and have things to offer society. Easy to lose hope if you feel like an outcast.

Work on smaller achievements and when you look at yourself in the mirror tell yourself you did damn good making those happen. Don't downplay the smaller things, it all adds up.
 
Eat well.

Sleep well. Go to bed before midnight. Get up before 7 AM.

Work out.

Connect to other people preferably those you can physically see.
 
Omega Kirby said:
..
How did you learn to love yourself gaf, I could really use some advice.
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A lot of people have said therapy, and I totally agree with that. Even if what you're feeling is totally normal, having a professional tell you how to get better is worthwhile.

For me personally, my way of fighting depression is to make more of my time in direct service to others. Since I decided to become a teacher (at a city public school), and putting effort into being available to do things that are good and helpful to other people. I tutor, volunteer at a museum and teach classes, talk to the students and help them with their problems when they ask, etc. I feel much less like a waste of space. For a long time I never thought of myself as a bad person, but I also realized I just wasn't a good one either. Judging by your post OP, you've done a lot of "you" stuff to make you feel better, physically and socially, about yourself. Maybe try putting less into what you need and more into what others around you need?

Hope this helps.
 
You can try therapy and see if meds can help.

Personally I haven't stopped hating myself and I never will. I do talk to someone every two weeks but nothing will ever change. I think I am no good and useless. I hate getting my pictures taken because I hate the way and the only time I look in the mirror what I have to shave. Everybody is better than me. Been this way since I have been about 7 years old.
 
Still working on it.

Gym, healthy lifestyle and taking risks. Working hard and making it all about myself - that's pretty much what I've been doing and it's working.
 
You have to learn how to let things go. Go with the flow and live in the moment as much as possible. It's hard at first but gets easier over time. When you do, you'll find you don't have time for all those negative thoughts in your head. Once you've gotten used to it having them in your head so much, they just kind of stay away, even if you let yourself be alone with your thoughts more often.
It's just a matter of training your mind to turn itself off. Don't overthink things. When something bad happens to you, ask yourself if it's worth being upset about. Will you still give a damn a day from now? A week from now? A year from now? If the answer is no, then just let it be water under the bridge.
 
If there's 1 person you absolutely need to love in life it's yourself. Cause no matter what, you'll be 'with' yourself till the day you die.

If you are unhappy about stuff you can change, do it! If you are unhappy about things you can't change, let it go and accept it.
 
Honestly? Fake it till you make it.

Whilst I wouldn't say I love myself completely just yet, even just learning to accept and be comfortable with myself has done wonders for my confidence and self-esteem.

I'm flawed (mental health issues) and I'm not where I want to be in life, but compared to even a year ago the difference with how I feel is startling.
 
"For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that 'unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.'Â…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation."
-Bruce D. Perry, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook

People were taught to love themselves by their loved ones. Most people take their happy upbringings for granted. The book that I quoted above does a lot to describe developmental trauma in kids and how it affects people as adults. People like you and I, OP, had shitty, abusive parents. Don't forget that neglect is a form of abuse. Having your needs ignored for so long that they don't even register with yourself? That's depression.
 
That scene in Dr. Strange might be cheesy and cliche as fuck but it rang true with me.

"It's not about you."
 
Omega Kirby said:
I have tried hard to improve my social skills, I go out with my few friends at times, I have hobbies; Like scuba diving, snorkeling and attending local football matches, going to gym I always think that I'm doing what I can to be a happy person, to not rely on other people to be happy.

So why is it that every time I arrive home I'm still hating myself? I don't feel any different then back then when I was completely anti social, gamed 24/7. I still feel like a complete bore of a human being and a waste of resources on my parents. I thought I was past that point, I was a different person I naively said to myself, hah hah

I have this pathetic urge to try and date every pretty girl I talk to. Which is a big zero when you're not even happy with yourself yet I'm always expecting a different outcome only to once again be dissapointed and get even more depressed at myself. I want to stop focusing so much on women and more on myself

I really do try to keep the negative stuff out, I fucking hate this downward spiral, but when I look into my mind and try to take out the positives I always feel like i'm just saying what I want to hear and not being honest, even if I am or I think i am.

So I'm just at a crossroad, I want to wake up look in the mirror and just be happy to see myself. I'm tired of spending every night crying for a bit before stuffing it back in. I feel like I'm not doing enough.

How did you learn to love yourself gaf, I could really use some advice.
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It doesn't have to be a big zero. If you're at the point where you don't think any girl likes you because you don't even like yourself you could just be in need of a self esteem boost.

Even just hanging out/going on a couple dates with a girl you like with the intention of just getting to know them could be a boost. It doesn't have to be anything serious, doesn't have to be just the two of you, and you can transfer that positive thinking/energy into liking yourself more. Crack some jokes, show excitement in what you enjoy doing, and actively listen.

This isn't a reliance on other people to like you in order to feel good about yourself. Some times people just need a pick-me-up. Try lifting more weight then you thought you could at the gym, you might be surprised.
 
I can only speak for myself, but I went through a vicious bout of depression for years in my early to mid-20s and the first step out of the miserable cycle was to literally FORCE myself into getting into martial arts.

I had always wanted to get into boxing, kickboxing, anything like that and I had reached a point where I literally only went to work, came home and smoked weed to get away from myself and my thoughts. My girlfriend basically was about to leave me and gave me some serious fucking real talk that kind of woke me up and I'm still glad she did it. She basically told me to stop whining and grab something, anything, I've been 'thinking of doing' for the past 5 years by the horns and just do it to occupy myself with something else than my own self-pity or well, basically she'd dump me. I can't even blame her, who wants to watch this cycle every day for years?

I decided to get into Muay Thai since some people I vaguely knew were going to a place nearby and while it was fucking miserable and patience-trying for some months, the overall benefits on my outlook on things like perceived failure, discipline, sucking up some hardships etc. I was taught there are invaluable to me these days.

I mean, I'm not saying this is some sort of self-help key to getting better, just saying it started and triggered quite a change in my outlook on life in general and the overall increase in endorphins from regular workout can only help.

I'm not a happy-go-lucky person by any means and I certainly think I'm an extremely flawed person, but I'm at ease with that by now. I assume age had a lot to do with it as well though so eh. Sorry if this isn't terribly informative but that's all I've got.
 
I visualised the things that i wanted to become and to stand for. Then i slowly started working towards this vision. I learned by proving to myself that i could. Whenever i fell down, i would force myself to spend less time to feel sorry and more time on the WHY.

By learning about my strengthts, my weaknesses became smaller to the point of being trivial. It's how I basically accepted myself for what i have to offer. Be self-critical, but in a constructive way ( if that makes any sense ). Instead of focussing on your failure, try to visualize how you're going to dismantle similiar situations in the future. It will change your entire outlook on life.
 
For me it's a constant back and forth. At times I hate my weaknesses (Especially when it comes to my physical health - Dont' get me wrong, I'm in good condition but I suffer from Health Anxiety which has ruined a fair share of days for me) and other times I am able to press on through difficult days with little problem.

Part of it is down to anger, mainly towards myself, I mentally berate myself to push on but it doesn't work. Other times I completely blank out all emotion and go through tasks, but this makes me callous towards other people which isn't helpful in a social job. The main thing which has helped me is acceptance of who and where I am, and how I got there with my decisions. Living in the present moment and making the best of it, not as easy as it sounds on paper sadly.

As I type I've just been hit by another bout of Health Anxiety so I'm pissed off and upset at the moment, but it'll pass.
 
I never learned to love myself.

But hell, this sad excuse of the creature that i am is all i'm stuck with, so i might as well do the best i can do with it, and try to enjoy everyday of it
 
Paxil helped me get over the hump. The rest was all me realizing I should not give a single fuck about what anyone else thinks.

This was back in 8th grade, ~16 years ago, when I was being bullied and none of the school administrators would do shit.
 
I'm not there yet but I want to be.

If you haven't seen anyone about this already then do, what's the harm?

Recently I've been using Daylio to keep track of my general mood through the day, kinda helps give me more perspective by being able to look back, and work out what cheers me up. Plus it makes me feel thankful for when things are going well.

Beyond that, when I get in a mood spiral I breathe, rationalise that my thinking is bullshit, and try to find something to focus on. Doesn't always work but I've been managing okay for the last couple months.

You ain't alone in this dude, just keep making steps. GAF's around when you want us.
 
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