Nikodemos
Member
Or, if the bidet seat is too expensive, a bum gun.
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How do I wash my ass?
- Thread starter CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls
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Or a plastic measuring jug. Fill with water and wash!
CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls
Banned
What is the stream on a bidet like? Is it like a high school water fountain stream or a quick laser shot of cold/hot water?
TimeEffect
Member
Trim your butt hair.
Should I google what a bum gun is or what?
terrisus
Member
It's like the OP purposely wants to miss the quickest and easiest answer to this.
You can try rubbing down entire asscrack (and balls/pubes and underarms if you wish) with rubbing alcohol on cotton balls before showering. Then use normal soap in the shower. Do it twice a day too, so also before bed if you only shower in the morning.
Rub with small amount of tea tree oil after shower. Not to much or you'll smell like Christmas tree potpourri. Great if you have or are prone to jock itch, it kills bacteria and fungus. Will probably take a couple applications to get the right amount dialed in so you're not using too much. I use a tiny 1 ounce rolling bottle I got off amazon and dab a little around smelly areas after showering then use my hand to rub the dabs of oil around so it covers the entire area.
Trim butt, pubes, and underarms.
These three things in conjunction are really good for getting rid of body odor.
Rub with small amount of tea tree oil after shower. Not to much or you'll smell like Christmas tree potpourri. Great if you have or are prone to jock itch, it kills bacteria and fungus. Will probably take a couple applications to get the right amount dialed in so you're not using too much. I use a tiny 1 ounce rolling bottle I got off amazon and dab a little around smelly areas after showering then use my hand to rub the dabs of oil around so it covers the entire area.
Trim butt, pubes, and underarms.
These three things in conjunction are really good for getting rid of body odor.
It's a slow, steady stream of water that relaxes your anus and makes the leftover shit fly out.
Nikodemos
Member
It's a small trigger activated shower head installed next to a loo.
What I do is I first face away from the shower, bend over a bit, spread my cheeks and let the water run down my ass.
Then I soap up both hands with antibacterial soap and use one hand to soap up my entire ass crack down to by butthole. I then rinse off that hand, wash it with the other one (which still has soap on it, mind you), and rinse my butt again as I did in step one. I do that nearly every time I shower.
Unfortunately the shower in my apartment does not have a handheld showerhead. Really wish I had one.
Then I soap up both hands with antibacterial soap and use one hand to soap up my entire ass crack down to by butthole. I then rinse off that hand, wash it with the other one (which still has soap on it, mind you), and rinse my butt again as I did in step one. I do that nearly every time I shower.
Unfortunately the shower in my apartment does not have a handheld showerhead. Really wish I had one.
Mechanized
Member
Ass pube net eh? Trim it down and clean it, then going forward it shouldn't be much of a problem. Don't keep trimming it though, don't want that growing any more out of control. You just need a clean slate so to speak, then you'll be good as long as you wash it going forward.
ChubbyHuggs
Member
Bro, shave your ass and just make sure you wash it daily. Also, buy this: http://freshbody.com/product/fresh-balls-new/
terrisus
Member
ipitydatfu
Member
bidet attachment
Air Zombie Meat
Member
Dat missing comma.
I am laughing way too much, man...
bidet man
Nothing wrong with being a bidet man. Those installations are expensive.
The "three seashell method":
Wait so that's how that works? I always wondered!
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=40105590&postcount=68
We were warned against butt shavin'.
Grimløck;137016853 said:
Oh god I'm fucking dying. That thread.
It feels really good. You just have to know what you're doing and take it slow. I don't think I've cut myself either. I always check at the end to make sure.
Khaos_Knight
Banned
This. I find that dry toilet paper is never enough.
1.21Gigawatts
Banned
I didn't know this was possible.
John Spartan, you are fined five credits for repeated violations of the verbal morality statute.
LyleLanley
Banned
Is this a real thread? Do you really not know how to wash yourself?
Dat missing comma.
I am laughing way too much, man...
bidet man
I envision a bidet man would be like one of those restroom attendants that give you a towel to wash your hands, except a bidet man would wash your ass with efficiency and pinpoint accuracy.
CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls
Banned
Isn't that what these are for?
Those are for people with braces though, right?
Also, I get a bidet is useful but there it literally no space in my bathroom for one. Let's say the shower is the only source of water available.
This all made harder if you are a hoss wit dat ass.
I once tried to hide this swampy when out and about with deodorant on the spot above my ass crack. Holy fucking shit I got a rash and that raw skin hurt like a motherfucker I could only gently rub so that wasn't a great idea, I rub some on my underwear.
I try not to shit in public, I feel gross. I like doing it at home so I can jump into the shower after. If I try the wipe situation even with wipes its gonna get into my fingernails and stink all day
So I hold it but have got into trouble before and had to pull over when driving. Luckily on my route many times I have had mountains and a pullout to block me from public view and its very pleasant to squat and drop off a rock, peacefull and feels better than a toilet. Sadly a couple times I had no other choice while driving, sweating profusely. Either I crashed the car and shit myself or I take my seat belt off and make a quick bed of plastic bags or whatever trash I have in the car, hover as best i can and let the initial blast out with an extra push. Then I slide that mess over onto the passenger seat, pull up my panties and sit back down and gain control of the car. I ball that shit up and throw it away at a 7-11 or nearest trash can I can find.
I once tried to hide this swampy when out and about with deodorant on the spot above my ass crack. Holy fucking shit I got a rash and that raw skin hurt like a motherfucker I could only gently rub so that wasn't a great idea, I rub some on my underwear.
I try not to shit in public, I feel gross. I like doing it at home so I can jump into the shower after. If I try the wipe situation even with wipes its gonna get into my fingernails and stink all day
So I hold it but have got into trouble before and had to pull over when driving. Luckily on my route many times I have had mountains and a pullout to block me from public view and its very pleasant to squat and drop off a rock, peacefull and feels better than a toilet. Sadly a couple times I had no other choice while driving, sweating profusely. Either I crashed the car and shit myself or I take my seat belt off and make a quick bed of plastic bags or whatever trash I have in the car, hover as best i can and let the initial blast out with an extra push. Then I slide that mess over onto the passenger seat, pull up my panties and sit back down and gain control of the car. I ball that shit up and throw it away at a 7-11 or nearest trash can I can find.
The sanitation industry has been saying they don't like wet wipes because they're clogging up the sewage system. Even when a product says it's "flushable", it still causes problems to the system because it doesn't break down like normal waste and toilet paper. They're saying these products should be disposed of in the garbage and not the toilet.
Bidets should be more popular because flushing products down the toilet is only going to become more of a problem.
Bidets should be more popular because flushing products down the toilet is only going to become more of a problem.
terrisus
Member
PetriP-TNT
Member
Wait, what, there are people who don't turbo their anuses?
Huge Succeeded
Banned
this one goes in the "posts that encapsulate GAF" folder
NEOPARADIGM
Banned
Soap and a washcloth?
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