Here's what I don't understand:
1. What exactly happens in between meeting someone at a bar and having sex with them?
2. What exactly do people say that goes from questions about what you do to a living to "hey do you want to come to my place?" Do people just say that outright?
3. What about if you're at your or her/his place and you're just chilling - how do you go from watching a movie to touching each other? What do real people do instead of the sitcom cliche of "the yawn and stretch"?
What I am actually asking is: can you explain what happens in the space between just talking to someone and you both acknowledging that you're about to sleep together? It just makes no sense to me - do people just say stuff directly? Or do they talk around it?
i'm no expert in this field, but i think the best way to (vaguely) summarise it is.
1. Test the waters
2. Analyse reaction
3. Escalate OR adjust approach OR abort
4. Go to step 1
Step 1 and 3 are essentially the same thing if you choose to "escalate" at step 3. This process is applicable to many aspect of life, not just social interactions where you want to increase intimacy.
The hardest part is of course step 1. People are paralysed by the fear of not knowing how someone is going to react to their advances. Unfortunately the only way to learn is to fail, so you have to get over that fear and dip your toes into unchartered waters.
What makes it harder is that your approach to increasing intimacy with a person changes from one individual to another, so what might work with one person probably won't work with another. That's where step 2 comes in. You need to get proficient at reading people's body language and understanding what makes people tick.
And that's where step 3 comes in, because your ability to read a reaction dictates what you should do next. Not in any specific way, but it will give you a good bearing.
Take an example talking to girl you're interested in at a bar.
1. Test the waters: Make eye contact with a girl and smile
2. Analyse reaction: She smiles back
3. Escalate: Walk over and introduce yourself
4. She introduces herself in an open and friendly manner
5. Ask her about herself
6. She gives a response and asks about you i.e. shows willingness to continue the conversation with you
7. At an opportunity to laugh gently touch her in a non-sexual and endearing way e.g. on a shoulder or arm, whatever feels most natural at the time
8. If she doesn't flinch, recoil, or show any sort of discomfort to the touch (briefly glance at her eyes to gauge reaction) that's a very good sign
and so on....
Many people will find this codified way of approaching social interaction creepy and perhaps calculating in a manipulative way, but they need to remember that there are a lot of people for whom social interaction doesn't come naturally and requires a quantifiable process.
edit: I guess i should directly address the core of your question, and that's getting to the sexy time part. Again, it's the same process of test, analyse, escalate/test. That non-sexual touching I mentioned on the shoulder/elbow helps you better gauge their response to you, but it also acclimatises them to your touch. This allows you to gradually increase the intimacy of touching. From a shoulder/elbow to their hand, hip/waist/lower back, face (chin, cheek, ear, neck), knee, lower thigh, upper thigh, breast.... crotch? You might need to spread the escalation of touch over several hours, or just a few minutes. Depends on the situation and the person. But keep in mind the escalation is rarely constant. There will be an ebb and flow.
