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How do you feel about your SO going as someone else's date to a wedding?

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Northeastmonk said:
That's another way to say, "I'm going with someone else".

I could be a door guard or a repair man and still be the guy having sex with the person's spouse. It doesn't work like this all the time, but who knows how bad she feels sorry for this guy. His intentions aren't just appearing out of the blue. That's like asking a stranger to drive your wife home while he stops at his hotel to gather a few things. It's going to raise suspicion either way you look at it. A kiss, a hug, a grab, and then what's next? They're having sex behind OP's back.

He could be allowing another man to enter her life. Sure, women don't always cheat, but there's a large percentage that do do this.
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The bold is irrelevant if the guy is already a friend. He's not a stranger.

The first part you're still not getting. Say a friend from work asks you to join him as a +1 to his brothers birthday or something. YOU don't get to just take another friend with you, you are the +1.
 
I mean, she can do whatever the hell she wants. I don't own her. But I would definitely be upset about it. I'm sure she wouldn't want me to go if the situation was the reverse.
 
Wait a sec...

We're both very trusting of the other, and so she said "yes." Later that day she told me, asked if I had any problem with it, and I said I do not - which is honest, I personally don't care at all. The only thing that even would kind of "bug" me is that I would always rather spend our time together, so sucks it's a Saturday night that we can't.
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You are lying to yourself. It bugs you. Tell her.
 
prag16 said:
Yeah, no chance in hell. Trust isn't the issue. I mean, for the "friend" to even have the audacity to ask is pretty bizarre to me.

So yeah, my girlfriend going to a stranger's wedding as some other guy's date on a Saturday night... no.
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If trust isn't the issue, then what is? Why can't she go to a social event with someone she knows? Is she not allowed to do things outside of you?

Because for saying 'trust isn't the issue' it actually sounds like you're saying the literal opposite.
 
If it was me, It would depend on who the guy was. My partner has a number of old friends of the opposite sex that she was friends with long before we met, and I'd be cool about her accompanying any of them to a wedding.

If it was some Johnny-come-lately that I had never met, or heard much about, I'd be less comfortable, not because I don't trust my girlfriend, but because I don't want some dick hitting on her all night.
 
It's weird and borderline insulting. That guy is trying to escape the friendzone, it's the only thing that makes sense.

edit: Your girlfriend is probably blind to this though, so I wouldn't blame her.
 
Valtýr;172304077 said:
If trust isn't the issue, then what is? Why can't she go to a social event with someone she knows? Is she not allowed to do things outside of you?

Because for saying 'trust isn't the issue' it actually sounds like you're saying the literal opposite.
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Nah it's more of respect of the relationship and of you. You tend to set these sorts of things when it get into any sort of serious relationship as they inevitably come up.

The mere fact of asking of going on date with to some strangers wedding (this ain't some group party with friends) is dodgy as hell, the fact she accepted without consulting me means she doesn't feel the need of my input on such matters whereas I would obvious ask for hers if I had the audacity to do the same. If you've already put up that implied ground rules then yes it most certainly is a respect issue and I would lose respect for her then and there.

Chances are she's already lost the respect of you.
 
Rembrandt said:
coming from the person that claims people are abusive as fuck for wanting a SO to at least have the decency to ask about certain things.
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Did I specifically say that? The abusive people are the ones who are super-controlling and won't let their SO do anything without their permission first.

Kama_1082 said:
Are you single?
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Far from it.

norm9 said:
Alpha and beta terminology is more from macho man culture, the opposite of fedora nice guy culture, I think.
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Always associated alpha/beta with PUA/nice guy nonsense. Not my field really--not a guy.
 
I read the OP but can't tell. Skellington, does your girl know the couple getting married? Because if she doesn't, it's pretty Fkn weird. If you trust her you shouldn't need to worry but the guy sounds like he is trying to weasel his way into your relationship. Gross.
 
Principate said:
Nah it's more of respect of the relationship and of you. You tend to set these sorts of things when it get into any sort of serious relationship as they inevitably come up.

The mere fact of asking of going on date with to some strangers wedding (this ain't some group party with friends) is dodgy as hell, the fact she accepted without consulting me means she doesn't feel the need of my input on such matters whereas I would obvious ask for hers if I had the audacity to do the same. If you've already put up that implied ground rules then yes it most certainly is a respect issue and I would lose respect for her then and there.

Chances are she's already lost the respect of you.
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Maybe that's exactly what it is? We don't know.
 
That's pretty weird man when you aren't even invited and if she is going as his "date" that would mean she wasn't even invited either. Trust and all, that is still weird.
 
Skel1ingt0n said:
My GF and I have been together a little over a year and a half. One of her single guy friends had a wedding to attend this weekend, and asked her to be his "date."

We're both very trusting of the other, and so she said "yes." Later that day she told me, asked if I had any problem with it, and I said I do not - which is honest, I personally don't care at all. The only thing that even would kind of "bug" me is that I would always rather spend our time together, so sucks it's a Saturday night that we can't.

But I've had - at least - seven or eight people give me a hard time about it. Telling me I'm an idiot, that something is gonna happen, that I'm a "cuckold," etc. I know some of it is just razzing me; but there seems to be some genuine mockery in some of the statements.

It doesn't change how I feel; but it surprised me how many guys - and even a few girls - think I'm foolish.

Curious what others think. Won't change my opinion, but want to broaden my sample size.

EDIT: BTW, I use "date" in the most plain sense of the word. I mean it as "going with" someone as a Plus One - not as his GF for the night.
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1. Why her? Why?

2. Only you? Not her? She's stepped aside sometimes on you?

3. Do these people all know your GF and the dude? If they do and they're saying that something is up.

4. They must think something is up with your GF.


That's the best I could come up with given the info you posted.

Do you know this guy? How far back does she know this guy? Does she even know the people getting married? Because if she doesn't she really has no business being his "date" or +1
 
Principate said:
Nah it's more of respect of the relationship and of you. You tend to set these sorts of things when it get into any sort of serious relationship as they inevitably come up.

The mere fact of asking of going on date with to some strangers wedding (this ain't some group party with friends) is dodgy as hell, the fact she accepted without consulting me means she doesn't feel the need of my input on such matters whereas I would obvious ask for hers if I had the audacity to do the same. If you've already put up that implied ground rules then yes it most certainly is a respect issue and I would lose respect for her then and there.

Chances are she's already lost the respect of you.
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You're assuming a lot and that's the main problem I've stated before. We know nothing about the OP's relationship.

So without that context we can only judge the very basic concept of your SO being another persons +1 to a wedding. That's all we can judge.

And the question remains; is there anything inherently wrong with that?
 
Erin S Kittens said:
Did I specifically say that? The abusive people are the ones who are super-controlling and won't let their SO do anything without their permission first.
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We can agree on that, my bad then. I do think this situation calls for asking your SO how they feel before accepting, though.
 
Valtýr;172304920 said:
You're assuming a lot and that's the main problem I've stated before. We know nothing about the OP's relationship.

So without that context we can only judge the very basic concept of your SO being another persons +1 to a wedding. That's all we can judge.

And the question remains; is there anything inherently wrong with that?
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Yes, the reasons for which have been hammered-out repeatedly throughout the topic
 
Valtýr;172304920 said:
You're assuming a lot and that's the main problem I've stated before. We know nothing about the OP's relationship.

So without that context we can only judge the very basic concept of your SO being another persons +1 to a wedding. That's all we can judge.

And the question remains; is there anything inherently wrong with that?
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Aren't you assuming too much, this a scenario, I never said this scenario is accurate to the OP.

The point of that scenario is if this happened to me. Obviously I would put down those ground rules and wouldn't care if it was group party with friends.
 
Really it comes down to if you trust the other guy.

I wouldn't be cool with my girl saying yes to a date before seeing if I'm cool with it.

And op, if you aren't friends with this guy, I'm guessing he wants to bone her and thinks you're kind of a push over.

Less he's gay of course.
 
Erin S Kittens said:
Abusive behavior is abusive behavior. It's not name-calling.
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There's a huge difference between wanting your SO to ask if you feel it's okay to go on a date with another person and them being abusive. I guess you don't think there's a difference between that, though.
 
Erin S Kittens said:
Abusive behavior is abusive behavior. It's not name-calling.
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And it's not abuse behavior. The point, which you still cannot seem to grasp, is that this demonstrates a deficit of respect - of the GF for her SO and the single guy to the SO. The fact that you don't even see how that could possibly even be a concern is mind-boggling.
 
Einchy said:
There's a huge difference between wanting your SO to ask if you feel it's okay to go on a date with another person and them being abusive. I guess you don't think there's a difference between that, though.
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I guess you don't mind putting words in people's mouths to prop up your strawmen, huh?
 
Erin S Kittens said:
I guess you don't mind putting words in people's mouths to prop up your strawmen, huh?
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Erin S Kittens said:
To the people in this thread who think it's a bad scenario, that there's a problem with the girlfriend accepting the request first and asking him if he minds second, who thinks that one should always choose to spend time with their partner over their friends, etc... have y'all ever been in a successful relationship before? Partners aren't property, their every decision isn't yours to make, WTF! You don't have to spend every possible moment together, in fact, it's best that you don't if you want to have a healthy relationship. Some of y'all seem like you'd be codependent and abusive as fuck.
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You did pretty much say it, though.
 
I know nothing of your relationship beyond what's detailed in the OP, but if she had already said 'yes', isn't asking you if you have a problem with it more of a formality in her part?
It's just odd she'd consent to something like this before talking it with you.
It's not about needing your permission, it's about taking you in consideration before doing plans like this.
 
Erin S Kittens said:
I guess you don't mind putting words in people's mouths to prop up your strawmen, huh?
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I'm sorry, I thought you were the one who made this post.

Erin S Kittens said:
To the people in this thread who think it's a bad scenario, that there's a problem with the girlfriend accepting the request first and asking him if he minds second, who thinks that one should always choose to spend time with their partner over their friends, etc... have y'all ever been in a successful relationship before? Partners aren't property, their every decision isn't yours to make, WTF! You don't have to spend every possible moment together, in fact, it's best that you don't if you want to have a healthy relationship. Some of y'all seem like you'd be codependent and abusive as fuck.
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Some insecure bros in here. Jesus. Why is she allowed to have male friends, then, if going out one night is not allowed. Holy shit.

Given past posts, I can't believe I agree with Erin :D
 
Maybe he wants to get in her pants, maybe he just wants a +1 so he won't be socially awkward.

Personally I don't think I would be comfortable with it unless I knew the guy.
 
Just to be clear. I do agree that she probably should have spoke with him before accepting first.

However I don't see it as a HUGE problem that everyone is making it out to be and I think it could easily be resolved by having a simple conversation between the two.
 
I have never asked a taken platonic female friend to be a plus one for a wedding, even though I see many as sisters.

That's just plain disrespectful honestly.
 
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