Why bother making the distinction? They're both sexual acts.
-
Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!
How I got banned from Akaicon
- Thread starter tearsofash
- Start date
- Status
Why bother making the distinction? They're both sexual acts.
But (sincerely) don't people derive pleasure from fetishes due to their eroticism?
For future reference, "Japanese Word + Con" is a pretty clear sign of an anime convention.
This topic is only socially acceptable if he follows up his love of hairy pussies with a YouTube video like this:
https://youtu.be/OtRRUEs3o0c
Otherwise, nope.jpg
I'm sure that's still sexual, penetration ain't necessary for an act to be considered sexual. Heck, a kiss could be considered sexual depending on how it's done.
Aztechnology
Member
Whoa, that's not a good look OP. I know you've said in the past that talking to someone doesn't help. But it's obvious you need to work through this stuff with a professional. Are you still homeless OP? Or did you figure out some living arrangements?
AHA-Lambda
Member
nuh uh, no no no no
TheSpoiler
Member
Okay I think it's time to shut this one down. This has went from funny to dark real fast.
Petit Melon
Member
Okay, OP. I make a nice check every month off the erotica I sell in my spare time (and it's nowhere near my real name. I even made fake fb accounts and other social media accounts to keep it far away from being linked to me). I don't talk about it with other people. The most I say is I write "steamy romance". And that's all that needs to be said. Here's a list of people who know the truth:
1. My boyfriend
2. My best friends, the ones that I can trust my life to, put them in my will sort of thing, and are in no way connected to my work life
That's it. Co-workers don't need to know about sex lives. I don't care how friendly you are. You know what happens?
OP: "I'm into abduction kink."
Co-worker hears "I'm into rape."
Co-worker tells another co-worker, "OP told me she's into rape."
Then it gets perverted more, because that's how gossip works. And then it reaches the co-worker you propositioned. And now it becomes, "OP is into rape. OP could end up doing it to me."
ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN, who basically hear and see how men are out to rape them all day every day since they were children. You hear OP is into abduction, and now you're put on the list of people to watch out for. It's scary for us. You can talk about consent until the end of the world, but it means nothing. You are labeled as a potential rapist to them. YOU call it kinkshaming, but it's being predatory at worst and creepy at best. Either way, it's not appropriate or an acceptable subject because it requires layers of understanding that most people don't have or even want to put the effort to understand.
I know you identify female, but to them you have male reproductive parts and thus are seen as male. I'm sorry, that's how the general public is. We are barely starting to hear and comprehend that the gender we identify as could be different than what were born as. For all intents and purposes, your co-workers hear you, as a male, are into raping girls.
The general public knows nothing about the fetish/kink culture. Anything you say will be misunderstood and exaggerated, and it's juicy enough to be mentioned every time your name is mentioned.
Next time, don't say it. Don't mention it, don't even hint at it. If they talk about sex, change the subject or walk away.
What I'm seeing with this thread is that you can't distinguish boundaries well so you need to make permanent walls to keep yourself from saying those things.
1. My boyfriend
2. My best friends, the ones that I can trust my life to, put them in my will sort of thing, and are in no way connected to my work life
That's it. Co-workers don't need to know about sex lives. I don't care how friendly you are. You know what happens?
OP: "I'm into abduction kink."
Co-worker hears "I'm into rape."
Co-worker tells another co-worker, "OP told me she's into rape."
Then it gets perverted more, because that's how gossip works. And then it reaches the co-worker you propositioned. And now it becomes, "OP is into rape. OP could end up doing it to me."
ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN, who basically hear and see how men are out to rape them all day every day since they were children. You hear OP is into abduction, and now you're put on the list of people to watch out for. It's scary for us. You can talk about consent until the end of the world, but it means nothing. You are labeled as a potential rapist to them. YOU call it kinkshaming, but it's being predatory at worst and creepy at best. Either way, it's not appropriate or an acceptable subject because it requires layers of understanding that most people don't have or even want to put the effort to understand.
I know you identify female, but to them you have male reproductive parts and thus are seen as male. I'm sorry, that's how the general public is. We are barely starting to hear and comprehend that the gender we identify as could be different than what were born as. For all intents and purposes, your co-workers hear you, as a male, are into raping girls.
The general public knows nothing about the fetish/kink culture. Anything you say will be misunderstood and exaggerated, and it's juicy enough to be mentioned every time your name is mentioned.
Next time, don't say it. Don't mention it, don't even hint at it. If they talk about sex, change the subject or walk away.
What I'm seeing with this thread is that you can't distinguish boundaries well so you need to make permanent walls to keep yourself from saying those things.
She did make a thread about suicide last week, as well.
I think you have to derive some sort of sexual arousal from your kink or fetish when you're engaging in it, therefore I'd say it's within the realm of sexual pleasure. Otherwise I think my enjoyment of deep tissue massage might be considered a kink, and that doesn't sound right because I don't get anything sexual out of it.
*she
tearsofash
Member
I can agree they are both inherently sexual acts. Insofar that "sexual" is a very broad term. I tend to separate sex from play, and I don't feel sexual feelings during play. In the scenes I do there is never any sex and I do not feel aroused. I get an endorphin rush, sure. But for me to be sexually aroused it takes some things ....that have been posted ad naseum in this thread already ;_;
Billy_Pilgrim
Member
Blurring of boundaries, the thread.
Let's say your kink is watching people take their socks off. If I take my socks off in the same room as you, am I committing a sexual act? Is it really equivalent to having sex with them in your eyes?
The same goes for bondage or wax play or whatever. Just because it's someone's kink doesn't make me tying them up or dropping hot wax on them the same as fucking them.
My bad, didn't catch that.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
No, its still a sexual act. Taking your socks off is a lot different to tying someone up.
Man this is weird. Super weird. Makes me really glad I'm not sexual in any way, have zero kinks, no nothing.
Obviously I never implied they were the same as having sex but you're both being odd to say the two are all that far apart. Maybe you should realise that others see things like that as a sexual thing and not just a bit of fun (and most see a kidnapping fetish as just plain scary!)
Great advice. OP listen to this woman.
Op please don't do anything rash. I know that being the center of the spotlight in this incident that you wanted to share leaves you vulnerable, and just like you saw with your co-workers, people here will also deal with these type of revelations in different ways, but deriding you and mocking you is beyond disgusting and toxic and should not be tolerated here, just like homophobia isn't tolerated.
But please calm down and don't let random strangers pull you down like this. Remember you still have your friends and community and slowly but surely you'll make progress about feeling comfortable with yourself and at the same time being able to interact well with other people outside your community. I hope you have medical attention because it's no joke.
However I'll also say that you haven't made following the story easily because you're very light on details and vague about connections between events, even if some of those connections you're not aware how they were established. It's amplified about how brash you are when expressing your situation. There's a reason so many here are thinking you shared both your fetish and tried coming on to co-workers, in which you had to clarify it wasn't later but also wouldn't clarify exactly what happened and how this information got filtered in your work environment. But don't take the organization and the staff there as accountable for your ban, you need to tread carefully both in what you say and how you project yourself. You've mentioned how you're considered awkward or just being more introvert, so while I applaud you trying to share personal stuff to take part in the conversation you need to learn how dial this stuff up gradually. If people are talking about a fetish being idk, wax and candles you follow up with something innocuous as eye masks to not see or something, and when going into domination, you gotta treat it out slowly. But really as everyone said, you need to be more personal about this stuff, there's a reason there's a web page dedicated to sharing this sexual tendencies/fetishes because they're not commonly discussed out loud in public environments.
She even mentioned in the thread that she's bipolar, depressed, suicidal along with being demo sexual, which isn't a bad thing by itself but is a hard thing to deal with when it comes to interactions with others.
Try being more sensitive about this stuff, it's the same as saying depression is just a made up thing or that people just just tighten the bootstraps.
But please calm down and don't let random strangers pull you down like this. Remember you still have your friends and community and slowly but surely you'll make progress about feeling comfortable with yourself and at the same time being able to interact well with other people outside your community. I hope you have medical attention because it's no joke.
However I'll also say that you haven't made following the story easily because you're very light on details and vague about connections between events, even if some of those connections you're not aware how they were established. It's amplified about how brash you are when expressing your situation. There's a reason so many here are thinking you shared both your fetish and tried coming on to co-workers, in which you had to clarify it wasn't later but also wouldn't clarify exactly what happened and how this information got filtered in your work environment. But don't take the organization and the staff there as accountable for your ban, you need to tread carefully both in what you say and how you project yourself. You've mentioned how you're considered awkward or just being more introvert, so while I applaud you trying to share personal stuff to take part in the conversation you need to learn how dial this stuff up gradually. If people are talking about a fetish being idk, wax and candles you follow up with something innocuous as eye masks to not see or something, and when going into domination, you gotta treat it out slowly. But really as everyone said, you need to be more personal about this stuff, there's a reason there's a web page dedicated to sharing this sexual tendencies/fetishes because they're not commonly discussed out loud in public environments.
Don't be an asshole, disability could just be crippling paralysis when faced with pressure to do something. You have absolutely no right to judge this personal situation just on the fact that he can type.
She even mentioned in the thread that she's bipolar, depressed, suicidal along with being demo sexual, which isn't a bad thing by itself but is a hard thing to deal with when it comes to interactions with others.
Try being more sensitive about this stuff, it's the same as saying depression is just a made up thing or that people just just tighten the bootstraps.
BrassDragon
Member
Quoting this. Thread needs more sanity.
But when you participate with someone and agree to do the thing that they derive sexual pleasure from, it's you say "yes I will do the thing to you that gets you off". It seems sexual to me.
bootsthecat
Banned
That seems healthy
ShinRPGamer
Member
For future reference, "Japanese Word + Con" is a pretty clear sign of an anime convention.
Yes, I suppose it would wouldn't it?
Though that said, it can still can be referred to as entertainment in a more general sense.
Id agree. Seems like it would be labeled sexual at that point.
- Status